Easier To Run
by Panda54
Summary: Sometimes running is all you can do. And for Roxas it's all he's ever known. With no memory of his past, or sometimes even his present, Roxas is fighting to find his place in the world. Axel can try to make it better, but he can't fix it. AU AkuRoku COMPLETE
1. Running

**A/N: Welcome to the FanFiction "Easier to run"! -throws confetti in your face- :] I hope you enjoy your time reading this fic, I do admit that it is a little slow in the beginning, and the chapters are pretty short at first, but it gets better as it goes on. At least, I think so. -nervous laugh- XD Well, enough of my talking, get to reading you AkuRoku lovers. :3 **

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Roxas, Axel, or any of the other lovely characters of the amazing game Kingdom Hearts. _****_I only own the plot._  
**

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**_Chapter I: Running_**

I was running.

_To where?_

I had no idea. All I knew, all I _felt_, was the need to get away from whatever was behind me. I followed that feeling; it was all I could do to obey it. I ran and ran in the pouring rain, until my legs were sore, until my clothes were drenched, until my breath was horse and raspy, until my lungs felt like they would explode. I had to stop. I **had** to, or else I would pass out. I would fall over and break something. My legs felt like they would never slow, when suddenly, something hard beneath my bare foot scraped up against it with extreme force. I felt myself fly forward, face first into the pavement. My hands received most of the blow; I knew they would be bleeding like crazy. I rolled over onto my side, closing my eyes so I wouldn't have to focus on anything. I squeezed my palms together tightly, as if that would rid me of the pain. I was hoping this was all a dream, just some twisted, messed up dream. But I knew it wasn't. It painfully was _not_ just a dream.

_How did I know this?_

Well, one was the fact that I could now see that my hands were in fact, bleeding; they hurt like hell, sending jabs of pain up into my nerves. Second, was the fact that I could feel my lungs constricting the air in and out, and my steady heart, beating like it had just seen a ghost. And the third reason, the most real of them all, was that figure, standing there in the rain, reaching out his hand as if to help me up from this horrible dream.

"Who're you…?" I asked him, almost silently. I was surprised by the way he smiled at me, as if he'd heard me perfectly clear.

"My names Axel, I've come to help you, Roxas," he said, his voice low but yet somehow high at the same time. I loved the sound of it as it rang throughout my ears. I noticed when he said my name, Roxas that he was talking about me. My name was Roxas, I was 16 years old…but that was all I could remember. Why was that?

_How in the hell had I gotten here? Did I have amnesia or something?_

I looked up at the boy in front of me. He was tall and skinny, red hair flaming out from his head in long spikes. He had a nice body; I stared at it, almost entranced. Up and down, and then up again. I shook my head.

_Get it together, it's just a guy._

I hesitantly brought my hand up to place it in Axel's, almost reluctant to have him pull me up from the cold ground. Even though I should have been happy about this boy coming to save me, I felt like I shouldn't trust him.

_Was __**he**__ the one I was running from?_

He lifted me up from the ground in one smooth movement and I stumbled into his arms, my face fell into his chest. My breath froze in my throat as I breathed him in. He was so warm, I could actually feel the warmth emitting from him. He smelled like apple pie and cigarettes, a hint of cinnamon here and there. But it was a good smell. The scent somehow brought back strange, flitting memories. Suddenly, I felt something roll down my face, but it wasn't rain, I was sure of that.

_Am…I crying?_

I shivered in Axel's arms, suddenly feeling chilled to the bone.

_What am I crying for? I don't get this at all…_

I felt like I knew him then, like he was someone very special to me. Axel's grip tightened on me and I felt more tears roll down my cheeks.

"Shhh…Roxas. Everything is okay," Axel cooed, grabbing the back of my wet hair in his hand, his other was wrapped around my waist. He pulled me closer to his chest, letting me cry there while we both were drenched in the rain. I didn't know what to think, didn't know what to feel. I just wanted to know what the hell was going on. But I couldn't bring myself to talk. All I could do was stay in his arms, where I felt safe.

"Roxas, let's go back. Okay?" Axel asked after a few minutes of me crying.

"You're…coming with me, right?" I asked hesitantly, staring up into his bright green eyes.

Axel's smile turned thoughtful and sincere. "I'll never leave you, Rox. I'll chase you to the ends of the earth and back." He ended with a small chuckle.

My heart seemed to flutter through my chest, heat residing in my cheeks. I felt another tear streak down my face. I knew now, the reason for my strange tears. I was so happy to be in Axel's arms once again. I knew Axel that much was for sure. I smiled to myself and buried my face in his soft, cotton shirt. We were together again, as long as that was true, I could deal with anything.

"Wrap your arms around my neck and I'll carry you," Axel whispered in my ear. I nodded and did as he instructed.

_I'd do anything he asked._

He shifted his arms around me so that one arm was under my knees and the other was behind my back then lifted me up from the ground. I sighed happily. I loved how this felt for some reason.

"Will you hold me like this forever, Axel?" I asked, curious as to how he would answer.

Axel looked down at me for the briefest second; a slight smirk set in place, then quickly walked through the rain, holding me close to his warm chest. My hair swished around on my head and his hand came up behind it to keep me close to his chest.

"If you want me to," Axel finally answered, huffing slightly, sounding almost a little amused.

I smiled again, feeling sort of giddy that Axel was all mine. That this amazingly beautiful person was **mine**.

Axel seemed to notice the smile on my face and flashed me a smile of his own, his white teeth showing. He slowly used his fingers to move the fallen wet hair away from my eyes. I pushed my head further into his hand, feeling like a kitten, I probably would have been purring if I was one. I smiled again, closing my eyes, feeling the blissfulness of the moment; I didn't think my mouth could stretch any farther. Axel's face was calm and cool, just like I always remembered him. Actually, the only thing I remembered now was Axel himself. Nothing else came to mind when I thought about my life. Everything was one big blur. On the other hand, I had _everything_ about Axel completely memorized in my mind. I was surprised and appalled that I hadn't remembered him when I first saw him.

His hair was like a burning red flame, even in the rain. His eyes a soft and kind green color, contrasting with his hair perfectly. He was exactly 6 foot 2 and 19 years old. He always wore simple outfits. Tight, plain black T-shirts along with equally dark jeans. Though I kind of liked how mysterious he always looked. Everything about him was completely perfect, if you could imagine such a thing; I really doubt you could. Hell, maybe he wasn't even _real_. But he _was_ here, holding me in his strong arms, walking up to a strange and unknown building.

I started to wonder just where "back" really was.

_Did I __**live**__ with Axel?_

I swallowed, rethinking that statement. Maybe that would be too good to be true. Perhaps it was my house. Maybe I had a family and friends waiting for me inside. I tried to remember names, faces, anything at all; still all I could recollect was Axel. I didn't recall spending any time with him, yet I _knew_ him. I knew that with all my heart. I nodded to myself. That was fine with me; all I really needed was him.

As we approached the building, I noticed that it looked nothing like a house or anything anyone would even think to live in. It resembled more of factory, or some run down old building that evil scientists took over and called their own. I shuttered in his arms, even though he was exceptionally warm, the feeling I got while staring at the structure gave me the chills.


	2. Back to the Lab

**A/N: Hey all! :] Hope you're liking it so far. Sorry for the confusion, all will be revealed in due time! Keep on reading~**

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_**Chapter II: Back to the Lab**_

_---**  
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"Axel, where are we going?" I asked quietly as his hand caressed my cheek. Axel didn't turn to look at me, only kept his face forward.

"I'm taking you back, Rox. Back to the Lab." His voice turned soft as he broke the sentence off. I was confused; I didn't understand what he meant.

"Lab…?" I asked breathlessly.

_Where there really evil scientists here? Maybe one of them was my father or mother. Maybe they were actually __**good **__scientists who tried to find cures for cancer or the common cold._

Something about this place told me that wasn't very likely.

"Yea." Was all he said. That frightened me even more.

"You'll stay with me, right?" I had to ask.

Axel frowned then set me down at the foot of the door. I turned around and faced him, crossing my arms and putting on an angry face.

_Why did he put me down?_

Axel almost laughed at me, but didn't, only reached around me to push open the small back door. I cringed at the squeakiness.

_What, was this place like 2,000 years old?_

Axel's hand nudged on my back slightly, urging me to step inside. If Axel trusted this place, then I sure as hell should. The bright florescent lights from above almost blinded me when I stepped in. They gave me a headache, putting a frown on my face. Axel hurriedly shut the door behind us then shook his head, sprinkling raindrops on the floor like a big red dog.

"How about we go get changed? Then we can—"

"Thank god you found him, Axel," said an old sounding voice. I turned and saw an aged man in a lab coat. His light brown hair was graying at the top; he looked at least in his 40's. He had a horribly smug smile. I suddenly hated this man. No. I **loathed** him. I had no idea why or what made me feel this way, but the horrible burning hatred was almost too much for me to bear.

"Yea," Axel said quietly, not looking into his eyes, his free hand running along the back of his head.

_No, Axel. You can't talk to this man. He's evil._

"This happens so often—I wonder if he's ever going to be smart enough to actually run somewhere different for once," the man laughed. My eyes flared. I felt the heat rising in my stomach. This man had to _die_. I lunged myself at him, fists high, teeth ground tight.

"_Roxas_!" I heard Axel's voice yell then his arms were suddenly around me. He held me back all he could; I couldn't help but be a doll in his hands.

"Those drugs really don't help much with his control, do they? Too bad." The man looked anything but sentimental. I growled in Axel's arms, almost shocked that the strange noises were coming from _my_ mouth. I barley cared; all I wanted to do was rip that man apart limb from limb.

"Let me _GO_!" I yelled, thrashing around in Axel's arms, trying my best to free myself while doing my best to not hurt Axel.

"Please, Roxas. Hold still—for me," Axel asked in a voice that made my heart melt.

_**Why**__ is he doing this to me?_

"And _Vexen_, don't say any of that in front of him. He's having a hard enough time trying to remember things all on his own, he's confused and scared," Axel said, his eyes now on the man. My hands clenched and unclenched at my sides.

_So, Vexen is the bastard's name…_

Vexen sighed and shrugged his shoulders. "He might as well know. It's not like he will be conscience for much longer anyway. Soon this will happen all over again, just like last week. And the week before that," Vexen walked closer to me and Axel.

_Yes, that's it. Come closer so I can rip your throat out._

He leaned down to my face, his horrible green eyes on me. "And the week before that," he practically spit in my face. That was it. I screamed and escaped from Axel's arms in a crazy rage. I was so pissed off, no one was about to stop me from killing this man. I saw Vexen smirk before something sharp stung like a knife in my side. I wanted to scream out in pain, but I couldn't speak, I was paralyzed. I fell to the floor with a thud.

"You're not supposed to use those, you bastard!" I heard Axel yell. Axel was my only hope now.

Oh, if only he understood how evil that man was. If only he knew how I felt…

"It was necessary," Vexen spat, smirking down at me with rat-like eyes.

"Necessary my ass," I managed to say before everything went black.

—**XxX**—

My head hurt. It felt like an atomic bomb was being set off every two seconds from the confines of my mind. Fireworks covered the inside of my eyelids. I had to open my eyes, see where I was, but I was too afraid to.

_What if it hurt even __**more**__ if I look?_

I shut my eyes tightly together, never wanting to open them ever again. My head throbbed so bad I could hardly think. I had to scream out, had to let someone know of the pain I was dealing with.

"Help me—someone! _Anyone_! Please…" I started to cry, tears soaking my cheeks.

_Where is Axel? Where __**is**__ he…?_

My heart ached for his words, his soft voice in my ears. I wondered how I ever lived without him for more than three seconds.

"Axel! _Axel_!" I suddenly heard a door creak open behind me, footsteps following it.

_Yes._

My eyes shot open. I had to see who this was. If it _was_ Axel, I might have jumped up, even if the pain was excruciating. But everything was dark. Pitch black. It was even darker than when my eyes were closed. I blinked in the blackness, feeling lost and insecure.

"Axel?" I asked unevenly into the shadows, the door clicked shut.

"It's me, Roxas. I'm here."

_It __**is**__ him._

His voice rang through me like a cold glass of water on a hot day sunny day. I _needed_ him. I tried moving my arms and legs. Nothing worked. Something was holding me back. Straps? I just then noticed I was lying down, blankets were beneath me, I was on a hospital bed.

_I was strapped down to a bed?!  
_

I struggled with the binds; I couldn't see anything so it was especially difficult, besides the fact that I was way past pissed off at that point.

"Calm down, Rox. It's okay." I felt Axel's hand on mine. I immediately stopped struggling.

_Why is he like this? He could tell me to jump off a cliff and I probably would do it…_

"Axel…what's happening? Where am I? Why did you bring me here? Who was that—" I stopped. Well, I _had_ to stop. His lips were touching mine. Millions of emotions shot through me, all at the same time. I was still seriously ticked off, but now, something else. For one, I was embarrassed.

_Axel is…__**kissing**__ me._

I could feel his hot breath become one with mine. My anger started to fade away with every passing second that his lips touched my own. I felt his hand grab the side of my head to bring it up further so I could reach him better. I felt tingly all over my body. I wanted so badly to reach up and grab his face in my hands too. Hold him there forever and never let him go. But just when I decided that I never wanted him to stop, he ended the kiss. I frowned at him.

_Bastard._


	3. Oviously didn't mean it

**A/N: This chapter is where you see the true side of Roxas. What he feels and whatnot. I kind of like this chapter :] Enjoy!~  
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_**Chapter III: Obviously didn't mean it**_

"Roxas, you have to listen to me, alright?" Axel urged, his voice calm but concerned. I nodded, even though it was too dark for him to see. Tears started to form in my eyes again. I wanted so badly to actually _see_ him.

_Why isn't there any damn light in this room?_

"I hate seeing you like this. But Roxas, I have to do this. If I told you everything, you wouldn't understand. You might even try to deny it by hurting yourself or even me…" He stopped and the lights began to flicker on, shading the room in the white light. I finally saw him. He was staring back at me with broken eyes. "You just have to deal with it for now, don't worry, just give it some time."

"I would never hurt you, Axel," I said truthfully. I tried to move my arms and legs again, now seeing that I really _was _strapped to the bed beneath me.

"I know that. But…" he stopped and wiped a tear from my eye. I shivered.

_I won't let him think that way. I couldn't let him think of me as some kind of dangerous animal._

I tried with all my might to rip free of the straps, the restraints that were keeping me away from Axel.

"Let me go, Axel…please," I begged. I was crying by now, more than ever.

_Why am I such a cry baby? I barely knew myself and I was turning out to be a total __**girl**__._

"I can't do that, Rox," he said simply.

"Why the hell not?!" I shouted, my tears were turning into rage in a blink of an eye. I was like an emotional little ball of fire, it almost scared me. Almost.

Axel sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, straightening up now. I kept trying to see past this little fluke in him, this little flaw that had me bound to a table in a lab office with bright lights above my head like I was some kind of experiment. Axel was still the good one here. It was that bastard Vexen and whoever else was around here who were the ones to hate. I felt the bubbling anger in me again; I fought to keep my sanity.

"Calm down, Roxas. There's no reason to be struggling."

"Just that I'm tied to a fucking bed and you won't even _think_ about letting me go!" I was finally about to lose it.

_Let me go. __**Now**__. I might break my arms trying this hard._

"Roxas…Roxas—stop!" Axel put his hands on me again, and again I felt the compelling energy to do as he commanded.

"This isn't fair! You're not telling me anything! You can't do this to me! You're being such a bastard!" I yelled, kicking my legs, feeling the straps begin to loosen. Axel suddenly looked shocked, as if what I said really hurt him. I took it back quickly in my mind. I never would want to hurt him. **Ever.** I was not about to say I was sorry though. Not until he let me go. Axel moved his hands slowly up to the straps over me, stopping his hands where one fastened together.

"You know, that's not the first time you've said something like that to me…" His voice was sad, reminiscent.

"Every time, I have to deal with this pain. The pain of knowing that you hate me…" He sounded like he was about to cry, but I saw no trace of a tear on his face.

My heart ached at his words.

_Hate him? I could never hate him…_

"Don't say stuff like that…don't even think that!" I yelled, struggling as hard as I could with the bands. My patience was just about at its limit. I suddenly heard a successful snap of a buckle.

My left arm was free!

Immediately, I unlatched the other belt over my right arm, squirming my way out of it like a dog on a choke chain. Axel stared at me, a look of shock stuck on his face.

_That's right; I'm not just a little kid. I wasn't going to take this shit._

I kicked my legs free and sprung up from the table, slightly staggering, but righting myself. My head was feeling a little better and I had the crazy adrenaline back in my system. I was ready to run, **far** away from this place. Axel just stared at me, his mouth slightly agape. I had no idea what was going on in his head.

_Does he even __**want**__ me free? He wanted me tied up to the bed, immobile and helpless?_

I pushed my way around him; he grabbed my wrist tightly in protest. I looked up at him and stared into his emerald eyes.

"Don't try to stop me," I said as sternly as I could.

"The doors locked, Roxas…"

"Then I'll break it down!" I yelled at the floor, struggling in his hold. I was beginning to get pissed again; I needed to save my energy.

"Hey, would you just calm _down_?" he asked calmly. That wasn't going to work. He would have to try harder than that.

"Let. Me. Go. **Now**."

Axel frowned then walked me over to the door. Actually, _pulling_ me was more like it. He stopped when my back hit the wall, and then pushed my wrist against it, grabbing my other and doing the same. I froze in his grasp. If you ever want to know how it feels to be completely powerless to do anything of your own will, try being pinned up against a wall by Axel.

"Go sit back down," Axel told me. It definitely wasn't an option. But I _needed_ an option. I needed to convince him that it was okay. That letting me go was the right thing to do.

"W-why—do I have to?" I tried asking, stumbling on my words, averting my eyes from his piercing stare. I felt flustered for some reason, nervous.

_Why am I acting like such a girl again?!_

"Just _trust_ me, Roxas."

"You—you're making it so damn difficult to," I scoffed, my voice wavering. I wanted to spit on his shoes, but reach up and kiss him at the same time.

_Stupid girl feelings again, I have to check and make sure I really __**am**__ a guy._

Axel frowned again and let me go resentfully, my hands falling back down to my sides. In the back of my mind, I wished he hadn't. Though that feeling was quickly gone. I turned myself around on my heels and closed my eyes, readying myself to ram into the door. Maybe, if I tried hard enough, I could loosen it up and get out.

"Roxas," Axel started; he was cut off by the slam that sounded through the small room. A sickening crack came from my shoulder. I winced, pain erupting in my joint.

_Shit, maybe this __**wasn't**__ such a good idea…_

"Roxas! _Enough_!"Axel yelled, whipping me back around to face him.

"Open the **damn** door and I will!" I screamed back at him, my face going red with anger. He just didn't get it. It was so simple, if he would just _listen_ to me. Axel's head lowered as his hands dropped to his sides. I calmed slightly, staring at his bright red hair. It reminded me of warm blood or ice cold Champagne. I wanted to run my fingers through it…

_**No**__. No, I don't._

"You would think dealing with you like this over and over again would get a little easier," I heard a short, sarcastic laugh somewhere in those words. He brought his head back up, his glossy eyes attached to mine. I felt my heart drop into my stomach or somewhere in that vicinity.

_This fight was over before it even started._

—**XxX**—

I was back on the bed. Yea, go ahead. Laugh. Call me whatever you want. Why don't you try watching Axel cry in front of you. See how _you_ handle it. At least I wasn't strapped down. If it was a truce he wanted, that was what he was getting. But screw the fuckin' straps.

Axel was sitting beside me, a stupid little smirk on his perfect little face. I swear if he just wasn't so attractive, I would have been out of there before you could say "hot sexy redhead."

I was crossing my arms, trying not to let my wandering eyes meet with his too often. Also trying to keep my sanity in check. Thousands of thoughts swept through my mind like a whirlwind. Why didn't I remember anything? Where exactly _was_ I? _Who_ exactly was I? Who was Axel…? Why was I here? Why did I have to stay? Why the **hell** wouldn't Axel answer any of my questions?

Every time I tried, he would say something stupid like:

"Everything's fine."

Or,

"I can't tell you that now."

Or the famous,

"Don't worry about it."

I was getting so tired of this charade. He was starting to piss me off more than turn me on. And my shoulder hurt. And I was hungry. And I was hyper. And I had to take a piss. Axel noticed my flinching and fidgeting after we were sitting there for at least 10 minutes.

"What's wrong?" he asked, glancing at me from his spot on the bed next to me.

_The hell do you __**think**__?_

"My shoulder hurts," I told him, holding onto it with exaggerated force.

_Maybe if I act like it hurts enough, he'll let me leave the room. I'll try my hardest._

"You slammed into that door pretty hard," he said, standing up to hover in front of my shoulder.

I sighed, putting on the best show I could. "I think it's broken."

Axel's eyebrow arched as he placed his hand onto it. "Ow!" I yelped, flinching back from his touch.

_Actually, that hurt pretty bad…_

"Just hold still, let me see," he told me, placing his hand lightly on top of it now. I kept my eyes off of him, pretending that he wasn't there. Then maybe I wouldn't feel this sexually active. Axel hmm'd and suddenly reached for the hem of my shirt. I froze.

"Wha—" I gasped.

"Just going to take off your shirt so I can—"

"Like _hell_ you will!" I yelled, backing away from him as far as the bed would allow.

Axel smiled and sighed. "What happened to, 'oh Axel, will you hold me like this forever?'" he swooned, his voice raising an octave as if I sounded like some stupid princess. My eyes narrowed.

_I was practically high or even drunk then. Obviously, I didn't mean any of it._

Axel sighed again. "There's nothing to be embarrassed of."

I could have punched him.

"It doesn't hurt much anymore," I lied. Actually, it was hurting now more than ever. But I wasn't about to take off my shirt in front of him. No way, now how.

_Oh God. I really __**am**__ a girl._


	4. Pissy much?

**A/N: Some stuff to say about this one. Roxas does seem a little mean, angry and annoying, but it's just how he is XD Axel deals with him pretty well. He is a moody little child. -nods- **

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**_Chapter IV: Pissy much?_**

The redhead moved closer to me, inching his way towards me, the bed screeching beneath his weight.

_Doesn't he know the meaning of no?!_

"Stay back!" I yelled, kicking my feet at him helplessly.

Axel expertly dogged my feet, his lip turned up into a small smile. "I think it might actually be broken, Roxas. We can go to the infirmary if it is."

I scowled, feeling the anger of being defeated rise in my gut.

_Damn him. Damn him. __**Damn him**__!_

I took a deep breath and scooted forward, letting my legs hang over the side of the table.

_Why does he __**always**__ have to win at everything?_

Axel smiled and picked up where he left off. I closed my eyes, squinting hard enough that it actually hurt. I focused on the pain of my shoulder instead of him lifting up my shirt all seductively like that.

_Hurry the hell up._

"Arms up."

I lifted my left, glaring. The other one hurt too badly.

"You can't move it?" he asked dubiously.

"Does it _look_ like I can?" I snapped back.

Axel flicked my nose with his index finger, earning himself yet another glare from yours truly. "Just hold still, I'll try to slide it off without hurting you."

_Fucking bastard, that sounded way too suggestive._

He managed though, without me jumping him.

"There," he said, placing my shirt onto the blankets next to me. I stared at the shirt. It had short sleeves. Couldn't he have just—? "It looks pretty badly bruised; I think you might have fractured it—_maybe_ broken. You'd have to have an X-ray."

My eye twitched angrily. He ignored it.

I looked down at myself for the first time. Actually, my stomach wasn't that bad. I had soft, creamy looking skin that resembled the color of a peach. I was a little too skinny; maybe that's why I was so damn hungry. My pants hung just over my thin hips. I was actually pretty sexy myself. Hope my face was just as cute.

_Okay, I'm never saying __**that**__again. At least I knew I was definitely_ _a guy. Great. A messed up one, at that._

"Roxas?" Axel asked, waving a hand in front of my face, bringing me back to reality where the annoying redhead resided.

I slapped it away. "_What_?" I hissed.

"Just making sure you're still with me."

I glowered. "Where the hell _would_ I be?"

Axel laughed. "Pissy much?"

_Why the hell do I even __**like**__ this man?_

"Let's get you down to the infirmary then," Axel said, smiling and tossing my shirt into my lap.

—**XxX**—

"Are we there yet?"

"No, almost though."

I sighed. Yea, I was complaining. But you would be too, if you had to walk through a place like this.

What did they even do here? Think of ways to torture helpless kids with amnesia?

I would have preferred to run, though. The stupid adrenaline rush had never left me. The whole building was all _white_. Closing me in. It was starting to freak me out. Almost make me claustrophobic. Were they all racist evil scientists here?

_Haha. I'm hilarious._

I just really hoped they had a mirror at this place. I wanted to see what color my hair was. And my eyes too. I wondered if I had nice lips. Or a nice ass.

_Woah, I'm crossing the line again._

Axel stayed quiet beside me. I wanted nothing more than to yell: "Hey! Wanna race?!" And then sprint down the endless white hallways. It would feel so great to have the wind ripping through my hair, to feel _free_. But of course, I wouldn't do that.

"Hey kid-"

"I'm not a kid."

"Right, hey short adult."

I huffed. "What?"

"Where here."

I guess we were. I hadn't even realized the **white** door we were approaching up on the left. I wonder why.

"After you," Axel said, as if acting courteous. I frowned as I walked into the room, feeling nervous already. As long as Vexen wasn't there, I would probably be fine.

The room was bigger than the one I was just in. But guess what? It was still white. Ahh, good old white. I felt the need to slit my wrists and splatter fresh blood all over the walls. That'd show em'.

My eyes focused on the X-ray machine, along with about 5 beds that sat up against the wall. Fake plants sat in the corners and it smelled like antiseptics. It was just like any old hospital room. Which scared me even more. I hated hospitals. I hated it here. My shoulder suddenly felt fine.

"I…think I'll—" I began slowly, as I turned back around towards the now closed door.

"Ah ah ah," Axel scolded, grabbing my wrist in his hand he pulled me along towards yet _another_ white door on the opposite side of the room. I tried to protest all I could, but Axel was way stronger than me.

_Curse me and my girlie strength._

"Yo, Luxord! You in there?" Axel shouted, tapping on the door with his free hand that wasn't clutched around my wrist. I paused fighting to get out of Axel's hold for a few seconds. Luxord…Luxord. The name seemed slightly familiar, as if I'd hear it in some past life before.

"Yea, yea. I'm coming—the hell do you need?" asked a bored and monotone voice from behind the door. I heard footsteps tapping on the floor before the man poked his head out of the white door.

"Ahh, if it isn't my favorite patient," Luxord said happily, ruffling my hair with one of this long arms. I sighed.

_People need to stop treating me like a __**kid**__._

I recognized Luxord from somewhere in the back of my mind. He had short, blond hair and a nice build. Silver hoop earrings studded his ears in many places and he had a short beard. He was probably in his late 20's. He didn't give off the "evil scientist" vibe like Vexen had. I was glad for that.

"He hurt his shoulder," Axel said, pulling me towards Luxord gently. I ripped my hand out of his grasp.

_I can walk on my own, thanks._

"Oh _did _he? Doing what exactly?" Luxord asked, sounding skeptical.

"Thinking he was strong enough to break a door down," Axel laughed. I stepped on his foot.

"Ow, Roxas, watch it," he whined. I smirked.

"Well, let's go ahead and take an X-ray," Luxord droned, walking over to the extremely large, extremely **expensive** looking machine. It wasn't one of the ones you would see at a run-of-the-mill doctor's office. This one was huge. I bit my lip.

_Do I really want to go in that thing?_

That was a big fat **no**. But I _had_ to. Like Axel would ever let me run out of here without getting it checked out first, not after the damn fuss I'd made.

"Go ahead and lay down on the belt. It will move slowly, but there's no need to be scared—it won't hurt at all. Just make sure you stay still," Luxord told me with a small smile plastered on his scruffy face. He didn't look right smiling. I almost wanted to tell him to stop.

I swallowed and took a deep breath, fighting with the part of me that was telling me to run away.

"Rox?" I poked my head out from behind Luxord's shoulder and eyed Axel as he approached me closer. "If it makes you feel any better, I'll be on the other side when you come out," he whispered to me, so softly I doubt Luxord could have heard. I was about to tell him off when the machine turned on and a low buzzing filled the room.

_Axel can wait; let's just get this over with._

I sighed and stepped up onto the machine, lowering my head so I wouldn't knock it on the metal. I slowly lay down, a sick feeling entering the gut of my stomach.

"Remember, Roxas, I'll be right on the other side."

I gave him the finger before my body began to move back further into the machine. I heard a faint laugh before everything went back.

It was dark for a few seconds before a small red dot appeared. I stared at it, almost mesmerized when it exploded into a brilliant flash of red, completely blinding me from looking anymore. It didn't hurt, it was just extremely annoying. An irritating buzzing filled my ears then, I felt the need to clasp my hands onto my ears. I remembered Luxord told me to stay still.

_Ugh, dammit. I'm ready to get out. __**Now**__._

The belt beneath me slid by with protest, I counted the seconds in my head.

_1..._

_2..._

_3..._

_4..._

_5..._

_Let me out!_

Light flooded my eyes again and I let out the breath I was holding in.

_I'm never doing that again. Ever._

I stood up quickly, seeing Axel and Luxord both smiling at me which only pissed me off more.

"Good good—now I'll go check the data. You two wait here, it'll only take me a minute." Luxord took off back through the door he'd come from, mumbling something to himself.

And so, I was left with alone Axel.


	5. Love the sound

**A/N: I'm aware that all these chapters could have been squished together to create less of a mess, but I wasn't really thinking! D: Ah well, heck load of short chapters. Roxas gets a little nicer as the chapters go on. His mood changes a lot though, just warning you of his emo-ness. XD Hope you're enjoying this fic, kiddies! :D**

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**_Chapter V: Love the sound_**

It was silent.

_Why is he __**always**__ so damn quiet? Well __**I**__ wasn't always going to be the one to break the silence._

I sighed and sauntered on over to one of the cushy, blue hospital chairs that sat up against the wall. I plopped down into it, leaning my whole body against its support. I still wasn't tired at all. I still wanted to run a mile. And I _still_ was confused out of my fucking **mind**. I closed my eyes, acting like I was about to fall asleep so Axel wouldn't bother me. But every time I tried, I ended up opening them again to see the redhead staring at me with that stupid smirk stuck on his face.

_What is he looking at?_

"What?" I murmured, crossing my arms across my chest. Axel just shrugged his shoulders slightly then let them fall, his hands lightly stuffed into his pockets. I decided to stare at the floor. It was definitely a hell of a lot safer than staring at him, just _standing_ there. My shoulder gave a spasm of pain and I flinched, doing my best to ignore it.

"You alright?"

"Like you give a shit."

"I think I like you better when you're drugged up." Axel let out a sigh, though I could see him smiling out of my peripheral vision.

_I knew it! I __**was**__ high!_

That totally explained my lack of knowing what I was saying earlier.

"Drugged, huh? Is that what they do to people here? Just drug them up so they totally loose all their memories and then throw them out in the _rain_?" My sarcasm was harsh, but I meant it to be.

_How else was I going to get him to talk?_

Axel's eyes narrowed a small fraction at my words.

_Ah, so I've hit a weak spot._

"That's not true," he said quickly, defensively, moving his eyes to stare at a tile in the floor.

"Yea, right. This whole place is so shady—how the hell am I supposed to believe any of the crap that comes out of your mouth?" I said, leaning my head back further, like I had no interest in the subject. It was all just an act, of course.

"You are such a _brat_ sometimes," Axel scoffed. I blinked in confusion.

_Did he just…insult me?_

"Tch, you bastard, I am not!" I told him, moving my head back to its normal position so I could glare at him.

"Maybe I should just continue being a bastard to you this time, since you're being such a little dick to me."

"Gah shut up! Shut _up_! What the hell do you mean!?"

Axel was silent as we stared at each other, my hands clenched silently at my sides.

"_Well_?" I persisted, crossing my arms again so I wouldn't have the urge to sit up and punch his face in.

"First you tell me to shut up, and then you tell me to talk. Make up your mind," he scoffed.

_He is __**so**__ difficult!_

"Tell me! Tell me now or I swear I'll—I'll…" I looked around the room frantically searching for something to threaten him with—anything at all.

My eyes scanned the area till they stopped on a small, shiny blade, sitting on the counter, probably used for _dissecting_ their patients. I sprang up out of the chair and ran over to it, grasping it in my hand before Axel could stop me.

"I'll use _this_," I stated, feeling pretty damn good about myself for thinking of the idea.

Axel's face hadn't phased, it was still that stupid glare that made me even more pissed than his smile did. "Go ahead and try—you won't be able to hurt me."

_Damn, he's right. I can't hold my own against Axel. I'd just end up hurting myself. Hurting…myself…_

"Then I won't hurt you," I turned the blade so that it sat gently across my wrist. "I'll hurt myself," I finished.

Axel's glaring eyes flared. "You wouldn't—"

"Don't think I won't!" I yelled. I wanted to know. I had the _right_ to know. Why didn't anyone understand that?

"Roxas, put the knife away," Axel told me sternly.

"Tell me everything you know!"

"Roxas!"

I pushed the knife down into my skin. Searing pain shot up from my wrist, tingling all the way up my body. I let out a small whine, seeing the bright crimson blood ooze out from beneath the blade. It was pretty, almost the color of Axel's hair, only a shade darker. It felt warm on my skin, soft and thick.

Then, the knife skidded across the floor to hit the wall in the far corner.

_Shit…_

"You're such an idiot! What's the matter with you!?" Axel exploded, grabbing my wrist tight in his hand. I winced.

_It's not that bad. Jesus, calm down._

I decided to stay quiet and only stare up at him through half-lidded, emotionless eyes.

Axel lowered my arm in his, but didn't let it go. "You usually aren't like this. Usually, you're just so out of it that you don't even understand what's going on. I'm not sure how to handle you..." I felt sorry, but only for a second. Axel let out a deep, held in sigh before saying, "I'll tell you, Roxas."

My eyes widened.

_Did I just hear right?_

Axel rolled his eyes and let go of my arm, letting me bring it up to my chest to hold it. It pulsed with pain, but I could handle it. "Only because you're being _so_ difficult," he scolded, walking over to the counter I had found the knife on. I raised an eyebrow at him.

_Yea right and you're not?_

He ignored my look and reached down behind the counter, grabbing a white cloth in his hand. He quickly brought it back to me and wrapped it around my throbbing wrist, letting the blood soak it.

"There. Keep it pressed against your skin. Luxord will help you get a correct bandage for it when he—"

The door behind us swung open and Luxord popped his head out of it again, just like before. "Heyy, guys. Got the results—" I could see him looking down at my bloody wrist and Axel's bloodied hand, he walked over to us with skeptical eyes.

"I leave you two alone for three minutes and he's already hurt again? Jeez Axel! Aren't you supposed to be keeping an eye on him?" Luxord laughed and slapped a hand on Axel's back, making him lean forward at the force.

"I'm _trying_. He's making it pretty hard for me lately," Axel said, looking down at me like a parent with a naughty child. I just smiled back.

"Well, his shoulder isn't broken, thankfully," Luxord announced, handing Axel a clipboard that lit up with an X-ray picture of my shoulder bone on it. Kinda like a mini one of the ones you see hanging on the walls. I stood on my tip-toes to see it better.

"There's only a slight fracture," he spoke again, pointing at the part of the picture where there was a small crack in my shoulder. "But that should heal on its own. Just tell him to not move it around too much; putting a bandage wrap around it would help a little too." I frowned. I was standing right _there_. He could have just told me…

Axel nodded at Luxord, his eyes studying the picture with great care. I came back down onto the soles of my feet, waiting for the "adults" to be done. At least it wasn't broken. It still hurt pretty badly.

_Gah, and now I have my wrist to deal with…_

"Hey, can you go get something for his wrist?" Axel asked, reading my mind. "He was being stupid again."

I went to step on his foot for a second time, but he moved it quickly, laughing to himself.

"Sure sure, let me see." Luxord examined my wrist quickly then walked back through the white door, grumbling to himself about how he wasn't getting paid enough for this.

"So tell me," I said, as soon as Luxord was gone.

Axel's eyes drifted back towards mine and he crossed his arms. "How about we wait till Luxord gets back? Then he can fix your wrist and we can go get something to eat down at the cafeteria."

It was a tempting offer.

_Lunch. Man, I'm starving._

My stomach growled and I sighed.

"This better not take long," I huffed, sitting on a bed that was behind me. I squeezed the cloth tighter around my wrist, as if that would make the pain disappear.

Axel smiled at me and I looked away quickly, feeling my face flush. "It's your own fault," he said, sitting next to me, hardly making the bed move at all.

I scowled. "_What_? This is_ your_ damn fault! If you would have just _told_ me…" I trailed off, looking down at my bloody arm.

Axel sighed and leaned back onto the bed, supporting himself with his hands. "Maybe…" he breathed into the air. I had no idea what he was thinking; I didn't look at him, so I couldn't see his eyes.

"Aren't there any fucking mirrors in this place?" I asked suddenly. I wanted to get off the topic. He would tell me when we ate. If he didn't, well, I had my ways. I heard Axel laugh beside me, it shook the bed softly.

_Ahh…I love the sound of it, I hope he never stops._

"Watch your mouth, young man," he laughed, ruffling my hair with his hand. I swatted his fingers away, growling.

"Why do you need a mirror anyways?"

"So I can see what I look like," I said softly, staring at the bloody cloth on my lap.

I heard Axel sigh at my side. "Right—sorry. I forgot about that. Bet you're pretty curious."

I nodded.

"Well, there's a full length one right over there in the bathroom, why don't you go take a look?" he said, pointing to yet another white door, this one on the left of the X-ray machine.

I took a deep breath and nodded again. "Okay, I'll be right back." I got up and started walking towards the door when Axel spoke again.

"And Roxas…" I turned around to acknowledge him. "Just so you know, you really _are_ a cutie."

_Bastard, bastard, bastard._

I grumbled to myself, pushing open the bathroom door.

_Stupid, stupid Axel._

I was so mad that I walked right passed the mirror. I stopped, feeling dumb.

Axel was just messing with me, like he had been all day. He didn't _mean_ anything by it.

I took a deep breath and backed up a few steps. There was the mirror. And there was **me**. I blinked a few times, seeing myself for the first time was kinda weird. A strange feeling took over me. It was like being pushed into a pool of ice cold water, never knowing that you were going to fall in the first place. I looked at myself, up and down, then up again. I had the most amazing, short, bright blond hair that spiked up at every angle possible. Though it still looked soft enough to run your hands through. And my eyes were so _blue_. I had never seen anything that blue before. Not that I remembered. Not that I remembered much…I had a short, but cute, button nose. Thin lips and slightly round, flushed cheeks (thanks to Axel). I was wearing a simple outfit of a white shirt, which now had a few blood stains splattered on it, and slightly baggy black cargo pants that slipped down over my feet. I was surprised by the fact that I hadn't tripped over them yet.

I was skinny. Like I'd already seen earlier. My legs were short, though, I wasn't like one of those overly obese short people. I was cute. Even if I _did_ look like a 12 year old. Maybe that's why everyone was treating me like such a child. I reached for my shirt. Okay, so I was really curious. I slipped out of it with ease, being sure not to twist my shoulder, also being cautious about my wrist. I blinked at myself in the mirror again, staring at myself in a whole new way. God, I looked 16 _now_. I stood there, shocked for a few minutes before I heard a knock on the door from outside. I flushed and stumbled with my shirt, slipping my hands through the arm holes quickly.

"Roxas? Luxord is out here—he's ready to fix up your wrist now," Axel said from behind the door.

"Okay, coming," I replied quickly, slipping the shirt over my head and pulling it down over my smooth chest. It was even bloodier now.

_Oh well._

I opened the door and slipped back outside, closing it behind me.

Axel was there, smiling at me.

Okay, so he was _really_ cute when he smiled. I had to smile back.

_Shit, I just called him cute. Bad,__** bad**__ Roxas._

"Welcome back, have a nice look?" Axel asked with a smug tone, smiling even more. I huffed and turned to Luxord who was standing beside him.

"Let's have a look see," he said in his bored voice, gesturing for me to follow him over to a bed. I sat down after he did and held up my arm for him to do what he pleased. He flipped it over, taking off the bloodied cloth he started dabbing at the cut with some clear and very painful liquid. I wanted to shout out in pain, but I wasn't that much of a baby. Axel stood above me, a concerned look on his face.

"I'm fine," I told him, trying my hardest to put on a fake smile, for him.


	6. Thanks for remembering

**A/N: Hey there! ^_^ So words on this chapter...hmmm, well this is the one that kinda set things off, so to speak. After this things get more in depth and a lot more happens. Again, I hope you're enjoying reading :3 **

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_**Chapter VI: Thanks for remembering**_

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Luxord ended up having to put three stitches in my wrist. Said that if it kept bleeding like that I would loose too much blood. It didn't bother me much; I had a really good tolerance for pain I guess.

"Here—have him take these when you go eat, he should drink something to help swallow them," Luxord said, handing Axel two round white pills.

Axel nodded his thanks then Luxord faced me, looking serious for once.

"Try not to get hurt for the rest of the day, okay kid?" he said, his voice almost sincere. He eyed Axel once before he ruffled my hair and left through the white door. I huffed and ran my fingers through my hair, trying to fix it.

_Not a kid. I'm __**not**__ a kid._

"Ready to go get some grub?" Axel asked, turning to me he smiled and I couldn't help but smile dully back.

—**XxX**—

The walk to the cafeteria was much like the one before. Axel stayed quiet and calm, as if he was deep in his own thoughts, and I didn't want to interrupt him. He walked slowly, making sure that he didn't once step ahead of me. I, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck.

What would Axel tell me? Would I be shocked like he said I would? Was I better off not knowing at all…? No, I was going to find out. And once I did, I would find a way out of here. Even if Axel tried to stop me. Even if he didn't want to come with me…

We then turned a corner and two big white, double doors came into view at the end of the long hallway. I had a feeling that was where the food was.

"Is that it?" I asked, curious. Axel nodded. I smiled and started running. I didn't care if this was a hospital—evil scientist lair—whatever. I was _hungry_, and no one was going to stop me from eating.

I heard Axel's laugh from behind me. "Slow down, Roxy!" he shouted. I smiled to myself, ignoring him. It felt too good to be running. I wasn't going to stop so soon.

I hit the double doors with my palms, sending them flying open to reveal a normal looking lunch room. It sort of looked like one from a school. Large, rectangular tables sat up against the wall and on the other side was the food. Glass was covering it, so you could see and pick out what you wanted. A man was standing behind the counter. I ran up to it, practically tripping over my pants now that I was going so fast.

"Food please," I said with a smile, leaning over the side to smell the cooking better.

The man at the counter turned around so I could see him. He didn't look too happy, probably because of the fact that he was wearing a hair net, even if all his hair wasn't in it. He had long black dread locks that flowed down his shoulders and snaked their way up onto his face so he had a weird mustache beard combo thing going on. He looked about 35ish. His face was set into a scowl but I smiled back at him, too excited to be embarrassed.

"Ah, Roxas," his face lightened up when he said my name. "The usual I assume?" asked the man with tired enthusiasm.

"As long as I usually eat _all_ of it," I told him, licking my lips as I stared at the chicken strips and mashed potatoes.

I think he cracked a smile, I could barley tell with all his hair. "All right, calm down. Those eyes of yours are always bigger than your stomach," he said, beginning to place food onto a white plastic tray for me.

I still smiled, putting my hands up on the counter like a little kid waiting for candy. He placed three of the breaded chicken strips on it, along with a large scoop of mashed potatoes, a soft looking roll, a scoop of broccoli, and container of jell-O.

"Don't eat too fast. You can go pick out a drink over there," the man told me, gesturing to a see-through refrigerator with an assortment of beverages.

"Okay, thank you!" I said happily, grabbing a chicken strip in my hand and stuffing it into my mouth. I munched down on it, getting as much as I could in my mouth at once.

_Ohh…so good…I'm in heaven._

I didn't bother with a drink; I just sat down at a table and started stuffing my face with the amazing goodness, not even using silver wear. I could hear the lunch guy's laugh from where I was sitting. I didn't blame him, I probably looked really funny. Then, another laugh. This one making me smile just at the sound of it.

"Think you can run any faster?" Axel asked, sitting down in front of me on the other side of the table. He put down a set of silver wear, a bottle of milk, and the two white pills in front of me. I eyed them but made no move to pick them up.

Instead I chewed the delicious chicken as I spoke. "Why? Getting too old to keep up?"

Axel smirked at me, making my heart beat fast. "I'm hardly older than you, _kid_."

"Well then, doesn't that make _you_ a kid too?"

"Hardly."

I frowned. "I'm 16, aren't I? I should be treated like an adult." I nodded to myself, biting into my second chicken strip.

Axel looked confused for a second, maybe shocked at how I remembered my own age, but shook it off quickly. "Anyone under the age of 18 is considered a child. You're my responsibility anyway," he said with another one of his amazing smiles.

I rolled my eyes. "I can take care of myself." Axel laughed. I decided to change the subject.

"Thish ish sho good," I said, my mouth full of roll.

Axel smiled. "You always get the same thing,"

"Do I?" I asked. This all tasted so new to me.

"Yup, though I hate the food here."

I shook my head with protest and swallowed down the roll. "No way! This is amazing." The man at the counter laughed again.

"Well you certainly make _Xaldin_ happy," Axel said, gesturing his head towards the lunch man. I took another bite of my chicken and smiled over at Xaldin.

_I guess not __**everyone**__ here is evil. That Luxord guy wasn't all that bad either._

I waved a thank you over to him. He smiled back in appreciation then disappeared through a back door that probably led to the kitchen. For a long moment I sat there, stuffing my face while Axel just stared at me, his elbows resting on the table, head in his hands. As if watching me wolf down a plate full of food was the most fascinating thing in the world. I looked up at him a few times, only to see him smiling, which then made me flush up and continue eating.

_God, I'm such a girl. Girl. Girl. Girl. Gir_—

"Roxas, you've got a little something," Axel spoke.

I looked up at him, probably looking dumb. "Wha—?"

"On your chin," he finished, reaching his hand over the table. I froze, like I always did, as he stood up slightly and placed his soft hand on my chin, using his thumb to wipe a crumb off. I knew my face was bright red when he sat back down, resuming his position from before.

_Damn him and his sexiness._

I swallowed, rubbing the back of my wrist on my chin, as if that would wipe away the embarrassment.

"I could have gotten it," I scowled at him.

"Never said you couldn't," he said, leaning his head back to stare at the ceiling, a smile planted on his face. I sighed, grabbing the sliver wear beside me.

_I can't eat the mashed potatoes with my fingers…_

"So it's time," I said, spooning some potatoes into my mouth. They tasted great, buttered and salted just right.

"_Time_?" Axel asked, sounded incredulous. I narrowed my eyes at him and swallowed my mouthful of potatoes.

"Time for you to tell me what the fuck is going on," I said, popping a piece of broccoli in my mouth.

Axel sighed and moved his head back down to look at me. "Where to start?" he said, obviously searching for the words to say. I continued eating as he did, waiting with patience.

"I've known you for two years now. I met you here actually—at the Lab. Which is more like a very large hospital, it's just been called that for ages. Anyways, my mom was really sick; she came here and died a few days after." He stopped, sucking a short breath in quickly. I felt my heart give a little twinge for his loss. "Once she died, I didn't know what to do. My dad left me and my mom when I was 3, so I was left to fend for myself. I felt empty, like I had let her down. So I decided to help out at the hospital that she died in. That's when I met _you_. You came here with your mom and dad. They were crying so much, I promised them I would watch over you every day I could. Ever since that day I've been keeping my eye on you, dealing with your…mood swings." He smiled and I frowned.

"I don't get it. What's the matter with me?" I asked hesitantly.

_This was it, what he didn't want to tell me…_

Axel's eyes seemed distant and very sad. "You…"

That was all I heard before I suddenly lost control of my body and fell to the floor.

My head cracked onto the ground, I could feel the blood gush out of it like a great big watermelon.

"Ahhh," I whined, my head pounding.

"_Roxas_!" I felt Axel's arms around me. "Rox, talk to me!"

I moaned, my eyes barley able to stay open.

_What the hell is happening to me?_

"Dammit…" Axel cursed. I heard a click and dial of a phone then he began to talk again.

"Yea, get down here, it's happening again," Axel said, panic deep in his voice.

"Axel…it hurts…" I groaned, my head pounding so hard it felt like it was going to explode. It was just like earlier, only _worse_. More pain. More hurt. I wanted it to end. End right **now**.

"Shh…I know—its okay. It'll be over soon."

And it was.

—**XxX**—

"How is he?"

"He's stable now, just needs his rest. Don't worry; your son is in no immediate danger."

A sigh of relief. "Thank goodness…"

"How is his memory?" a male voice.

"Axel said it has improved over the past few weeks. He has been able to remember many objects and things like his age and height."

Another sigh. "That's wonderful."

"Yes, that is."

A pause.

"Will he remember _me_, you think?"

"That's hard to say, we would have to wait till he wakes."

_I am awake. At least…I __**think **__I am._

"Right, yes. How long has he been sleeping like this?"

"For just about two days."

_Two whole days…?_

Another pause.

"He should be waking soon; it usually doesn't last for too much longer."

_I __**am**__ awake! Say something, dammit!_

I let out a weak moan. Well, at least that was _something_.

"Roxas? Roxas honey?" The woman's voice buzzed around in my head. She was talking too loud…

"Mmm…" I managed to say, now looking the woman in the eyes. She wasn't old, but wasn't young. But she had the most amazing blond hair and blue eyes. I felt my heart constrict, I clutched at it in pain as I sat up from the bed I was on.

"Where…where's Axel?" I breathed, my eyes fluttering, finding it hard to keep them open.

Everyone in the room looked shocked. There was a long pause before someone spoke up. "_Axel_? You mean to tell me that you…remember him?"

I nodded, searching frantically around the room. The only three people there were the woman, another man standing by her side with light brown hair, a blank stare set on his face, and a man in a white lab coat.

Axel was nowhere to be seen.

"Axel—I need Axel…" I blinked, feeling tears stream down my face.

I heard a click of a phone as the woman next to me grasped my hand in hers. It was warm and comforting, but it wasn't what I wanted. I wanted **Axel**. He was the only one who could make me feel better.

"Yea, Axel. He's awake, and—well, he's calling your name." The man in the lab coat paused and listened to the phone. I wished so badly I could be the one holding it. "Yes, apparently. Alright. See you in a few."

_Click._

"Axel…he's coming?" I asked, squeezing the hand that was in mine subconsciously.

The man nodded and smiled warmly at me. "He'll be here soon. Probably is driving here now. He was in school, you know."

_School. Axel went to school?_

I should have felt bad for making him leave school just to see me, but I couldn't get this horrible feeling out of my stomach. Like I was about to throw up. Like he had just been a dream. Like I couldn't live another second without seeing his crimson hair and his green eyes. His warm smile and his diamond shaped tattoos.

"Roxas…" The woman next to me spoke up, taking me out of my pain for just a second. I looked over to acknowledge her, my stare thoughtful but lost.

"Do you—remember me, maybe?" she asked suddenly, tilting her head with the slightest of effort. I squinted my eyes, looking her over slowly. She looked so sad, so hopeful that perhaps I would remember. But I…had no idea who she was. I felt awful, I didn't want to let her down.

"I'm sorry," I said, looking away from her pleading face so I could bear it.

I heard a sigh from her and she tightened her grip on my hand. "Oh Roxas…please don't cry." I had no idea I was still crying till she told me.

_Again with the tears, I'm like a broken record._

I felt her hand come up and wipe the tears off my face before she sat up and left my side. She stood by the man that I saw before. His expression hadn't changed at all. He didn't look angry. Or sad, or happy, or anything at all. He just looked…_dead_. Like he was totally oblivious to everything around him.

"Maybe you should tell him who we are," said the man, his eyes locking with mine. I should have felt scared, but I wasn't. Whoever they were, I was sure I could handle it. The woman nodded and took his hand in hers, holding it just as she had with mine.

"We are…your _parents_, Roxas."

_Didn't see that coming._

"You…really are?" I was still in shock.

_Parents…I actually had __**parents**__. Well of course I had parents. Axel told me before about them. But still…I can't believe it. _

"Yes, we come to see you every week or two. To be sure you're doing alright. Axel is the one who usually watches you, though you probably already know that since you remember him. We miss you so much Roxas, and wish you could come home with us."

_Gah, she talks too fast. _

I took a few seconds to comprehend all she said.

"Why _can't_ I go home?" Worried looks filled the room. I felt like I was out of some kind of loop.

"We just…" The woman eyes began to water as she looked up at the man holding her hand. "We just couldn't bear to have you keep…forgetting us."

I knew shock covered my face. I noticed my heart beat racing. I knew my hands were beginning to feel clammy and my face was getting red.

_Keep…forgetting._

"So that's it. I'm just going to forget you after this. I'll have another crazy episode and forget everyone I've met!" I was yelling by the end of the sentence.

The woman's tears flowed onto her cheeks but she tried hard not to show it. I felt her sorrow in my heart as well. "I'm so sorry Roxas," was all she said.

_Like her apologies would make anything better. Like __**anything**__ would…anything except…_

"Axel," I said breathlessly as the door across the room swung open to reveal my personal savior.

He was panting, his chest moving up and down in fast rhythms, like he had just run a thousand miles on one breath. His hair glistened and sparkled in the room's light which made it look like red wine. His eyes were on me, looking me over quickly before he sprinted over to my side.

"Roxas—you remember me?" Axel asked desperately as he placed a hand under my chin. My parents behind him backed away further, probably giving him some room.

"How could I forget an idiot like you…?" I told him, looking away from his piercing eyes, feeling embarrassed. I felt his hand jerk my chin forward a bit, _making_ me look him in the eyes.

"You **really** remember?" he asked seriously.

"How many goddamn times do I have to say it—?"

I was suddenly enveloped in his embrace. His arms wrapped around my back, his hands clutched at my shirt. My heart was beating so fast in my chest that I thought it would jump out at any given moment. He pulled me closer to his chest in an awkward position, but I didn't care. All I cared about was _him_. As long as he was there, my heart wouldn't fall apart. I could be whole again. I felt the tears stream down my face at an incredible speed as I laid my head onto his chest and wrapped my arms around him as he did with me.

"Thank you, Roxas," Axel whispered in my ear, his lips brushing against it.

I swallowed. "I don't understand…"

"For remembering me, thank you. _So_ much." I sniffed and buried my face in his shirt, deciding to stay quiet and just enjoy the moment while it lasted.


	7. Stop taunting me

**A/N: Good chapter this one is, in my opinion. Axel is too nice for his own good X] Roxas is a little...crazy? Bleh, you catch my drift. Or maybe you don't. I digress, continue on your merry way~**

* * *

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**_Chapter VII: Stop taunting me_**

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I hardly got to talk to my parents after that.

They both told me goodbye quickly. My mom hugged me tightly, as if she would never see me again, then left, my dad following her closely behind. Axel had told me they had to get to work; I knew it was for other reasons. They didn't want to stay with their _defected_ son. Their son that would soon forget he had ever _met_ them. Though, I didn't mind too much.

_I don't even know them, so how could I possibly miss them?_

Okay, so I _did_ feel bad, like I was a total failure. Like I would never be accepted by even my own parents. But hell, that wasn't _my_ fault. Axel stayed with me, though. Even though I kept telling him to get back to school.

"You're going to get in trouble," I tried again as he ran his fingers through my hair repeatedly. I was going to tell him to stop a while ago, but I kind of liked it. It felt like at least _someone_ cared. At least Axel wouldn't leave me.

"I'll be fine—it was only Calculus. Actually, I'm pretty damn glad they called me here. I hate math." He gave me a warm smile like he totally meant what he said.

I sighed, focusing on his fingers as they traced lines in my hair. There was a long pause as we sat there on the bed, Axel's legs lying closely next to mine, his back leaning against my pillow just as mine was. His elbow rested on the backboard of the bed so he could reach my head.

"Will I _ever_ get better…?" I asked, more to myself than to him.

His fingers tensed for a split second before he continued his motions. "Who knows? You remembered _me_, didn't you?"

I nodded slowly. "Yea…"

"Well, then maybe you _are_ getting better. Just little by little. Long term memory loss is hard enough, but you also have attacks on your brain." He paused and looked at me thoughtfully. "But that didn't stop you from remembering me." A smile lit up his face. I couldn't smile back.

"At least you didn't freak out this time," he told me, laughing without emotion.

I blinked in confusion. "You mean like—run away?" Everything was starting making sense to me now. _Why_ I ran away before. _Why_ Axel was so scared of telling me. _Why_ I had to be strapped down to a bed.

_Did I really get __**that**__ mad?_

"Yea. Most of the time—when you forget everything and someone tells you about your…condition—you get _so_ angry." His smile turned into a frown as he remembered past events. "You'd go into this—totally crazy rage. You refuse to accept that you don't remember anything. You scream and throw things at anyone around you…" He stopped and I took in the fact that I had probably really _hurt_ him before. "We try to give you drugs to calm you down; they sometimes make you a little out of it, which is good. However, if the drugs don't work, you either run away or pass out. Personally, I like it better when you pass out. Catching you isn't as _easy_ as you would think." He ended with a small laugh, his hand moving to rest on my neck.

I felt like crying. But I had too much to ask, I wouldn't let my stupid emotions get the best of me.

"Why are you still _here_…? Why do you keep taking care of me when I'm not even your problem?" My eyes started to water but I refused to let the tears fall.

I heard Axel laugh quietly next to me, which surprised me.

_I'm being serious here…_

"I'm not really sure why either. You're such a pain in the ass."

I turned to glare at him, but was interrupted when he leaned forward and pressed his lips to my forehead. His lips were warm and soft; they sent little sparks soaring through my skin. I wanted him to move them down just a bit further…

"Maybe it's because I've just grown so attached to you," he whispered, his lips still pressed against my skin lightly.

I felt a tear spill over and run down my cheek.

_Damn it…_

"What's the matter?" Axel asked suddenly, probably seeing my tears.

I sniffed and sighed. "Nothing. It's nothing."

I could tell Axel went into skepticism mode. "You know you can tell me anything you want, Roxy."

I blinked out another tear, they were flowing now.

_This is so stupid, I'm just being stupid._

"Roxas?"

_Stupid! __**Stupid**__!_

"Roxas—"

"Kiss me."

_Did I just say that out loud? Shit, shit!_

I heard Axel laugh. "Is that all?"

_Tell him no! Tell him you didn't mean that!_

"No…I—I didn't—"

_Stop crying, you dumbass!_

Axel's hand came up under my chin. I froze, my face burning with embarrassment.

"Wait, I—"

_Didn't mean it! You __**don't**__ like him like that! You __**can't**__! He's a guy and so are you! It won't work. It doesn't __**work**__._

"You should make up your mind before I do it for you," Axel said, his lips just inches from mine.

_Oh, what the hell._

I leaned forward so my lips touched his. I could tell he was in shock for a moment, but he was totally into the kiss in less than a few seconds. His hot breath laced with mine once again. He tasted like cigarette smoke and something else, something totally and completely addicting. I had to have more. I wrapped my arms around him, burying them in his flaming hair, moving his head closer to mine. Axel seemed to notice my enthusiasm as his tongue began to invade my mouth. He ran it along my teeth slowly and I responded by slipping mine out to touch his. And I totally and completely _enjoyed_ it. I loved this feeling. It just felt so _right_. More right than anything in the world. I felt his hand begin to inch its way under my shirt. I let out a small moan as his warm skin touched my cold. This also felt totally amazing.

_Take it off…just take it off of me…_

"Roxas—tell me when I should stop," Axel told me around my lips as he slowly flipped over me, placing one of his legs on the other side of my hips, never breaking the kiss.

So…Axel was now on top of me. And we were on a bed…_kissing_. And I was fucking _liking_ it! I wanted more than just him kissing me. I wanted **way** more.

_I want…_

His tongue licked the inside of my mouth, his hand moved up my chest.

_Sex._

His fingers traced up further and further, his chest pressed against mine.

_Holy fucking shit. I want to have sex with Axel._

"Stop."

Axel looked taken aback but he reluctantly slid his hand out of my shirt and sat back on his knees.

I felt my breaths come out in gasps, now that I could breathe correctly. My chest moved up and down quickly, inviting the air in. I could feel spit clinging to the side of my mouth. I could feel the flush in my cheeks and hear the ringing in my ears. I stared at Axel in silence, taking in his expressionless face. I guess you could say he looked disappointed but was trying seriously hard not to show it.

"I'm sorry, Roxas. That's just the first time you actually let me do something like that, guess I just got carried away," he said, sounding embarrassed. He didn't even look me in the eyes.

_Wow, and I thought he __**never**__ got embarrassed._

I used my sleeve to wipe off the spit that clung to my lower lip and I swallowed, tasting the last bit of Axel left over in my mouth.

"I shouldn't have forced myself on you," Axel said resentfully, his eyes distant.

I blinked in confusion and narrowed my eyes at him. "You're such a moron. Did it _look_ like I wasn't fucking enjoying that?"

Axel's eyes widened for a second before they returned to normal. "So you _did_ like it?"

"Only—a lot."

"Well that's good to know."

"Don't let it go to your head."

"Oh, I will," Axel said as he leaned back over top of me, making the bed squeak. I looked up at him and my mouth began to water.

_Oh, God._

"So then, why'd you tell me to stop?"

I stared up at him, trying to think of something to say. My mind was all fogged up, I could barley think at all. I was debating on lying or telling the truth. Lying would be hard, I would probably just end up giving myself away. I decided to go with the truth.

"We…we're both guys…"

_Wow, that sounded stupid. Should have gone with the lie…_

"So I've noticed," Axel responded, looking me up and down then returning to smile at me.

I knew I looked shocked. "Doesn't that…_bother_ you?"

Axel's low laugh made the bed rumble. "Why are you stressing over something like that?" I swallowed as he leaned down again, this time to kiss my neck softly. It felt like my face was going to melt from the heat, or like my heart would fail from beating so fast.

"That…uhnn…isn't s-supposed to—to work," I managed to say as his lips trailed along my collarbone.

_Damn, this feels __**so**__ good…_

"Says _who_?" he asked seductively into my skin.

_Oh God, just kill me now…_

Axel laughed, letting his breath trace over my neck. "Don't give me this shit, Roxas. You and I both know gender doesn't matter."

He was right. Maybe I'm just looking for an excuse. Maybe I'm just too damn embarrassed to admit that I like a guy—a really hot, sexy, amazingly gorgeous one…

Axel sighed softly and brought his head back up to look me in the eyes.

"Maybe it's 'cause I've known you longer, but this totally feels right to me."He ran his fingers across my forehead, moving the fallen hair out of my watering eyes. "Maybe you just need some more time."

I couldn't look at him. I couldn't tell him how amazing _I_ thought it was.

_Man, I feel so __**dumb**__…_

Axel leaned down once more and planted a soft kiss on my forehead where he had moved the hair away.

"I won't give up on you though—don't forget that," he told me softly pecking my lips with his before he moved off of me and sat up from the bed.

_I hope I won't._

—**XxX**—

"Morning sleepy head."

I yawned and moaned, resting my arm over my eyes, trying to block out the evil florescent lights from above.

"I'm still tired," I groaned, tossing the nearest object I could find at the voice. It happened to be the remote to the TV.

"_Owch_! Roxas! That _hit_ me!"

"It was meant to, now leave me alone," I said, tossing the covers over my eyes.

"C'mon Rox. You're waking up. You get to go outside today."

My eyes widened underneath my sheets and I sprung up from my bed at supersonic speed. "Outside? _Really_?!" I was practically jumping up and down on the bed, if that was possible while sitting.

Axel smiled and nodded at me, rubbing his shoulder probably where I had hit him. "Yup, so get dressed."

He didn't have to ask me twice.

I got up quickly, ran over to closet in my large hospital room and started throwing off my clothes.

It had been three days since my last crazy memory breakdown. And every one of those days was spent with Axel. I worked myself around his schedule so that I slept when he was at school and woke up when he got out—which was usually around three in the afternoon. It worked out pretty well actually. I barley lived a second without him. Though he _did_ get tired quickly, I didn't mind watching him sleep. TV was also a good outlet for entertainment. Yea, the "Lab" had satellite. All 2,342 freaking _channels_ of it. Guess you could say I didn't get bored easily. They also set me up with this room, where I had a year worth supply of new clothes. I couldn't help but wonder who was paying for it all.

Nurses would check in on me every hour or so to give me an assortment of pills to swallow. They'd check my shoulder and wrist too, being sure they were healing correctly. I kept telling them they didn't hurt me anymore. I was stuck with an IV for a while too. I had managed to rip it out.

Everything was going pretty well—besides for the fact that I wasn't ever allowed outside of my _room_. My food was brought to me, I had a bathroom just a few feet away from my bed and Axel was always with me. Every time I tried to sneak out, Axel would stop me. He resorted to locking the door from the outside when he was away at school. Well I was going _insane_. After three days in this stupid place, you would get pretty damn tired of it too.

So I was excited. No, **beyond** excited. I was totally psyched.

"Do I get to go outside? Like real _real_ outside? Where I can actually feel the _air_?" I asked as I slipped on my pants over my boxers. Axel knew he was supposed to turn around when I changed so I wasn't worrying. However, he had made fun of me for just telling him that little rule. Told me it was completely pointless.

"Yea. We're going to a park," Axel said from behind me as I slipped out of my shirt and threw it in a random direction.

I spun around, buttoning and zipping up my jeans with both my hands. "A park? Like, with swings and stuff?" I asked happily, bobbing up and down on my feet.

Axel was turned around. Yea, I'm aware he probably was the _whole_ time. His elbows were resting on his knees, his head in his hands, staring at me with his stupid sexy smirk. "If you want swings, I'm sure I could find you some."

I flushed and turned back around, distracting myself by starting to search for a shirt. Also, since those three days ago, Axel had been totally making me embarrassed like crazy.

_Every single thing he does seems to turn me on__—__it pisses me off…_

From behind me I heard Axel sit up from the bed; his footsteps were coming towards me. I forced myself not have the urge to turn around and kiss him. Instead, I focused on getting ready to punch him if he tried to touch me.

And, like I had read his mind, (he was so damn predictable), his long arms wrapped around my thin waist and he pulled me close to his chest.

I made a small "_eep_" noise like the fucking girl that I was, and let his hands snake their way up my bare chest, my face going completely red.

"If _I_ had the choice, I'd just choose no shirt. I like it a lot better," he whispered into my ear seductively.

I frowned and tried pushing him away.

_He's so damn __**strong**__._

"Axel, go sit back doww—" I tried to say as he bit my ear, sending his tongue out to lick it slowly.

_Goddamnit, Axel._

"S-_stop_ Axel—I wanna go to the park," I begged as his hand caressed my chest. I was getting to the point of breakdown, where I would most likely go and push him down on the bed if he didn't stop soon.

_I hate when he taunts me like this…_

Axel let out a sigh into my ear, obviously ready to give up. "Ohhh fine…you're no fun," he groaned, letting go of me reluctantly to go sit back down onto the bed. I sighed in relief, sad and glad that the burning had left my face.

_At least he listens to me…__**most**__ of the time._


	8. Friends?

**A/N: So Roxas finally gets out! Finally able to see the real world! :D What will happen? How about some kick ball? Hmmm...maybe not. o-o **

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**_Chapter VIII: Friends? _**

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"Roxas?"

I hmmm'd thoughtfully as I watched the trees and cars pass by in a blur out of Axel's Ford Chevy pickup truck window. It was a nice car, I actually really liked it. The outside was a sleek and shiny red color; of course, it reminded me of Axel, so of course—I loved it.

I sat next to him in the front seat as he drove, though I kept my head out the window letting the wind run across my face. Axel had told me I looked like a really happy puppy. And I was—minus the puppy.

"We're here," he laughed.

I felt a smile curl around my lips.

"Can I get out now?" I asked, readying myself by unbuckling and latching my hand onto the door handle.

"Slow down, just wait till I park," Axel said, rolling his eyes and laughing around his words.

I nodded so fast I thought my head would fall off. It's not that I didn't mind my first time riding a car, actually it was pretty exhilarating. I was just so excited to get _outside_. Out—where I could feel the wind on my face and the grass beneath my feet. Where I could see the sun and feel it on my skin. I wanted these feelings so badly.

Axel slowly parked his Chevy into an open space in an almost completely vacant parking lot. The only other car I saw was parked all the way at the end. Maybe we would be alone here. Once Axel had put the car in park, I was gone. Out of the car, running into the open field laid out in front of me. I laughed to myself, which I couldn't stop. It felt like I could leap into the air and fly away like a bird.

_Man…__**this**__ is what life is all about._

I heard Axel shout something from behind me, but he was way too far for me to hear and I wasn't coming back just yet.

_Just let me have my moment._

The sun was out in the sky, sitting just about right in the middle. It was late afternoon; soon, it would be setting.

_I hope I get to see that._

It shone brightly in my eyes; I just smiled back at it as I ran. It was the middle of March (Axel had told me) and the flowers were starting to bloom at the coming of spring. Birds sang from the tree tops and a slight breeze lifted my hair. It made me feel like all my problems were blowing away along with the wind. I _loved_ this.

If only I could go outside everyday…whenever I wanted. Maybe I could convince Axel to take me out more often. Maybe if I just kept getting better, he would let me do more things like this. I couldn't allow myself to get sick again.

I didn't notice I was still running until I slammed into somebody.

"Shit," I groaned as my back hit the ground with a thud.

_I should really look where I'm going. I'm not alone at the Lab anymore._

The person in front of me landed on the ground too, though, they just laughed.

_What the hell…?_

"_Whoa_! You were running _so _fast! Where are you going in such a hurry?" asked the boy as he stood up, brushed himself off and offered a hand out to me.

I hesitated, looking this kid over. He wasn't tall, but wasn't short either. Probably a couple inches taller than me.

_The bastard…_

He had light brown hair that sparkled in the sunlight and spiked out from his head at every angle possible. His bright blue eyes lit up his face, making him look childish, but grown up at the same time. He wore what looked like you would call "play clothes". A stupid smile was plastered on his face, which only pissed me off more than me falling on my ass did.

_Why was __**he**__ so damn happy?_

I sighed and patted my pants with my hands, dusting them off as I sat myself up, completely ignoring his gesturing hand.

The boy took his hand back slowly, now using it to rub the back of his neck with; like he was embarrassed he ever tried to help someone as cool as me.

_Haha, me, cool? Yea right._

"My names Sora, by the way."

I frowned at him. "That's nice."

Sora just kept on smiling. "So where do you go to school? I haven't seen you around here before. Unless you go to the other school over, but then you wouldn't be in this park because it's _really_ close to my school. Unless you just thought it'd be nice to come here for a change! Then I could totally understand why you would go to this one. This park is nice because it's actually got a playground—though my friends say I'm too old to play on it. I don't think so, I'm only 16! I should be able to still do kid stuff, right? Besides, I'm sure they would want to join me when they found out how fun it actually is. Me and my friends always play kickball here, which is really fun too, but we still need a few more people, you should join us! It'd be fun! So what's your name anyway?"

_Holy shit, what the __**hell**__ did he just say…?_

I grabbed onto my aching head and turned around, choosing to ignore the extremely chatty and annoying boy, and head back to Axel's car. That was enough spazzy-hyperactive teenager I could handle for one day.

Okay, make that for _forever_.

"Hey, wait!" I heard Sora yell from behind me.

"Leave me _alone_," I told him sternly, hoping to scare him, and then maybe he would stop bothering me. For a second, I though he got the hint. Until I heard his annoying voice in my ears again.

"What's the matter? Don't you want to be friends?"

I stopped for a second, staring at the grass beneath my black converse shoes. Friends? Who the hell would want to be friends with me…? I shook my head and clenched my teeth together tightly. He was just messing with me, this stupid kid didn't want to be my friend, he probably just wanted me to say yes so he could rub it in my face that he was just kidding.

I turned on my heel and glared at him. "Stop following me."

Sora blinked at me, looking maybe a little hurt, I couldn't tell with that stupid attitude of his. "I'm sorry. I just thought…maybe you would want to hang out with me and my friends," he said, gesturing behind him where a group of kids stood, waiting with patience as Sora tried to convince me to join them.

"They are really nice! Though, Riku is kinda rude and standoffish and Kairi likes to gossip a lot about our friends, and Namine is always saying what a pain I am…" he trailed off, feeling sorry for himself.

The thought crossed my mind that maybe it _would_ be nice to have friends. Maybe be just a bit normal for awhile. I bet it'd feel good. I sighed, remembering my memory loss. I couldn't have friends; I'd just end up forgetting them.

"Hey, Sora! You coming back or what?" One of the girls called from the group, waving her small arm in the air at both of us.

I sighed slightly and turned around once again, feeling like that was a good enough cue to get my ass the hell out of there.

"Hang on Kai! Be there ina…_Hey_! Where are you going?"

_God, this kid was so clueless. Were __**all**__ teenagers like this?_

I felt his hand grasp onto my wrist in protest. I just about exploded.

_How dare he touch me?!_

"Come on! Just say hi, that's all," Sora said as he began to pull me along with crazy strength and energy that I hadn't expected. I tried shaking out of his grasp to just find out that I was almost tripping over my own _shoes_ if I didn't move.

_Damn this kid…_

"Hey guys! This is—" I scowled as Sora turned to me, waiting for my name. I felt completely defeated.

"Roxas."

"This is Roxas!" he yelled, sounding like he knew me for years instead of just a few minutes.

We approached his three friends and they all stared at me like they were good friends of mine, or relatives or something. All their constant smiling was making me dizzy, I felt like running away as fast as I could.

"This is Kairi," Sora said, pointing to the girl who had waved us over. She was tall with dark red hair that flowed down her shoulders and into her eyes. She had a simple outfit of jeans and a pink T-shirt that was dirtied, probably from playing ball with her friends. She gave me a warm smile and I felt myself blush.

_Wow, and I thought I couldn't like __**anyone**__ besides Axel. This girl is so cute though. Speaking of red heads, where the hell is he? Probably still sitting in his car, waiting for me to come back. I hope he's not worried…_

"That's Namine," Sora said, taking me out of my thoughts of Axel.

I looked at the girl to the side of Kairi, who was just as cute. She had light blond hair that almost looked white—like snow. It was very pretty how it was pushed over to one side of her shoulder like that. She was wearing jeans too, with a tight, low-cut tank top. She smiled kindly at me, waving with one of her petite hands. "You can call me Nami," she told me, still smiling brightly.

"And that's Riku," Sora finished as he looked over to the boy on the far left. Riku was tall. I mean _really_ tall, like almost Axel's height at least. And he was really beautiful, if you could say that about a guy. He had long silver hair that reached his shoulders and deep, cool-blue eyes. Actually, now that I looked, they all had almost the same color of eyes. His arms where crossed on his chest and his face was set into a frown as he glared at Sora's hand on my wrist.

_Whoa, weird vibes._

"Hi, Roxas," Kairi said happily, holding her hand out to me. I stared at it, confused for a second. "Oh, I don't bite, though _Sora_ thinks so." She laughed with that warm smile again. Her voice actually seemed to calm my nerves a bit. I heard Sora let out a small laugh as I placed my hand in hers. She shook it once before giving it a small squeeze and letting go.

"We haven't seen you around here before; did Sora ask where you went to school?" The blond girl, Namine, asked from my right.

I froze. Ugh, this is why I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to explain my whole "memory" situation to these strangers. These random strangers who could care less that I lost my memory every so often. Who would probably think I was a freak, a loser and a failure. Just like my parents, they would just leave me.

I sighed and shook Sora's hand off of my wrist, getting fed up with all this friend crap. I didn't want to tell them, they couldn't make me say anything and they **couldn't **make me be their little _friend_.

Sora turned to look at me, confusion set on his face. Might as well make it a clean break.

"I—"

"_Roxas_! Get over here." I heard an angry voice yell from behind me. _Ahh…my pissed off hero, finally coming to the rescue._

"I have to go," I told them; turning around I started to run towards Axel, who was standing a couple yards away, looking seriously irritated.

_Wow, what had I done to get __**him**__ so mad?_

I thought I was finally rid of the troublesome foursome when I felt a hand grab my arm once again.

_This kid has some __**serious**__ parting issues._

"You can always hang out with us whenever you want—if you change your mind. We're here almost every day after school," Sora said, smiling at me. I wanted to smack him.

_I swear, if you keep messing with this lion, you're going to get the teeth._

I heard angry footsteps on the grass approach from behind me.

_And here comes the teeth._

Axel's death glare from above made Sora quickly release me of my arm and take a step back, as if Axel would bite his head off if he got any closer to me.

_Haha, at least Axel could scare him._

"What have I told you about talking to _strangers_, Roxy?" Axel crooned. I cursed him silently for calling me that in public as he set his arm around my shoulder protectively, like these bunch of kids would attack me at any moment.

_Axel is being his difficult self again…_

"You never told me anyth—"

"Well I am now. _Don't_ talk to strangers," Axel said in all seriousness. He glared at every one of the kids separately. The girls seemed to freeze in his stare, but Riku didn't look fazed. It looked like nothing could really scare that guy.

"We just thought—that maybe Roxas would want to play ball with us…" Sora piped up, his voice setting into an almost quiet whisper. I didn't think that was possible. Axel was seriously scaring him.

_And that kinda pissed me off, scaring him off was one thing, but this was…_

"He can't—he has to go," Axel growled, pulling me closer to his chest. I narrowed my eyes, staring at the grass beneath me.

_Who does he think he is? My freaking __**dad**__?_

"Chill out, old man," I heard a slick voice say. It was Riku apparently, I figured because of the way Axel glared at him. He looked like he was trying to learn how to shoot lasers from his eyes so he could blow Riku up.

"Tch, you better watch your mouth around your elders, kid."

This seemed to piss Riku off a bit. "Well we were just about to leave. This place is getting too crowded anyway," Riku growled as he latched his hand onto Sora's and pulled him into his chest. Sora looked shocked for a second before Riku started walking off with Sora in his grasp, the two girls following timidly behind him.

—**XxX—**

"Roxas, calm down. You're acting crazy."

"_You _should shut the hell up!"

"Well _you _should think before you just run off and talk to random strangers."

"You're such a **bastard**! They were just _kids_!"

"Well the way you were acting, it could have been 30 year old men and you _still_ would have talked to them."

"How could you _possibly_ know that?!"

"I worry about you, Roxas. From now on, you stay by me. No more running off."

"And if I refuse?"

"You won't."

And so, that ended our fight. Axel had already taken me back to the car and practically _forced_ me into the front seat. He then locked the door behind me. Like a dog. Like a fucking _dog_. I should just wear a leash. Put a collar around my neck and call me Fido.

Axel began to drive away from the park. The park that was _supposed_ to be fun. Supposed to make me happy and free. Instead, Axel _had_ to take me back to the Lab, just because I talked to a few kids. A few harmless kids, who seriously looked like they had better things to do that screw with a kid like me.

Whatever. Just **whatever**. Axel could go into dad/protective-boyfriend mode for as long as he wanted.

_Just hope he likes being ignored for awhile._

—**XxX—**

"Roxas. You gotta talk to my sooner or later," Axel begged sadly as he pushed my door open with his back, showing that he had gotten my lunch and his dinner from the cafeteria.

He set mine down next to my bed, where I sat watching some stupid sitcom. I wasn't really concentrating on it; these things never seemed to keep my attention. Just a bunch of troubled people living together and complaining about it. What was the point?

I barley looked at Axel as I took the tray and began stuffing the food absentmindedly into my mouth with no real interest in it at all. I stopped, put the tray back down and picked up my milk (which was the only thing Axel would ever allow me to get. _Pop_? _Energy drink_? Never. **Way** too much sugar) and started gulping it down. It was refreshing, but it didn't make me happy.

_I don't think anything could right now._

"It's been two days, Roxas. I thought maybe giving you some time would help, but apparently it isn't. What do you want me to do?" Axel asked for the third time today.

I shifted my eyes towards him, sipping my milk through the straw I had just found. Well, I guess it _had_ been long enough, and I was almost _dying_ to speak to him again. "Let me go back outside."

Axel looked shocked for a second then frowned and picked up his sandwich from his tray, sitting down into the comfy chair next to my bed. He nibbled it as he spoke. "Okay then. Where do you want to go?"

"I want to go to the beach." I kept my composure even though I was pretty stunned that he had said okay. I'd been thinking about this over the past few days of being silent. If Axel ever _did_ take me out again, I would want to see the ocean, or lake. Or whatever the hell there was in this town.

Axel sighed and took another bite out of his bread. "Alright—as long as you keep to the rules."

_Great. Just what I wanted to avoid: Axel and his stupid rule book._

Rule 1: No running!

Rule 2: Stay within two feet of Axel!

And Rule 3: No talking to strangers!

He had pounded those idiotic regulations into my head when I hadn't been talking to him. Thought that maybe I would listen even more if I couldn't talk back. Well—I guess he was right.

"Fine, fine. Whatever. I just want to _go_." I was about at my limit again with this place. I missed the sun so badly.

Axel smiled for the first time in what seemed like days. It made my heart leap, which I tried to ignore as best I could. "Good, we can go tomorrow."


	9. A promise is a promise

**A/N: Yea I got carried away in this chapter. But everyone just loves kissing in the shower, right? _Right_?! Yea, that's what I thought! ;D**

* * *

**_Chapter IX: A promise is a promise_**

I sighed as I looked at the clock. It was 1:30am. Axel had already fallen asleep on my lap a few minutes ago. I absentmindedly ran my fingers through his hair at regular intervals—he had _told_ me it helped him sleep. I didn't buy it. But I somehow couldn't help doing it. I was just so glad Axel and I had stayed up talking till this late. Yea, I was talking to him again. Only because after two whole days of _not_ talking to him, or _anyone_, possibly drove me a bit insane. I felt kind of bad for keeping him up like that when he had to wake up at 6am for school, but I couldn't **stop** talking to him. He made me laugh and smile, told me things about his parents and about mine. Told me what he did at school and what he wanted to do when he got out. Said he was going to college to be a doctor so he would _officially_ work here, with me. Yea, that had made me blush. I mean, setting his whole future around me? It was totally weird—and a little flattering, I guess. Nonetheless, I was extremely happy when he told me. Though, I didn't show it. Way too embarrassing. Instead, I just smiled and thanked him for everything he's ever done for me, like an idiot. He fell asleep shortly after that.

So I was stuck, here in bed with Axel snoring softly on my legs as he sat in the chair next to my bed. I stared down at him as I angled my hand up, letting his hair fall softly back down to his head. I did this for awhile, admiring his amazing beauty as he slept. Actually, he was a _hell _of a lot hotter when he was sleeping. He couldn't yell or nag while he was out, which was a big plus. He looked so peaceful. I felt the sudden urge to reach down and kiss his soft neck. Blood surfaced to my face and I remembered the last time Axel had done anything like that to me. It had been awhile actually—he had barely touched me in the past few days. Mostly because I was wasn't _allowing_ him. When he tried, I'd squirm out of his grasp or threaten him with something. And I had _no_ idea** why** I did that. I totally loved it when Axel touched me. I loved when he kissed me and sent shivers down my spine. I loved his tongue on the inside of my mouth and his hand up my shirt…

I groaned and rolled my eyes at myself.

_Enough perverted shit, I need a shower. Maybe it will clean my__** thoughts**__ too. _

I stared down at Axel on my lap.

_Okay, now to get him off somehow without waking him up._

I took a deep breath and tried to slip my legs out from underneath him quietly, but that was easier said than done.

_God, he's heavier than he looks. _

I felt my left leg fall asleep, then my right quickly afterwards.

_Ahh, great. _

Now they were numb and tingling. I managed to push Axel off of them slightly, trying my hardest not to wake him. I'd probably have troubles if I did.

"Come…_on_…!" I ground out, trying my hardest to free my legs. They suddenly snapped free.

_**There**__! Finally! _

Axel silently slumped onto my bed. I froze and my eyes widened as he moaned and latched onto the blanket with one hand, probably confused as to where his pillow went. I waited a few seconds before seeing that he had fallen back asleep, and then swung my legs over the side of the bed. I was about to stand up, but was stopped when I felt a firm hand around my waist.

_Ahh…fuck. _

"Where're you…going, Roxy…?" Axel droned sleepily, looking and sounding extremely tired.

"I'm just going to take a shower. Go back to sleep," I told him, trying to push his hand off of me and smile at the same time.

He gave me a blank stare and I felt his grip tighten around my hips. My eyes became round and my face flushed. This was a little _too_ tight for comfort…Axel's eyes became more serious all of a sudden. Like he had just woken up fully in the last few seconds.

"I'm coming too then," he told me, as if I was going to dinner and not the fucking _shower_.

I tried to push back the feelings inside me screaming: _YES_. They needed to shut the hell up. "_No_, Axel. You're half asleep, and you need your rest for school tomorr—"

Axel was beside me, _close_ beside me. I mean like his chest was pressed up against mine tightly. I couldn't talk or think or anything for that matter. I had a hard time breathing too. "Might as well both take one together, it saves water," Axel whispered to me. I about melted.

_Damn, did that sound so good…__**No**__! He can't just take a __**shower **__with me! _

"Axel—please, be reasonable," I begged, feeling overcome by his sent and presence. I was about at my breaking point once again. I'd soon give in. But that's what I wanted…wasn't it?

"_You_ be reasonable," he said, wrapping his hand around me tighter. He suddenly jumped off the bed with me in his hands and headed towards the open bathroom door.

I swallowed, barley able to think about it before we were standing in the bathroom together, the door closed behind us. Axel stared into my eyes with his evergreen ones and my body told me to just give up. I wasn't going to win this one. And part of that was because I didn't _want_ to win. I _wanted_ Axel. I wanted him so badly, my heart was aching. I had to have him.

Axel was pressed against me quickly and I didn't fight it. My back hit the wall painfully, but I focused on kissing Axel.

_Kissing, kissing, kissing…Oh God, how I missed this._

Axel's tongue totally took over my mouth, moving around with dominance. I smiled around our lips. Axel could see, I was sure. He knew I loved this. I don't know why he waited this long to finally _do_ something about it. Axel's hands latched onto my shirt with force, crazily starting to pull it up over my head. Our lips parted and my shirt was thrown to the floor. Lips like magnets, they were back together in less than a second. My hands were all over him—I barely noticed, until they snaked around and down his back.

_W-What am I doing? I need to think about this…But how the hell can I think?! I'm barley keeping my sanity. _

Axel's fingers trailed onto my chest, making me shiver with pleasure.

_Oh hell, I could care less. Just keep touching me. This feels __**way**__ too good…_

I felt Axel's hands shuffle down further and further. They stopped at the zipper of my jeans.

_Oh shit…oh shit oh shit oh shit. _

"A-Axel," I sighed into this mouth, his tongue making circles around mine.

"What…? What's the matter?" he asked breathlessly, moving his head down to bite at my neck carefully.

"Haaa…s-slow dowwnn…" I moaned, his lips sucking at my neck.

"To the shower then," he said into my collar, wrapping his hands around my back he pulled me into the bath.

My heart fluttered to life as he pulled his own shirt off and threw it to the floor in one swift movement. I could do nothing but stare at him.

_Had I ever seen anything more perfect than that before?__** Ever**__? In my whole life? Never. _

Even things _before_ I lost my memory I'm sure would never add up to Axel. He was so perfectly built. So flawless, it almost hurt to just stand there, doing nothing. So, I **did** something. I reached my hands up to him and placed them onto his stone chest. Axel barley flinched under my touch; I could tell it didn't bother him as much as it bothered me to be half naked in a shower with another guy. But right about now, I was seriously _liking_ this. Even if I was crazy out of my fucking mind.

Axel smiled and brought his hands up to my pants for a second time.

_Not this again. _

"Axel…"

"Do you _want _to get your pants wet?" he asked, laughing.

My eyes became wide.

_**What**__?!_

Axel laughed musically again at my shocked face.

"Let me rephrase that—do you _want_ me to turn the water on now, with your pants still on?"

_He was going to turn the water on?! _

"N-no…look—Axel. I can take a shower later…" What was I saying? Who was I trying to fool? Like anything could stop him at this point. Like anything could stop _me_.

"And pass up this perfect moment to take a shower with you? I don't think so." He unbuttoned my jeans then reached for my zipper. I turned my head up to stare at the ceiling in the small shower, trying to ignore how turned on I was. Trying to ignore that this perfect man was about to take off my pants in a shower then turn on the hot steamy water…then…then…

My pants fell to the floor and Axel smiled at me, reaching for my boxers now.

_Oh, __**hell**__ no! _

"S-stop right there, mister."

"Awe, Roxy. You're no fun. Come _on_," Axel whined, pulling me closer to his warm chest. I felt like I was about to explode from embarrassment. Axel bent down and licked my ear. "You know you want to…" His sweet seductive words made my heart do little flip-flops.

_Damn him…_

"Just turn on the damn water already," I told him, resting my head on his chest lightly.

Axel's laugh filled my ears as hot water fell all over me, drenching us both like heavy rain. It felt good. Added to me being this close to Axel's body, it was like I was in heaven.

Until I noticed he still had _his_ pants on. The bastard.

"What about _your_ pants?" I mumbled as the water fell silently onto us, starting to fog up my senses.

Axel's hands fell to his sides and then down to his buttons.

"If you _insist_, Roxas," he said, smiling with that sexy smirk of his. I froze, even if the water was hot, I felt like I was in an ice storm; frozen solid to the floor. Axel's leer never left him as his pants too fell to the wet floor. Even if he still had his boxers on, I still felt so weird, but I felt something else too. Something like… pleasure. I swallowed my fear and discomfort and pressed my body closer to his, reaching up on my toes to kiss him again, focusing on only that and nothing else. Which was easier said than done.

"That's it Rox…just let it go, stop worrying so much about everything. As long as you're with me, everything is okay, right?"

He seemed to be totally out of it.

_Is he really still half asleep? _

"I know," I told him anyways, latching my hands on his backside, pushing myself as close to him as I possibly could. Even if he was acting crazy…I kind of _liked_ crazy.

Axel's lips left mine as he reached his hands all the way down my back, making me totally tense up and whine. I bit my lip down hard to stop myself from shouting.

Axel leaned down and kissed me again, this time with so much force I thought he would make me pass out. Then again, with how hot it was getting, my head already felt all woozy. My legs wobbled underneath me, Axel's lips moving over mine quickly. I suddenly felt my eyes roll into the back of my head for a quick second then my head exploded in a sudden burst of pain. I started seeing fireworks, just like last time.

_Dammit, __**no**__! I'm not going to break down now! Not after I've been doing so well! _

Axel's lips froze on mine and he backed up, staring at me with concerned eyes.

"_Owww_! Axel…Axel **help **me!" I screamed, my hands shooting up to my pounding head.

_Ahhh! Make it stop! _

"Roxas! _Roxas_ calm down! _Shit_…" I felt myself being picked up and brought out of the water, my head still exploding like dynamite.

"Axel—I won't…let this happen _again_!" I yelled at the end. My head felt like it was bleeding from the inside and leaking out through my ears.

"Roxas…I'm _so_ sorry," Axel sobbed; I saw a trace of a tear in his watery eyes.

"No…no…," I moaned, my sight slowly fading away until there was nothing left.

—**XxX—**

Beep. Beep. Beep.

_What is that? It's so damn annoying…_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

_Gahhh…Turn that damn __**beeping**__ off!_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

My eyes shot open from the annoyance. If it didn't shut up, I'd do it my_self_. I sat up from the bed and looked around, trying to find the source of the noise. It was a machine next to me, slowly showing my pulse I assumed. I glanced down at my arm where an IV was stuck in it.

_Not for __**long**__. _

I arrogantly ripped the stupid thing out and threw it to the floor. My arm started bleeding. I ignored it.

_Where was I? Some kind of hospital? That's what it looked like anyway. So…what happened to me? Was I sick or something? _

My thoughts were interrupted when the door on the other side of the room squeaked open. I stared at the person who entered. It was some young guy a lab coat. He had blond hair and a small beard. He looked bored and kind of pissed off as he stared at the IV dangling from my bed.

"Roxas, I see you're up," said the man, sauntering over to my bed side he picked up the IV and brought it back up to me.

I blinked and hid my arm away from him.

_He was __**stupid**__ if he thought he was putting that back in me. _

"This will help you get better, Roxas. I promise."

"No, _thanks_. I'm feeling just fine," I said with assurance. Actually, I _was_ feeling seriously good. My head ached a bit, but that was probably from just waking up. But how come I had no idea where I was? I knew I was Roxas, even before that man had told me. I knew how old I was—but…is that _all_?

The man sighed and lowered his arm with the IV in it. "Want me to go get Axel? Maybe he can convince you."

I froze as the man mentioned that name.

"_Axel_…?" I spoke, more to myself than to the man.

_I know an Axel. I __**know**__ I do! Just…who __**is**__ he? _

"Yes, Axel," the man said, though I didn't need a confirmation.

"Where is Axel?"

"At school, he should be getting out very soon though."

"_When_?" I urged.

The man glanced at his watched wrist. "About half an hour."

I nodded and sat tight, ready to wait for this Axel to come. I was sure when I saw his face that I'd remember. At least…I was _pretty_ sure.

"So why am I here? I don't see any broken legs or missing fingers," I said, staring down at my skinny fingers, I wiggled my toes.

"Axel can tell you that," the man said sadly, like I had let him down by asking him a simple question.

"And why can't _you_?"

"I'm not really fit to, Axel should be the one…" he trailed off, fiddling with the IV in his hands.

"Oh…so this Axel guy. He's real special?" I was intrigued, I guess. Even if I didn't remember him fully, he seemed important somehow.

Then man sighed and started to walk away, totally ignoring my question.

_What the hell? _

"You'll have to see for yourself," he said, then left, leaving me to stare at the door as it closed with a slam.

—**XxX—**

So I waited. And waited. It seemed like I waited for hours. I was just about to get up and walk out of the room. I mean, what was stopping me?

I sighed and swung my legs over the side of the bed. Blinking a few times, I nodded to myself and sat up. Disorientation hit me and I almost fell over.

_Gah, my head hurts __**now**__… _

I righted myself and stood up straight, trying to at least _look _like I knew what I was doing. I swallowed once then began to walk over to the door, feeling the cold tiles beneath my bare feet send chills up my spine. It was a weird feeling, not knowing where I was, what I was doing here or who anyone was. Maybe I was here because I fell and got amnesia or I had short term memory loss.

_That was possible_—_right? _

I took a deep breath as I reached my hand up to touch the door knob. It was cold and metallic beneath my palm. It felt nice on my hot, sweaty hand. I was about to pull it open when it pushed open for me, hitting me square in the head.

"_Owww_…" I moaned, rubbing my pulsing forehead with my hand.

"Roxas? Oh, _shit_, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were there. What are you doing out of bed?"

_That voice…_

I looked up from my momentary head trauma and saw him. Yes. **Him**.

_Axel. _

Memories came flooding back to my mind like someone just broke the dam that was blocking them off. This was _Axel_. My redheaded wonder. My whole fucking life packed into human form. _My_ Axel.

"Axel," I breathed, my hand falling to my side in a daze.

He blinked once before he was at my side, hands supporting me from falling over. "Roxas…you remember me," Axel sighed out happily, like I _wasn't_ going to remember him. I felt his hand come up and bury itself in my hair.

And I was crying. I was just so happy to remember Axel again. I felt like as long as I had him with me, everything would work out okay.

"Of _course_ I remember you," I said, totally ignoring the fact that I hadn't two seconds ago.

"Of course…" he repeated me, rubbing his hand through my hair. "I guess…all that worrying was for nothing then, huh?"

I sighed in his arms and buried my face in his chest which sent crazy little memories floating around in my mind. I remembered everything that Axel and I had done. How I had another crazy memory relapse and ended up sleeping for a few days again. Now I **get** it. Everything was coming back to me at super speed. Everything that had happened in the past few days I remembered almost perfectly. But still…before that, there was nothing.

"Axel…?" I asked, letting my tears soak his shirt.

"What is it? Does your head hurt?"

"No, I was just wondering—can we still go to the beach...?"

—**XxX—**

It was almost 3 O'clock. That's when Axel came to the Lab every day after school. And it was a Friday—so I had this weekend to spend with him too. I was waiting with serious impatience as I watched the clock tick slowly by, as if my eyes could make it move any faster.

Today was the day. The day Axel had promised me we would go to the beach. He was so ecstatic that I remembered everything after my brain attack, he told me that we would go this week. And he had been pushing it off till the last day, but that was fine with me. As long as he couldn't change his mind on me, I was good. And since Axel had told me that I hadn't ever gone this long without forgetting things that I was actually probably starting to get _better_; which meant I would be allowed to leave more often. Though he had **yet** to keep that promise. I'd definitely pound that into him later on after the beach.

The clock slowly turned to 2:56pm. I was _dying_. I had already changed into my swim trunks that Axel had bought me and reluctantly put on the sun tan lotion he had purchased as well. I had my bag full of things I thought people would most likely bring to beaches—goggles, snorkel, towel, mp3 player. Axel had gone out of his way to buy me all these things. He told me that he borrowed some of the money from the hospital to help pay though too, so I couldn't complain.

2:58. I sighed, pulling out the remote to the TV, I flipped it on and searched frantically through the channels for something to distract me for a few minutes.

"_In today's news__—"_

"_And Boston takes the lead with—"_

"_Cooking this dish is great for parties and wedd—"_

_Boring…boring…boring! _

I slammed the remote back down onto the table with detest. Watching TV never worked when I was _this_ wound up, I should have known that. So instead, I started chewing at the side of my lip, drumming my fingers on the bed sheets. I always _hated_ waiting for Axel to get home. It was like waiting for the grass to grow, it took for_ever_. That's why I tried my hardest to sleep until he came to wake me up. But that was a loss cause today, obviously.

I sighed and rested my head back on the pillow and closed my eyes. I just needed to calm down; it'd be easier to wait that way. I started thinking about being able to see the sun soon and swimming in the water. I tried to remember the way the ocean smells or how it feels. Soon, I was lost in an imaginary world with the sea and sand all around me. So when the door on the other side of the room opened, I barely noticed.

"Roxas…? _Roooxy_?"

"Axel?" I asked, sitting up from the bed quickly.

The first thing I saw was Axel's smiling face, which lit up the room in a brilliant glow. I smiled back at him, swiftly sitting up from my bed.

"Time to go?" I asked him, grabbing my bag from the floor.

Axel laughed. "Oh yea, that was today—wasn't it?"

I frowned and slung the bag over my shoulder. "You _promised _me."

"I know, I know," he told me, waving a hand to dismiss the thought.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hand in mine, lacing my fingers in-between his. "Let's go!"

Axel blinked, looking down at our hands as I started to pull him back through the door. "You're pretty excited, huh?"

"Where have you _been_ for the past week? I've been _dying_ for you to take me!" I complained, leading him through the door where his car was always parked. I remembered it from the last time he had taken me out.

"Oh right. Guess I've been avoiding that, huh?" Axel laughed, he didn't sound very sorry though.

"Yea and a promise is a promise." I opened the passenger door and threw my bag in first before sitting down and buckling myself in.

Axel smiled and leaned through the open door, so that his face was just inches from mine. I swallowed, almost too excited to be getting embarrassed.

"Just take it easy, tiger," he snickered, pressing his lips to mine gently.

_This is the first time he's kissed me since then…_

And that was all I could think before he backed up and closed my door behind him.


	10. Safe

**A/N: To the beach, at last! Though it doesn't exactly turn out how little Roxy wanted it. Nope nope. **

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---

**_Chapter X: Safe_**

---

"Axel! Look at _this_!" I yelled over to him, holding up a gigantic shell I had just found.

Axel appeared to be nervous; it hadn't stopped since we'd arrived. He was making his **stupid** rules such a bid deal again. "Roxas, you're too far, come back here," he nagged.

I sighed and placed the shell in my bag, along with a million other things I had found. It'd only been about 30 minutes and Axel was already telling me I should start packing up.

_Yea right, I'm staying out here as long as I can. _

"Stop being such a prick," I scoffed. Ignoring him, I started running along the side of the shore.

"Roxas!"

I smiled to myself and ran faster. What was going to happen? The big old sea monster would come up and eat me? There was practically **no** one on this beach, I would be just fine. Yet he had to _insist_ on being my _dad_ again. I was getting sick of it. Besides, I needed to find more stuff for my collection. My feet sank into the soft, wet sand beneath me as I ran. It felt so great, maybe even better than the park had. The sun was shining high in the sky for this late in the afternoon and it was _so_ warm. The breeze from the sea cooled me off though. Once again, I wished I could spend a lot more time outside like this.

_Shit and I'm killing my chances by running away like this…stupid, __**stupid**__ Axel. He ruins everything. _

I bent down and picked up the small shiny rock I had locked eyes with, placed it in my bag then began to run back to Axel reluctantly. I had to mind his _majesty_ if I wanted to keep going outside. I guess obeying his ridiculous rules was the price to pay.

"Roxas! What the _hell_ did I tell y—"

"Yea yea, I hear you. No need to shout," I sighed and waved my hand in his direction as he approached me.

"Stop pissing me off like this. I thought you _wanted_ to keep going outside. If you continue disobeying me, I won't let you anymore," he warned, crossing his arms on his chest.

I huffed. "My apologies, your _highness_." I made sure to drench my words with sarcasm.

Axel frowned then sighed and latched onto my wrist, pulling me into his hard, bare chest. I flushed and listened to his heartbeat and the sound of the soft waves behind me.

"I'm sorry, Roxas. I just want to keep you safe," he breathed onto my head.

I stared at the sand beneath me as his fingers drew little circles on my back. I shivered and sighed. "Let me go, I want to swim."

Axel's arms began to loosen, seeming very hesitant to release me. "Don't go out too deep, stay close to the shore."

"_Tch_…whatever." At that, I pushed his arms off me and ran back to the sea, plunging myself into its deep waters. I pulled my goggles over my eyes just before hearing a complaint from Axel as I delve deep down under, trying to forget about him.

—**XxX—**

"I want to see the sun set though! C'mon Axel, _please_!" I begged for the millionth time as Axel threw his towel into the back of his truck. He sighed and slipped his shirt over his head as I had, it'd gotten a lot colder since the sun started to go down.

"And _why_ should I let you do anything you want? _Hmm_? Maybe because you totally _ignored_ me over 10 times today and kept running off without permission then almost _drowned_!"

I cringed at his words.

"I didn't almost drown! I was just fine before you came running in after me like some freaking _life_ guard!"

"You were out way too deep. Even after I told you not too, you _still_ did! That's enough Roxas, just get in the car."

"Ugh! You ruin **everything**!" I felt myself stomp my foot onto the ground.

_Whoa, I was throwing a tantrum. _

"Stop acting like a 6 year old. You can't always get what you want. Maybe I didn't raise you right."

My eyes narrowed dangerously. "You are _not_ my fucking **dad**!" I screamed. I reached into my bag for the rock I'd found then threw it at him. He leaned just in time for it to ding his truck, leaving a white dent.

"You are _so_ grounded," Axel hissed, his eyes burning like flames.

"Fuck you." Then, I turned on my heels and ran. I didn't care where I was going; I had to get away from him, before I _really_ got mad. My arms pumped at my sides quickly as the sand flung up from under my feet. I would run, just until he caught up with me and bitched at me. I would run until I couldn't run anymore. Axel wasn't going to ruin this for me. Axel **wasn't** going to suck all the fun out of my already depressing life.

Behind me, Axel was screaming my name, but he seemed to be getting farther away; at least, I _hoped_. If he caught me, I'd seriously be in for it. I saw the beach pass by me in a blur as I stared at the ground now, panting heavily while trying not to step on any sharp rocks. My feet were probably bleeding and I cursed myself for not putting on my shoes before I took off running like this. I was getting tired quickly. I had to stop soon. I chanced a glance over my shoulder. Axel wasn't there. He wasn't following me.

I immediately stopped and fell onto the sand. I was glad it cushioned my fall but it still got a mouthful of it. I spit and rolled over so I could at least see the sunset from there. The sky was a bright orange and red color. It was amazing, but only reminded me of Axel. I felt a tear roll down my cheek and fall onto the sand beneath me.

_Axel isn't my dad_—_he can't just act like he owns me. _

I sat up and buried my face in my knees, ignoring the bright red sunset.

"Hey, kid. What's wrong?"

_What…who…? _

I turned around, tears streaming down my face, to see someone holding out a hand to me. I quickly wiped my arm across my wet face and got up by myself. This guy had to be at least 20. He was tall with long hair and a crazy looking smirk on his face. He was good looking, but gave off a really bad vibe. Another guy stood behind him, though he looked about my age.

_Guess I should be heading back…if Axel saw me with people he'd slit my throat for sure._

"Hey, where're you going?" asked the person, placing a hand on my receding shoulder.

I shivered at his touch and swiftly hit his hand away. "Leave me alone."

"Let's just _go_, Marluxia. The kid obviously doesn't want to be bothered," said the boy from behind him. He was tall too, with dark hair that fell in his eyes.

I kept my eyes focused on the sand as I walked forward. "_I_ think he's just playing hard to get." Came the first man's voice, it was deep and almost seducing. I closed my eyes and started to run when a rough hand brought me back, pinning me against a hard chest. My heart beat accelerated as I froze in the man's grasp.

"Mar, seriously, just let him go! His parents are probably—"

"_Shut up_, Zexion. Let's just have some fun with him," Marluxia interrupted him.

_Why can't I move? What's __**wrong**__ with me? _

"You're such a horny bastard. Why can't you just be happy with what you have and leave random strangers out of it?" Zexion scoffed, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Hmph. I'm only human. And humans get **bored**," he cooed as his hand reached its way up my shirt. My toes dug into the sand and my hands squirmed in his grasp as his cold fingers ran over my skin.

"L-let me—go," I begged.

_This wasn't right…this didn't feel right. _

"Ahh…this kid is _perfect_. He's so cute. The guys will love him," Marluxia chimed, feeling his way around my chest still. I wanted to bite his fingers off. I wanted to kick him, stomp on his foot, and scream for help.

Why _wasn't_ I?

"You can't possibly be thinking of bringing him back with us. Do you know what the charges of kidnapping are? You'll be branded as a pedophile and locked up for—"

"Jesus Christ, Zexion. Do you _always_ have to be everyone's mom?"

"Someone has to. Let's just go, before somebody shows up."

"Not without him. I mean, he's being such a good boy by not screaming for help already. Kind of looks like he's actually enjoying this." Marluxia's hand stopped abruptly and I could tell he was still smiling with that horrible smirk.

"Fucking bastard," I ground out.

"There's some spunk in him too. I _like_ that." His fingers squeezed and I whined. Like the girl that I was.

—**XxX—**

The sky had already grown dark as I was thrown into the back of a small car on the outskirts of the beach parking lot. Yea, I tried to fight him, and I got _owned_. He was almost as tall as Axel was. I can't help it I'm so damn small…

The door behind me slammed shut and soon the two of them were in the car with me, driving away to some unknown place.

"I can't believe I'm actually in the same car with you," Zexion spoke, ruffling his fingers through his hair.

"Stop your bitchin'. _You_ can leave once we get there. No one likes to mess with you anyway," Marluxia laughed.

Zexion huffed. "That's because I'm not like you sexually induced idiots who take pleasure in raping people."

I froze in the backseat, gripping the sides of the upholstery to keep myself from falling over.

"_Rape_? Jeez, why do you have to put it like that? You'll scare the kid. Besides, I only take the willing." I saw his eyes connect with mine in the review mirror.

_I'm going to throw up._

"You're lucky I'm not calling the cops on you. I'm walking home after this. That beach party was lame and I need a shower."

"Yea yea, you do whatever you want. Just don't come to _me_ when you're wantin' some fun."

"_Fun_? I don't want your kind of fun."

"So you think."

"Shut _up_."

Their bickering was muted out by my mind screaming profanities at me.

_Why the hell didn't you stay with Axel? He was just trying to protect your fucking ass! Now you got yourself into this! This is all your fault! You're going to be raped by a bunch of older men! And it's all __**your**__ fault! _

I'll run.

_You can't run, you idiot. Think you can outrun that guy? _

I'll fight.

_Yea, right. _

I'll call Axel. I'll call the police. I'll…I'll…

_Face it, you're doomed. If only you would have listened. _

"Axel," I cried as I finally collapsed onto the seat.

—**XxX—**

"The party **has** arrived!" Marluxia's voice blended in with millions of others as the scent of smoke and beer wafted up into my nose. He jerked me through the front door of the rundown apartment building as I tried not to cry anymore.

"Marly! You're finally back!" said a man with bright blue hair. I wondered quickly if it was a wig. Yet now that I looked at it, Marluxia's hair was _pink_.

_Seriously weird. _

"Saix, hey. Yea, and look what _I_ found at the beach!"

The blue haired man's eyes locked on me and I forced down the urge to spit on his shoes. The way he looked at me, I could have been his next meal.

_Shit, that was really cliché. _

"God, he's a cutie! Who gets him first?" He was seriously wasted.

"_Me_, of course." He actually sounded _proud_.

"Awe, you're so lucky."

"I know, right?"

"Show him to the other guys too though!"

"Yea, where are they?"

"Right over here, c'mon."

And so, I was once again pulled to the next destination. My wrist was almost numb by the time they found their other friends. And then I was stared at like a shiny new toy. Voices clouded over me, which I tried to drown out.

"He's cute; he looks almost like a girl."

"How old is he?"

"Does he _drink_?"

I felt Marluxia's hand come up under my chin, forcing me to stare at the people in front of me. "Don't be rude, kid."

"I have a fucking _name_ you know," I growled, jerking my chin out of his grasp. Everyone around me laughed. I couldn't tell if it was because of me or just because they were all so drunk.

"And what might that be, _hmm_?" Marluxia asked, stealing a can of beer from a table next to him.

"_Roxas_."

Marluxia laughed, almost spitting the beer out his mouth. "Well you can _rock_ my _ass_ any day." I looked up at him with burning eyes to see them all laughing again.

_They piss me off…__**all**__ of them. _

"I'll be back, guys. Got some business to take care of." Marluxia smiled down at me as my throat burned with hatred and fresh tears.

—**XxX—**

"Okay—let's do this," Marluxia said happily as he locked the door behind him. Like that would do any good if I decided to make a run for it. Which I might do. Being beat up probably would be better than this.

I looked around the small room, which held only a bed and a dresser. There was one small window on the other side of the room. However, dropping from the second story (seeing as how we had to climb a large flight of stairs to _get_ to this room) didn't sound too fun. Guess I always had my options though. I saw Marluxia smile as he flipped the light switch to the room off so I was encased in darkness. My eyes adjusted slowly to the moonlight that now filled the room with its glow. For a moment, all I could hear was our breathing and my heartbeat pounding fast in my ears.

_Just get it over with…_

I was suddenly thrown back onto the bed in a strange but pleasing way. Marluxia placed his knees on both sides of my hips so he was straddling my waist. He then grabbed both my wrist in his hand, brought them over my head, leaned down, and kissed me. It was weird. And strange. I hated it horribly. I wanted him off me. I wanted to be back at the Lab more than anything. I wanted _Axel_.

His tongue moved into my mouth with ease, as if I could ever fight against him. With my hands still in his grasp, he reached his free hand up my shirt again. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine that this was only Axel. That he wouldn't do anything to hurt me. That I wasn't being _forcibly_ touched.

"How's_ this_, hmmm?" he moaned around my lips, moving his hand down further now, stopping at my swim shorts. The tears in my eyes spilled over as I tried to knee him. I succeeded but it barley had any affect.

"That's it, fight back. Do _something_. I can't be the one doing all the work, now _can_ I?"

So he liked it when I fought. What the hell was I supposed to do then?!

"How about you live with me after this, hmm? We'll have lots of fun like this every day. How's that sound, Roxy?"

Tears gushed out of my eyes when he said that name. "Don't call me that! You bastar—"

His hand slipped down my shorts. And again I couldn't move. Again, I moaned and whined.

_Why am I like this? I'm such a weakling I can't even take care of myself. _

"Mmm…that's a _good_ boy, Roxas." My stomach churned as his hand violated me. I wished I could just be with Axel. I wished I was home. I wished I had listened. I wished for a miracle—as if I would be so lucky.

"Don't worry. I'll be gentle. This has got to be your first time," he whispered, his alcohol laced breath ghosting over my skin.

"How the hell…would _you_ know…?" I spat, glaring up at him as best I could.

He chuckled as his tongue licked my lips. "Call it a _sixth_ sense."

My mind was going insane. I seriously **hated** this man. If only I was stronger. If only I could stand up for myself…

"So let's get it on." Marluxia's hand swiftly pulled my shorts down then grabbed at my shirt, totally stripping me in less than a few seconds. I closed my eyes and let my tears fall silently down my cheeks.

_This is it…_

A knock suddenly sounded from outside the door when I could all of a sudden hear noisy screams and yells, even louder than before.

"_Marluxia_! The cops are here, time to ditch!" yelled the voice, knocking on the door repeatedly.

"_Shit_, I haven't even _fucked_ him yet!" Marluxia cursed, glaring down at me.

"You better get your ass out of here **quick**!" The voice was receding, getting farther away until it was gone.

My heart gave a little leap for joy. I never thought the police would save me from something like this. "Wipe that grin off your face; you're not off the hook yet." Marluxia leaned down and kissed me again, tongue slipping deep into my mouth before he sat up from the bed and threw me my shorts.

"Put them on," he ordered.

He didn't have to tell me twice.

He then grabbed my wrist again and pulled me out the door. We ran down the flight of stairs, past many screaming girls and loud crashing noises. Police were yelling over the noise, trying to keep everyone inside the house and break up fights. Marluxia got by without notice, with me trailing behind him forcedly.

We got to his car and I was pushed into the back seat once again, locked up like a dog.

_I have a habit of this, don't I? _

Marluxia hopped into the front seat and slammed on the gas, sending me flying backwards to hit my head on the head of the seat. I brought my hand up to rub my head, feeling a bump begin to form.

"Fucking police. They ruin _all_ the fun," Marluxia mumbled, sticking a cigarette into his mouth he lit it quickly with a pocket lighter. The car filled with smoke as he let out a long drag.

"They…only want to keep everyone safe," I said, without even knowing I was talking allowed.

I could feel Marluxia's eyes on me in the mirror as I stared down at my hands which were intertwined on my lap, twitching and shaking. I could almost _hear_ Axel's voice in the back of my mind.

"_I'm sorry, Roxas. I just want to keep you safe." _

I lowered my head into my hands and cried as the car came to a full stop. The cab filled with my silent sobs and smoke from Marluxia's cigarette. I waited, crying, as he finished then crawled over into the back seat with me.

"Don't cry, Roxy. It's not _that _bad is it?" I heard him say as his hand came up under my chin, making me look him in the eyes.

I couldn't help myself. I spit in his face.

He only smiled and slammed his lips onto mine once more, making me fall back onto the seat. I then decided to just give up. I would just live with this.

_It is my punishment. _

I closed my eyes as Marluxia lowered himself onto me in the dark car, the image of Axel left at the beach was vivid in my mind.


	11. He’s all I ever think about

**A/N: Axel is Edward Cullen in this chapter. Yup yup. Roxas is a little jerk sometimes, too. :\  
**

* * *

**_Chapter XI: He's all I ever think about_**

"What's your name?"

"Roxas."

"Age?"

"16..."

"Have you had any drinks tonight?"

"No…"

"Any drugs? Smoking?"

"No."

"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Three…"

"Good—can you walk that line there for me?"

I said nothing as I stood up and walked over to the white line drawn on the floor in front of me. Yea, I was in a police station, being interrogated as a _party _hooligan. Apparently someone had seen Marluxia drive off in the car with me. They found me and Marluxia was taken away. I _hoped_ to a raping jail, where he would never see the light of day again. I walked the line, thinking of how much trouble I was going to be in when Axel found me.

_I don't know how I'm going to even look him in the eyes after what I've done…_

"Good, Roxas. You can sit down. I'll be calling your parents. They can come pick you up. But don't worry—you won't be in trouble," the cop told me, smiling and pulling a phone off its hook on the wall.

I froze in the seat. "W-wait—my parents…" The cop looked at me like I was about to tell him something like: "My parents would _kill_ me if they found out!" Just like any normal teenager would say.

_But what __**should**_ _I say?_

"I don't live with my parents," I decided to state as I twiddled my thumbs on my lap.

"Oh? Then who _do_ you live with?"

"His name is Axel. He just kinda…watches over me. I live at a hospital…"

_Was that too much? _

"A _hospital_?" I looked up to see a confused look on the cop's face. "What is your condition?"

_Dammit, why did I tell him that? _

"N-nothing really—I just live there 'cause my parents don't really want me at their house. Though I go out a lot and stuff…"

_That's not true. You've only gone outside __**twice**__! Think before you speak, stupid. _

"Oh…then I'll call the hospital then, how's that?" The man smiled. I nodded and told him where to call.

I sat there as he chatted to a doctor probably. I doubted Axel would go all the way back to the Lab just to see if I was there. Though, you never know. The headache I had still persisted to make my head throb. I pinched the skin between my nose together, trying to ease the pain. My body hurt everywhere, especially my legs. I knew bruises were beginning to form on my arms and torso, I could feel them burning through my skin. It _hurt_…I probably looked horrible. And I felt sick. I wanted to throw up so badly, but I had nowhere to. I wanted to take a long bath and forget that this had ever happened to me. Yea—I wanted to forget. Probably the only time in my **life** that I had actually _wanted_ a relapse. I wanted to forget about Marluxia and the way his skin felt on mine. The way his breath made me sick and his hands made me shiver.

_Stop thinking about it_—_just stop. It's over and done, and __**nothing**__ is going to change that. I can't go back in time… _

"Seems like this Axel has been looking for you," the cop said, interrupting my thoughts.

I sighed and blinked a tear out of my eye. "Yea…he's probably really worried about me…"

The cop placed the phone back onto the receiver and stared at me seriously. I swallowed, hoping he couldn't read my thoughts or something. "That man in the car we took, he hurt you, didn't he?"

_Okay, guess he __**could**__. _

I felt my face turn bright red as I looked down from his stare and started pulling on my sleeve, trying to cover up the bruises. "N-no—I mean…not too bad…I'm fine, really. I just want to go home."

_Please, oh__** please**__ let that be the end of it. I never want to hear the name Marluxia again. I never want to see his face again. Not even in court. _

The cop bit the side of his lip and crossed his arms on his chest, not looking pleased. "Rape is a…serious offense, Roxas." _Just kill me now. _"We'd like to know what happened. That way we can charge him with the right sentence."

I ran my fingers through my tousled hair, feeling the bump on the back of my head, along with another one the front that I hadn't even remembered getting.

_What could I tell him? What __**should**__ I tell him? _

My mind was confused. So many thoughts ran through it at a time, my headache was only getting worse. So many memories I'd hoped I'd forget…

"Where is Roxas?" I heard an urgent and loud voice from outside of the room. Even though it sounded like it was all the way down the hall, I could still hear it with the door closed.

A mumbled reply came, it sounded like the lady at the front desk. I couldn't hear what she was saying though. I then heard loud footsteps coming closer, clacking down the hall like a stampede of pissed off rhinos.

_I wonder who __**that**__ is… _

The door slammed open, sending it to hit the wall, probably leaving a large dent. I knew his eyes were on me, I knew what he was thinking. I knew he was going to _kill_ me in the next few seconds.

_I hope this cop doesn't mind watching that…_

"Axel, I presume?" I heard the copper say from beside me. I suddenly felt like hiding behind this random stranger for protection. Anything to save me from the rage of Axel. My heart beat accelerated as he spoke.

"Yes." His footsteps were coming closer to me. His trip across the room seemed to take hours instead of only seconds. I closed my eyes and waited for the screaming.

Axel stopped in front of me. I could do nothing but stare at his shoes. They were sandy and wet, along with his socks.

_I wonder how long he looked on the beach for me…_

I then closed my eyes, focusing on my pounding head. I was so surprised when Axel's arms came around my waist and pulled me close to his chest that I started to cry. He was so warm—so soft and caring. I breathed in his scent through my nose and mouth, tasting it as well as smelling it. My arms hung limp at my sides, Axel's own crushing me into him so that I could barley breath. Though, it felt so _good_. Better than I had felt all day. Better than anything at all. Better than being outside and feeling the sun. Better than swimming in the ocean and tasting the breeze. _This_ is what I lived for, nothing else. Axel was my life.

"I was…so worried," Axel said, sounding like he was crying as well. It was hard to imagine.

"I'm so sorry, Axel—I-I…this is all my fault!" I yelled into his jacket, feeling the tears soak my eyelashes.

"No, Roxas. This is _my_ fault." I froze in his arms, gasping for air between breaths.

_**His**__ fault? No, this is definitely my fault. All of it. _

I heard the door open and close.

_Guess this little scene was a bit much for Mr. Cop… _

"It's not your fault, its mine…If I hadn't run! If I would have just stayed with you—I'd be fine and I wouldn't have—"

"What _happened_ to you, Roxas? You must tell me everything."

I swallowed hard, feeling the sting of fresh tears burn my throat. "I…"

"Roxas, **tell** me."

_No no no no no! __**NO**__! If Axel found out_—_he wouldn't look at me the same! He'd never look at me like he does now…_

I stayed silent. Axel sighed above me and used his arms to push me away so he could stare me down.

_Great, just what I need. To look into these stupid green eyes that will make me blurt out the truth. _

"_What happened_?" He spaced out his words as if he were talking to a two year old. And I _felt_ like one. I felt small and stupid. I felt so idiotic for letting myself be swept away. I could have **done** something, I could have fought. I could have at least _tried. _

I stared into his eyes and felt compelled to tell him. Obviously, he knew that was the only answer.

_And here goes nothing. _

"I...was raped." I winced with embarrassment, the words drenching my mouth with disgust.

Axel's eyes flamed. I could see the pupils dilate as if he was going into some kind of seizure. I took a deep breath and waited for him to sort his thoughts out. It was scary, standing there as he decided what profanities he should scream at me. With his hands squeezing my shoulders so hard I thought he would break them. I could hear his teeth grinding in his mouth and his breathing accelerated. He finally spoke in a hushed tone.

"Who…"

"…What—?"

"_Who_!?" he yelled now, holding my shoulders tighter, his eyes digging deep into mine.

I felt myself shiver. "S-some guy…"

"His _name_," he demanded.

I looked away from his stare, feeling a tear fall down my cheek. "His…his name was Marluxia…"

I heard a growl escape from deep in Axel's throat as he latched his arm around my waist and _pulled_ me through the door, my feet barley touching the floor as we walked. Axel stormed up to the front desk and glared into the receptionists eyes. She looked scared—and I didn't blame her.

"Where is he?" Axel asked, now looking calmer. Though I could still see the fire deep in his eyes and hear the acid in his voice.

"Officer Vincent?" she asked timidly.

"Yes, him."

"Oh…uhm, Mr. Vincent?" She called into a room beside her.

The copper's head popped out of the room quickly and he gave us both a smile, which died soon when he saw the look on Axel's face.

"I'm guessing you would like to see the man?"

"See him? No. I'll see his fucking ass in _court_," Axel growled. I felt his arm tighten around me, pulling me into his chest.

_I didn't know he could get like this…_

"Yes, I see. So Roxas has told you then." Vincent stopped and got an affirming snarl from Axel. "Right, then. If you would just sign this paper, the date should be set and affirmed." He shifted a piece of paper towards Axel and me that was already sitting on the desk. I wondered if they already had this whole thing planned out.

"Okay—that should be good." The cop took the paper from Axel who had signed it quickly, and nodded.

Axel only narrowed his eyes, turned around, then walked out of the building, pulling me along by his side.

—**XxX—**

I once again heard the slamming of a car door behind me as I reluctantly sat in the front seat of Axel's red truck. I wiped my sleeve across my face to rid myself of any stray tears as Axel crossed the front of the truck. He stopped abruptly, letting his hand rest on the red hood. I saw his fists clenching in and out like he was about to explode from anger and doing _that_ was the only way to channel it. I felt sick to my stomach again and I wished I was in a bathroom so I could puke my guts out. Axel reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. I squinted and realized they were cigarettes.

_Since when does Axel smoke? _

He lit one and stuck it in his mouth, taking a long and heavy drag. I watched as the smoke rose into the dark sky above him. I wanted to hit him upside the head for even **trying** smoking. It was stupid and dumb. Only wasted your money and killed you slowly from the inside out. Besides—it only would remind me of _him_. Axel stood there for what seemed like forever, just staring at the sky above him, blowing little puffs of smoke into it slowly.

_Is he trying to get ready for the lecture I'm about to receive? _

He finished his cig then stomped it out on the ground. A hand came up to his head which he ran through his flaming red hair slowly. The spikes looked untamed, even more than they usually did. But he still looked amazing. Like a god, only sexier.

_Ugh, shut up. Like he'll ever __**forgive**__ you for this. Like he'll ever want to __**be**__ with you after this. _

The car door suddenly opened and I jumped in my seat, my heart giving a small spasm of pain. I needed to calm down. Axel slammed the door shut which left a ringing in my ears, then shoved his key in the ignition and started off down the road. It was silent for awhile. And I didn't really mind it. Silence was good. Screaming, arguing and yelling? Not so much. I wished for it to just be like this the whole way there. Then, when we got there, I could take a shower, try to forget about this, perhaps have another brain attack, and then lay in bed for a few days until I just totally—_forgot_.

_Ahhh...that sounds good. _

Apparently I wished too soon.

"Do you have _any_ idea how worried I was?" Axel's voice was angry still, but it had lost some of its fury.

"I'm sorry…" _How many times should I say that? I'd say it until I couldn't talk anymore if it made him forgive me. _

Axel sighed and gripped the steering wheel tighter, probably still trying to channel his anger. "I know you are—I know…" he trailed off as he stopped at an intersection, not bothering to look both ways before he set off again. "I'm not angry with you," he stopped, probably rethinking that. "Okay, I am. I'm seriously _pissed_ off at you. I'd like to lock you in a room for the rest of your life and never let you out again, but that wouldn't stop you from being who you are."

_God, he's sounding like a fucking dad again…_

"And this is mostly my fault anyway. If I hadn't said those things to you, you wouldn't have run—nothing would have happened. I should have just sucked it up and let you see the damn sunset." His hand came up to his forehead as he waited for a stop light to change to green. I sat there, remaining silent as I stared out the windshield.

_I guess some of this was his fault…but then it was __**my**__ fault for not following his rules. But then again, it was his fault for the stupid rules in the first place. God, I'm confused. _

"I'm sorry, Roxas. Whichever way you look at it, this was my fault. And I know sorry isn't going to make everything better. But I'll _try_. I'll sue that asshole for all he's worth and then I won't ever speak of this again. You won't have to remember anything."

_Am I getting off the hook then? _

"I don't understand…"

"What's not to get?"

"Where's the catch?"

Axel laughed without emotion. "Chastising you wouldn't do anything. I think you've been punished enough…"

I swallowed and tugged on my sleeve.

_Yea, I guess that __**is**__ true._

—**XxX—**

Days past. It kind of seemed like all the days were mashed together into one long stream of time when you were stuck in a giant white room. The only reminder I had to tell me that it was a new day was my alarm clock.

_-2:13AM, April 2__nd__-_

It read as I lay on my bed, turning my attention to stare at the ceiling. I sighed, picking out a specific tile to gaze at as thoughts drifted through my mind. Which were pretty much only on Axel. I missed him. _Terribly_. My heart constricted with pain every time I thought of his name. He had gotten a **job**, so he wasn't here as often with me. Actually, the last time I had seen him was about two days ago. I hated myself for thinking that he only got the job to be away from me. But deep in my heart—I knew it was the truth. He didn't want to be near me anymore, not after what had occurred. Every time he was here, we would barley talk. If he was trying to act like nothing happened, then he was seriously doing a shitty job at it. It only made me want company _more_. Only made me want to go outside more.

_I think I'd rather be at that party again than stuck here with nothing to do but dwell on Axel…_

I shook my head, ridding myself of that thought.

_Focus on keeping your sanity_—_that's all you need to do. _

But it was so damn _hard_ without Axel!

I stood up from the bed, tossing the covers off in a rage. I was sick of being alone like this. I was sick of being cooped up in here again. I just wanted to be normal. To have friends and go to school like all 16 year olds did.

_Is a normal life really too much to ask for?_

No, it wasn't. And I deserved something better than this. I had been doing **well** with my memory. Even Axel had commented on that many times.

_If things keep going on like this, what then? Will I have to stay in here for the rest of my life? Is my condition really __**that**__ bad? No. I won't stay here any longer. _

I took a deep breath before throwing off my pajamas and dressing myself in new clothes. I had no idea what I was doing, but it felt right to actually be doing _something. _Not just sitting around collecting dust, waiting for Axel to come. That's all I did these days. Sit, eat and _wait_.

_Where's the fun in that? _

I stopped from my frenzy as I looked myself over in the tall mirror on the wall. The bruises on my arms had almost faded away now. All that was left were ugly yellow reminders. I pulled on my jacket to cover them up. I looked really tired too—like I had barley slept in the last few days. I sighed, remembering that I _hadn't_. I'd spent all day yesterday staying up—just waiting for Axel.

_Axel Axel __**Axel**__…he's all I ever think about. And it's driving me insane! _

I kicked the side of my bed, making the monitor next to it shake with distaste. I scowled at the evil thing. I felt just fine. I didn't need any of this hospital shit anymore. I didn't need to stay here any longer. I turned around and headed for the door and I hoped to god that the nurse who had brought me dinner hadn't locked it. My hand fell onto the knob and I silently turned it, hearing a successful click from the outside.

_Yes, it's open. Guess it's a __**good**__ thing Axel hasn't been here for awhile. _

I pushed it open and was glad when I didn't hear it creak. Quickly, I poked my head out the door, looking both ways to see that the coast was clear. Most likely everyone was asleep by now or in their rooms. It _was_ night after all. I swallowed, which seemed to echo in my ears as I tiptoed out of the room. I felt stupid for a bunch of reasons then.

_Why hadn't I done this earlier? Why __**am**__ I doing this? What if I end up getting into trouble again…? _

But what the hell. Confinement wasn't sounding good again, I would keep going. I slipped past many rooms, feeling almost like some kind of ninja. Though I probably looked really lame—I was having fun nonetheless. I loved the adrenaline in my veins. All I needed was a theme song.

I soon came across the doors that lead outside. I felt accomplished as I pushed one open and the swift breeze swept across my cheeks. I tasted the night air on my tongue and smiled to myself, feeling happier than I had in days. The moon was shining bright in the sky and I felt as if it was smiling down just for _me_. Sure, this was probably one of the worst ideas I had ever thought of. Sure, I would get into even _more _trouble than I already was in when Axel found out. But isn't life just about living in the moment? At least, that's what I've come to think of it. Why be stuck in a room when I could be out here—doing something.

But then again. What **was** there to do at 2 in the morning? A jog or a walk sounded like pretty much the only safe thing I could do. I nodded to myself and set off running.

—**XxX—**

The night air was cool on my skin as I walked along a sidewalk, ignoring any car that drove by too closely. Three people had already asked if I wanted a ride home, if I wanted to come have a drink or if I was lost. I had politely walked off the sidewalk and receded into the shadows to wait for them to give up. And they all did—which I was thankful for. The road was silent now, almost eerie. I couldn't help but feel now that this _wasn't_ such a good idea.

_No, I'll be fine. I'll head back now. _

I turned on my heels and started back towards the Lab. It didn't take me long to realize that I was completely** lost**. Panic rose in my gut and threatened to overflow.

_Shit shit __**shit**__. This was __**not**__ part of the plan! _

Not that I _had_ a plan. I looked in front of me, seeing that I had followed the sidewalk perfectly.

_Why am I ending up at this gas station then? _

I sighed and treaded up towards the building. The light was on, maybe someone inside could give me directions. A bell rang as I entered, making the sound echo through the whole store. The place smelled like tobacco and cheap beer. I felt the sudden urge to plug my nose. I blinked a few times before focusing on a figure slumped over the counter, snoring quietly.

_Should I…? _

"Uhm…"

"_Wha_—who's…there?" the sleepy boy lifted his head up drowsily and stared into my eyes.

I froze. "_Sora_…?"

"Roxas!" he exclaimed happily, just about jumping over the counter to get to me.

You'd think I was actually _nice_ to him at one point in his life the way he took my hand in his and shook it up and down. "Why are you here?! It's _really_ late! Like seriously, it's almost 3AM!"

I ignored my pounding head and tried to answer his question. "I was just out for a walk and then I got lost. Do you work here?"

"Oh! Well that makes sense I guess. Yea, I do. My stupid boss has me working night shifts sometimes now. It's pretty tiring—but I really need the money. I guess it's worth losing a few hours of sleep." His smile made me feel like the world outside me was just one big blur. I had no idea how he could be just so damn _happy_.

"Mmm, that must suck," I sympathized, trying to be as polite as I could.

"Yea, it really does. But this is _great_! I didn't think I'd ever see you again after what happened in the park. Was that guy your brother or something? He looked seriously pissed at us. I hope he's not still sore about that…"

I frowned and sighed, remembering that incident. It felt like so long ago. "That was Axel. He's my—uh, guardian I guess you could say. He gets pretty protective of me." I was surprised at how easy it was to talk to him like this.

Sora laughed. "Ah, so he _is _like an older brother then. My big brother Leon is always like that! Though—not as strict I'm guessing. Still, he doesn't let me do much that isn't '_safe_'. But that's just how big brothers are."

"Yea, I guess so." I had never thought of Axel as a _brother_ before…

"So you said you were lost? Where do you live anyway?" Sora perked up, looking more awake than ever. It was hard to imagine he had just been asleep.

"Know of a place called the Lab?" I asked.

Sora blinked twice and chewed on his lip. "Hmmm…must not be too close to here—I've never heard of it before."

I sighed and stared at the ground.

_Had I really walked that far? _

"But hey! Don't get all sad and stuff! My shift ends at three anyways, so you can spend the night at my house tonight and we can look in the morning. How's that sound?"

"Spend—the night?"

"Yea, like a sleepover. You ever slept over someone's house before?" He looked puzzled, like it was something I should have done awhile ago.

"No—no I haven't."

"You're pretty weird, Roxas. C'mon, my cars parked right out here. My boss won't mind if I leave a little early," he rambled as he pulled me out through the door of the gas station to his little car.

I sat in the front seat as Sora climbed in, starting up the car quickly.

"My house isn't far from here. I usually don't drive to work, but my mom doesn't like me walking out after dark," Sora explained, backing out into the street.

"I can see why—it's really easy to get lost," I agreed while staring out the window.

"Yup, you should be more careful. Nighttime is when all the perverts roam the streets, says my brother." I heard him laugh from beside me and my lip turned up into a smile.

_That's weird…_


	12. May God punish me for my sins

**A/N: This chapter will most likely make you want to strangle me to no ends! I apologize in advance for it, so please go ahead and stab me when you have finished. :]**

* * *

---

**_Chapter XII: May God punish me for my sins_**

---

The drive to Sora's house took less than a few minutes. And surprisingly—he and I had talked the whole way there. All those five minutes I talked to this almost stranger who I barley even knew. It was just so shockingly _easy_ to have a conversation with him—almost just like Axel. Though this somewhat felt simpler—normal. Sora's laugh filled the car (apparently I had said something funny) as he pulled into the driveway of a small and normal looking house. I smiled at the sound of his laugh. It was actually starting to grow on me.

"Okay, this is it!" Sora exclaimed, jumping out of the car he ran over to my side to open the door for me.

I raised an eyebrow at his weird gesture, but decided to ignore it and get out. He shut the car door behind me and trotted up to the front door, slipping a key into it before he pushed it open to reveal the inside of his house. The smell overwhelmed me. It smelled like any home should, not like antiseptics, fresh bed sheets and confinement like the Lab did. I actually _enjoyed_ walking into this house, following Sora as he lead me though a quaint little kitchen that led to a family room.

"My rooms up stairs, c'mon."

I nodded from behind him and followed him up the short staircase and into the room at the end of the hall. Sora pushed open the door and stepped into the room. I squinted as he turned the lights on. I looked it over, feeling almost _normal_ for a second. It was a bedroom you would expect any teenager to have, which suddenly made me long for one of my own. Posters clung to the walls along with an assortment of CD's that sat stacked on the floor and piled up, almost reaching the top of his bed. The bed was plain, same as the dresser and desk. I suddenly noticed how clean it was.

_Guess I wasn't expecting someone like __**him**__ to have such an orderly room. _

"My mom and dad are sleeping, so I'll tell them that you slept over in the morning. They won't mind—I'm sure. Oh! And I'll go get you the air mattress to sleep on, don't worry—it's actually really comfy!" I smiled as he retreated back through the door only to come flying back with a large mattress in his arms, looking like he was about to fall over.

"Need any help?" I asked, snickering, as he staggered into the room, the whole thing covering his face as he walked.

"Naw, its pretty light." He dropped it next to me, letting it fall in the space beside his bed. He sighed, sounding beat, and suddenly collapsed onto the mattress, looking like he could fall asleep in that uncomfortable position.

"It might even be comfier than my _own_ bed," he cooed sleepily as he turned over on his side, closing his eyes.

I stood there for a few awkward moments until he started to snore softly.

_**Jesus**__, he sure can pass out. _

I sighed and wandered over to his bed, sitting down onto it. I didn't want to wake him up. I wasn't tired anyway. I sat there, legs dangling off the side of the bed, staring at Sora's chest as it slowly moved up and down. Thoughts started to drift into my head as I watched him intently.

_Sora is actually kind of cute…maybe that's how I look to Axel…Stupid Axel. _I remembered him for the first time since I saw Sora. _He's always gone now. Two whole __**days**__ without a word. He's probably out partying or something…_

I scowled as I turned to glare at the floor.

_Axel and I aren't really together_—_he just screws with me sometimes. _

I groaned and turned to look back at Sora, which calmed me down. Sora was like a little piece of reality that I needed desperately right now. I was just about going insane being locked up at the Lab all the time. Maybe friends _would_ be a good thing for me. I felt myself crawl off of the bed slowly, descending onto the mattress next to the sleeping boy. Sora shifted slightly, now turning to lay flat on his back.

I didn't know what I was thinking, sitting there, staring at him.

_Am I actually…attracted to him? _

Sure, he was really cute. Sure he made me smile and laugh and feel like a human being. Unlike Axel, who only made me feel like a caged _animal_ lately…

But why did I feel this weird urge in my stomach to **do** something to him…?

I fought with my conscience for a moment as I sat there. It wasn't working though; my mind almost always won against it. I took a deep breath as I moved my hand up to rest it on his cheek. He was warm and soft beneath my finger tips. I felt the tingling sensations shoot up my arm.

_So soft_—_I wonder how soft his lips are… _

Sora's mouth opened once before it closed again, his eyes fluttering open to stare sleepily at me. "_Mhmm_…w-what is it…?" he mumbled, staring up at me with sapphire eyes.

I felt myself smile back down at him, as if smiling was something I did on a regular basis.

_Actually, I don't think I even smile this much with Axel around. _

"Nothing," I lied, moving my hand reluctantly back to my side. "Go back to sleep."

Sora grinned and closed his eyes, drifting off into sleep once again. I narrowed my eyes now, pissed off at myself for not saying anything.

_You can still say something to him. Tell him what you're thinking, he'll understand; he's nice to you. _

What if he thinks I'm weird?

_You __**are**__ weird, but who cares? Just follow your gut. _

I sighed heavily, my eyes drifting back towards the sleeping Sora.

_This might totally ruin any chance at friendship I have with him… _

Shaking my head, I moved closer to his sleeping body. I stood up slowly, placing one knee on each side of his hips, leaning down onto him. I'd do nothing bad.

_Just a kiss. That's all I want. _

"Sora…?" I hummed, moving down to whisper into his ear.

He moaned under me in response and I felt bad for bothering him so much when he was tired.

"Can I…kiss you?"

His eyes blinked lazily up at me, but closed again. "Mmmm—? Yeaa sure…whatever…"

_He's half asleep. He doesn't even know what he's saying. Well, at least now he can't hold it against me. _

I took a deep breath before moving my lips to center over his. His hot breath covered my skin, his mouth dangling open limply. My heart gave a leap of excitement, or was it guilt? I didn't know, and I didn't take time to dwell on it. I pressed my lips softly onto his. I felt like I was kissing Sleeping Beauty; all Sora needed was a dress. His lips _were_ soft—they felt amazing beneath mine. I courageously slipped my tongue into his already open mouth and I wondered how much longer I would get away with this. I didn't feel fireworks, like I did with Axel, but I felt something else. It felt weird, but almost like it was perfectly normal. Like I wasn't in any danger by kissing him like this. The feeling made sick butterflies bubble up in my stomach. I'd stop when he told me to, but my hormones weren't just going to let me keep away—not now.

I suddenly felt something on my neck, pulling me down further.

_Is that…Sora's __**hand**__? Is he awake?!_

I looked at him, my mouth still stuck on his. His eyes were still closed. His tongue soon came alive and it reached out to touch mine.

_Holy shit, he's sleep kissing me. Well, whatever. I'm not complaining. _

I let it all go then—not holding back anymore. My few weeks of experience with Axel all exploded onto Sora. Yet, he seemed to be enjoying the way my tongue laced with his, and the way my hand leisurely slid up and under his shirt. Unless that was all in my head.

I wasn't used to being the dominant one, but I seemed to be getting the hang of it. Actually, it was a lot of fun. I sure as hell couldn't do anything like this with Axel. Sora's hand snaked its way into my hair, clenching it in-between his fingers. This felt good, and _god_ was he just so cute, even when he was sleeping like this.

"R-Roxaaas…" he moaned my name when I let go of his mouth to breath. I smiled down at him, wiping the droll off his chin with my thumb.

"I'm sorry, Sora," I apologized, frowning now.

"N-no—I'm…hard…"

My eyes widened at his sudden statement. Sure, I'd already noticed that. I was sitting on top of him for Christ's sake.

"Y-yea…I am too," I admitted, though he was probably already aware of that as well.

"Take me…?" His eyes sparkled in the dim lit room as I contemplated his offer.

It was really hard, staring down at him while he expected an answer from me. It was difficult to figure out what would be the _right_ choice in a situation like this—not that I really knew much about right and wrong. Sora waited with patience beneath me. He looked awake now, though, I couldn't really tell, his eyes kept slowly fluttering.

"You're tired…I should let you sleep." I cringed at my own words, seriously hoping that it didn't have to turn out like that. But did I really want to…do _it_, with him? Right now? When his parents were sleeping just down the hall? With thoughts of Axel looming over me like a dark storm cloud?

_Can I __**live**__ with that guilt? _

I glanced down at him, his eyes turning sullen. I started to see tears form on the edge of them.

I blinked a few times, regretting what I had said. "Sora…hey—it's okay. Please don't cry." Why was I being so nice to him all of a sudden…? I had treated him like dirt before this.

"I'm _not_ tired! **See**!" he announced, shaking his head and wiping the tears from his eyes. He looked like a 3-year-old, throwing a tantrum.

I silently cupped a hand over his mouth. "Shhhh…your parents," I hushed him.

"I don't care about them," he mumbled under my hand, staring up at me with round eyes. I rolled my eyes as I felt his tongue slip out to lick my palm. My normal reaction would be to jerk my hand back, shouting at him at how disgusting that was. But…it was _really_ turning me on. I kept my hand there as his tongue made circles on it, licking in-between my fingers. I bit my tongue down hard, forcing back the growing sex drive in my body. I felt _hot_, almost burning up.

_Ahh…curse my teenage adolescence. _

I removed my hand from his lips to slip my shirt off. I laid it next to us—feeling suddenly embarrassed. I barely knew this kid and there I was, getting _naked_ in front of him. Just about looking like I'm going to _rape_ him…

_I'm just like_—

"So you _do _like me," Sora mouthed happily. I looked back down at him, his eyes childish and full of innocence. It was hard to imagine that he was my age. I hoped he was at least a few months younger.

"Tch—I dunno about that…" I played stupid as I rubbed the back of my head with my free hand, not even knowing my own answer to the statement.

Sora's eyes grew soft, he looked so cute and I had a hard time keeping my face from growing any redder. "I liked you when I first saw you," he explained.

_Well no __**shit**__… _

"Riku wasn't very happy about it. He really has a thing for me. And I really like him and all…"

I sighed, remembering how defensive Riku had gotten around him. And here I was, stealing his boyfriend.

"But—I really like you too, Roxas." His smile made my heart melt. I loved it, but hated it.

_What about __**Axel**__?_

I groaned and ran my fingers through my hair slowly, feeling a headache coming on. This is _just_ what I needed, more drama in my already messed up life.

Sora's smile began to dissipate as he propped himself up slightly with his arms. I looked him over—skeptical as to what he was up to. A smile tugged at the side of his lips, guess it was hard for him to stop, as he leaned his head onto my chest. I swallowed hard, glancing down at him when his tongue flicked out and licked my bare chest. My breathing accelerated and I could feel myself becoming even harder. He was just about as seductive as Axel was…

His lips curled around the left portion of my chest, kissing my body passionately. I couldn't take this much longer. I _knew_ what he was doing. He was **pushing** me. Acting all sexy like this would only make me want him more. He knew that. _I_ knew that.

"Roxas, _please_?" Sora begged, whispering around my skin.

My eyes rolled to stare at the ceiling, wishing that I was strong enough to repel this kid. Wishing I wasn't so horny. Wishing that I wasn't such a whore and a slut. Wishing I could at least try to be faithful to _one_ person.

_Yea, and wishing gets me nowhere. _

I sighed, defeated, as I pushed Sora's body back down onto the mattress.

_Guess it's time to live in the moment. _

Sora couldn't hold back that little smile of his. He looked so happy.

"This is only because you're so damn cute," I told him, staring at the pillow, avoiding his icy blue eyes.

Sora's smile grew ten times its size as I said the words. "Thank you, Roxas."

"If you tell anyone, you're dead."

"I won't."

"Okay, good." I paused and looked away from his stare, embarrassed. "And…I'm not really good at this…" I had only had sex _once_—and that was rape. Which hardly counted.

Sora laughed which made me shiver. "It's not that hard."

I groaned. Even a kid like this has had sex before. I needed to step up my game. Sora smiled once again as he lay there, staring up at me—waiting. I took a deep breath and began to undress him.

_May God punish me for my sins._

—**XxX—**

I was sore everywhere—everything hurt. It was almost nostalgic. In a sick, twisted sort of way. I heard chirping outside of the window which added to the headache that seemed to be hammering into my head with every second that went by. I blinked a few times, noticing how the room was cast in a yellow glow, probably from the sun.

_Wait…the sun? Birds…? _

I sat up from the bed I was on and looked around the room, shocked for only a second before realizing I was still at _Sora's_ house. The memories of last night hit me like a train wreck.

_I_—_had sex with Sora… _

I moaned and tossed the blankets back over my head, hoping that the world would disappear if I couldn't see it anymore. But it didn't, and the memories persisted.

It was really nice, actually. The sex. I never knew it could be so…_exhilarating_? Sora was seriously good at it, which made it even better for me. So why did I feel like puking my guts up? Why did I feel so vile and disgusting? Sex…is a natural part of life. I shouldn't be ashamed or scared that I did it willingly. I would have done it with Axel awhile ago if he wasn't so damn careful with me all the time. I sat up, throwing off the sheets on top of me. I sat there for a few seconds, realizing that I was completely naked.

_Okay_—_weird. _

I sat up and quickly found my boxers that lay strewn across the floor, along with all my other items of clothing, Sora's mixed into the heap as well. I slipped them on silently, wondering just where the brunette had gone.

_Oh right, it's a Wednesday; __**normal**__ kids have school. _

I stretched my arms above my head, feeling how sore they were, along with my legs that felt like they might as well be made out of jell-O. I glanced at the alarm clock on Sora's desk which read 3:20PM. If it was a normal day, Axel would be at the Lab already, and maybe we would be talking to each other or watching TV together.

I sighed, kicking the sheets to the bed that lay on the ground next to my feet.

_No, Axel doesn't want anything to do with me now. Especially after this_—_not that he's going to find out. _

I jumped suddenly when the door behind me swung open. I turned around to see Sora's head pop into the room, his smile bringing me back to life almost. It practically lit up the room as he ran over to me, embracing me in a huge hug that left me completely breathless.

"O-okay…Sora…can't _breathe_," I whispered as he clung to me like a life preserver.

"Sorry. I just…I missed you so much!" he squealed like a school girl, his hands reaching their way down the back of my pants with excitement.

"H-hey!_ None_ of that! I'm sore enough," I complained as he backed up to look me in the eyes. His smirk was so cute and I couldn't resist the urge to kiss him again. Our tongues interlocked as if we had been doing it for years. I felt the heat of his touch fill my senses once again.

_Man, I really do love this… _

Sora's hand moved around in my pants, but it didn't feel uncomfortable. It felt right. I couldn't help but slide mine down the front of his. We stood there, kissing and moaning for awhile until I got too tired of standing. We fell onto the bed, kissing still, Sora on top of me.

"S-Sora…its light out, someone could walk right in," I told him around his soft lips. He persisted on kissing me again and again, ignoring my comment.

_Hey, I can't complain. This is so hot. Why isn't Axel more like this?_

We laid there, for I don't know how long, just kissing and groping each other. I guess I could stop myself from sex, just as long as Sora was being cooperative. But right then, I just felt like kissing him for eternity.

—**XxX—**

"Roxas?"

"Hmmm?"

"Stay."

"Sora…"

"Please, stay here, with me. My parents won't mind—we have an extra bedroom because Leon moved out last year, _really_ they wouldn't—"

"I **can't** Sora."

"But why _not_? It isn't fair!" His yell echoed through his small room as we lay on his bed now, our clothes thrown onto the floor once again. I realized I was going overboard with this whole "date then sex" deal. We never even had a fucking _date_. It was just sex; all the time. We were lucky that Sora's parents worked so much. It was the end of my second day here and I hadn't even _met_ them yet.

I ruffled my hand through my tangled hair, sighing with exasperation. "I can't just _move_ in with you. I have to go back to the Lab…" Saying those words made me feel sick to my stomach. Back to the Lab? Where I was locked up like an animal? Where I had no freedom whatsoever? Where Axel ignored me and left me to deal with my problems myself?

That wasn't living—no. _This_ was living. Being here with Sora, actually having meaning in someone's life. I felt important. I didn't want that feeling to go away.

"But why…? You don't even like it there," Sora mumbled, I could see he was on the verge of tears. I had told Sora about my life back at the Lab (an edited version). I told him that I occasionally lost my memory, but hadn't for awhile so I was getting a lot better (which reassured him) and that I had ran away because of how confined I was there. I told him about my rejecting parents—about how they just left me there for Axel to deal with. Though, I told him nothing of me and Axel, for all I knew, Sora probably still thought he was my brother. I explained to him how sick of it I had become. So I could understand his confusion. But as I thought about it, I really had no answer to give him.

"Yea, I _do_ hate it there…"

"Then stay here! _Please_!" Sora's tears had overflowed now as he leaned over me on the bed, his naked body pressed up against mine firmly.

His tears dripped onto my chest as I ran my fingers through his spiky brown hair.

"Shhh," I cooed, kissing his forehead softly. He had cried so much while I was here, being calm and cool usually did the trick to get him to stop. "I'm not leaving just yet."

Sora sniffed up his tears and buried his face in my chest, clinging closely to me. "Don't _ever _leave…"

His voice was muffled but I heard him clearly. This was going to be so hard. I should have never kissed him in the first place. I should have just been happy with being just friends. But…would I really trade that back in for this? This—that made me so happy. Every time Sora so much as touched me I felt myself smile and tingle with happiness that I have never felt before.

_But how long could I hide from Axel…?_


	13. Don't miss me too much

**A/N: Oww _oww_...okay! Enough with the stabbing me D: I am sorrryyyy! **

**-SLIGHT SWAPPING OF POV'S IN THIS CHAPTER-  
**

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**_Chapter XIII: Don't miss me too much_**

Day three.

I woke up to birds again; sun shining in my eyes as I lay on Sora's bed. The blankets were off of me; thrown onto the floor from last night. My head ached, but I was starting to get used to it. Along with my throbbing backside and my bloodshot eyes. I'd have to lay off the sex for just a bit though; I was seriously getting tired lately. I wondered how Sora did it, with school _and_ his job, when all I felt like doing was laying in bed all day. Though, it was so amazing to do it every night and not have any consequences. Not have anyone nag me about anything.

_Axel isn't here, so I can do whatever I want. _

I sighed, feeling a tear form in my eye. That was the first time I thought about him in awhile—was I starting to _forget_ about him?

I let the tears fall now, too tired and hurt to care if Sora walked in on me. Okay, so I _did_ miss Axel. I missed him terribly, like there was a huge hole in my chest. I missed his smile, his green eyes and his crimson hair. I missed the way he watched over me, I kind of…felt_ lost_ without him.

I buried my head in my knees as I pulled them closely to me, and cried for awhile.

_Stupid Axel. Making me cry. I hate him. I hate him. I __**hate**__ him. _

"Roxas…? What are you mumbling about?"

I jerked my head up to see Sora's eyes locked on mine, his face set in a confused stare as he listened to me ramble under my breath. I hadn't even heard him walk in. I shook my head and pushed his face away slightly, quickly wiping the tears from my eyes with my sleeve.

"N-nothing—you're back early today," I mentioned, my voice only slightly shaky.

Sora's eyes narrowed at me as he joined me on the bed, sitting closely next to me. "Actually, it's already five; I just got off of work. You slept in again," he told me, grabbing my hand in his. I let his fingers interlace with mine, still feeling like I was going to throw up. I knew Sora saw me; I knew he was probably worried.

_But what could I say? I miss my old __**boyfriend**__? _

I shook my head, repelling that thought.

"What's wrong, Roxas?" he finally asked, tightening his grip on my hand.

I swallowed tightly, feeling tears threaten my throat. "Nothing—I told you," I snapped. I sighed as I looked into his sad eyes. "Maybe…I just need some air. I'm going for a walk," I groaned as I sat myself up from the bed, letting our hands detach when I got too far. I slipped on my clothes, Sora's eyes digging deep into me from behind.

_I can't hide like this anymore. I don't care how much I enjoy it_—_I have to go back. _

"You're leaving," Sora's voice filled the room, his statement cut into my like knives.

I didn't turn around as I stood at the door frame, grasping the handle in my hand much too tightly. I didn't _want_ to leave. I'd come back. I'd…I'd see him again. I couldn't just stay away from him—not after this. "I'll be back."

"No you won't."

He said it so quickly, as if he knew in his heart that I_ wouldn't_ come back to see him. It hurt me to hear him so confident about my betrayal. "I _promise_," I reassured him, turning around now.

I saw his eyes watering from across the room as he sat on the bed. I heard his sobbing becoming louder and my heart ached with guilt.

_I've dug my own grave._

—**XxX—**

**Axel POV****—**  


"Yes? How can I help you?"

"I'd like to report a missing person."

"Alright, description?"

"Um…he's really short—light blond hair that spikes up everywhere. He's 16 but only looks about 14. He's got sky blue eyes and a cute little kid smile," I explained to the cop as I leaned over the side of the desk, watching him write down everything but the smile part.

Yes—Roxas ran off. Once _again_. I had been a complete idiot. A jackass. A moron. Whatever horrible names you can think of, that was me—right now. I had been so pissed off at him for running off before and getting himself into so much trouble. I was also…almost _embarrassed_ to be around him. After suing that guy in court, seeing his face, knowing what he had _done_ to Roxas—it was disgusting. Every time I thought about it, it made me gag. Then being around Roxas only made it worse. But I'd completely ignored him for almost _five whole days_! Yea, sure, I'd at last gotten that job that I wanted, and I was _finally_ getting some cash rolling in, but that was absolutely **no** reason to leave Roxas there at the hospital with nothing to do but sit and watch re-runs of Family Guy all day long.

And thanks to me, he'd taken off _again_. I _knew_ I should have honed in on that rule of keeping the door locked. Stupid damn nurses…

No, this was my fault. All my fault and now Roxas is missing. He could have gotten kidnapped again, or lost or taken away, or ran over by a car.

_Okay, he wasn't __**that**__ dumb._

I took deep breaths as the man slowly scribbled on the paper, testing my patience. "Alright—when did he disappear?"

I bit my lip down hard and ran my fingers though my hair—thinking.

_Letsee…Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday…? Is it Thursday already?_

I groaned and slammed my fists down onto the desk in frustration. I had no time for this crap, I had to find Roxas. _Now. _I didn't care if I had to hire a search party. I'd find him. "I don't _know_! I just came home and he was gone! Just help me find him!"

The cop looked up at me with skeptical eyes. "Calm down sir, there's no need for rash actions."

_There is __**plenty**__ of need! God, I'd be better off flagging down the whole fucking town than talking to this idiot. _

I narrowed my eyes at him before I left, hauling up in my truck only to take out my pack of cigarettes. Again. For the ninth time today. I'd been smoking a lot lately. I usually only did when I was seriously angry or stressed out.

_Oh_—_right. _

I stuck one into my mouth, lighting it before starting my car.

I'd drive around again—search for any sight of him. I'd ask people about him. I'd ask for help.

It sounded like a good enough plan, until reality hit me. Last time, I was lucky to have found him.

_What if he…ran away for good?_

—**XxX—**

**Roxas POV****—**  


"_Roooxas_?" Sora hummed playfully in my ear, leaning onto me.

It was the evening now, the sun setting on the horizon. We sat together on the grass in his backyard— just watching the big star. I had first refused to go outside all together, fearing that it would bring back unwanted memories, but gave in when Sora begged. And actually it wasn't all that bad. I had a lot more time to appreciate it now that I wasn't bothered.

"What Sora?" I replied, not taking my eyes off the entrancing view set out in front of me.

I heard Sora huff beside me as he slung his arm around my waist, edging closer to me. "You're acting like you've never seen the sun set before."

I laughed roughly, feeling the sting it brought when he said those words. I wasn't going to let him see that, though. "Sorry, it's just really pretty."

"Like you."

"Mmm…more like you."

Sora giggled as I pushed his face away when he tried to descend on me. I'd been iffy with him all day long; he'd realized it since I woke up. I still couldn't get thoughts of Axel out of my head. As much as I wanted or _didn't_ want to, he was burned into my mind, threatening me with memories of him half naked in the shower.

_Really __**good**__ memories…_

Sora fumed beside me. I tried to ignore him. "Let's _do_ something Roxas! I'm so **bored**! I thought maybe the sun set would get you in the mood…" His lips puckered out as he crossed his arms on his chest.

I laughed at his little scheme. Clever as it may have been, what he didn't know was that the sunset was only making me think _more _of Axel and _less_ of him. My heart constricted with pain as I looked at the now blood red sky. It hurt me inside—I felt like crying.

"Why won't you tell me what's wrong, Roxas? I thought you were comfortable enough around me." Sora's pleas for me to tell him what the matter was had been persisting since I'd woken up. Yet, I refused to tell him anything. Of course.

I turned to him and smiled halfheartedly. "I'm fine, **really**." _Lies. _

Sora smiled back at me, concern covering his face. "Fine—if you say so. Can we do it now though? I'm getting really restless…" I rolled my eyes, eyeing him rock back and forth in his spot on the ground.

"Fine, but I'm topping. My ass is sore enough."

—**XxX—**

**Axel POV—**

"No, he's about this tall. With blond hair and bright blue eyes."

"Hmmm…nope, haven't seen him."

"Dammit…okay—thanks anyway," I sighed heavily as I exited the fifth gas station I had checked tonight. So far I'd scanned every park in town, the beach, 4 fast food restaurants, 6 convenience stores, 3 grocery stores and the library. You would think at least _one _person in this **whole** town would have seen him. This place isn't even that much of a town. It's pretty damn small, actually.

"Yet **no** one's seen him," I mumbled to myself, while sitting in my cab, puffing on yet another cigarette. That was my…what? twelfth one today?

_Whatever_—_it doesn't matter. Nothing matters if I don't find Roxas. Might as well go get some __**beer**__ too. _

I sighed, putting my car in reverse, thoughts of getting drunk and wasted so I wouldn't have to worry about anything drifting around in my head. I once again drove down the same streets, feeling just as productive as I had when I first started. I had the urge to jump into every single one of the houses I drove by, just to make_ sure_ Roxas wasn't there. A weird feeling had been eating away at my stomach. A feeling that he wasn't really anywhere in town, but at someone's house.

_Like maybe someone he's met…_

"That kid," I mouthed, my cig dropping out of my mouth as it hung open, shock hitting me.

That kid he met in the park! All those kids he'd been talking to! They'd been really friendly with him; would he really go to one of their houses? Maybe even just to get away from the Lab finally? For somewhere to stay?

This new found hope had my heart racing and my foot inching further on the gas pedal. I knew what they looked like. All of them probably went to the main school here—which wasn't far. I could find them. I would track them all down if I had to. It was a whim—but I had to try everything.

I would find Roxas soon; I just had to keep telling myself that.

—**XxX—**

**Roxas POV—  
**

I glanced at Sora as he snored soundly next to me, tired from the sex again. He would always pass out after awhile of it—though I understood and stopped right away (well usually). Sometimes I'd just sit on top of him and kiss his sleeping body until he woke up again or until I got tired myself. This wasn't a night for that. Sora's fingers twitched where they lay next to me on the bed. I stared down at him, a frown set on my face.

This day had been so sucky. And it still wasn't even over. Sure, it was about 9PM, but I didn't get tired till about 2 in the morning. I wasn't used to this schedule at all. But anyways, back to the sucky part. Well, it was _sucky_ because of one reason. And I'm guessing **you **can guess what that reason might be. Go ahead, guess.

If you guessed Axel—then you were right. And I _hated_ it. No, I didn't hate him. I _missed_ him. I wanted nothing more than for it to be him next to me, instead of Sora. The person I hated was _me_. Myself. I hated that I had done this to Sora. I hated that I was a slutty idiot who slept around with a kid I knew for barley a week. I hated that I was away from Axel. I hated this _feeling_.

But…being with Sora had its ups too, don't get me wrong. He was so cute and so playful. These past few days had been great and Sora really taught me a lot—not just in the sex department.

_I almost feel like I can be myself more now. Which __**does**__ make me happy. But can I ever be truly happy with forgetting Axel? _

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a knock on the door. It freaked me out for a second, making me think that the knock had come from outside of _Sora's_ door. But as I listened again, I heard that it was fainter, and coming from all the way in the kitchen.

_Someone's at his front door. _

I quickly decided to ignore it. The person would go away if they thought no one was home. And it couldn't be Sora's parents. He'd already told me that they had both gone on an out-of- town business trip. I waited, anxious, only to hear the knocks persisting, even becoming _louder_. It was starting to scare me a little, and I wasn't really one to get scared easily. I took a deep breath and shifted off the bed, slipping only my jeans on. I zipped them up as I exited Sora's room and flew down the stairs, getting closer to the knocking door.

_Who the hell is this? Don't they__** see**__ that no lights are on? _

I sighed and stood on my tiptoes to look through the peep hole. Groaning that I wasn't even tall enough to see through it, I yanked the door open.

And I think I would have pissed my pants if I hadn't already just gone. My stomach felt queasy as I stared up into those bright green eyes that I had _just _been saying I missed. But right then, I could have said "_to hell with Axel!_" and retreated back into Sora's bedroom to never come out again. If I could be scared of one thing on this planet—it would be Axel.

But as I looked up into his eyes, standing there in the doorway awkwardly, they looked relieved. Almost…_happy_. I saw his arms twitch, I knew he was either resisting from hugging the crap out of me or punching me into next week. The look on his face said that he was probably trying to decide the same thing. I wondered how long this silence would go on before I slammed the door in his face.

_He had better speak up before I do…_

Neither of us made any move.

I began to shut the door. My heart couldn't take this anymore.

I felt something wedge in-between the door, stopping me from shutting it all the way.

_Of course he's still his persistent self. _

"W-wait…Roxas…" His voice sent shivers up my arms, forcing the hairs to stand on end. I bit my lip down to stop myself from saying anything too rash as I stared at the ground, still holding the door in one hand.

I waited for him to talk; maybe he was gathering up courage or thinking of the right things to say. Well whatever he was doing, it was making me nervous.

"Come live with me."

My eyes became wide with surprise as my hand dropped to dangle at my side.

_**What**__?!_

My heart raced in my ears, sending blood to surface and fill my cheeks. He just saw me open the door to some person's house—half naked, then almost close the door in his face without saying a word and he says _that_?!

My head throbbed, I felt like I was going to pass out right there on the floor, or maybe Axel would catch me before I did. I took a deep breath, realizing my breathing had sped up. I still made no move to turn around as I heard the door creak open further. The night air whistled into the room, chilling my heated face as Axel's arms came around me. I stood there silently, his long arms engulfing me in the hug he so desired. Axel made no _sense_. No sense at all.

"_Please_…I'm begging you…" Axel's words made my mouth water.

And then I started to cry. Not saying anything, just choking on the air around me. Like the girl I was.

"Shhhh…" Axel stroked my hair with his large hand, pulling me into his chest from behind.

The hole in my heart had been mended. I felt so good in Axel's arms. The world could be right again. At least…for this one moment.

"I know…that you're probably so mad at me," came Axel's smooth words. They made me feel so guilty. "I know it was stupid to stay away from you like that for so long…"

_Again he was blaming__** himself**__ for everything_—_just make me feel ten times __**worse**__, why don't you. _

"I'm so sorry; Roxas…please forgive me…"

I felt something wet drop onto my bare shoulder.

_Axel…he's crying. _

_No, no, __**no**__! This isn't right!__**I'm**__ the one who should be apologizing! Not him! _

"Stop…Axel—stop." I all but choked out.

I felt his arms begin to loosen and I panicked, not wanting him to misinterpret my words. I latched my hands onto his arms, keeping them in place. "No—I mean…stop apologizing. You're—you're pissing me off…"

Axel stayed quiet behind me, not even sniffing up tears while I was standing there in hysterics. His hands tightened at my waist and I clung to his arms, holding them close to my chest. I felt like I could stand there forever like that. But I couldn't. I had to do something.

I took a deep breath then snuck out of his grasp quickly, so that he had no time to grab me back. I turned around, looking him in the eyes before taking off towards the stairs.

"Roxas…! _Roxas_!" Axel shouted.

I turned around and shushed him. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"_Ill. Be. Right. Back_."

Axel's eyes narrowed a fraction before he crossed his arms on his chest and prepared to wait for me. I half smiled as I ran back up to Sora's room—it feeling like a death walk now more than ever. I opened the door, still seeing Sora sprawled out on the bed, stark naked, blankets thrown everywhere. I sighed and picked up my clothes from the floor, dressing myself fully before covering Sora back up with the blankets. I looked at him once more then searched for a pen and paper—which wasn't hard to find in his room. Then, I wrote him a note. I made it short, sweet and to the point.

_Sora,_

_I'm sorry it had to be this way. Please don't miss me too much; I'll see you again soon. _

—_Roxas_

A tear landed on the paper before I folded it once and left it on the clean desk, hoping he would see it before he got too worried.

_I sure would miss him…_

I ran back down the stairs once again, only almost _excited_ to be doing so.

_Axel had asked me to move __**in**__ with him. As in_—_live in the same house. Under the same roof. No more Lab. No more being locked up. Freedom with Axel. It had endless possibilities._

Axel seemed to let out a held in sigh as I reached him. I swallowed hard before throwing myself into his arms. I couldn't help myself. I know—I had totally betrayed him, ran away and broken all his rules. Yet he still **came** for me. He still cared.

That deserved a greater reward than I could ever imagine.


	14. Nervous?

**A/N: Ahhh...so they are finally back together! :3 What's gunna happen_ now?_ A lot can happen in one night. -nods-**

* * *

---

**_Chapter XIV: Nervous? _**

---

The car ride was awkward as it well should have been. Axel barley so much as looked at me. I could tell he was still trying not to be too angry with me. Even though he didn't show it—I knew he was pissed. I knew he was battling with his mind to not just take me back to the Lab and lock me up for forever, just like he said. I hoped that he could somehow _forgive_ me for all of this. However, telling me I could actually _live_ with him had totally thrown me off. I had no idea what he was thinking, no idea why he was being so kind to me. If I were him, I would never forgive me.

"Roxas." His voice made me almost jump out of my seat belt.

I kept my head down, eyes focused on my fingers that were interlaced on my lap. I noticed they were turning white. "Yea…?" I sounded like a whipped puppy.

"I want you to know that you don't have to tell me everything you've done these past few days." _Well that's a relief. _"But you _are _getting punished."

I heard myself sigh. _Of course. That's no surprise. I __**deserve**__ punishment._

"But keeping you locked up isn't going to work obviously—so I'll have to try something else."

I dreaded the thought of anything worse than being confined up in the Lab. I doubted anything _could_ be worse. Other than being away from Axel.

"So I'm signing you up for school." This time I looked up at him.

_Is he being __**serious**__? _

He looked staid enough, the way his eyes focused on the road out in front of him and his hands gripped at the steering wheel.

"_School_…?" I squeaked, "Like…_your_ school?" I asked timidly, drifting my gaze to stare anywhere but his disappointed face and trying to hide the surprise in my voice.

"No. You'll be going to Jacksonville High—which is just down the road from my apartment. My school is for older kids who want to be in a special field."

My heart couldn't seem to stop racing in my chest. I couldn't tell him that this was actually what I _wanted_. That this wouldn't be a punishment at all. Normal kids went to school; it's what I've been hoping for. What I've been _wishing_ for. How could he possibly think that it would be a punishment? Even if Axel wasn't going to be there—I could finally be _normal_.

"You don't seem too disappointed. Maybe I picked the wrong punishment?" Axel turned to face me, the corner of his lip turned up into a small smile.

My heart didn't do well with this. I felt it flutter throughout my chest and I hoped that my face wasn't stupidly red again. "It's just—wasn't what I was expecting. That's all…"

"Hmm…I see." He seemed to cut the conversation at that. He turned back to face the windshield, focusing intently on driving; though his mind looked else wear.

"So, how was freedom?"

I froze when he spoke again. I could have _sworn_ he was done talking to me by now.

"N-nice…it was nice." _What else could I say? _

"Was Sora good to you?"

_What is he up to? I thought he wasn't going to make me __**tell**__ him anything…_

"Sora…he's fragile and kind. I'll be worrying about him…" _What am I saying? Don't say that in front of Axel! _"I-I mean—as a friend. He…he was a nice friend to me…"

"You don't have to hide the fact that you had sex with him, Roxas."

My eyes narrowed into slits when I turned to glare at him. _So he__** knew**__ already. Why is he doing this to me? _

Axel took a deep breath before he spoke. "I just want everything to be _right_ with us again. I don't want you to feel embarrassed to talk to me about anything—and I don't want too either. I want _you_ to choose what you want in your life. If I'm not good enough for you—then by all means, go ahead and **date **the kid."

I felt my hands clenching at my sides. _What is he saying…? _

"You _idiot_! You and I _both_ know that I only want to be with you. It doesn't work any other way. It won't work. It can't…" I trialed off, trying to calm down by taking deep breaths. _In and out. In…and out. _

Axel's expression didn't change, even as I said the words.

_Him and his poker face…_

"Okay," was all he said.

—**XxX—**

Time goes by—life goes by. However, for me, it was like it was just starting. My life had been just a clump of time—packed together to form one lifeless mess. But now, I could live. I could _do_ something with myself. I could have a future and learn new things. Maybe get a job or think about who I wanted to be when I grew up. Things I couldn't have thought of back at the Lab. Things that I could now have—living with Axel.

All these thoughts ran through my mind as I lay on my new bed in the room Axel let me have. It was a nice room, small, but comfortable. The walls where painted a dark green color, which I loved. No more white walls to glare at. It had carpet, which I loved as well. Also no more cold _feet _in the morning. There wasn't much to the room, only a dresser, a closet, a bed and an old stereo in the corner that looked like it'd seen better days. Though, I really _liked_ the room. I enjoyed it so much more than the Lab. The fact that it had two windows was also a plus. I could be content living here.

It was about 11PM when I stared at the old clock on the stereo. Axel had gone back out to go get my clothes from the Lab and anything else I would need from there about thirty minutes ago. I was comfortable lying there, though. I already felt at home. It was a nice, little apartment he had. It had two bedrooms, one bathroom, a kitchen, and a small living room. It was kind of like a mini version of Sora's house—just big enough for two people to live in. Which I would now be doing. I'd be _living_ with Axel. I would see him every morning and every day of my life. Just as long as my memory cooperated with me, I'd live here for a good while.

I suddenly couldn't stay on my bed anymore. I suddenly wanted Axel. I didn't know what it was, but I wanted him badly. I wanted him to touch me and kiss me.

_Would he still want to?_

I stood, frozen in the living room, staring at the floor.

_What if what he said earlier was meant to be a warning? What if he really just wants me to live here, go to school, and be normal? Does he want anything to __**do **__with me anymore?_

The front door creaked open and I just about had a heart attack. Axel's bright hair flamed into the room as he pushed open the door with his shoulder—holding bags of what I knew were my clothes in his hands. "You won't have to worry about going clothes shopping at least. Who _donated_ all these anyway?" he grunted, setting the bags onto the floor in front of him while closing the door with his heel.

I bit my lip as I stood there; staring at him, wanting nothing more than to bring him back to my room with me. Sure, the bed was small, but I could manage.

"Rox…are you okay? You look pale."

Axel's fingers came to brush up against my cheek; he was standing right next to me. I stood as still as I could, hoping that my body wouldn't win against me this time.

_He doesn't want to be with you. He needs time to forget about all of this. Even after time, he __**still**__ might not want anything to do with you. _

"I'm…alright," I lied, subconsciously leaning my head into his hand.

"You suck at lying, _seriously_." Axel let out a small laugh above me.

"Axel—do you not want to be with me anymore? Do you _hate _me?" _Did I really just ask him those questions?_

Axel's hand tightened on my face as it reached my chin. He moved his pointer finger out, bringing my chin up with it so he could see my eyes. I wasn't going to allow that, so I drifted my stare to his shoes, hoping he couldn't read my mind. "I doubt anything you do could actually make me _hate_ you. Besides, I never said we were together."

I felt tears begin to bubble up. _Right, we __**aren't **__together. We only kissed a few times. I'm so stupid…_

Axel laughed again, now using his whole hand to move my chin. His face was in mine—so close I could feel his breath on my skin once again. My eyes could only focus on his, as if I was in a trance. "But I never said we _weren't_…"

"_Can_ we be?" I asked quickly, my eyes forgetting to blink.

"Only if you want to."

"More than anything."

A smirk set across his face, which made my heart almost stop. "You _might_ want to think about that a little more. Stop jumping to conclusions so quickly."

"I know what I want," I told him, confidence in my tone.

"Oh? And what would _that_ be?" His eyes sparkled.

"I want you."

"Hmmm…And why should I let you have me?"

His question shocked me slightly. I guess I really _wasn't_ very fit for him. I was stupid and young.

_He can have any girl he wants. Any __**guy**__ he wants. Why should __**I**__ be able to have him? _

"I…I don't know—I don't really deserve you…" My heart sunk slowly as I said the words. I sighed as his hand released me and he backed up slightly, still looking me in the eyes.

"Well, you're right about that. You've made some really bad choices." My head lowered and I nodded. "But the problem is that I'm seriously attracted to you and no matter how many times I try to stay away…" His hand grasped my wrist and I was suddenly _jerked _forward into his chest, hardly able to breathe. "I always come back again." His other hand came up under my chin again and his lips came down onto mine. It felt like I no longer had any spine. I felt like I was melting. A shiver of excitement shot through me like a bolt of lightning. Goosebumps covered my arms and I knew. _This_ was what I was meant to do. If I could do anything in the world, it would be kissing Axel. His tongue slowly slipped into my mouth and again I wanted so badly to bring him back into my room with me. I could show him all I learned. I would be _good_ at it— I could be his equal. My hands came up and clenched themselves in his mass of spikes on his head. I kissed him with all I had, **everything** I had. He wasn't being careful, like before. Even when he had kissed me in the shower, it wasn't like this. This was hungry, like he wanted _me_ almost as much as I wanted _him_. I hoped I wasn't just being delusional.

"Let's do it, Axel," I whispered into his mouth, his tongue still on the inside of mine.

"Do…what? You want to make up...with _sex_?"

I shivered again, feeling his hand inching its way down my back. "N-no…I just—wanna have sex…"

Axel's lips left mine for a second, probably so he could glare at me and tell me how stupid I was sounding. How he didn't want to do anything like that with me. I shut my eyes and swallowed, which tasted like Axel. I loved that taste.

"You really are _something_." Axel's eyes were hard to read. They were steely, but soft at the same time, so I had no idea what he was thinking. "I really **should** be punishing you, not making-out with you. But…now you've got me in the mood, I don't think I'll stop at this point—not if you don't want to."

My mouth watered as I wrapped my arms around his waist, smiling into his jacket. "The truth is—I never wanted to stop with you…I've just been embarrassed," I admitted sheepishly.

Axel laughed and I pictured his smiling face in my mind. "Well now that we aren't being embarrassed anymore, it's okay then."

"Yea sure—let's go with that," I scoffed, though a smile was plastered on my face. I could barley hold in my excitement.

_Axel was actually going to… _

"To the bedroom then? Or do you prefer somewhere else? I guess the couch might work…though it_ is_ kinda small." His gaze drifted to the black leather couch that sat in the living room.

"Y-you idiot—I could care less," I huffed. I noticed my voice starting to tremble.

"_Nervous_?" Axel asked, his lips pressed into my hair.

"N-no…I'm not," I lied as best I could. Of _course_ I was. Who wouldn't be with Axel?

Axel chuckled, moving his hand into mine so that our fingers laced together. "Don't be nervous. I'm not **that** intimidating, am I?"

I blew my breath out through my nose, ignoring his question as he pulled me to his room, obviously not liking the idea of being on the small couch. I walked beside him, knowing what I was doing. Knowing _this_ would define our relationship after tonight. We would be together. I would be dating a 19-year-old **god**. I couldn't help but smile as Axel opened the door to his bedroom. The bed was bigger than mine, which I was glad for. We would have plenty of room. I let my fingers fall out of his and I lay down onto the bed, my head resting on the pillow behind me.

"You look happy enough," Axel laughed while he crawled onto me, making the bed creak with distaste.

I felt myself blush, blood filling my cheeks. "I-I am—This is what I want."

"Good…'cause I want you too," Axel whispered seductively into my ear. I felt myself tremble beneath him as his hand shot down to the zipper of my pants. I forced myself not resist, even with how awkward this was. Axel just smiled above me, undoing my buttons quickly he slipped down my pants then my boxers. He threw them both onto the floor, smirking at me now like a lion with his prey.

"You _sure_ you're ready for this?"

"Do your worst." I tried to sound confident, seductive. I don't really think I pulled it off. I was much more scared than I had been with Sora.

"My _worst_ huh? I dunno if you'll enjoy_ that_…" His lips came down to brush against my neck.

"I can handle anything," I whispered, feeling my sex drive shoot up to a newer level. I had a crazy feeling; it was hard to hold back.

"I hope you know what you're getting yourself into," Axel breathed; grabbing my shirt, he lifted it over me, so I was now completely naked. It didn't feel as weird as I thought it would, actually, it felt somewhat _nice_.

"Take yours off too," I complained. Yea, okay I sounded like a fucking 2-year-old. But this just _wouldn't_ be fair if he could be clothed.

Axel's eyebrow went up slowly as he leaned back up and threw off his shirt. He then pinned me back down (I had started to get up just to get to him) and started kissing me. No, this wasn't a kiss. He was trying to** eat** my _face_, I swear. Oh god, how I loved it.

I moaned as his hand caressed me gently. I felt tingly all over my body. This had to be the best feeling in the world, hands down. Axel's lips left mine for a second, only so he could unbutton his own pants, slipping them down and throwing them off the bed to join the other clothes. I stared at him, only for a second before he was back on me; his hands moving all over me quickly, his lips attached to mine. I kept my hands on his chest, resisting the urge to flip him over so I could be on top—I had to remember who the bigger one was now.

"Ready…?" he asked, breathless as he lowered down further onto me, his chest tight against mine.

"Yea…" I closed my eyes and clenched the sheets beneath me.

—**XxX—**

Waking up is hard. Especially after you've had sex _five_ days in a row. And especially after the last time was with _Axel_. However, as I woke up, still lying in Axel's bed, I felt happy. I knew I was smiling as I stared at the ceiling above me. I was sore—**really** sore. Axel was insane…But I had loved it. He was incredible. So amazing I'd probably never want anything else besides him for the rest of my life. Nothing could compare. My eyes drifted lazily back into my head as I thought about just going back to sleep. I opened them again slowly to check the time. It was 2:25PM. Well, no real surprise there—I sure as hell could _sleep_. I closed my eyes again and pictures of Axel drifted through my mind.

_Maybe if I go back to sleep I'll have a dream about him…_

I fell asleep again after that; only I dreamt of Sora.

—**XxX—**

"Wake up…"

"_Nooo_…"

"Roxas! Get **up**!"

"Don't want to…"

"I swear—if you don't, I'll flip the mattress over."

"_Someone's_ cranky," I whispered, lifting the sheets off me only to see Axel's fuming face.

"Only because you slept _in_ again! Tomorrow you're going to school; I'll wake you up myself if I have to."

I huffed and threw the covers back over me. "How was I supposed to know that school started so **damn** early? No one tells _me _anything."

"You're going to have to stop being so lazy and get your ass in gear. This is your punishment."

"I know, I _know_!" I yelled, throwing the covers over my head.

It'd only been two days since I moved in with Axel. The first day was pleasant—Axel had let me pretty much sleep all day, but maybe he was only feeling sorry for me because I was so exhausted from the sex. I don't know, either way he was nice to me. Though he didn't come home until around 7ish, I'd slept in till five, so I didn't have much time to wait for him. We ate dinner and I almost felt like a regular kid. After that, we had played a few video games on his Xbox 360, which he showed me how to use the controller to. It wasn't hard and actually was really entertaining. I took a shower then headed off to bed, but not before begging Axel to have sex again. He only glared at me and slammed the door in my face, saying something about how he had to work tomorrow and didn't want to be up all night and blah, blah, _blah_…So I lay in bed, awake until late in the morning. It wasn't _my_ fault my schedule was all messed up. I liked it the way it was. Why couldn't school start at, like, five in the afternoon? I would be fine with that. But _no_, it had to start so early! Like 6AM early! That was insane. I'd never be able to wake up.

I heard Axel sigh by the door, slamming it behind him as he exited. I sat up; awake now. I looked out the window, seeing that the sun was about to set.

_Man, I barely see the sun anymore. _

I noticed my ever-rumbling stomach and tiptoed up to my door, feeling somewhat bad for pissing Axel off so much. I should try to be good. He _is_ letting me live in his house, eat his food and have sex with him. Well, okay the last one was just in my mind. I'd hoped that living here came with those three all combined. I'd just have to get him in a really good mood.

I smiled and opened the door, hoping to get a head start on being good for once. I skipped out into the kitchen, popping my head into the fridge. I spotted a sandwich. I quickly went to reach for it when I heard Axel's loud voice from his room.

"Touch my sandwich and I'll _kill_ you."

I narrowed my eyes, poked the bread and closed the fridge, reluctantly heading over to the cupboards for a box of cereal. It was kind of weird not having lunch, dinner and breakfast brought to me every day. I just sort of had to eat whatever Axel had around the house. I smiled when I found some Lucky Charms; snatching them from the shelf I ripped the box open. I grabbed a handful of them and stuffed them into my mouth as I headed over to the TV, planning on playing Halo. I flipped the Xbox on and grabbed the controller, sitting on the edge of the couch, munching on Lucky Charms. I suddenly wished that I _didn't _have to go to school. I could start next year—I could just chill the rest of this year, and start up when everyone _else_ did. That would make more sense, wouldn't it?

Of course, stupid Axel would never let me. It was my _punishment_…

The game started up and I shook my head, trying to only focus on shooting people and running things over.

After I'd been playing for a few minutes I saw Axel walk into the room out of the corner of my eye. I didn't acknowledge him, only continued to play.

"Roxas, you _will _wake up tomorrow," I heard him say sternly as I threw a grenade at some other person.

I nodded slightly, grabbing more cereal, eyes never leaving the screen.

"Tell me you will."

"I will, I will—I swear."

"Good." I heard his footsteps into the kitchen. He grabbed his keys from the hook on the wall, getting ready to head off to work I assumed. I blinked once and paused the game quickly, sitting up from the couch. I headed over to him with confidence.

"What?" he asked, rather angrily.

I rolled my eyes as I stopped in front of him. Quickly, before he could do anything, I planted a kiss on his lips (while standing on my toes.) I expertly ran my tongue along his teeth, letting his circle mine playfully.

_Of course, he can't resist me. _

I backed up soon, coming back on the soles of my feet, licking my lips. "Have a nice day," I said happily, beaming up at him.

Axel's eyes narrowed and he turned around without a word. I took that as a "Thanks for making me horny right before I go to work." Well, I had to start _somewhere_ didn't I? Sure, I'd pissed him off a lot, but I knew he liked it. Deep down, he was thanking me right now.


	15. I win

**A/N: Jeez. Never**** let Roxas get bored. He goes_ insane_! **

* * *

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_**Chapter XV: I win**_

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Waiting for Axel to come back to the apartment was almost just as bad as waiting at the Lab. What made it better was the smell of Axel that radiated throughout the apartment. Also, the fact that I knew I was no longer locked up. What made it _worse_ was the fact that I couldn't _go_ anywhere. I was **stuck** in here to wait for him. I'd already taken a shower, played Halo for an hour, ate Axel's sandwich and cleaned my already _spotless_ room. I was getting really restless—impatient. I felt so weird; I couldn't stay still for more than a few seconds. I found that I'd get up every time I heard any kind of noise just to run over to the door and check if it was Axel coming home. I'd stupidly forgotten to ask him when he was getting off of work, which I was just about_ killing_ myself for at this point. I had no idea if he would be at work all night or if he'd come home in the next minute. I wanted him there, and when he _was_ there, we were doing it. I'd force him if I had to.

_Okay, so maybe I'm addicted to sex…_

Doing it for almost a whole week—I was used to it. I was used to the sheer pleasure it brought on. I was missing the adrenaline that I got when I touched bare skin. I _needed_ Axel. He would come to bed with me tonight. Whether he went willingly or not.

I sat up from the couch and ran over into the kitchen. The clock read 9:36PM.

_It's only been ten minutes since I last checked it…I wish Axel would just get his ass home. I'm going insane without him. _

I had a sudden epiphany as I ran quickly to the back door and bounded out into the night. I smiled as I breathed in the crisp night air. I really did love being outside—I should have thought of this earlier. I took a deep breath and flopped down onto the ground, the grass cushioning my fall. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back all the way, feeling a whole lot better. It was just something about being outside that I loved. I was also glad that Axel's backyard was perfect. It was small, but had a great view of the stars, no trees blocking the way. It also had a small fence that circled around the perimeter of the area, Axel probably had it installed right before I came. I _was_ a dog after all. I was suddenly so sleepy. I reached my hands up behind my head and closed my eyes, the sounds of crickets and the night air lulling me to sleep.

—**XxX—**

"Rox…Roxa…_Roxas_!"

I sprang up from my spot on the ground, my eyes searching frantically for the source of my name.

"_ROXAS_!"

_**Shit**__, he probably thinks I took off or something. _

I stood up hastily—too fast, that I stumbled over. I righted myself and ran into the house as quick as I could.

"Axel, I'm _here_," I said loudly into the apartment.

I heard thunderous footsteps coming towards me until he was standing in front of me, looking totally out of breath. He'd probably been looking everywhere for me, the _spazz_.

"Where _were_ you?! I was freaking out trying to find you," he yelled breathlessly as he leaned up against the wall on his right, probably to stop from falling over.

"I just went outside for a nap," I told him quickly, hoping he would calm down.

"Leave me a note or something—_jeez_…I was so worried."

I rolled my eyes and walked towards him, bringing my hands up to place them on his cheeks, holding his face in my palms. "Calm down. I'm fine," I said, staring into his eyes.

Axel huffed and jerked his head away, retreating back into the living room. He fell onto the couch with a groan, obviously exhausted. I frowned to myself and followed him, sitting down softly in the space next to him. I turned around to see the clock in the kitchen. It was only 11PM. My eyes slowly drifted towards him as I turned back around and I remembered my promise to myself.

_I will have him tonight. _

I sighed, an exaggerated sound as I slowly slumped my body onto the couch, letting my head fall into Axel's lap. He didn't as much as _flinch_ under me; didn't even look at me. Instead, he grabbed the remote and started flipping through channels, as if anything on that **stupid **TV could be better than _me. _I stared up at him, his head leaning into his hand that was resting on the sofa's arm rest. I narrowed my eyes at nothing in particular and started nuzzling further into Axel's legs. This time he twitched and moved his head to stare down at me incredulously.

"What?" he asked stupidly.

_What else, you idiot? _

"Nothing, I'm just glad you're home," I said with a smile, deciding to play dumb. Axel eyed me once more before moving his eyes back to the TV screen.

_God, at least do __**something**__ to me. _

I would have to take drastic measures—Not that I minded.

I lifted my left hand up and set it in between his legs. Again he ignored me.

_I'll get him to want me if it's the last thing I do. _

I moved my hand to his crotch and started to fondle him gently. I smiled when I heard him growl above me. "You're hard, Axe," I whispered, licking his arm that held the remote. "I can make it feel better…"

Axel growled again, only sounding more pissed off this time.

_Seriously, what is __**with**__ him? Is he PMS-ing or something? _

"Get _off_, Roxas. I'm not in the mood." I glared at him and sat up, having enough of his stupid mood swings.

"Well then _get_ in the fucking mood! I'm horny and I want sex _now_."

Axel turned to stare at me, confusion set on his face which soon turned to anger.

_Whoops…_

"You spoiled _brat_. You think you can just get whatever you want handed to you on a silver _platter_?"

I brought my legs up on the sofa and crossed them Indian style, rolling my tongue around in my mouth while trying hard to ignore his glower. "I thought you liked having sex with me…" I tried to sound hurt. Maybe if I played the "little helpless girl" part, he might give in.

_Butter him up; don't piss him off anymore than you already have. _

"I do." _Well, at least he admits it. _

I smirked and crawled back over to him, like a cat. "Then. Lets. _Go_."

Axel's eyes narrowed as I carefully bit his ear, feeling amazing that I successfully made him blush. "No, you can't keep getting what you want all the time. You have to learn that—"

"Can't we just save the learning for school?" I asked, breathing on his neck.

"Roxas, no. Get off."

"No." I was surprised at how I said it so quickly and confidently. I wasn't going to give up. I would get what I wanted.

"You little—"

I smiled, kissing him with force. I actually think I felt myself _push_ him back into the couch. It was good being in control again. Even if Axel was a hell of a lot bigger than me, I could still top him. Which totally made me feel like I could do anything I wanted. I jerked my hand under his shirt, my other grabbing his crotch with pleasure. Our tongues danced playfully in each other's mouths, I hardly thought he even remembered being angry at me anymore. His hands were even beginning to pull _my_ shirt off.

_Ahh, the sex high. It's hard to resist. _

His hands suddenly tightened on my chest until he was pushing me off of him. My eyes widened as our lips parted. I felt saliva drip slowly down my chin. I blinked a few times, trying to figure out what would make him do something like that, when I realized—I couldn't care _less _what he was thinking. I threw myself back on top of him, only to have him shout around our lips.

"_Enough_!"

_Nope, still don't care. _

"Roxas!" His hands came up and literally threw me back onto the couch. He pinned me down, his legs separated above me. I smirked up at him, his glaring face seeming like nothing to me now.

_Go ahead and be pissed. This is __**way**__ too much fun. _

I reached my arms up to wrap them around his neck, but he grabbed them swiftly before I could and pinned them back down to the couch. Which only made me smile more. "This is _over_. I'm going to bed." And at that, he got up off me and began to tread off towards his room sulkily.

I raised an eyebrow and grinned as I hopped off the couch, hurrying to catch up with him.

"You're going to your room. You _will_ go to sleep and you _will_ wake up for school tomorrow." Axel really didn't understand. He just _wasn't_ going to win this.

"Mmhmm, right after we have sex," I chimed in happily, trotting at his heels.

Axel ran his fingers through his hair when he stopped at his door. He turned and looked at me, his face set in that stupid glare. "Go to bed, Roxas."

"Only if it's yours."

"You can't sleep with me."

"Watch me."

"How can I punish you if I keep giving you what you want?"

"Sex first, questions later."

"Dammit, Roxas, if you weren't so _cute_ I wouldn't be torn right now!"

I beamed up at him—happy I was winning. He slapped a hand to his forehead and opened the door. I started to follow him, thinking that I'd finally won, when it suddenly slammed in my face. I heard it lock quickly afterwards.

_I can't believe this._

"_Axel_! Open the door! This** isn't** funny!" I screamed, slamming and kicking it repeatedly.

_This isn't happening. He can't just refuse me two nights in a row. And after I tried so hard. _

"Ax-_el_! _Please_!" I begged now, my fists starting to hurt. I was hitting the door so hard. I slammed my fists down painfully as tears began to fall down my cheeks. "_Please_…Axel…" I leaned my head onto the door, feeling defeated.

_How could he possibly do this to me? _

I slumped down to the floor, my fist still on the door and I curled into a ball.

"Please…please…please…" I found myself chanting the word, lightly hitting the door with my palm repeatedly. "I'll do _anything_…"

I heard a slight thump on the other side of the door and I pictured Axel sliding down frame to sit on the ground just as I was doing. "Roxas…you're making this **really** difficult…"

"It doesn't have to be, Axel!" I was so excited to hear his voice—that he hadn't _totally_ given up yet. I sat up on my knees and placed both hands on the door. "Just let me in—I'll be good, I promise."

Axel's laugh was muffled but it still had me begging for his touch. "Your definition of _good_ is seducing me into sex, staying up all night, then falling asleep in my room just so that you'll sleep in till four in the afternoon again."

I narrowed my eyes and stared at the floor, feeling my tears turn into anger. Of course that's what I was going to do. Besides the sleeping in till four part—I was at least going to _try_ to wake up. Sex wouldn't be an issue there. It would probably _help_ me sleep. Of course, I wasn't going to tell him any of that.

_Remember, seduce him. Don't get angry or he'll just be turned off. _

"You want me too, Axel—I _know_ you do." My whisper was soft and smooth.

I heard a successful moan from the other side of the door. I smiled now, feeling more confident. "I want you inside me, Axe…"

I heard a loud knock on the door, as if he was slamming _his_ fist down onto it now.

_He's frustrated. He'll give in soon. _

"Let me in," I murmured sweetly.

_Click._

_I win._

—**XxX—**

"_Up_, Roxas. Get up."

_No…I want to sleep more. _

I simply turned over, barley having enough energy to think let alone wake up.

"Oh my _God_, Roxas. You better get your _ass_ up!" Axel's voice was actually sounding annoying instead of completely addicting.

_Shit. Shit shit. I don't want to… _

I tired opening my eyes, only to quickly close them again. Axel looked _sooo _mad…

_I should get up…_

"I'm leaving to go get some cigarettes; it'll take me _ten_ minutes. If you're not up and dressed by the time I get back—"

"I know, I know, you'll kill me," I whispered, my voice muffled by the bed sheets.

"Damn right I will." The door opened and closed shut, leaving a sickening feeling in my gut.

I felt horrible. I was so **sore**. Even more sore this time. Axel had been up with me till 2AM—at least. Even if the sex was perfectly amazing, I was so lethargic. All I wanted to do was throw the covers back over me and curl up into Axel's soft bed that smelled so much like him. What exactly would I do without him? School was…_how_ long? Like…four hours? Five maybe? I bit my lip, trying to think back to what time Axel would come to the Lab and leave—which only gave me a serious migraine.

_My __**head**__… _

I sighed; closing my eyes I wrapped the covers back over me so I was in a small, warm cocoon of blankets.

_Just one more minute, that shouldn't hurt._

—**XxX—**

"_Roxas…come on. __**Come**__ already…" _

"_Axel…it hurts…" _

_He trusted into me again and again, leaving my body feeling like it was on fire. _

"_I'll go slower; I know you're sensitive…" He licked my chest, breathing hot onto my skin. _

_I felt my face flush red as he went slower now. He leaned down and kissed me, his tongue slipping deep into my throat. _

"_Axel_—_I'm going to…!" _

"_Do it, Rox…its okay..." _

"_Ahhh!!!"_

—**XxX—**

"_ROXAS_!!!"

"Shit!" I yelled, sitting up from the bed in a frenzy. I grasped my head in my hand, feeling it pound beneath my palm.

_Wow_—_what a dream. _

"You fell asleep _again_?! I could just about ring your skinny _neck _right now!" Axel fumed from across the room. His hands were clenched at his sides; I could tell he wasn't lying about his little statement.

"I'm sorry! I'm_ sorry_!" I said quickly, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I stood up from the bed, the sick feeling coming back to me as I headed over to the door.

Axel glared as he blocked the exit. "Uh…I need to go get dressed," I said while trying to maneuver around him.

Axel took a deep breath before moving out of my way, letting me pass him to run into my room and throw on whatever I first saw. Skinny jeans and a white T shirt. I glanced at myself in the small mirror that hung on the wall. I looked fine—besides for my cow-licked hair, droopy eyes and dried drool that stuck to my chin.

_Whatever. Why should I care what I look like? _

I ran out of the room speedily and into the bathroom for a quick brushing of my teeth and a splash to the face—it woke me up. I toweled my face dry and sprinted out of the bathroom. I stopped quickly, feeling as if my heels could have made a screeching sound like a car. Axel was in front of me, his arms crossed on his chest. He still didn't look to happy.

"What? Come on—I'll be late for _schooool_," I hummed, grabbing his wrist in my hand I pulled him to the front door.

He followed me, letting me drag him to his car. I let him go to hop into the front seat. Buckling myself I felt a little better now that I was fully awake. Though I still couldn't get that sick, nervous feeling out of my stomach. Axel entered the car only to reach into the plastic bag next to him which he pulled his pack of cigarettes out of. I narrowed my eyes at him and reached for the pack, successfully snatching them from his grasp.

His face was in shock for a second before he tried reaching for them back. I moved them away and pointed to the clock on his dashboard. "Better get going," I said smugly, smiling and stuffing the pack into my back pocket.

Axel growled and started up the car. "I paid _$8.95_ for those," he whined, his hand inching towards my back pocket. I slapped it away, even though I wouldn't _mind_ him touching my ass.

"No cancer sticks for you. One of us being sick is enough," I chastised him, bringing my legs up I set them on the dashboard.

I saw his eyes turn into that steely glare from the corner of my eye. I only smiled. "So I got you a book bag and supplies—which are in the bag," he said, taking his eyes off the road for a second to reach in the backseat. He pulled back a black messenger bag that I fell in love with. It was really perfect. The strap was checkered with white and black checkers. He huffed and set it on my lap. My eyes widened.

_Man, what the hell is __**in**__ this? __**Bricks**__? _

Axel laughed from beside me. "It's got notebooks, pencils, pens, rulers, and a shit load of other stuff. I bought it all and it wasn't cheep. So don't go wasting it." Axel poked the side of my head with his pointer finger.

I turned to look at him, smiling at his suddenly light mood. "Well maybe you shouldn't spend all your money on crazy expensive cigarettes."

"Hey, it's my money. I can do what I want with it." He shrugged his shoulders, smiling at me.

I felt my heart constrict with pain for a moment. I wished so badly Axel could come to school with me. I'd be so alone there. I didn't know anyone. _Unless_…

"Hey…is this the school Sora and his friends go to?" I asked, keeping my eyes on the road.

I saw him tense in his seat, but he calmed down quickly, probably knowing I would ask him that sooner or later. "Yea, it is. That's how I tracked you down. I got the kid's info from the school."

I nodded, feeling better but also way worse. I would see Sora again. And after I had abandoned him like that, he would be so mad. His friends probably wouldn't speak to me either.

I felt Axel's hand slink into mine, his touch making me want him badly. "Don't worry about it, Roxy." I smiled when he said my nickname for the first time in awhile. I had almost _missed_ it. "If anything happens, just tell me. I'll work it out."

I sighed slowly, squeezing his hand in mine, our fingers laced together. I wished so badly I could just forget school and spend the day with Axel. I'd even watch him work if I had to. I wouldn't mind at all.

"I don't want to go to school anymore," I told him; lowering my head I placed my feet back down onto the floor of the car.

Axel's eyes stayed on the road, his hand still in mine. "Just see how today goes. Who knows? You might really like it."

I sighed and stared out the window on my right. "I don't think so. I'd only like it if _you _went there…"

Axel laughed, pulling into the parking lot of a large building that had a huge sign that read "Jefferson High" in the front yard. The sick feeling in my stomach only got worse as he parked, cutting the engine of his truck so that we sat, holding hands in his car staring at the school in front of us. I swallowed hard. I felt like throwing up suddenly.

_Why the __**hell**__ did I ever want to come here?! I don't want to be normal anymore. I want to go back to Axel's apartment and stay there for the rest of my life. _

"Roxas, calm down. You're shaking…" Axel's voice made my heart slow slightly, but I still felt scared out of my mind.

"Can't…I just go tomorrow? I _don't_ want to do this, Axel…" I felt on the verge of tears as I watched a bunch of kids begin to enter the building. They all looked so normal—like they did this all their life.

_Well, duh, stupid. Of __**course**__ they had. _

"Rox…sometimes it's easier to run—but you _have_ to face your fears sooner or later," Axel said as he leaned over the console slowly to plant a kiss on my cheek. I almost couldn't stand it. I began to move my head over, his mouth trailing along my cheek until my lips were at his. Our kiss was simple at first—until he let my tongue gain entrance. I ran it along the roof of his mouth, my hands reaching for him across the seat. I was suddenly pissed that I still had my seatbelt on, so I quickly clicked the button and let it fall off of me. I then crawled over the seat to get to him. I separated my legs, placing one on each side of him so I was sitting on his lap. It felt good, feeling him hardening beneath me. I ran my fingers through his hair, holding his head still so he couldn't pull away.

_Never let me go…_

Axel sighed into my mouth; I could tell he was about to stop. I felt like dying at the thought. I wished so badly that we were still at the house.

"Roxas…you're already late…let's not make a habit of this," he said quickly before my tongue was back inside his mouth.

"Few…more…minutes," I moaned, tightening my legs around his midsection. He groaned and I felt like ripping off his clothes.

_Damn school_—_damn it to hell…_

—**XxX—**

Axel walked with me to the building, my hand holding his tightly at my side, the backpack slung over my shoulder. I brushed off the weird glances I was receiving as we entered a small office—furnished with fake plants and blue plastic chairs. The smell of old perfume and cleaning supplies filled my nose. I leaned into Axel so I wouldn't have to smell it so much.

"Hi, this is Roxas. I just signed him up here," Axel said sweetly to an old lady at the desk. I frowned—knowing now where the ugly smell was coming from. Her disgusting purple shirt almost had me gagging. Axel tightened his grip on my hand and I calmed, taking deep breaths.

"Oh—yes, Roxas," said the woman, smiling at me. I buried my face in Axel's jacket, trying to hide from her uncomfortable stare.

"He's a little shy, I guess," Axel confessed, laughing slightly. I kicked his foot.

"No need to be, dear. The kids here are really quite nice, I'm sure you'll fit _right_ in." Her sincerity was nice, but I could care less what she said. Like I could believe anyone I hadn't met before.

"Hear that Rox? You'll be just fine." Axel smiled down at me and I frowned, staring at the white tiles beneath my feet. I still felt like throwing up, I still felt like having sex with Axel, and I _still_ felt totally out of place. I wanted to go back home and sleep for six hours then eat a huge dinner and sleep with Axel all night long.

_That would be so good right now…_

Perverted thoughts drifted through my head as Axel talked to the woman. She gave him a few papers to sign and talked about stuff I didn't pay any attention to, which I probably_ should_ have been. All I could think about was how much I didn't want to be there.

"Okay, Rox—this is your schedule," Axel said, taking me out of my fantasies he pushed a white piece of paper towards me. I glanced at it, taking it from his hands. It had various amount of subjects on it, but I was confused.

"What does it mean; I have to go there at 11? How do I _know_ when it's 11? Who's going to tell me?" My heart sped up as I read the paper over again.

_This made no sense. Where is room 105? I've never even__** been**__ here before!_

"Roxas, calm down. Someone's going to be helping you around for the first day," Axel said, rubbing his thumb along my hand.

I took deep breaths and nodded.

"Yes, I just called him down. Oh! Here he is." The woman at the desk pointed to the door on the other side of the room where Riku stood, his emotionless face making my stomach churn.


	16. Don't run, you're not scared

**A/N: School really does suck, especially for poor Roxy. ;-;**

* * *

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**_Chapter XVI: Don't run, you're not scared_**

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I turned around on my heels, heading for the door.

_I'm __**not**__ doing this anymore. Axel will have to deal with it. I'm __**not**__ talking to that guy. I'm __**not **__hanging out with him. I __**won't**__ do this!_

"Roxas—get back here…" Axel's hand came down on my shoulder. I shrugged it off, clasping the door handle in my hand. He wasn't going to stop me from leaving; he'd have to_ drag_ me back. And even if he did, I would struggle.

"I'm going_ home_," I said straightforwardly as I pushed open the door.

I heard him sigh behind me, grabbing my arm now tightly. "_No_, you're not." He sounded stern, but I didn't care. I wasn't going to listen.

"I don't _care _anymore! Punish me some other way—I'm _not _doing this!" I yelled while I struggled in his grasp. The lady at the desk seemed to be leaning over it, watching our scene, probably wondering if she should intervene. Riku just stood by the door, that same weird stare set on his face.

_That guy…_

"Roxas, just calm down." Axel's voice was on the edge, I could tell he was starting to get pissed off with me. His voice then lowered into a whisper, his lips next to my ear. "Don't let that kid scare you."

"_Idiot_!" I snarled, turning around as the door slammed shut again behind me.

Axel turned too, facing the woman who looked confused. "He's just a little nervous—he'll be fine."

_God! I want to punch his __**face **__in!_

The woman nodded and faced Riku again who didn't look at all disturbed by the way I was acting. "This is Riku, he—"

"We've met," I barked, shaking my arm with effort to remove Axel's hand from it. It wasn't working; his hold was like a freakin' _viper_.

"Oh, then that's good." She smiled. I felt like punching _her_ too.

"Go on, Roxy. First class starts in five minutes, don't want to be late," Axel said while pulling me towards Riku. I resisted and struggled with no success.

_This is going to be __**hell**__…_

—**XxX—**

Axel left without another word to me. I watched as he exited the front doors of the school, glaring at me one last time as if to say, "Leave here and I _swear_ I'll make you go the rest of the year." I felt like crying and throwing up in a small place where no one could see me. Instead—I was here. At this _stupid,_ **pointless** place with all these chatty teenagers who just couldn't stop _staring_ at me.

"Are you the new kid? Hi!" said a girl who stepped in front of me. The _sixth_ girl now, actually, to say the exact _same_ thing in the hallway. I didn't look at her. Instead, I sped up a little to follow Riku. He didn't bother looking back at me to make sure I was trailing along still. He probably _wanted _me to get lost. And I couldn't blame him.

_I bet he was the first one Sora told. I bet Sora lied and said I raped him and left him or something_—_No, Sora isn't that kind of kid. But still! I have __**no**__ idea what he knows about me. _

I sighed and closed my eyes, hardly caring if I ran into someone in the crammed hallways. I just needed to calm down.

_Maybe Sora kept it to himself and didn't tell anyone about it. Yea…_

"This is your first class." I heard Riku's voice over the many others crowding around me. We had stopped at a door that felt just like the door to hell to me. It might as well have been.

"R-right," I sputtered, tightening my book bag on my shoulder.

"Usually you have homeroom, but since you came so late, first period is just about to start…" As he said this, an annoying bell rang throughout the school. I cringed, feeling it still ringing in my ears even after it stopped. "And that's the bell saying you need to get your ass to class," he said. Turning around, he left me to stand at the door—a crowd of people charging towards it with no respect that I was standing right in _front_ of it. They practically plowed me over; I had a hard time squeezing out of the small spaces that were left over.

Soon everyone was in the classroom and I could breathe again. I was the last one in and everyone's eyes seemed to be on me. I took a deep breath, trying not to have the urge to run away pr a mental breakdown in front of all these people.

_Don't run. Don't run. You're not scared…_

"Ahh, Roxas, is it?" said a middle-aged man with a tie. He was walking towards me; I guessed he was the teacher.

I said nothing as he shook my hand, making my whole arm jostle up and down. I _already _hated him. "Welcome to the school—I'm Mr. Bates. You may have a seat right here in the back and I'll go get you a book." He rushed off to the front of the room then and I sighed and sat in the empty seat he had gestured to. I guess I should have been glad it was in the back—farther away from most people, but that didn't stop this girl from leaning over her chair to talk to me.

"Hi, I'm Selphie." I looked at her quickly only to look back down again.

_What am I so scared of? Prove stupid Axel wrong, you__** aren't**__ scared of these people! _

"Hi," I finally grumbled, still glaring down at the desk beneath me.

She giggled and I felt compelled to look back up again. "Shy?" she said with a smile.

I narrowed my eyes at her and leaned back in my chair, trying to act as if none of this even fazed me. "No way." What a lie _that _was.

"Well, I'm sure you'll like a lot of the people here." She sounded as if she meant it. But seriously—how the hell would _she_ know?

A book suddenly came falling down on the table beneath me, practically making me jump out of my seat. I frowned at it as my eyes widened. It was **huge**! I've never even read a book in my life! How was I supposed to read _this_ thing?!

"This is our book for this year. We are on chapter 13 right now, so if everyone would turn to page 296, we can get started!" His voice rose at the end, announcing to the whole class. I used my pointer finger to flip back the cover, revealing a title that read "_Intermediate Algebra_."

_What the hell __**is**__ Algebra anyway?_

—**XxX—**

_My head hurts…_

_That was probably the most sitting, staring and listening I had ever done in my life. I think I fell asleep after a few minutes of it._

_So many…numbers…_

"What are you doing _standing_ around?" Riku's voice filled my ears and I shook my scrambled head. "Your next class is down that hall, to the left. And you better hurry—it starts in one minute." At that, he started walking the opposite directing he had pointed to. I sighed and forced my tired legs to get moving. I _swear_ if I had to sit again for another fucking hour and a half I would just about **murder** someone.

I entered the classroom, people staring at me again like I was some kind of idiot who had never been in a school before.

_It's amazing how accurate I can be. _

I sat in a random seat, seeing that there was no teacher at the front of the room or anything yet. Kids talked and threw objects across the room but I tried to drown every one of them out.

_If only I was back home right now, I could be sleeping in a nice warm bed. I could be waking up to Axel. I could be having sex…_

I decided to think about Axel. Not him the last few minutes that I saw him here—mean and pissed off. Just him in bed. Those are the memories I like. Me running my fingers along his bare chest. Me licking his neck and ears. Me slipping my fingers into—

"You're in my seat, _looser_." An annoying voice filtered into my head, taking me away from my Axel thoughts. Which wasn't the_ first_ thing that pissed me off about this guy.

"Sorry _douche_ bag, I didn't see your name on it," I lulled calmly as I stood up from the desk slowly.

The guy glared at me. He was a lot taller than me, which was another reason to hate him. "You better watch your mouth, kid." I was about to say something when his hand came up under my chin. He grabbed my face tight in his hand so it was impossible to rip free without it hurting. "New kids are always the ones who get **hurt**…"

"Stop it, Seifer. Let him go." I knew that voice…

Seifer huffed and released me, pushing his way around me to sit in the desk. I didn't look at him again as I turned to the girl who had stopped him.

"Kairi." I walked over to her.

She smiled and gestured for me to sit next to her. "Small world, huh?"

"No kidding," I replied, sitting down in the chair.

"Sorry about Seifer. He can be a jerk sometimes…" she trailed off, glancing over at him. He looked back at her only to give me the finger.

_What a bastard…_

She sighed and turned back to look at me. "So anyways, how do you like it here? Have you seen Sora? I'm sure he'd like to see you—it's been so long."

_So…does that mean he didn't __**tell**__ her anything? _

"No, I haven't seen him yet."

"Well, we all have lunch together after this class—you'll see him there." Her smile made my mood lighten slightly. I hoped she wouldn't stop the rest of the day. Maybe then I could get through the day.

"You mean we have another hour and a half of this to go until we _eat_?" I moaned.

She laughed, her red hair glistening in the sunlight from the windows. "Yea, unfortunately. Then two more classes and we go home."

I froze. "T-two _more_…?"

She nodded, her smile fading.

"That means…school ends at like…"

"2:30, just about." She finished for me.

I groaned and laid my head onto the desk. "Are you _kidding_ me? That's like six more fucking hours…"

I wasn't going to live through this day…

—**XxX—**

Okay, so I had to admit—History went by a little faster. Maybe it's because I was able to talk to Kairi and she let me sleep too. We talked about Sora and Riku for a bit. She told me they were hanging out a lot lately—even more than usual. I guessed that was because Sora was so mad at me that he confided in Riku for comfort. I hoped Riku was being nice to him. She told me about her and Namine. That they were on the cheerleading squad and that I should come to a basketball game sometime. I just nodded, telling her that I'd have to see if I was free. As if I would be_ doing_ anything else, I was just too stubborn to go anywhere or do anything with people other than Axel. After that, I had just about fallen asleep on the table. She let me be, which I was thankful for. It was weird how I'd fallen asleep so quickly even with no blankets or pillows. All I had to do was think about Axel and I'd end up having some wet dream about him.

With the bell still ringing in my ears, I exited the History room, following closely by Kairi so I wouldn't lose her. I felt my stomach rumble and I was actually happy for once.

The lunchroom was **big**. A lot bigger than the classrooms where. There were plenty of long black tables to choose from, kids already sitting at them—some with lunch boxes and some with white plastic trays of food. My mouth watered and Kairi laughed beside me.

"Follow me to the lunch line, you have money right?"

I nodded and reached into my bag, looking in the pockets for any money.

_I swear if Axel was stupid enough not to put any money in here…_

I sighed as soon as I found a ten-dollar bill.

"Yup, right here," I said, waving the bill in my hand.

She smiled back at me and headed off towards a line. I, again, stayed close by her, afraid I'd get lost. The line wasn't long, which I was happy for. I felt like I could just about plow these few kids over to get to the food.

"Pizza, please," Kairi said happily to the lady behind the counter. I looked at her hairnet, kind of feeling nostalgic from my short visit to the Lab's lunch room.

_That was so long ago..._

The lady gave Kairi a plate with a piece of really good looking pizza on it and I couldn't resist getting the same thing. Actually, I got _everything _she got. Wow, I'm so original.

I followed her again—like the dog I was—back to the tables. I suddenly felt like I was hiding behind her almost—afraid of seeing Sora. My heart sped up when I realized I _would _be seeing him again. This would be so awkward…

"Hey guys, look who it is!" Kairi's happy voice exclaimed and I felt like running again. Even_ more_ so this time. And the fact that I **couldn't **just made fresh tears threaten my eyes. I fought them back with all I could.

"Hi Roxas! Welcome to our school." That was Namine. I still wasn't looking at anyone as I hesitantly sat down by Kairi at the end of the table. I felt my stomach do little flips as I now stared at the food that looked absolutely disgusting.

_What am I doing here? What am I even doing sitting at this __**table**__? I should be in a far corner, somewhere where I can't hurt Sora anymore. Somewhere I can't make a fool out of myself…_

"Roxas…?"

_Damn it. _

I stood up from the table and ran, my book bag hitting my legs painfully as I did. I heard protests from behind me, my name being shouted and footsteps, but I didn't stop.

_I'm a coward. That's just what I am. I can't do this. I can't stay here any longer. _

I hit the front doors of the school at running speed, feeling pain shoot through my hands as I did. I'd run back to Axel's house. I'd receive punishment from Axel in a different way. I'd spend days locked up in my room if he wanted. I wouldn't eat for days or not see him for days.

_**Anything**__ but this…_

A strong and familiar hand clasped down onto my arm and I cursed myself for not ditching the backpack when I had the chance, it had slowed me down way too much.

"Wait—Roxas…"

"Please, just let me go."

"Let's just talk…"

"No!"

"Why not, Roxas…? Did you leave me because I annoyed you? I wasn't good enough for you? What, Roxas, please tell me!"

His pleading voice killed me. I felt like shooting myself for making him think stuff like that. "No…no, Sora."

"Then _what_…?"

"It's complicated."

"I can keep up."

"…Axel—he…and I…"

Sora's grip loosened on my arm until I felt it completely fall off. The tears that had threatened me now dripped slowly down my cheeks. I stood there, outside, staring at the pavement of the sidewalk beneath me. I felt like turning around and hugging Sora but then again, I felt like ditching him and running back home. This was horrible. I'd caused him so much pain. This was all my fault.

"I'm sorry, Roxas…"

_Okay, I seriously __**hate**__ it when people take the blame for __**my**__ faults! _

"Dammit Sora, don't say that."

"But I am! I shouldn't have forced you to do anything with me when you already had someone…" I noticed he was crying to, so I had to turn around. His face was red and tear streaked; he looked just as I'd remembered him. Small and innocent—and completely stupid.

"You idiot. You don't know anything…"

"I-I'm not as dumb as you think I am…" He wiped his sleeve across his face quickly and I remembered just how cute he really was.

_Dammit, no. You will not like him; you won't hang out with him. You're Axel's_—_remember that. _

"Sora, I have to go."

Sora looked back at me, not having to look down or up because we were just about the same height. He sniffed once more then grabbed my hand in his tightly. I swallowed as he leaned into me slowly.

_What is he doing?! Didn't I just tell him_—?

"Just…once more…" His voice sent shivers up my spine and a nauseating feeling to set into my stomach.

_No, no, no…run away. Push him __**off**__ you! Do something!_

His lips pressed onto mine, softly as before. His tongue tried to gain entrance into my mouth—I let it after a few seconds, too compelled to resist. It made the feeling in my stomach grow and bubble up. But…I couldn't stop. I had missed him. That much was for sure. I missed his cute body and his soft, lush lips. It was a good feeling…but so terribly wrong.

"Sora!"

_Oh my God. Oh shit…_

Riku stood at the entrance to the school, just about a yard away from us. He didn't look happy, not at all, in fact, his face was almost _red_. And beside him was a man. A man who looked really important. His arms were crossed on his suited chest and he looked almost just as pissed off as Riku did.

_Time to run._

—**XxX—**

"So…Roxas…"

I glared up at the man, Mr. Johnson, or something gay like that. I felt my eye twitch as he reached into a drawer, pulling out a sheet of paper.

"Ditching school is strictly prohibited," he continued, writing my name in a spot on the paper. I only sat there, crossing my arms on my chest, totally embarrassed that I'd been caught. I didn't have the heart to ditch the bag—I guess that was why. And I was also ashamed that the one who caught me was actually _Riku_. The fucking bastard. He had practically_ tackled_ me to the pavement like a freaking football player. My head still pounded in my ears as the Principle talked to me in a voice that sounded as if he actually had _authority_ over me.

"You could receive detention—or even suspension. We like to keep the peace here at this school, so it would be best if you stayed here the whole day, until 2:25, I mean."

I again, said nothing. I was trying to keep whatever I was thinking to stay in my head. It was seriously hard though.

"Also…kissing, or anything like that, is prohibited as well."

_Okay, __**that's**__ it. _

"Well shit, maybe I should just _leave_ then. If I can't make-out with anyone, might as well not even _be_ here!" I yelled, standing up from the chair while glaring at the man. He didn't look to happy at my rebellion, but hey—he wasn't the only one pissed off at this point.

"Watch your tongue around me," he demanded.

"Or _what_? You'll _expel_ me? Go ahead. Like I give a rat's ass." And I was out of the room.

"Roxas! Get back—"

_Slam._

_God, everyone here pisses me off BIG time. I'm not spending another minute_—

"Wait up, Roxas. Where're you going so fast?"

I turned around to see Seifer and two other guys standing by him that I hadn't seen before. They looked like students though, around 17 or 18 just like Seifer. They were all almost the same height—at least a foot or two taller than I was, (just like everyone else in this world). They had to all be football or basketball players at least; they were huge. I'd probably seen them in one of my classes, I just couldn't remember. They all had the same weird smirk on their faces, it was creeping me out.

"_Home_. Why the hell do **you **care?" I turned around and continued to walk towards the front doors once again, hopefully soon to be rid of this place and its many annoying inhabitants. I sped up when the footsteps behind me grew louder.

"Don't run so fast, Roxas. You're not _scared_ of us are you?"

"Go fuck yourself," I spat, turning my walk into a jog now.

"Man, he's so feisty," said one of the other guys. It made me shiver, so I ran. This was soon halted when I was slammed up against the nearest wall, having the wind knocked out of me. Seifer had his fist clenched up around my shirt, making me dangle on the wall like a picture frame. I glared furiously at him, squirming in his grasp.

"Let go, _idiot_!" I yelled.

He clapped a hand over my mouth quickly. "Shhh, we wouldn't want to get caught—it's the middle of lunch after all."

_I'll kill this bastard. _

I opened my mouth and bit down hard on his hand. He screamed like a girl then slapped his hand across my face with extreme force. It stung horribly. I felt blood bubbling up in my mouth when I noticed he had made me bite the side of my lip. I spat the blood out on his shoe but he still didn't let go of me. "Little _too_ feisty, I'd say," he scoffed, glaring down at his bloodied shoe. "Let's do this guys; Riku isn't paying us for nothing."

I froze, stopping my thrashing, trying to comprehend what Seifer had just said.

_Riku…he…_

I remembered quickly back to when he saw me. Sora kissed me. He probably thought…_I_ was kissing _him_. And who knew what all else he knew about me. I bet he was just _begging_ for an opportunity like this.

_I'm so stupid…so, so __**stupid**__…_

I was suddenly pulled from the wall and into the nearest bathroom—I didn't have the energy or mind to resist. I was so shocked. I couldn't think straight. It was as if this wasn't even happening. At least, I _hoped_ it wasn't.

"Lock the door, Tidus," I heard Seifer say in the back of my head. His voice was still a little muffled in my mind. The door clicked locked and I stood, frozen in Seifer's grasp. He turned to me, the smirk still on his face.

He reached his hand up to his head and snatched onto the black beanie hat that he had on. He pulled at it until it came off, revealing his dirty blond hair, then he held it up to me. I glared at him, backing away all I could. He just tightened his grip on my arm, making the skin around it turn red. I winced as he pushed me up against the wall again, letting go of my arm so he could pull the hat down onto my head and over my eyes. Everything went black. I could hear the ripping of tape then felt as they taped up my mouth.

"Good thing you're cute—this wouldn't be as much fun if you weren't this pretty," Seifer's voice said. I could feel his fingers tracing lines on my cheek.

_I hate him. I hate it here. I want Axel. Just let me go __**home**__… _

Pain suddenly erupted in my side. I keeled over and writhed on the bathroom floor. Another kick. And another. It hurt horribly; I must have been bleeding somewhere. Another kick and my shirt was thrown off.

_Had I really done anything to deserve this?_

—**XxX—**

"Everything hurts—not that anyone cares…" I was talking to myself again as I trudged on back to Axel's apartment, battered and bruised everywhere. I felt so tired, so hungry and so _dead_. I wasn't angry or anything, it was weird. I just felt lifeless. Like all I wanted to do was sleep on a bed. I'd be pretty content with that.

"How…much farther is—his fucking…apartment…?" I grumbled, my arm latched onto my side where I'd been kicked multiple times. Actually, I'd been kicked and punched _everywhere_, no wonder every car that passed by me gave me a weird look. It was probably mean to give every one of them the finger, but no one said I was nice. I _am, _on the other hand, prone to accidents, abduction, rape, and bad luck all together. I was surprised I was still alive.

I sighed, feeling the sun in my eyes and I wished for once it would go away. It only added to my headache. I walked on, further and further, hoping to god that this was even the right direction, but with my luck I was probably just going in a circle.

Relief set into my when I finally recognized that bright, red front door to the apartment complex.

"Axel's apartment…I'm here…" I continued to reassure myself, making sure this wasn't just an illusion.

I practically fell onto the door, using my shoulder to push it open with the little strength I had left. At last I collapsed into the house, my knees hitting the carpet, leaving rug burns on them. I didn't care. I was so glad to be here. I lay down fully onto the floor and closed my eyes, not even bothering to close the open door behind me. I smelled the carpet and took in huge breaths of it.

"Mmm…smells like…"

"R-_Roxas_?!"

"Axel…"


	17. I hate you but I love you

**A/N: Roxas could never hate Axel, could he? :O**

* * *

---

**_Chapter XVII: I hate you but I love you_**

---

"I _swear_, Roxas," Axel sighed, dabbing my forehead with a damp washcloth. It was cold on my skin; it felt good. I looked up at him with sad and tired eyes, feeling bad for causing him to stay home from work to look after me. "I have no idea what to do with you…"

I felt tears roll down my cheeks as I lay on Axel's bed, my legs and arms stiff and tired. I tried to focus on the fact that I was with Axel and that was all that mattered, yet I just couldn't get the pain of yesterday out of my head. My side and head hurt the most, I was so glad to have Axel here, it helped a lot.

"I'm sorry…_so _sorry," I started to mumbled while Axel now ran his fingers through my sweaty hair.

"Shhh…this isn't your fault," Axel soothed.

I coughed, a horse sound as I cried more. "_Yes_…it is. Riku was only mad at me because he thought I was taking _Sora_ from him…"

_I would be too if someone tried to take __**Axel**__ away from me…_

Axel's eyes softened when he leaned down to kiss my forehead. "That doesn't give him the right to higher some thugs to beat the crap out of you," he growled, still leaned in so close I could smell the cigarettes on him.

_I'll have to get him to stop soon…_

I thought about what he said for a bit, but realized that I would have been the same. Maybe not higher jocks to practically_ kill_ someone. No. But I _would_ be pissed off…

Axel back up slightly. "Rox…it's not like you were…_forcing_ the kid…" His eyes were distant and his stare faltered to the cloth on my head. I groaned, not wanting to have this conversation. I've had enough of thinking about Sora; he was the only one on my freaking _mind_. The one in my dreams. I wanted only to think of Axel now; no one else.

"I like _you_ Axel. **Just** you," I stated, making sure to keep his eye contact. I remembered back to when Sora had kissed me just yesterday…I liked it. I knew that I still liked Sora, deep down if I had to start life over again as a normal kid, never having met Axel, I would have chosen him. But Axel over Sora? There was no contest.

His pale green eyes seemed to glisten when I told him. They looked far away—yet so close. Again, it was hard to tell what he was thinking. "I like you too, Roxy," he finally said, placing a large comforting hand on my head. His fingers dug deep into my hair, massaging my scalp and I knew by the way he smiled at me, even if it was a concerned smile, that he was telling the truth.

I sighed, happy to be on the same terms with him, for once. I started thinking about never going to school again—just staying with Axel for the rest of my life, never leaving his side. That was what I wanted, and _hopefully_ what I would get. I closed my eyes and tried to drift off into sleep, now lying down on the bed, my head against Axel's soft, fluffy pillow. I doubted I could do it, what with Axel sitting right beside me. But I tried, smiling as I did. At least I was happy, even if my body ached with every move.

"Are you glad?" Axel asked unexpectedly. I opened one eye to stare incredulously at him. He wasn't smiling, which upset me suddenly.

_What a stupid question…_

"Of _course_ I am, idiot," I scoffed, using my pointer finger I poked his forehead so that his head moved back an inch. The smile lit up his face again as he grasped onto my hand gently. I raised an eyebrow at him as he gently brought it to his lips, kissing my fingers softly. I flushed red and tried to stay calm.

"I'm sorry I let this happen to you. I'll never let you get hurt again—and not like last time when I promised this. I guess then I really didn't understand how trouble and accident prone you are…" I rolled my eyes at him, huffing out my breath. He was being ridiculous. "This time, I really do promise. No one will touch you ever again."

—**XxX—**

"Is he still sleeping?"

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Yea, he's been so tired—since…"

Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Oh, right. But do you _really_ think he will remember me?"

Beep. Beep. Be—_Slam_._ CRASH_.

"I _hate_ that damn thing," I sighed, feeling totally out of it. My eyes wouldn't seem to stay open; I was surprised I actually managed to make the dumb machine fall over.

_Wait a second…__**what**__?! _

I shot up from the bed, feeling my head spin dizzily as I did. The whole room was a blur; all I could make out was a splotch of red and gold. I felt myself fall back onto the bed, my back feeling stiff and my eyes crusted from the long sleep.

"Where _am_ I? If this is the Lab I _swear_ I'll…"

A laugh. Not just any laugh. A musically gorgeous one. Of course I knew who _that_ was. "Its okay, Rox. You fell asleep again at my apartment; I thought it would be best to at least take you to a hospital to get you properly treated. You've been asleep for the whole day."

_Oh…just a regular, normal hospital. Nothing major_—_calm down. _

I took deep breaths, now seeing bandages around my arms. I was sore but it wasn't that bad. Sleeping really helps the healing process.

"Roxas…?"

I blinked, knowing this voice. My heart sped up when it hit me.

"M-_mom_?" I stared ahead into her eyes as she walked slowly over to my bed. I was seriously _not _happy to see her—my nerves were saying that much. I didn't want her here. Why would I? She had abandoned me in my time of need. Her, my own _mother_, the one who gave birth to me, had left me.

_Why in the hell is __**she**__ here? _

"You…you remember me?" She seemed totally shocked. Which made me feel a little slow.

_Of course I remember_—_I've been doing really well. Though you haven't even been here to see me, so how could __**you**__ know?_

"Nice to see you after—what was it? Almost a _month_?" I made sure to make my words sound very sarcastic. She deserved it. I felt Axel smack the back of my head, like I'd said something mean. I turned to glare at him and he glared back. I sighed and sat up from the bed quickly. I sure as hell wasn't staying in _this_ place any longer, even if I still felt weak. I stared at my "mom" again one last time.

Her eyes were round. She blinked once. Twice. Three times. Okay, she was more than shocked; she looked like she could just about pass out. Was it seriously that special?

"Roxas," she sighed my name like she knew it so well. Like she knew _me_ so well. She knew **nothing** about me.

She walked over to me, taking a few staggering steps until she stood just inches away from my face. She was a little taller than me—not much. At least I knew where I got the _short _gene from. She blinked again, a good couple of times until her arms came up unexpectedly and wrapped themselves around my torso. Now it was my turn to blink in shock.

_What the_—?

"Now you can come live with us, Roxas…"

I stared at Axel from across the room. The shock on his face told me that he had just about as much idea of hearing that that I had. I noticed my shoulders were shaking, the woman's arms still wrapped around me. Axel's stare was just about driving me _insane_. He looked like he had already lost me. Was he really going to give up that easily?

"_No_!" I yelled suddenly, pushing the sobbing woman off me. She stared at me, confused and hurt. I didn't care.

_I mean __**seriously**__. After all this time she says __**that**__? She thinks I'll just up and live with her after she's ignored me all this time? When I have Axel?! No. No…__**NO**__!_

"I'm staying with Axel," I said quickly, moving towards him I wrapped my arms defensively around his waist, curling into his body.

Axel just stared ahead of me at my mother, that same look on his face. Like he had just seen a ghost. Like the life was sucked out of him. It was scaring me _shitless_.

_What is he thinking?! _

"But…but—Roxas…wouldn't you like to come live with your family? Your father would love to have you there and your older brother..." She looked almost like she was pleading, like she actually _wanted_ me. What a lie.

"No," I said once again, locking my fingers together around Axel's waist.

I suddenly felt his hand on my back and I smiled, knowing what he was going to do now. He would defend me. He would tell my mom to back off; that I was _his _and no one would touch me. That I lived with him now and no one could change that. Like he _always_ did.

"You…should live with your parents, Roxas…" His words had my knees buckle from under me. It took all my energy just to keep myself up.

"W-_what_?!" I exclaimed, grasping my fists around his dark shirt. "What are you saying?! I live with you, _stupid_! I'm not leaving! Not now, not **ever**!" I yelled as loud as I could. Maybe if I was louder he would get it through his thick head. He was being absurd.

"Rox—calm down…"

"Axel, _listen_ to me!"

"No Roxas, _you_ listen." I was stopped short when he pushed me from him. He looked me in the eyes and I could feel my mother's stare on my back.

"Look at yourself…you're all beat up and hurt. Living with me just _isn't_ working out—maybe if you lived with your mom and dad…" I look at him, trying to think of something to say besides how stupid and idiotic he was being.

_Does he even __**hear**__ the words coming out of his mouth? _

"I _won't_," I finally said. The anger and sadness clenched inside of me. I felt like Axel didn't even want me anymore. Yet I knew why, I just didn't want to admit it to myself. It was too painful to know that Axel really _didn't_ want me around him. I was burden, a kid who needed taken care of constantly.

But I wouldn't let this happen. I couldn't let him end it like this. I closed my eyes to stop the tears and reached my hands onto his chest. I grabbed a handful of his shirt in my fists tightly then pulled him down to my level. I stared at him quickly, his jade eyes totally unreadable, before I latched my mouth onto his. Tears formed in my eyes when he didn't respond to me.

_Nothing…he's not doing anything! _

I panicked and reached my tongue out, begging for a reaction.

_Please…touch me_—_reach out to me…kiss me back…!_

I latched on harder to his chest, pushing myself against him, rolling my tongue around in his mouth. Still, _nothing_.

_He doesn't…__**want**__ to…_

The tears overflowed then when I finally came back down onto the soles of my feet. I forced my grip to loosen until I was standing in front of Axel, hands raised in the air like a statue. I was breathing hard, and not just from the kiss—it was like I was hyperventilating. The thought of Axel leaving me had never even crossed my _mind_.

"What…" I half laughed, half sobbed, "what the hell was _that_? I-it was like kissing a wall…" I wiped a sleeve across my face, trying to force back the growing tears while still trying to hide the fact that I was crying.

Axel just stared at me, then at my mother, who I guessed was probably even in _more _shock now. I wouldn't turn to face the woman. I wouldn't do _anything_ until Axel told me everything was going to be okay.

"Why…didn't you kiss me back? Do you really want me _gone_?" I closed my eyes and tried to imagine this wasn't happening.

_Oh please…__**please**__ don't let this be the end…_

"Roxas will come live with you," Axel said, staring at my mother, "I'll get his things back at my apartment and drive him to your house, you can go ahead home."

I swallowed, my mouth feeling dry.

I heard the door open and close, it echoed in my head until I could hear it long after she was gone.

_This…can't be __**happening**__. _

—**XxX—**

"I _hate_ you, Axel!"

"Roxas! Stop—please!"

"I _hate_ you, I _hate_ you, I **hate **you!!!"

"_Rox_! Cut it ou—_Oww_!"

"You _idiot_! You _bastard_, I hate you!" I cried, picking up something else in the hospital room to throw at him. He dodged it quickly, only letting it brush his left arm. I took quick, short breaths while trying to stop crying. My eyes were blurry with tears—I could barely see what I was throwing.

"Roxy, _please_!"

"Don't _Roxy_ me!" I yelled, pitching another solid object at him, not having time to see if hit him or not before picking something else up. "You can't **do** this to me! I thought you _liked_ me, Axel! I thought you **loved** me!" I froze, holding a glass cup in my hand.

_Did I just say…__**love**__? _

Axel took a few defensive steps towards me, his hands out in front of his body, probably to protect himself if I decided to throw the cup. I just stared, not blinking, my head so messed up with thoughts I felt like I would pass out.

"That's _why_, Roxas…don't you understand?" Axel was using his calming voice as he continued to approach me. My chest moved up and down rapidly, tears streaming down my face like rain. "I can't possibly be raising you right…I mean…_look_ at you. You're throwing things at me like a child…"

I finally blinked and felt the glass cup in my hand slip and fall. It cracked beneath me and glass scattered onto the floor. My chest felt like it was on fire and I couldn't breathe.

_I'm…a child…_

Axel's arms wrapped around me in a hug then, and I melted into his embrace. My spine gave out just as it always did when Axel touched me in anyway. I couldn't bring myself to wrap my arms around him—I felt so _stupid_.

_I'm hurting him…I hurt everyone around me…_

"You would be so much better off in a real home—with a real family. I'm not ready to raise you; I'm still a kid myself…" Axel's lips were right by my ear; I could feel his hot breath on my skin.

_But I __**love**__ you…_

—**XxX—**

I couldn't tell you how many times I thought of running again. Though the only place I could think of to run to would be Sora's. And I could just _guess_ how much fun it would be there, what with all the drama. So, I went along with everything. I spaced out. I think I tried to just pretend everything was alright—that all of this didn't happen and that I would still be living with Axel. That Axel wasn't being a complete _idiot_ and that nothing would be changing.

I said nothing, thought nothing, as Axel pulled up into a neighborhood. I was really too busy trying to remember the way back to Axel's house from where we were to pay much attention. Just in case I decided to run back. When I finally looked to register the houses, I was shocked. They were _huge_—bigger than Sora's and Axel's put together. They looked like they all had at least three floors. All of them also had large metal fences around the yards.

_So my parents are rich bastards I guess… _

Axel made a small sighing noise as he pulled into the second house in the complex. I blinked a few times, hoping I wouldn't cry anymore.

The sun behind the houses colored them all in a red-orange glow, telling me it was just about to set. I felt a weird sense of longing. I tried to convince myself that I was just missing Sora, and not that it was because I would never see Axel again.

Axel cut the engine and we sat in the car, staring at the house in front of us. Of course it reminded me of just a few days ago when we were sitting like this in front of the school. And that sure turned out _great_.

I wanted so badly to reach my hand over the console and grab Axel's hand in mine. I wanted to intertwine my fingers with his and kiss him until it turned into sex. I wanted that so badly I was just about to when he spoke up.

"This is it," he said casually, as if nothing else was happening, like he was just dropping me off at my home. I sat still, my hands clutching the side of the seat, holding onto the truck like it was a lifeline. I decided that I wasn't moving from the spot.

"C'mon," Axel said, though it was more of a muffle to me. My head was still buzzing with thoughts; it was hard to focus on just one. "Rox…"

My breaths were coming faster now and my head was starting to pound.

_I can't stand this!_

"Look—Axel, I know you don't want me around anymore, but does that mean I have to leave you _forever_? I'll miss you too much! I can't live without you! _Please_, don't do this to me! I'll do anything!" By then I was out of my seat, leaning on his body.

He blinked once at me then wrapped his long arms around me, I saw a large bruise on one of them and I cringed, knowing I'd done that. "And here I thought you hated me…"

I growled, feeling tears start to spring from my eyes. "I'm_ angry_ and _confused_! I thought we we're _together_! What about all those times…" I trialed off, remembering everything that we had ever done.

_Was it all for nothing? _

"Rox…just because we aren't living together anymore doesn't mean we can't be in a relationship."

I sighed heavily, rolling my tear-filled eyes. "You _idiot_!" I pushed myself up on his chest to stare angrily into his eyes. "Yes it _does_! If I can't sleep with you anymore…if I can't do **this** anymore…"

I leaned down and kissed him fervently. He didn't push me away, but he was still just as responsive as before. "Kiss me—please," I begged, latching one of my hands in his, my other one tracing lines on his back.

Axel sighed and used his free hand to lower the seat back. I fell on top of him, our bodies shifting so that we both leaned back onto the reclined chair. I stared down at him, confused as hell.

_Just what is he thinking? _

"You better hope your parents don't come out here, they might charge me for sexual assault." Axel actually smiled then; I could tell I looked as confused as I felt.

"But I'm the one on to—"

Axel suddenly grabbed my shoulders and flipped me over, his legs spaced above mine. He smirked down at me and I couldn't help but blush horribly.

"That's not fair…you _always_ get to be on top," I sighed, looking away from his eyes.

Axel laughed and my heart felt a little less heavy. "Well I _am_ bigger, aren't I?"

I flushed even more. "Doesn't _matter _who's bigger!" I yelled when he suddenly kissed me. Again, my whole body softened. I felt like I was floating on a cloud and all my worries were disappearing one by one. I tongued him happily and he finally went along with it. I felt his warm hand reach up my shirt and I shivered, loving this feeling all together.

"Axel…take me back home…"

"Can't do that."

"They why are you doing _this_?"

"Because I can."

"You're a dick…"

"_Very_ nice choice of words…" He lowered himself onto me quickly, his legs separated on mine and I gasped out my breath, my face burning with embarrassment.

"_Nnnng_—what's gotten into you…?"

Axel looked down at me. He seemed confused but he still let his fingers massage my nipples.

_It's not that I __**mind**__ any of this…_

"I'm not…really sure…" He stopped his movements for a second, thinking. My heart beat raced as I moved his hand over slightly. I made it so that it rested over where my heart was. I could tell he felt it beat rapidly beneath his palm.

"**This **is what happens when I'm around you. This is what I love—what I can't live without. _Please_ don't take that away from me…"

Axel's eyes sparkled for a quick second; I thought I saw a small tear in one of them. "I want you to _try_ this, Roxas."

I titled my head to one side, confused. He chuckled and pushed a fallen piece of hair out of my eyes. "I mean I want you to try this _family_ thing for me. Just live with them for a week or two." I narrowed my eyes dangerously at him, letting him know that a week was _way_ too long. "Okay, okay. How about a few days?"

I sighed, rolling my tongue around in my mouth, not liking the idea of _any_ days at all.

"Three days? Can we agree on that?" he spoke, attempting to be reasonable I guessed.

I sighed again and bit my lip, trying hard to not look at his pleading eyes. "_Two_," I said sternly.

"Three."

"_Two_!"

He suddenly grasped my crotch in his hand, making me lose track of everything. Making my head spin and my breathing stop. "_Three_. We clear?"

I remembered how to breathe again and felt myself nod.

"Atta boy…" He leaned down again, brushing his lips across my neck. "I'm sure it won't be as bad as you think."

"T-that's what you said about school, dumbass…"

He hmm'd onto my skin, making my neck tickle and a new layer of Goosebumps to form over my skin.

We laid there for another minute or two; I wasn't sure how long because I was so caught up in his sent that it made me almost forget who I was.

"So…are you going to quit smoking?" I asked mindlessly, breaking the silence. Now was a good enough time as any to ask.

"What? Where did_ that_ come from?"

"I just don't want you getting lung cancer—or anything…"

Axel sighed and rolled his eyes above me. "Speaking of that, do you still have those ones you stole from me?"

"No—threw them out in the first garbage I saw at school."

"You really are a pest." He poked a finger to my nose.

I smiled. "Well if you aren't going to listen to me about _smoking_, then you might as well give me something else."

_Heh, I'm really going out on a limb here. _

Axel raised an eyebrow at me, probably already knowing what I wanted. "Oh really? And just what gives me _that_ obligation?"

My eyes wandered around the truck but I couldn't keep them off of him for long. It was amazing how the sunset behind him made it look like his hair was setting of the radiant light. "I dunno, maybe 'cause you're making me spend a few days with some snobby rich family."

Axel sighed, moving his fingers in my bangs. "They really aren't that bad, Roxy. Your mom was always a nice person, your dad is a little standoffish, but nice either way. I've never met your brother—though I'm sure he's cool."

"Then I'm certain to fit right in, 'cause you know how cool and nice _I_ can be." This made him laugh, I was glad he was back to his old self. _So_, so glad.

"You _can_ be, you just need a little push sometimes." I felt him lay his head to rest on my chest.

"You can push meall you want," I whispered suddenly.

I saw him smile, a soft and warm grin. Not really the one I was hoping for. "We can't have sex in the car right in front of your parent's house. You know how _wrong _that sounds?"

"No one ever said I like doing things the _right_ way," I mumbled. My hand came up to his head and absentmindedly ran itself through his many spikes.

"Regardless of what's right or wrong, I won't subject myself to that," Axel said.

"You can't really tell me that you don't want to right now."

"I could—but it'd be a lie."

"_See_?"

Axel laughed again.

I sighed, moving my fingers to trace the tattoos on his face. "Will you stay with me tonight then?"

"And have sex in your parent's _house_? Jesus Rox, that's even worse."

I huffed, getting fed up. "Then _when_? I can barley go without it for a day; I'm at my limit…"

Axel blinked once before sitting up again. He stared into my eyes for a few seconds then kissed me again. My eyes were wide before I closed them slowly, settling into the kiss. He quickly made his tongue dominant in my mouth; it was almost hard to keep up with him.

_What is he trying to prove? _

His hand then slipped deep into my pants, past my boxers. His lips left mine and I started panting heavily, my mouth hanging open. I saw him swallow hard before coming back down to face me. He stuck out his tongue and licked mine in my mouth, his hand still groping me. I moaned and whined as his lips traced my jaw, stopping at my collar bone.

"A-_Axel_…!"

His eyes were at mine again and he kissed me once more. I couldn't hold it anymore.

"Nnngg…_ahhh_," I groaned as his lips parted from mine again, his hand slipping slowly out of my pants.

"There—will _that_ hold you off?" he half laughed while bringing his fingers up to his lips. He licked them and I shuddered.

_Maybe for a few hours..._


	18. My little brother, the homo

**A/N: So who is his brother you ask? Go on, guess. Really, it's not that hard. XD **

* * *

**_Chapter XVIII: My little brother, the homo_**

Walking up to that building was almost like death. I was pretty sure I would have rather have a memory relapse then get anywhere _near_ it, let alone see all the people inside. And I was horny thanks to Axel. I was in a situation once again when I felt like running away. Running back to Axel's apartment where I felt safe. Where we could be alone. I **especially **didn't want to face that woman again, after everything she heard and saw. But was it really that weird for a guy to kiss a guy? It's all I've ever known so it was completely normal to me.

_If she didn't accept that…_

Axel's knock on the door had my heart racing again. Which wasn't a good feeling. I felt sick; I thought I would puke at any second. We waited a few seconds—in which I was freaking out in.

"_Okaaay_…looks like no one's home." I started to turn around; thoughts of running back to the car before Axel could stop me were present in my mind. Axel quickly latched onto my wrist, pulling me back to stand on the porch next to him.

"_Behave_," he murmured as footsteps approached on the other side of the door.

I stood frozen in place as the door creaked open, revealing a kid just about my age. He was maybe 18 at the most, his blonde spiky hair and bright blue eyes seeming way too familiar. The only thing that was different about us was the fact that he stood eye level with Axel. It was weird, looking at him; it was like an older version of me. Besides for the many piercings  
in his ears, tight black clothing, and the tattoo on his shoulder. I looked closer and realized it was a lion.

"Roxas?" The kid asked, stepping out of the house to join us on the porch.

"That's what they call me," I mumbled.

"Is that really _you_? You've grown so much; it's been so long since I've seen you…" The boy approached us further and I felt the need to back away. Axel stopped me, his hand still grasped tight around my arm.

"'Course—you don't remember me though…" He stopped his approach, finally realizing that I wouldn't have any memory of him. "Cloud. My names Cloud," he said casually, holding out his hand for me to take. I looked up at him through my bangs; he looked like he was holding back the biggest hug in history.

I was glad he was keeping it in. I reluctantly slipped my hand into his. He smiled, warm and full and shook it once, but didn't let go. I stood there, feeling awkward as he stared at me. I caught a glimpse of his icy blue eyes and instantly felt worse.

"So are you _seriously_ going to be living here?" Cloud suddenly asked.

I avoided his eyes as I answered quietly. "Few days _maybe_."

Axel squeezed my arm and spoke up quickly. "What he _means_ is, he's not sure how comfortable he'll be here, so he wants to try it out for a bit; just to be sure it's what he wants."

_He is such a good liar. I'm not sure if I should be impressed or pissed. _

Cloud's eyes lightened up and he finally released my hand, which was now almost numb. "Sounds good to me." He smiled and his silver hoop earring glinted in what was left of the sun light.

Axel gave him a friendly smile back, which made me feel so out of place, me being the only one who wasn't _happy_ about this situation.

"C'mon in, Mom actually got home a little bit ago and Dad's at work right now—he should be coming home soon though," Cloud said as he turned around and entered the house again. I stared at his receding back and felt as if my feet were glued to the ground. I wasn't going to move. I **wouldn't**.

"You gunna stand there all night?" Axel asked with a hint of sarcasm.

I glared daggers at him, cursing him in my mind for how stupid he was for even _suggesting_ something completely ridiculous like this again.

_Hadn't he learned from my school experience that I don't do well in strange environments? _

"Rox…you'll be alright here—trust me."

"_No, I won't_."

"You will."

"No—"

His hand came up underneath my chin and I stared at him through narrowed eyes. "I thought we _agreed_ on this," he growled, his eyes burning with anger.

I felt my eyes sting with tears, but I wouldn't let it show. I turned to glare somewhere else. My stare flashed to Cloud, who was standing in the door way, watching us with wide eyes. I felt suddenly embarrassed to have my "brother" surveying this little scene.

"Let me _go_," I murmured.

Axel's hand slipped away slowly; I could tell he didn't want to do that. I glared down at his hand that still gripped my arm tightly. "_All_ the way," I ground out.

Axel sighed and jerked me forward so that my back was towards him and his arms were wrapped around my waist. I gasped as he pushed me into the house, Cloud backing away to the side so he wouldn't be rammed into.

"S-stop! Let me go!" I yelled, shoving my way around him only to have the door slammed in my face. My eyes became round and I felt caged anxiety sink in.

_No…no! I don't want to stay here! __**NO**__!_

"Roxas? Is that you?"

_That __**woman**__ again. _

I grasped the door handle in my fist, wishing that Axel wasn't standing there, guarding it like I was some kind of prisoner.

"Y-yea, Mom—it's Roxas," Cloud's voice said, I could tell he was a little confused by my reactions.

_This is __**weird**_—_so weird! I want to get out of here! _

"Roxy, say hi to your Mom." _Stupid Axel. He should shut up._

For awhile all I could hear was the pounding of my heart. All I could feel was the blood rushing to my face, burning me with embarrassment that I didn't know was possible. I had no idea why I was so scared to be standing there with these people. Maybe it was the fact that she had seen me kiss Axel. Maybe it was because they had known me for all my life, yet I'd only just met them. Or maybe I just _hated_ them. Whatever it was, I didn't really care. All I wanted to do was get the hell **out**.

"Roxas, I know you might be nervous being here—but please know that we are your family, and we love you." I could hear her footsteps getting closer to me, approaching me like I was some kind of animal that could be scared away easily.

But right then, that's what I actually felt like. Like a scared little dog, trying to get away. Like a coward that shoves aside all their problems by simply _running_ from them.

_That's…what I always feel like. That's what I __**am**__. _

"Roxas will be fine." Axel took a step closer to me. I froze, gripping the handle tighter in my hand; so hard I felt my nails digging into my skin.

_All I have to do is pull this open really quick and_—

Axel was suddenly standing in front of the door, staring down at me. I closed my eyes and twisted the handle in my palm, knowing that my efforts would be fruitless with him standing there. But I just couldn't _not_ do anything. Not when I felt like this.

"Stay put, Rox," Axel's voice was stern, commanding almost. It made me shiver and I felt like I _had_ to do what he said.

"I-I…don't want to." Tears threatened me again; I held them back with all I could.

He sighed above me then leaned down so that his lips were close to my ear. "I'll give you anything you want if you keep the deal."

_His voice…it's so soft…_

I blinked out a tear, letting it trace a line down my cheek. "Three days is…too long," I whispered back almost silently. I could feel the curious and strange stares on my back.

"Whatever you want; I'll give it to you."

_Sex. I want sex. _

"Tomorrow—I want it tomorrow."

"No, Roxas. Three days."

I growled, feeling my throat rumbled from the effort. Axel leaned himself back up again so that he was facing the two strangers behind me. "I'll come back in a few days, to see how he's doing."

_No…I won't see him for three days?! I can't __**do**__ that, I won't!_

Silence.

"Okay, that's fine. I'm sure he'll like it here."

_I'm starting to __**hate**__ that woman. _

"'Kay, I'll go put his bags in the garage." Axel set his hand on top of mine and forcefully ripped my grip away from the handle.

"Don't…leave me," I cried, holding back the tears so much that it hurt. What if he didn't come back? What if he left me here forever with these people? Could I live with that? Could I _handle_ that pain?

"It's only a few days."

"I'll miss you too much."

"That's sweet, Roxy."

"_Bastard_," I snarled, feeling more tears roll down my cheeks.

"You'll live." The door creaked open and before I could even register that he'd stepped out of the building, he was gone.

—**XxX—**

You know that weird feeling you get when you're in a situation where you have no idea what to say and whatever comes to mind seems totally stupid or pointless that you have no real intention to say anything so the whole conversation fails to even exists?

Yea, well, I had no idea what that feeling was until now. And seriously, I could hardly begin to describe it. It was like all I could think of was:

_Run. Get out of here. Don't say anything to them. Don't do something stupid. They will hate you. They don't know the new you. What will they think of you? _

And while having said feeling, you're also feeling totally and _completely_ betrayed by your best friend—by your whole fucking _life_. Who just left you with a family you've never so much as gotten to know. In a house that you've never even _been_ in before. Without even saying goodbye.

I would have run. If Axel hadn't said those things. If I didn't feel so **guilty**. If there wasn't this strange woman hugging me again and this boy who looked just like me, staring at me with those eyes that told me how happy he was to have his little brother back.

"Mom, don't suffocate the kid—he'll be here for awhile."

_Awhile. Ha. You __**wish**__. _

"I know…I'm just so happy," she cried while she held me. I hated this. I hated it almost more than school. Okay, that was an understatement. This was **hell** compared to school.

_Someone take me back. I'd rather have Seifer beat me up again…_

I saw Cloud's hand on her shoulder and she loosened her grip on me. "How 'bout I go show him his room? You can finish dinner and we can all eat together," Cloud said and his Mom finally let me go.

"Right, I forgot all about that. Go ahead, Cloud." She smiled once at me, which almost made me turn and run, before she disappeared.

"Sorry, she can be a little weird like that sometimes." Cloud's voice made my thoughts of running stop for a second. Though I said nothing back to him, he turned around and gestured to a large white staircase. "Up here are the bedrooms. Yours is still the way it was—I mean before you went away." He began to climb the stairs, leaving me there, standing by the door. Freedom was only inches away from me. _Axel_ only inches away, if he hadn't already left. I could easily just…

"You're pretty out of it, huh?" I felt Cloud's hand in mine suddenly. My feet were moving and it took me a second to realize that I should try to keep up with them. He pulled me to the stairs and I let him guide me up them, my head so filled with thoughts of ways to leave this place that I couldn't focus. I tripped a few times, I think. Cloud got me to the top and I surveyed my surroundings quickly.

Tan walls. A few scattered pictures on them. Four white doors—as I could see. There were probably more down those halls…

"Right over here." Cloud pulled me again, only softer this time, down a hall way. We stopped at another white door and he finally dropped my hand.

I swallowed once, realizing that I would come face to face with my past in this room. Years of my life where spent here; my whole _childhood_.

Was I _ready_ for this?

"Go on, Roxas," Cloud said softly next to me.

_I guess it really doesn't matter much. _

I grasped the handle in my fist and pushed the door open.

The room flooded into view. I didn't really know what I was expecting. Maybe a room much like Sora's. Or maybe one more like Axel's. Though, I wasn't really expecting _this_.

The room was huge. Bigger than Sora's and Axel's put together. It had a bed that stood at least 3 feet from the ground. The walls were painted black and the carpet was a deep blue color. There was a huge flat screen TV hanging on the wall, which in front of it sat a couch that was almost bigger than the one back at the apartment. A huge shelf sat on the far side of the room, overflowing with books. And closely next to the book shelf sat a desk with a laptop computer sitting atop it. It was probably the largest, most **expensive** room I'd ever seen. I couldn't help but feel out of place in it.

"Remember it at all? Mom took your game stations and put them in my room—hope you don't mind. Besides for that, I think everything was left the way it was. We didn't really want to change anything; we knew that you would come back sooner or later," Cloud rambled on as I stepped further into the room. I looked around more and more. But of course, it brought back no memories at all.

_All of those memories are long gone now. I'll never get them back. _

"It's been awhile since I've been in here actually; I forgot how much I really love this bed!" Cloud suddenly pounced on the massive matress, making it creak and shake violently. I tensed, feeling like a scared animal again.

"So, Rox—that guy Axel, he's the one who's been watching you all this time?" Cloud asked, shifting his position on the bed to sit Indian style. He stared at me with expecting eyes, waiting for an answer. I felt the urge to jump out the window.

I decided against it, wondering just how far down it would be since we climbed all those stairs. Instead, I only nodded.

"Hmmm…he seems like an okay guy. Though I get the feeling there's something going on between the two of you."

My eyes narrowed and I whipped myself around to glare at the boy.

_What gave him the right to say something like that? _

"Whoa whoa, calm down there." He waved his hands in front of him, as if dismissing his former statement. "You're a little scarier than you used to be."

I sighed and rolled my eyes in the direction of the book shelf, trying to forget about the annoying boy. I stared at it for a few seconds, realizing just how many novels there were.

_Who knew I liked to read books?_

I walked over to it, with no real intention of picking any up; I was just looking for something to do. Something to keep my mind off **another** something—which would be running the hell away from here. Anything to help me keep my mind off of Axel and what he was doing and thinking right then.

_Was he__** really**__ thinking of just going away? Never coming back to get me? Is this his way of letting me go? _

I felt like crying again. This wasn't working—I needed something else. I walked over to the bed and plopped down onto it. I could tell Cloud was a little confused by my action.

"Let's do something—I'm bored."

Cloud turned to look at me, though I could only see from the corner of my eyes. He looked only a little shocked. "Like…_what_?"

I pondered that question for a few seconds.

_What exactly __**do**__ I want to do? Have I even thought this over at all? Ahh…it's hard to even be myself here let alone think for myself. If Axel was here…I wouldn't have to think __**twice**__ about something to do…_

"Something; **anything**," I was practically begging at this point. My mind wouldn't stop portraying Axel on a bed.

I pulled my legs up onto the edge of the bed and wrapped my arms around my knees. I felt like throwing up again. I felt like jumping from the window again. I felt like…

Clouds hand suddenly came up underneath my chin. I sucked in a quick breath, my lungs inviting the needed air in. Much like Axel had done just a bit earlier, he jerked my face to look him in the eyes.

_What the hell…?_

"Are you really _that_ scared of being here?" he asked, his face puzzled, like this was the weirdest thing on earth for him. Like a kid _wouldn't_ be freaking out in a situation like this.

"O-of course I am…I want to go home…I want _Axel_!" I practically yelled my answer, the room around me echoing with the name of my lover.

My heart gave a weird leap when Cloud's hand covered my mouth. He glared at me, not angry, but not exactly pleased. "Quiet down—I can hear you just fine," he growled, looking around the room as if someone was listening in. "I kinda knew it would come to this. This Axel—you fell for him didn't you?"

I blinked a few times, trying to make sure that what he said was really what I heard.

_**Fell**__…for him? _

I only shifted my eyes towards the wall so I wouldn't have to answer that ridiculously personal question.

Cloud sighed, "My little brother, the homo."

—**XxX—**

After I'd bit the _stupid_ boy's hand for that homo comment, everything pretty much went downhill from there. Not that it was going anywhere _but_ down. Dinner was ready soon after I had started yelling at Cloud. I'd almost thrown a book at him, only to be interrupted by _Mom_, saying we had to come down to eat.

So, me following Cloud like a dog, we exited the large, expensive room that was once mine and headed down the large, expensive staircase down to the large, expensive kitchen where "mother" was sitting at the end of the table, waving to me with that fake, plastered smile.

"Go ahead and sit down boys. How does the food look?" Her soft, tiny voice was starting to drive me up the walls. I'd soon be scratching my own ear drums out.

"Looks great Mom, really." Cloud sat down in the chair next to his Mom while I decided whether or not to just stand the whole time. Sitting did _not_ look like a good option. There was actually real sliver wear, nothing plastic like at the Lab and not like Axel's cheap, store bought ones. The plates were all set up perfectly with the food flawlessly portioned as well. It looked and smelled amazing—like a famous chief had made it himself.

_What the hell __**is**__ this? Some kind of special dinner for me? Or do they always eat like this? _

"Roxas—right here," Cloud said, gesturing to the chair next him.

_Pshh, yea right, like I'm going to sit by_—

I felt a slight tug on my sleeve which then turned into a pull until I was forced down into the open chair, my movement making the sliver wear clatter next to the plates. I turned to glare at Cloud, who was already starting to eat. I watched him for a second, realizing that he hadn't once touched the forks or knives.

_What the hell were they__** there**__ for then? _

"Cloud,_ try_ to be a gentlemen," Mother scolded him and I felt my lip turn up into a weird little smile. It quickly vanished though.

"What, for _this_ kid? He's hardly proper himself," Cloud said, mouth full of chicken. I felt like running back up to the room to grab that book again. "By the way, where's Dad? I thought he wanted to see Roxas."

She folded a napkin across her lap and grasped a fork in one hand, picking at some pieces of corn on her plate delicately, like she had no real intention of eating them at all. "He should be here soon, he had to stay late at work and—"

We all heard a door open and slam shut. I swallowed, feeling even more nervous. Ever since I saw that guy at the Lab, I never liked him. He gave off a weird kind of vibe. It was scary watching him enter the kitchen, suitcase in hand, his tall figure standing above us all like a towering building.

"Welcome home."

"Welcome back."

His footsteps came closer to me; I kept my eyes on the food beneath me, never looking up once.

"Roxas."

I cringed when he said my name, it sounded strange coming from him. My eyes strained on the potatoes, I heard another chair being pulled out and he sat down into it. It was silent again for a bit. I wanted to rip my hair out piece by piece. At least that would be something to _do_. Eating was not an option. I'd just end up throwing it back up again. Thinking of Axel was not an option. I'd only end up getting horny and depressed. And talking was definitely out of the question.

_So…what else __**was**__ there to do?_

—**XxX—**

Okay, so maybe not eating anything was a really_ bad_ idea. My stomach growled impatiently for the third time as I lay on the bed in my room. And I really couldn't call it "_my_" room. I wasn't staying here for more than a few days. I would soon be moving back in with Axel and everything would be right again. This little nightmarish hell would be over and I could move on with my life.

I closed my eyes and thought only of Axel. It was safe to now; I could have as many fantasies as I wanted about him here alone in this room. So I drifted off into my own world**—**where Axel reigned. And it was nice while it lasted.

The door opened, without so much as a knock, and I turned my head to glare at whoever entered. Of course, Cloud's blonde hair was the first thing I saw. He smiled over at me, a weird kind of triumphant one that I wanted to smack right off his smug little face.

"Sleeping yet?"

"Yes I am**—**go away." I yanked the covers over my face, encasing everything in even deeper darkness.

He laughed and sat on the bed. "It's hardly even 9; you have a bed time or something?"

I scowled under the blankets. "You piss me off. _Go away_."

"Do I really? You never said that to me before." His voice was distant; I wondered just _what_ I thought of him before. I guess it would be kind of hard, remembering your little brother the way he was and he turns out like _me_. I felt bad for a second.

"Sorry I'm not who I used to be," I mumbled, trying to sound sarcastic, though I knew deep down I meant it.

I heard Cloud sigh. "You actually used to really like me. We hung out constantly. Mom would always say, '_You two need more friends, you should try talking to the others at school_', though we never did. It was just you and me, all the way. People would think we were twins the way we always dressed the same way**—**even in middle school. We avoided people, which in turn made _them_ avoid _us_. When you were diagnosed with long term memory loss, I almost…" He stopped to take a short breath. I could hear him starting to cry. "I got really depressed and so I rebelled against Mom and everyone around me. I turned out to be this messed up, alcoholic teenager. I just always wonder what it would have been like if you never went away**—**if nothing ever happened to you."

I didn't know what to think. Didn't know what to feel. I felt actually…_really_ **bad**. Hurt clouded my heart; I didn't like the feeling. I hated it. I soon uncovered my face slowly, pulling the sheets all the way off me. I stared at Cloud in the dark room, the only light coming from the hallway and the moon out the window. His eyes were watery; he wasn't crying, but he was so close to it. I blinked a few times, trying to organize my thoughts and actions, but I couldn't help myself. I reached across the bed and hugged him.

I didn't know what he was thinking then, but he hugged me back, his hands clutching at the back of my shirt. And for some reason, it felt nice.


	19. Too good to be true

**A/N: Roxas living at his parent's house****—good idea or totally _bad_?  
**

* * *

---

**_Chapter XIX: Too good to be true_**

---

_Take a deep breath. Calm down_**—**_no one is going to eat you. Just go down there really quick and ask. They aren't going to yell at you for asking a simple question. They probably won't even think anything of it. Besides, you have the right to know. Just go…__**GO**__! _

My feet moved less than an inch.

_Damn it, why am I like this? _

I sighed and retreated back into my room, where I felt somewhat safe. The window on my wall showed me the sun. It was only around 1 in the afternoon; I was so surprised that I'd actually woken up myself. Without Axel or anyone to tell me it was time. I closed my eyes together tightly, clenching my fists. And here I promised myself I wasn't going to _think_ of him anymore. That promise was so damn hard to keep.

It'd only been about a half an hour since I woke up. I used the bathroom across from my room to take a shower and I used my toothbrush from the bag that Axel had packed me for my morning breath. Combing my hair took up a few minutes**—**it was so tangled. For a while, I just stared at my refection in the large mirror. I hadn't looked completely tired, nor did I look awake. I just kind of looked lethargic.

So I was trying to find something else to do. My first option was to go look for Cloud. Yea, I realize that I'd said all those mean things to him, yet I _really_ needed him. I needed someone to talk to**—**someone to look at. Someone to get my mind off Axel. But Cloud wasn't **here**. I figured that he was probably at school, but I didn't know for sure. I mean, I had no idea what day it was let alone what time he got home. So my second option was to kill time. If I waited long enough, he would get home and I could hang around him. Killing time wasn't working as well as I had hoped. I ended up standing in front of the staircase two times now, auguring with myself to just go down there and ask when Cloud was going to be back. But I was too scared. Too scared that maybe that woman would want me to stay down there with her and talk. Too scared that I'd say something stupid or bold. Too scared to face her or her husband. So I stayed in my room.

Sighing again, I closed the door behind me, being sure not to make much noise. I bit my lip and looked around the room again like I had just a bit ago when I'd done the same thing.

Laptop**. **I could try that out. However, I had no idea how to use one and I'd probably end up just breaking it.

Books. Oh sure, I totally _loved_ to read.

TV. I'd seen enough television.

My eyes drifted towards the shelf of books again. I looked at it harder, noticing some notebooks instead of just all books now. Curiosity took me over and I found myself flipping through the pages of one that looked more like a diary than anything else**—**lock and everything. My eyes scanned over it quickly, reading the scribbled down words.

_Dear Diary,_

_Today, Cloud and I made a sandcastle at the beach. It was fun! We made it so big and pretty. Cloud let me decorate it, he said that I was better at it then he was. I put feathers and seashells all over it; Mom told us that we did a really good job. She's starting to smile a lot more now. I hope she never stops. _

I blinked finally my eyes; I hadn't blinked the whole time while reading it.

_This is my old diary. _

Without hesitation, I ran over to the bed and sat down, spreading the book out in front of me I turned to a new page.

_Dear Diary, _

_Cloud got in trouble today. He was only trying to defend me though. I feel horrible. I should have told him that it doesn't bother me that people pick on me. Being short isn't so bad. Cloud shouldn't have fought that boy. Now he's hurt and it's all my fault. I hope he'll forgive me. _

_Dear Diary, _

_Cloud hung out with me all day. It was fun; I really like doing things with him. No one else really understands me like he does, not even Mom._

_Dear Diary, _

_Mom told me not to go outside today. She said that something is wrong with me and I need to go to the doctors. I only said my head was hurting, it isn't that big of a deal. I miss Cloud. He has been gone all day. Mom said that he had to stay late at school. Maybe he got detention again._

_Dear Diary, _

_I realize now that I really love Cloud. Even if he is my brother, I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Him and Mom are the only ones I love. I'm not really sure about Dad…_

_Dear Diary, _

_My life is over. I didn't think it would end like this. If the doctors are right, Mom says I'm in trouble. She's crying; everyone is. Cloud won't let me go. I hope he never does._

I probably would have put it down even if it _didn't_ stop there. My head was pounding so hard. My eyes wouldn't blink anymore. I felt something pulling at the back of my head, like the tugging of a string. For a second, I was afraid I was about to lose my memory. I curled into a ball on the bed and waited for the searing pain or the darkness. It wasn't coming as soon as I had hoped. Actually, what _was_ coming were pictures. Pictures**—**and voices. Almost like a movie, playing over to me in my mind.

—

_Cloud a few years ago, he looked about 14, swinging on a swing beside me._

_"You just have to pump your legs harder and faster, you'll go high like me in no time!" His voice was a child's, so much more high and carefree than he was now._

_I felt my legs pump. I felt my heart beating faster in my chest. It was like I was watching and __feeling old memories._

_I smiled at Cloud. "Like this?" My own voice seemed familiar to me. Like I'd never forgotten it._

_Cloud's eyes lit up his face and he nodded. He looked so innocent, I felt as if I knew him so well._

—

_Cloud again, sitting next to me at the kitchen table, a large cake in front of me that read: "__Happy 13th birthday Roxas!" People crowded around the table. I caught a glance of my Mom. She looked the same**—**maybe a little happier._

_"Make a wish, Rox," Cloud said, leaning over the table slightly._

_I felt my lips turn up into another smile and I thought of my wish, closing my eyes together tightly._

_I wish that Cloud and I will be friends forever._

_I opened my eyes and blew out the thirteen candles all in one blow. Everyone around me clapped._

_Cloud grinned at me. "What'd ya wish for?"_

_I blushed and looked back down at the cake. "If I tell you, it won't come true!"_

—

My skull gave a pound again, worse than before.

_What the hell is happening? I'm remembering things. Does this mean I'm getting everything back? _

My head hurt so bad; I couldn't think anymore. I felt like screaming but resisted the urge to. If my parents heard me, they would take me back to the Lab for sure. So instead, I stayed curled up in my ball, my head filled with fireworks and pictures of my past. They were all moving at super speed now; faster than I could ever keep up with**—**it was too painful to even try. I let them run their course through my mind, Cloud's voice filling my ears until the darkness finally took over.

—**XxX—**

"Roxas…"

…_Who…is that?_

"Roxas!"

_Oh, Cloud…_

"Roxas, _please_. Oh my god…what should I do?"

_I have to say something or he'll freak out…_

"Cloud…" _Talk louder, he won't hear you. _"Cloud!" I coughed, feeling how dry my throat was.

"Roxas! Thank god. Are you all right? Does your head hurt? I need to get you downstairs. Can you walk? Should I just pick you up? Tell me what to do."

He was talking so fast I hardly comprehended what he asked. "I-I'm fine, don't take me anywhere…" I needed to open my eyes. But I was a little afraid. How much had I forgotten? _Did_ I lose anything at all?

Well my head didn't hurt anymore, so that was good. It didn't _feel_ like I'd forgotten anything. I did remember Cloud, didn't I?

I slowly let my eyes blink open, the light in the room hurting them a bit. I squinted at Cloud who was staring down at me with the most serious face I'd seen on him. He never acts like this. He must be really scared. The last time he was this scared was when he was at the hospital before I'd…

I stopped thinking. I stopped breathing I think.

_I __**remember**__ him…_

"_Cloud_!" I reached up to him and grabbed his face in my hands. He blinked a few times**—**confused. I couldn't help but smile. I _had_ to smile. I remembered him. I remembered all the times we had together when I was a kid. Everything that we'd ever been through like when he'd helped me with my math homework and when I'd fallen and gotten a scraped knee he helped me bandage it up. Every summer we would go to the beach and down to the pond to swim. Mom and Dad fought a lot, but Cloud would always tell me it was only because they loved each other so much. I had never liked Dad because he yelled at Mom so much. I hated him for it. But I loved Cloud. He was my whole life. Every time I had a problem, he was the one there to help me with it. Cloud was always so happy around me. I was always so happy around _him_ too.

I didn't know what to say.

"Roxas…?" His hand came up on mine. He held it there, not letting me go, like he always did.

"Cloud**—**I…my memories…I-I remember things," I stuttered, smiling still. My heart felt so light, lighter than it'd ever felt. I felt happy tears spring up in my eyes.

It looked like Cloud was choked up too. His face was disbelieving and shocked. I had to prove it to him.

"Remember that time? When we snuck out of the house to go see that PG-13 rated movie? And we never were caught though I had nightmares every night and you would have to sleep with me or else I'd scream out whenever I fell asleep? Or that time when Mom bought us both new shirts and I fell in the mud and ruined it; you gave me yours even though you loved it so much? And when we went to the pet store to buy a fish, but a few days after I'd gotten it, it died and I cried so much. You went to the pond and caught me another one. And**—**"

His finger pressed to my lips. I shut my mouth, new memories flooding my mind that I felt so desperate to tell him**—**as if he didn't know them already. I looked into his eyes, they were watering again. He sniffed slightly and hugged me again, only so much tighter this time I thought he would break my spine. It hurt but I didn't want to ruin the moment.

His eyes were suddenly on mine and I finally felt like I'd known them all my life rather than just a day. It was a good feeling, though. Knowing was** so** much better than being in the dark. But did this fix everything? Were _all _my memories back? Would I be normal now…? He smiled and hugged me once again while I tried to forget about the foreboding questions in my head.

I shivered unexpectedly. I glanced down at Cloud whose nose nuzzled into the nape of my neck, his arms still wrapped around me. I didn't feel awkward really, just kind of anxious. I wanted everything to be perfect, but it really wasn't. Sure, I was with Cloud, who I'd missed terribly. And sure, he was very happy I could see. And I was happy too, more happy than I'd felt in a long time.

But there was something _else_...

Butterflies settled into my stomach when Cloud kissed my neck gently. But again…it didn't feel wrong.

He sighed on my skin and placed his hand on the side of my neck, holding me in place. "You really _do_ remember…" It wasn't a question.

A tear fell onto his shoulder beneath me. I tried to nod but his hand was tight on my skin.

"How did this…happen so easily? After all this time…" His voice trailed off, leaving me thinking about his question too.

All I did was read that diary. If I had done it earlier, would I have gotten them back even _quicker_? All I needed was some kind of…reminder?

It all seemed so fast. _Too _fast.

_Too good to be true._

—**XxX—**

I sat still on the bed in-between Cloud's legs; my back leaned up against his chest. It was so easy to stay like that; close to him**—**like it'd always been. These past few days, months, _years_...whatever they were, it seemed like they hadn't really happened. Actually, the time was more like a blur. It was as if the gap between my memories was formed again**—**like a bridge. It made me really happy, almost made me forget about my whole life for a moment. All I could think about was Cloud. I didn't mind; I _wanted_ to think about him. All this time without having one thought of my brother who I was so close to, it hurt to even comprehend. The way he must have felt for years, without me, only our parents. I felt awful. This was the _least _I could do for him.

I put my hand in his outstretched one and held onto it tightly. We hadn't really talked much since I told him my memories were back. I guess we just didn't really think it was necessary. Though I didn't want to pry, I felt the need to ask him at least a few questions.

I took a deep breath and finally spoke up in the quiet room. "Do you go to school, Cloud?" I thought that was a good enough start.

Cloud chuckled behind me, I felt his body shake. "Yea, of course. I'm only 18 you know."

A laugh bubbled up from my mouth. I let it out without resentment. "Oh that's right. What do you do most of the time? I mean, since I was gone…do you have a job?"

"No. Mom doesn't want me to work. She says I'm not really stable enough." He sounded cheerless all of a sudden.

My face fell and I remembered past memories of him always getting into problems. Was it because of that? "Do you still…get into trouble a lot? You know I hated when you did stuff like that, you should really try to**—**"

"Look, I'm not a bad kid. I just went into a weird depression without you." I blinked and held his hand tighter, realizing I was accusing him of the wrong things. Sure, when he was little he would pick fights with bigger kids only for my sake. And he sometimes made wrong decisions. That's just how I remembered him. I hoped my memories weren't messed up somehow.

"I'm sorry…you're right. I didn't mean to…"

Cloud laughed again and my heart lifted. He was never really one to stay angry with me. "It's all right. I'll be fine, now that I'm with you again. Everything can go back to how it used to be."

That sounded nice. But was it really that easy?

"What about Mom and Dad? Should we tell them?" I asked as Cloud's fingers ran though my hair.

He took a deep breath then let it out slowly, thinking probably. "I'm not sure. We _should_ sooner or later, but right now**—**I kind of just want this to be between just us…Is that okay?"

I hmm'd in agreement. "I guess that would be the best. Don't want to make it such a big deal."

"Even though it _is_ a big deal." Cloud playfully poked the back of my head.

I laughed again, feeling so carefree. It felt like all my troubles had gone away when I remembered my past. Even though some pain came with it, memories I would have rather forgotten, I was still so happy. I was content being in this room so close to my brother. I was glad that I remembered when Cloud would hold me just like this and sing me to sleep. I was satisfied with myself, I was comfortable with _this_.

But…something else. Something was trying to get into my head. I wasn't rejecting this something, but I wasn't welcoming it either.

_What if it took away these memories I so longed for? _

I wasn't going to let that happen. Not in a million years.

A knock on the door had my heart racing. Cloud set his hand on my shoulder, telling me to stay put. I blinked a few confused times and sat still.

"Is Roxas in there?" It was Mom's voice. My heart stopped its frantic beating. She sounded just like her kind, frail self. I felt the need to see her suddenly. I had missed _her_ as well.

"Yea, he is**—**what is it?" Cloud asked abruptly, his hand tightening on my shoulder.

"The phone is for him," she replied quietly.

I heard a small sigh escape from Cloud's mouth before our Mom appeared in the room. She looked at us for only a brief second, then smiled and crossed the room, handing me the phone once she reached us.

"Are you feeling alright, Roxas?" Mom asked.

A weird smile formed on my lips and I nodded to her before she smiled back at me. It was her normal weak smile. It hurt me inside**—**I wished it was stronger somehow.

"I'll be downstairs making dinner; you two can come down whenever you want." At that, she had already left the room.

She was just like I remembered her. She never pried or asked too many questions. All she wanted was to know we were all right.

I stared at the black phone in my hands now. It was a house phone, a nice one at that.

I looked to Cloud who said, "Just ask who it is; you don't have to press anything."

I nodded and put the phone up to my ear. I heard nothing on the other line, like there really wasn't anyone there. I spoke anyway. "Hello? Who is this?"

A voice spoke up. "Roxas? Is that you?"

I blinked a few times, trying to pinpoint whose voice it was. It sure did _sound_ familiar…

"Roxy…? Are you there? Did I call at a bad time or something? I can call back later if you wa**—**"

My head pounded. I screamed. The phone was ripped from my hand and I heard it crash onto the ground. I couldn't think of if I hurt the phone or not, all I could do was yell and hold onto my head in pain.

"Roxas! Are you all right?! _Please _don't do this now!" Cloud's voice was pleading as he shifted himself so he was facing my trembling body.

I felt like crying. I felt like ripping out my hair. I wanted to die. Anything would be better than this. My head was exploding every second that went by.

_Tick. _

Pain.

_Tick._

More pain.

_Tick._

**Searing** pain.

Cloud was yelling above me but his voice just blended in with the pounds in my head. I wanted to tell him what was happening. I wanted to let him know how I felt, but I couldn't speak. I could barley _move_.

I needed it to end. I'd do anything, anything at all.

A voice suddenly filled my mind. It was the one I'd just heard on the phone. The voice that had _done _this to me. Even though it sounded caring and kind, I wanted it out of my head quickly.

"_Shh…I know_**—**_its okay.__It'll be over soon," _It said soothingly.

And it was.

—**XxX—**

Beep. Beep. Beep.

_My head hurts…_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

_Someone turn that thing off…_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I would have knocked it over if I had the strength or if I even knew where it was. It sounded like it was coming from every direction, taunting me with its annoying sounds as if to only tick me off. Like I wasn't already frustrated _enough_.

_Just where __**am**__ I? _

My eyes fluttered open and evil florescent lights clouded my vision. I instantly shut them again, the glare making my head spin. I decided to lay there for a bit and wait for the pain to reside. It slowly did, which I was glad for. It hurt pretty badly. So, then I was left with nothing else to do but to investigate.

I opened my eyes again, slower this time, so that the lights wouldn't burn them. I looked down and around**—**to my left and right.

_A hospital room? Am I here for some kind of headache? It didn't hurt__** that**__ bad, so I really shouldn't be here. _

I took a deep breath and was about to get up when I heard voices close by.

"Let me see him! I have the_ right_ to. You can't just keep me away!" The voice sounded really angry. Just whom did he want to see so badly?

"You're the one who **did** this to him! Do you want it to happen all over again?!" That one sounded pretty mad too.

_They should shut up_**—**_they're hurting my head. _

"How do you know it was me? What if it was something _you_ did?" The first angry voice accused. I realized they were just outside the door. They sounded closer though.

"Stay away from him. He lives with us now. He isn't your concern anymore." The voice was calmer now, more collected. It dripped acid with its tone.

There was a weird silence between the two voices; it seemed to even make _me_ unsettled.

They started talking again, but too quietly, I could hardly hear what they were saying at all. I gave up after a few seconds of it. There really wasn't any point anyway**—**it probably had nothing to do with me. I decided to go ahead with my plan to escape again. I swung my skinny legs over the side of the bed and stood up. It was weirdly easy to walk over to the door. The only thing that bothered me was the uncomfortable flannel pants and shirt I'd been dressed in. They were breezy and loose, I'd have to change out of them soon.

I waited by the door for a few seconds, the voices were even quieter now. They seemed to have moved farther away. Well that was good for me; there was no need to cause a scene. I was just a kid with no memory, looking for the reason I was in a hospital.

The door squeaked open and I stepped into the hallway, my bare feet sticking to the tiles on the floor. I blinked a few times, adjusting to my new surroundings. Just a normal hallway, a few doors on the sides to the right, and to the left**—**

"Roxas."

"Roxas!"

I turned to the two strangers who called that name.

_Are they talking to __**me**__?_


	20. Who am I?

**A/N: Dun dun dun**—**he forgot everything?! :O**

* * *

**_Chapter XX: Who am I?_**

Looking over at their expecting faces, I guessed that they really _were_ talking to me. Though, was my name really Roxas? When I thought about it, I had no idea myself.

_I…don't even know my own name. How did this happen…?_

The two of them approached me, the redhead trying to push his way around the blond one. I stood still; kind of hoping that the person they were talking to was someone behind me perhaps. Or that maybe they had mistaken me for someone else. The last thing I wanted to do was talk to these people.

With their eyes still strained, they both stopped when they reached me and started talking at the same time, making my head spin.

"Roxas, are you feeling alright? How's your head?"

"How are you feeling, Roxy? You should get back in the room."

I blinked a few times and stared at the floor beneath me. It was easier than staring at the strangers who apparently knew me. Thoughts ran through my head so quickly.

_What happened to me?_

_Who am I?_

_Who are these people?_

_Why can't I…remember anything at all?_

"Roxy**—**are you okay? Should I carry you back into the room?"

"Tch, if anyone will carry him, it'll be me."

"Maybe he should be the judge of that."

"Roxas?"

"Rox?!"

I sucked in a deep breath and let it out as a growl. "Shut up, shut _up_! I don't even know you two, why would I want either of you to carry me?"

Then, there was silence. For a while, all I could hear was my heart beating and the thoughts in my mind. I was itching to get out of there, but I couldn't seem to move. My feet were made of lead.

I heard one of them clench their teeth together suddenly, his breathing sped up too. I was scared he was going to hit me before he dashed off into the room I'd just come out of. The door slammed nosily behind the blond, I cringed at the sound. Almost right after it had closed, another sound filled my ears. A loud, frustrated snarl, then a thunderous crash. The faint noise of beeping died off in my head.

My mind tried to reach the answer for his actions. It tried so hard it hurt.

Nothing came.

The redhead beside me was trembling; I could tell he was upset too.

_What…is going on…?_

"Did I say something wrong…? Tell me, please! _I'm_ the one in the dark here!" I yelled, facing the boy next to me.

His red spikes moved as he looked me in the eyes. His glistened with fresh tears. My heart ached.

_I can't stand this anymore._

I picked up my heavy feet and ran as fast as I could. No one stopped me.

—**XxX—**

I let out a huge sigh as I flopped down onto the grass. I tried to focus my mind on trivial things. Like how I was going to get out of the loose fitting pants that kept falling down over my feet. Or how nice the sun felt on my skin. Or what I was hungry for. Or what sounded like a good plan for the rest of the day. I didn't however, focus on other things. Like the boy's tears or the crash in the room. I never once thought of how I'd just only woken up and had no idea who I was. I certainly didn't think of how I was all alone and helpless with no memory of anything at all. With no friends or family to call my own. With nothing at all.

_No…of course not. _

A tear rolled down my cheek and trickled into my ear. I turned over on my side so I could curl into a ball. My stomach ached with pain, but I didn't feel sick.

_Who am I?_

"Roxas?"

This new voice startled me so much that I almost sat up and bolted away. Though I was too curious, I'd turned around before I knew it.

A gorgeous girl stood there. She was tall and skinny with dark red hair, her face was confused though. I wanted her to smile.

"…Just what are you _doing_ out here? And what's with those clothes?" she asked with a chuckle, walking further over to me. I sat up and wiped a sleeve across my teary eyes, saying nothing. Having nothing_ to _say.

"Are you alright?" I heard her sit down next to me on the grass, though I didn't turn to look at her.

Of course I wasn't okay. I was so far away from okay that I hardly knew what the word _meant_. And that was an understatement.

"You don't look so good, Roxas…Maybe I should walk you home. How's that sound?" Her kind voice sent little sparks through my mind—I tried to pay them no attention.

"N-no," I stuttered. I buried my face in my arms, which were wrapped around my legs and tried not to cry.

I heard a shift on the grass and I wondered if she was finally leaving. I wouldn't have blamed her.

But she didn't just yet. Her hands came up onto my face and she moved my chin up out of my arms so that I was staring at her. I swallowed, hearing it in my ears. "Do you want me to go get Sora? He's only a little ways back," she asked, seriousness in her eyes and voice.

_Yea sure. I just won't have any idea who he is._

My silence seemed to give her an answer. "I'll be right back."

She let me go then stood up and ran off.

I had the mind to just get up and walk away. I was going to. Did I need more people I had no memory of to confront me? Did I need to make more people cry? Did I need to feel even worse about myself?

No. I didn't.

_I have to leave._

—**XxX—**

I didn't know where I was going. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't even know who I _was._ Yet, I kept on walking, crying as I did. Depression had hit me horribly; all I could think of was how I didn't have any memory of anyone at all. Those people at the hospital where probably good friends of mine. That girl in the park was maybe my friend from school. I was probably close to each one of them. And yet, I had no memory of them at all. Thinking of this more only made additional tears spill out. For the first time since I'd left the hospital, I wished I hadn't ever woken up.

I walked for a good while on the side of the road. Cars whooshed by me every so often, it took every ounce of my being to not just step in front of one of them. I knew people would be sad if I did, though the thought of knowing that I didn't feel the same way about _them_ was driving me crazy. I knew no one—yet everyone knew me.

I jumped slightly when I noticed a car not too far from me. I let my eyes gradually roll towards it. It was driving beside me, slowly, like it had a reason to. I was about to back away when the window rolled down. I felt my hands shake at my side when I saw red hair. His eyes were the same as I had last seen them, maybe a _little_ less depressed. I wanted to run again.

"Roxas," He breathed that name again. Obviously, it was mine. "Just—stay there." He pointed a finger at me.

I thought about just running away again. It would be a lot easier than facing this guy. So much easier than telling him that I knew nothing about him, even though he knew everything about me. I only wanted to run.

My feet inched away from my spot on the ground as the boy cut the engine to his truck.

"No, no! Stay," he coaxed me again. I felt like an animal the way he was trying not to scare me away. Though something about him made me feel like I had to do as he said.

The car door opened and he stepped out slowly, keeping his eyes focused on me. I took this time to see just how beautiful this guy really was. He was tall and thin—maybe around 20. I really liked his hair the most. And those amazing green eyes…

"Roxas," he sighed. I realized he was so close to me now, only a few feet away. I swallowed and did my best to stay put, forcing my thoughts of running out of my mind. The stranger proceeded to approach me, I kept still.

When he was right in front of me I saw his hand twitch as his side. It was about to move up to me, but he decided against the gesture and put it back down. I held my stare on his shoes, too afraid to look at his sad eyes again. "How…are you feeling?" he asked casually, his voice wavering slightly.

My vision became fuzzy and I closed my eyes, sniffing. How was I _feeling_? Like shit. Like dirt. Horrible. Awful. Empty and alone.

He waited awhile, standing there in front of me. A few tears ran down my cheeks, but I ignored them. They only added to the many I was bound to spill later.

"Please…talk to me, Rox. At least look at me."

I couldn't—my mouth was forever shut and my eyes just weren't brave enough.

A defeated sigh. "Will you get in the car with me?"

I wanted to shake my head and reject him. I didn't want to go along with him. I didn't want anything to _do_ with him. And yet, there I was, walking towards the car.

_This guy has some weird power over me, it's scary…_

I slid into the cab, the scent of cigarettes and cinnamon filling my nose. It was a good smell, I actually really enjoyed it. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as I thought.

The redhead looked at me once with those eyes again before shutting the door and heading over to the driver's seat. I kept trying to convince myself that this was a good idea. That I should just _trust_ him. That maybe he could help me.

It was a hard thing to do.

I kept my eyes focused on my feet as he started up the car and drove back onto the road. I wanted to look up and see where he was taking me, but I was too scared. I didn't want to go back to that hospital. What if they did tests on me or something? What if I had to stay there for the rest of my life? Not knowing anyone at all. I'd have to face a **bunch** of people…

"Roxas…" That name again. I was starting to hate it.

I blinked out a tear that I thought was there, but realized it was only air. Maybe I was all out of tears. I didn't turn to face him, only kept my stare on my bare feet. Even though I knew by then that that was _my_ name—that he was speaking to me, I still said nothing. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his hand begin to inch its way towards me. I stayed still again, frozen by fear. He stopped when it was halfway to me, and then pulled it back hesitantly. I let out a held in breath and moved my eyes back to their former position.

It was silent then for a while. I strained my eyes on anything but him—the black leather of the seats, the window to my right, the flashing lights on the dashboard, the clock that read 4:55PM. Never did I once look up into those eyes again.

The truck pulled to a stop finally and I waited for a few moments until I thought it was safe to look around.

_This…doesn't look like a hospital_—_more like an apartment complex or something. _

The boy next to me took in a large breath and let it out slowly. I was starting to feel strange, being so close to him. My heart was racing, my head was pounding and my palms were sweaty. I wanted more than** anything** to open the door and sprint away from there—away from him.

He spoke before I had the chance to. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing…" It sounded like he was talking more to himself than to me, though I was frozen by his words. They intrigued me I guess. I wanted to know what he was talking about. I opened my mouth a few times, thinking of words to say, but they never came out. I wished I was stronger.

I looked cautiously at him, my eyes wavering from the seat beneath me to his slumped over form. His forehead was resting on the steering wheel; he looked like he was in deep thought from what I could see. I decided to stay quiet, even though I _couldn't _speak; I at least had a good reason not to.

Another sigh was heard from him. I felt bad then. I couldn't help but feel like this was all my fault. I was the one who had lost the memory. I was the one causing him this pain, this discomfort. I had to say _something_ to him…

"I…" It came out more like a squeak and it scared me. I panicked.

_Open your mouth. Make words! Come on, it's not that hard!_

"I—"

_No…No! Don't you cry anymore! All your tears are supposed to be gone…don't…cry…_

Tears dripped down my cheeks like rain droplets. I wiped one long, baggy sleeve across my face so I could rid myself of the evil things. I really **hated **crying. I really hated feeling like this. I hated this situation. I hated _me_.

I didn't look up again to see if the boy was looking at me. I didn't even look back at the seat; I just grabbed the door handle and pushed open the car door. I was in such a frantic hurry that I tripped over my own feet and fell face first onto the cement. A sick feeling entered my gut when I felt my elbow scrape up against the cement ground and I instantly screamed in agony. It really wasn't that bad; I guess I was just screaming more for my situation then the real pain. All my pent up sadness and depression was coming out as yells—I couldn't hold it back.

The boy was at my side in seconds, I guess I should have _known_ he would be, but I was still scared when he put his arms around me and started talking to me in that serious tone.

"Roxas! Are you alright?! I'm sorry—I'm so sorry…"

I cried hard, without resentment. There was no point in keeping the tears in now. I felt his arms swiftly grip around my body tighter, like large barriers. I suddenly felt warm inside, as if this boy really _did_ care about me. Like he would protect me.

Maybe this really wasn't as bad as I was making it seem.

—**XxX—**

The redhead carried me into the apartment like a princess. I felt like a little girl, crying in his arms. So stupid and idiotic. I wished he would have just put me down but I didn't have the strength to ask him to. He left the door open behind him—either he forgot about it or he just didn't have the patience to close it. I cried still, feeling the sting of my elbow and the pain in my heart. Though being held by him did have its benefits. His fast beating heart calmed me somewhat and the way he smelled had me burying my nose in his jacket, just so it was the only thing I would breathe. I felt my sobs slow down but his heart didn't as he entered a room and walked me over to the bed.

For a moment, I thought he was just going to set me down onto it and perhaps examine my elbow, maybe get me a bandage or something. That would be the normal thing to do. Never did the thought cross my mind that he would do what he _really_ did, though. Quickly, so that I had no consent in it at all, his lips came down onto my own trembling ones. He held me still, close to his chest, even closer as he kissed me. I felt my eyes lazily close and haze over. My crying had totally stopped at this point as his tongue circled inside my mouth. My eyes stayed shut, my hands clutched at his jacket, and I felt the need for more from him. It was so passionate. So perfect. So blissful.

_So utterly amazing._

And yet so painful.

Something was yelling at me from the back of my mind. Something wanted my attention. It was like an annoying tap on the shoulder, only it got louder and harder to bear as the seconds passed. I wanted it to go away, yet I wished it would stay. I felt like there was something more to be uncovered from it.

All these thoughts ran through my mind so quickly, I hadn't noticed that I was already on the bed. The redhead was still on top of me, kissing me like it was the last thing he would ever do. But I wasn't protesting. I was _enjoying _it. I loved his lips. They were so soft and kind. Inviting yet dangerous. I longed for them to be forever on mine.

I let out a small moan when his hand slid down the back of my pants. It probably should have felt strange, being attacked by a complete stranger. I _should_ have felt violated and embarrassed, completely appalled and disgusted.

But I didn't.

_Why __**is**__ that?_

"Roxas," the boy spoke my name again and it finally felt right coming from his lips. "I'll never…leave you—ever again."

I nodded as best as I could, my eyes were having trouble staying open. My head was pounding even faster.

"What…is your name?" I blinked a few times, wondering if I had really asked that aloud.

He backed away from me the slightest bit, looking at me with sad eyes, and then said, "Axel. My name is Axel."

—**XxX—**

An annoying, high-pitched ringing filled my ears. I blinked my sleepy eyes and sniffed, swallowing some spit that tasted familiar. My head banged and my eyes closed shut. Laying my head back down, I decided to go back to sleep. I was still tired. After a few minutes of lying there, I realized just what my saliva tasted like. It was almost like cigarettes…or maybe cinnamon.

It tasted like Axel.

My body shot itself up from the bed and my eyes frantically searched the room for the redhead. My heart was beating fast when I realized I was still in the bed he'd put me in before.

_I must have dozed off after he_—

I shivered and wrapped my arms around my chest.

What was this feeling?

"**Stop **calling my house!" An angry voice yelled from outside of the room. I noticed the ringing had stopped. It was a phone. And the voice was Axel's.

"I don't care! You can't take him from m—"

His voice paused as he listened to the phone. I had a feeling I knew who they were talking about.

"No! You can't do that, I—…That doesn't matter! Stop calling!"

I cringed when I heard a loud crack, as if he'd thrown the phone on the ground. Well, that would definitely prevent someone from calling back…

Axel's angry sigh could be heard from the room I was in. I pictured him running his long fingers though his many spikes, looking worried and stressed out.

_Wonder if I could comfort him_—_somehow…_

I set my feet on the cold floor, knowing full well that I was still wearing the gross hospital clothes. Shaking my head, I proceeded towards the slightly ajar door. I didn't know where I'd gotten this sudden confidence from. Maybe it was the fact that Axel was feeling bad, so I felt the need to help him somehow. Whatever it was, I kept going.

I pushed the door open, it creaked slightly and I bit the side of my lip at the sound. His eyes turned towards me as fast as lightning and I froze, feeling utterly stupid.

_This was a dumb idea._

I thought about just turning around and going back through the door like nothing had happened, but that wasn't going to stop him from approaching me. He kept walking towards me until he was only a few inches away.

"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry…How's your head?" he asked. He placed a large hand on the side of my face. I shivered, the warmth sending little sparks through my body.

"I-I'm fine…" Which was partly true. I was fine with him, though my head hadn't stopped spinning and pounding since I'd woken up.

He nodded slightly and he sighed once again. "Good." He paused a second, his hand resting on my cheek. "I see you're talking to me now." He added a small laugh at the end, I didn't know if he just found that funny or if he was only trying to lighten the mood.

I let my eyes wander to the floor—no words coming to mind. I couldn't think of anything that wouldn't make me sound like a complete moron.

"Guess I spoke too soon, huh?"

I mentally kicked myself. I came out here to make him feel better and I was only ignoring him.

_Say something, stupid…_

"You sure did sleep awhile. Just like always," Axel said. His hand trailed up to the top of my head. He ruffled my hair slightly with his fingers.

I opened my mouth, about to say something like: "Who was on the phone?" Though, I bit my tongue. I couldn't just ask him something like that out of the blue. My eyes suddenly came across the telephone. It was lying on the ground, the back of it cracked in half, dangling on the side. He really _had_ thrown it on the floor…

"Do you want to go lay back down?" Axel asked.

I moved my eyes quickly; afraid he might have seen what I was looking at. I shook my head side to side. I wasn't tired anymore—I wanted to stay up with him.

"Alright, then…are you hungry?"

I moved my head up a bit to look at him. I hadn't even noticed my growling stomach until then.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said with the most amazing smile. It made my heart skip a beat.

I sat down at the small table, feeling a little awkward. Of course, I still didn't have the guts to talk to him. Of course, I still didn't have any guts at **all**.

_Was I always like this?_

"Afraid all I've got is cereal and bread. Do you want toast? It _is_ around breakfast anyway," Axel said, his hands reaching for the bread on the counter.

I nodded to him. I didn't care what it was, as long as it was food. He smiled and turned back to the counter. I sat still in the chair, fiddling with my thumbs beneath the table. It was quiet, which I was a little happy for. Talking to him was harder than I'd thought. The problem was more_ thinking _of what to say to him rather than hearing his voice. I actually really liked his voice. I could probably listen to it all day long.

"Rox, you can go change if you want. I'm sure those clothes aren't the greatest things to wear."

I bit my tongue when he spoke. I wasn't expecting him to talk again so soon, it caught me off guard. I nodded again, happy at the idea, and sat up clumsily from the table.

"Your room is the one right down the hall from mine, you can't miss it. And all the clothes in there are yours. Pick out whatever you want," he said while putting a piece of bread in a toaster.

I nodded silently again at him and took off for the room, glad for more than a few reasons.

I had found the room, just as he said, easily enough. It was really the only other room in the apartment, beside for the bathroom and Axel's bedroom. I opened the door and realized that this was my old room. Had I lived here for a long time with this boy? Was he my…brother or something? No, he couldn't have been. He did those…_things_ to me…

My cheeks were suddenly burning hot.

I'd have to make a mental note not to think about that at all in the future.

I walked over to the dresser slowly, in no hurry to get back to the kitchen. Even if I did miss his soft voice and his loving smile.

I pulled out some sweat pants which looked absolutely comfortable and a thin black shirt. After changing, I was really glad Axel had suggested it. I'd never wear those hospital clothes ever again.

I sighed almost happily and turned around. I froze, seeing another person in the room. My heart almost jumped out of my chest when I realized it was only a mirror, showing me my reflection. My head titled to one side, then the other as I observed myself.

_I'm…kind of cute._

"Rox, your toast is done," shouted Axel from the kitchen. I watched as my body shook in the mirror, my head pounded and I winced. I felt my legs tremble beneath me; it took all I had to just stand up straight. I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood.

_Deal with the pain. You're fine. Axel will worry…_

With thoughts of Axel in my mind, I tore my eyes away from my reflection and exited the room, my legs wobbling underneath me. I hoped I didn't look too stupid when I reached the kitchen.

Axel eyed my suspiciously. "Are you alright? Does your head hurt?"

I was getting sick of him asking me that question—even if it was true.

"No," I lied, slumping myself into a chair.

Axel seemed skeptical but he placed the food in front of me anyway. "Please tell me if it does. I need to know these things."

I nodded and he sat down across from me.

"Go ahead. Eat," he urged, pointing at the steamy and buttered bread on the table.

_It looks good. I might as well…_

Less than a minute had gone by before the two pieces were gone. They really _were_ good and it made the pounding in my head dissipate. I noticed Axel watching me from across the table. He hadn't moved an inch.

"What…?" I asked, wiping my bare arm across my face.

His eyebrows shot up slightly and he placed his elbows on the table, relaxing. "Nothing. Just…remembering things, is all."

I sighed. "I wish _I_ could…" _Stop talking to him like that. It isn't his fault and it isn't yours either._

Axel didn't seem offended by my words, which I was glad for. "I know. You don't know how much_ I_ wish the same thing," he said, still staring intently at me.

I looked down from his stare. "I'm sorry…" The least I could do was apologize.

"Don't say that. It's not your fault. Though, your _brother_ seems to know just whose fault it is…" He trailed off and glared out the window.

I blinked, confused. "My brother?" I tried to place the pieces together in my mine. Blond hair. I had blond hair. Blue eyes. I had those too. The boy at the hospital before…

"Yea, Cloud—the one who you saw before," Axel confirmed. His voice sounded angry almost, like he had serious resentment towards the person.

"Who?" I asked, remembering his former statement.

"Who…? Oh—well, he thinks…_I'm_ to blame. He assumes that when you heard my voice on the phone, that I was the one who took away your memories. The one who'd put you back at the Lab. And maybe I was…" His voice softened at the end, his eyes glistening.

I wanted to reach across the table and place my hand in his. Of course—I _didn't_ though. I didn't even know what he was talking about. Talking on the phone? The Lab? All of it confused me, so I kept quiet again.

A laugh suddenly filled my ears. It wasn't loud, but it was strong. I looked up at him, even more confused.

_Why is he laughing?_

"You know…it's strange. You're a lot…_quieter_ this time. Kinder, even. What happened to that crazy ass attitude of yours?" He laughed through the whole statement.

I narrowed my eyes, not angry with him, just puzzled still.

He sighed. "Could still maybe be from the drugs even…But of course, you have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm sorry."

I decided to ignore his statements all together. I might as well have, it's not like I would have any clue even _if_ he explained it to me carefully.

"Actually…," he said suddenly, his hand reaching across the tiny table towards me. "I kind of _like_ this Roxas…" His hand was on my cheek again, his elbow resting on the table.

I avoided his eyes as best I could. "D-don't get used to it," I whispered, blushing.

_Why did I say that?_

"There's my Roxy…"


	21. I want you

**A/N: I do not own _Romeo and Juliet_. My good friend William does. ****Though I adore the play. :]**

* * *

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**_Chapter XXI: I want you_**

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"_Go then; for 'tis in vain"_

"Rox?"

"_To seek him here that means not to be found."_

"Hey—Roxas?"

"_He jests at scars that never felt a wound_—_"_

"Jeez, you sure are into this. What the hell are you watching anyway…?"

"_But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?"_

"_Romeo and Juliet_? You've got to be kidding me…"

"_It is the east, and Juliet is the sun!_—_"_

"Hey…you wanna take your eyes off the TV for a second?"

"_Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief_—_" _

I let my eyes drift slowly to my left, the voices of the TV still vivid in my ears. I actually _was_ really into this. I'd never seen anything like it. The story really pulled me in, even if I usually had no idea what they were saying half the time. I just only realized that Axel had taken residency in the seat next to me. He was so close I could smell the cigarettes on him. So close I could feel the warmth of his arm brush across my own. So close that I felt like moving away.

"Come on—look at me. I'll turn that off if you don't."

He sounded serious so I turned my head completely towards him, again not expecting or ready to have his lips planted onto mine. He was so fast I hardly saw it coming. So fast that I didn't have time to react at all. His tongue pried my lips open and entered my mouth like before. My head felt light, my eyes shut slowly; again, I felt like this was perfect.

Until the nagging feeling crawled back into my head like an insect. It crept up on me, slowly but surely. And this time, it wasn't going to give up.

My head started to pound as Axel lifted up my shirt, the force of his own body on top of mine. Chills shot up my spine and fireworks filled my brain. I tried my best to ignore them, but it wasn't working. I was so hot. So burning. It was so painful.

_I need to stop this. I can't take much more. _

Weakly, I lifted one arm up and placed it on his stone hard chest. I tried with all the strength I had left to push him off me. It took a few seconds for him to even_ notice_ my movement, my head felt like it was bleeding by that point.

His lips finally left mine and I could breathe again, my head slowed its pounding. I found myself panting and gasping for breath beneath him.

"Hey…are you alright?" His voice became suddenly urgent like before.

I nodded weakly, hoping it was enough to reassure him.

I felt his fingers trail through my bangs that lay across my eyes. "Maybe I should ask you before I do something like that," he sighed.

I rolled my eyes and he laughed his magical, special laugh. "You're just so cute—I can't help myself," he admitted.

I knew I was blushing again so to cover it up, I pushed him further off me, forcing him to sit back in his spot on the couch. I wrapped my arms around my knees and brought them up onto the couch, focusing back on the TV screen.

"_Ah me!" _said the girl in the window. She was pretty. I recognized her from a little earlier on in the movie.

"_She speaks: _—_ O, speak again, bright angel! For thou art as glorious to this night, being o'er my head," _said the main guy, Romeo. I watched as the two talked, entranced once again by the way they spoke.

Axel shifted on the couch beside me; I tried to pay him no mind. It's not that I didn't like his attention. He actually hadn't even given me much the whole day. He'd avoided me most of the time and let me do as I pleased.

_And when he finally wants something…I only continue to ignore him. I even pushed him off me. If only my head and body would cooperate with me…_

"Rox."

I turned quickly, making a weird and stupid sounding squeak. I blushed furiously as he smiled, his green eyes lighting up.

"You should get to bed, it's already pretty late. Might as well start getting you on a regular schedule," he said while reaching for the remote. I blinked a few times before my reflexes shot my hand forward. I snatched onto the controller right as he did, causing my fingers to squeeze around his. I froze and again my impulse was to jerk my hand back away from his touch. I was blushing again.

_I'm acting like such a girl…_

"Come on." Axel suddenly grabbed a hold of my retreating hand. He pulled me up from the couch and into his arms in seconds. I froze in his grasp, stunned by his movements.

_He is so forward…_

He walked with me towards my room. I stuck close by him, like glue. By the time we reached my room, I didn't want him to let me go.

Axel said, "Here we are."

I looked around my room again, avoiding the mirror. I'd hopefully never have to look into one again. It was a nice place—small and cozy.

_But…_

"I'll see you in the morning then."

He let his arms fall from my sides, I hated that.

"Don—" I paused abruptly, thinking of what I was going to say.

_What _was_ I going to say? Don't leave? _

I reached my hand slowly up to his shirt and grasped a handful of it in my fist. I held onto it tightly beneath my fingertips.

_I don't want him to leave me. I don't __**ever**__ want to be alone. _

"What's wrong?" he asked. I didn't have the courage to look into his eyes, nor did I have the courage to let him go.

_**I**_ _don't even know what's wrong…_

"Are you hungry? I could get you some more food if you want. Though you ate almost my whole **kitchen** today…How about something to drink? Or are you not tired yet? You don't have to go to bed _right_ now, just soon. You know, it's a little hard to figure this out when you don't talk to me," he laughed slightly, ruffling my hair again with his large, comforting hand.

I sighed softly. This wasn't working. I had to tell him what I wanted, if I didn't—how would he know?

I sucked in a deep breath, "D-don't…leave me," I whispered, so softly I could hardly hear myself. I felt small drops squeeze out of my eyes, they burned immensely. I was confused for a second, wondering why I was crying.

I could feel his stare on me, I felt so embarrassed. I wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. I wanted Axel not to think of me as a stupid, girly crybaby.

_I wanted…_

Axel's hands were suddenly gripping my wrists. He squeezed them hard, so hard it hurt. I had no idea of what he was doing.

_Is he angry with me? Maybe he's finally fed up with me…_

More strange tears squeezed out of my eyes when I was suddenly jerked towards the bed with haste. It was so fast I didn't have time to think before Axel was on top of me, just as before. But this time, as I looked up into his eyes, there was so much more fire and determination in them. It…scared me. He looked like a hungry tiger above me.

I avoided his eyes and tried to loosen his tight grip on my wrists, which were lying against my sides. It wasn't working at all; his grasp was too tight and I was just too weak.

I knew what he wanted, but it didn't seem like he was going to do anything. But I _knew _he wanted it— that much was for sure. Maybe it was the look on my face that had him this indecisive, I probably looked so scared. On the other hand, I wasn't sure of what _I_ wanted. Sure, kissing him was amazing. I loved it. But I didn't want that pain to come back. The headaches were too much to bear and it seemed they only occurred when Axel…

I closed my eyes tightly together, my forehead creasing.

_I don't want this. I don't, I don't! _

Axel sighed above me, he sounded defeated.

_Did I say that out loud? _

My heart thudded in my chest and a cold sweat broke out on my forehead. It was then that my head started to pound, just as my heart.

"This…is so hard," Axel suddenly spoke. I was happy to hear his voice; it calmed me.

_Ask him. Ask him what's hard. _

"Wha—what…?" My head throbbed, making my stuttering voice even more prominent.

Axel looked down at me again, surprise on his face instead of hunger. Though I could still see it deep in his eyes. "It's…_hard_…that I can't do anything to you. It's just really…difficult to force my feelings back. I know you used to like this kind of stuff, actually, you usually where the one to _beg_ me for it. But now…I don't even know _what_ you want. Seems like you're in pain, I can't just force you to do this—even_ if_ you used to love it. Everything's changed now…"

I blinked a few times as his hands finally let me go. Blood pulsed through my veins again—I was free. My heartbeat slowed and my head felt fine.

_But, Axel…_

I reached my hand out, about to grab his shirt but I recoiled it quickly.

_I'm only making things hard for him; I __**should**__ just crawl into a hole… _

I lowered my head and pulled my legs up to my chest, holding them there I tried not to cry anymore.

Axel spoke my name quickly. "Roxas."

I didn't move, afraid that if I picked up my head he would see my tear-filled eyes.

"I love you."

At that point, I didn't even think about the tears anymore. My head lifted and I looked him in the eyes. They were truthful and sincere, greener then they'd ever been. I was lost for words.

Axel gave me a weak hearted smile then leaned forward. I cringed, afraid for a second before his lips pressed gently to my forehead. My heart seemed to stop in my chest. It was awhile until I heard it beating again, this time it was loud in my ears. Axel stayed at my forehead, kissing it still, holding onto the side of my head with one hand.

I was just so glad my head wasn't pounding. So glad to be close to him.

_I'm sure at one point, that I loved __**him**__ too. _

—**XxX—**

I ended up sleeping alone in my room that night. I lay in my bed, staring at the shadows on the ceiling. It wasn't long before I had passed out, tired from the whole day. When I woke in the morning, it wasn't the phone or Axel's voice that woke me. It was another voice. One that sounded so familiar.

"Where ishe?"

"I could charge you with breaking and entering, you know."

"And I could charge _you_ with kidnapping and assault! Now where _is_ he!?"

"He came here on his own accord—I didn't force him to do anything."

"Yet you **kept** him here, without even bringing him back! That's kidnapping."

"I'm not giving him up that easily. It's not like _you_ were the one who's been taking care of him all this time. You have **nothing **to say to me."

The familiar voice growled and it finally hit me whose it was.

_My brother. _

I heard angry footsteps outside the door. He was looking for my room. He'd find it eventually and then—

The door swung open and Cloud stood there, blonde and completely identical to me. I stared with wide eyes as he ran over to the bed.

He took my hand in his and squeezed it tightly. "Come back home with me, Roxas. We can both work together on getting your memory back. It'll work—I just know it. Nothing here will help you, so please," he begged. His bright blue eyes sparkled with his words.

My eyes traced his face, it was so pleading, no words came to my mind.

_What should I tell him? _

I looked back down at my hand; he was still grasping it tightly. I saw the shadow of Axel in the doorway, looming like a dark cloud.

"Please Roxas. I lost you once; I can't lose you again," Cloud admitted. I wanted to tell him not to cry and not to feel bad. I wanted everyone to be happy. Obviously, that wasn't going to work.

_I'm only one kid…_

"Come home. Where you belong, where your family—"

"He isn't going _anywhere_!"

We both turned and stared at Axel. I was shocked by his yell; usually he was such a calm person. Around _me,_ he was anyway. A small chill crept down my back.

_This isn't good._

"Just who the **hell **do you think you are anyway?" Cloud had by now turned his whole body away from mine. His hand still clasped mine tightly, even tighter now as he glared at the redhead with furry in his voice and eyes.

"Only the guy who's busted his ass taking care of this kid. I think you might want to ask yourself the same question. Aren't you the one who left him at the Lab? You and your parents wanted nothing to do with him after—"

"_Shut up_! You don't know anything!" Cloud shouted. I could do nothing but sit back and watch the two fight. It was me they were fighting over—how could I possibly end this well?

"I know enough. Roxas isn't going back with you, he's staying with me." Axel sounded so sure about it. Maybe I should have been angry that they were treating me like some kind of object, but I was just too scared to notice.

"You don't even have guardianship of him. You aren't his _parent_!"

"Neither are you."

"I'm family; I have the right to take him from you. He's mine just as he is my parents!"

Axel's teeth clenched in his mouth and his fists formed into lethal balls at his side. This needed to end before anything happened.

_What can I do? _

"You can't take him. You **won't**," Axel growled. It seemed as if he was trying to hold in his growing anger.

"Says _you_," Cloud scoffed. "I'll take him by force if I have to. I'll get my parents and they'll—"

"You _can't_!" Axel's voice cracked. It suddenly sounded so helpless. His eyes trailed to the floor instead of Cloud.

Cloud didn't hesitate. "I will. You'll never come near Roxas again. You've done nothing but make his life hard for him. Messing up his mind with your good looks and charm, he was only confused. He's _always_ been confused," he spat, leering over at Axel who still wouldn't look him in the eyes.

I felt so bad for Axel suddenly. Axel was _someone_ to me. I knew he was. I was just trying to figure that out…

"But you…you can't…" Again, he sounded so small. So insecure and terrified. So different from before.

_Was me leaving him that scary for him…?_

"I'll call them up right now if I have to." Cloud's anger had calmed slightly, it seemed he knew that he had won.

"Time. I-I just need some time with Roxas. Shouldn't he be the one to decide? It's his life, he's almost 17!" Axel searched for words to say, stumbling over some of them. It sounded like he was crying almost. I hated that. Hated it a lot.

"Time is something I don't have. I'm thankful for you—taking care of him when I couldn't, but this is the end. Find someone else to be your little play toy," Cloud said stiffly. He tightened his grip on my hand once again; he started to pull me up from the bed.

"He isn't…just some…"

"Come on Rox. Let's go."

"But I _**love**_ him!" Axel suddenly shouted.

The room went silent. You could hear Axel's deep breathing over everyone else's. Even I was shocked to hear his confession so loud and in front of my brother no less. My heart fluttered in my chest as I stared over at him, his eyes teary.

Cloud's eyes narrowed slightly. "…It doesn't make a difference. You think he still loves you? He's forgotten everything; he doesn't even love _me_ anymore! How could he love _you_?!" he yelled, so loudly it hurt my ears. I cringed, wanting to shove my hands over them so I could drown out their fighting.

_He's wrong. __**Wrong**__. I still…_

"I don't…care. He can hate me and I'll _still_ chase after him. To the ends of the earth…" Axel was looking at me. It was as if he was only talking only to me. It made me happy for some reason.

_Talk to them. It's the only way to end this without anymore fighting. _

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "May I…say something?" My voice sounded so small over the others, I was hoping they actually heard me.

Axel's eyes lit up and Cloud jolted around to stare at me.

_Okay, I have their attention…now…say words. _

My heart thudded in my chest.

_Their waiting! Come on! _

"I…don't want any more fighting. I just want…everyone to be happy…" It had sounded a lot less cheesy in my head, but saying it out loud actually sounded stupid. I felt so dumb, listening to the silence my words left behind. I could feel my cheeks flushing a deep red.

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupi_—

"He's right…This fighting is pointless. Roxas is a person too—there's no need to be fighting over him like this." I was surprised that Axel was the one to speak first. But what he said shocked me even more. His face looked pained, though he smiled as he glanced over at me; my heart leapt into my throat.

Cloud looked over at Axel then back at me, then again over at Axel. He seemed indecisive. I knew he only wanted to take me away from this place, and I didn't blame him. He was my brother after all. I must have spent endless days with him; we must have had a great bond together. He only wanted all that back, I would have too. But then there was Axel. With his sweet smile and deep, bright green eyes. His way of making my heart stop and the way he made me feel inside. He could have me blushing just by looking at him. How long had I spent with _him_? It must have been awhile. I had deep-rooted feelings for that man, whether I remembered them or not. They were there and most likely would always be.

—**XxX—**

"I wish I could make everyone happy," I sighed softly as I twirled a small loose string on the blanket in front of me.

"I know you do." Axel stood close by me; his large hand tousled my blonde hair with care. Cloud had already stridden out of the house, threatening to call the police and that he would be back. I tried to understand that he was only acting that way because he cared for me, but it was hard to picture that. He was being so forceful—so mean about everything.

He just needed to calm down…

"Roxas…"

I blinked and looked up at the redhead, his hand shifting slightly in my hair.

Once my eyes locked on his for a few seconds I felt embarrassed again, but I didn't retreat. He was just so entrancing. Axel sighed suddenly and rolled his eyes to stare at the floor; his cheeks grew a soft pink color.

_Wha…?_

"…What do you want to do? You can stay here…or go with your brother. I won't force you to do anything. I've realized that I can't do that to you anymore. You're old enough to make decisions by yourself. It doesn't matter how much I want you here; it's your life—I can't take that away from you."

I looked back down away from him again. This was going to be so hard. Of course I wanted to stay with Axel. But then there was Cloud and his threats. I would meet my parents. Would they forcefully take me from Axel? I wasn't related to Axel and he had no ownership of me. He couldn't really keep me here forever…could he?

"I want…_you_," I said truthfully. I _knew_ I wanted him. My heart throbbed every time I thought of being away from him. If I could, I'd spend the rest of my life with only him. I would be fine with that.

Axel took my chin in his hand and turned my face towards his. I could only blush and try my best to look away.

"You want _me_?" he asked. He was obviously confused. I hardly portrayed my feelings well enough for him to know anyway.

I nodded, still avoiding his eyes. I could feel the heat rush to my ears, they were probably bright pink.

"Either you've realized your deep rooted love for me, or you're just terrified of Cloud. I really hope it's the first one." Axel laughed above me and I couldn't help but smile.

_Both are true._

—**XxX—**

"Where are we going?" I asked, staring out the car window.

Axel huffed as he sat into the cab. "It's a surprise."

I pursed my lips but smiled quickly. "…Is it a _good_ surprise?"

"Yea, it is. Now would you sit down and buckle yourself?" Axel laughed as he started up the car.

I sighed, realizing that I really _wasn't_ sitting down fully. I was just excited I guess. I hadn't really been many places yet. As long as he wasn't going to _leave_ me at the place he was taking me to, then I was fine.

_Though, I'd never let that happen. _

"Buckle so I can back out."

I rolled my eyes and snapped the seat belt in place securely around me. "What about you?" I asked, noticing that he didn't even have his on.

He smirked and backed up into the road, shifting the gears so the car moved forward. "You're in a talkative mood," he said, wrapping the strap around his body with one hand while he held the wheel with the other.

I smiled and kicked my feet back and forth under me. I guess I really _had_ been talking a lot since our conversation in the bedroom. I just felt so comfortable around Axel suddenly; I couldn't help but talk to him more.

"Yea, I guess I am," I agreed simply.

Axel grabbed my hand in his after he'd buckled and held it tightly in-between us. I flushed and looked at him, confusion on my face.

"I'm really happy. I missed you a lot." He kept his eyes on the road but a smile was plastered on his perfect face.

I bit my lip and thought of something to say. "T-then I'll talk a lot, I promise."

_That sounded dumb…_

Axel's smile grew even bigger anyway. "Good. I love hearing your voice." He laced his fingers between mine gently.

A small smile formed on my face. I kind of…didn't want the moment to ever end.


	22. This isn't worth it

**A/N: Who _doesn't_ love the beach? **

* * *

---

**_Chapter XXII: This isn't worth it_**

---

"_Axel! Look at __**this**__!" I yelled over to him. I held up a gigantic shell I'd just found. There was sand beneath my feet and water to my right. A cool breeze swept across my face gently. It felt so good._

_Axel looked nervous, like he didn't want to be here. "Roxas, you're too far, come back here," he said with worried eyes._

_I felt resentment towards him then. Like he was being too protective of me when he really shouldn't have to worry. It's only the beach. _

_What could go wrong?_

—

"Roxas?"

"Hmm?" I replied quickly. I didn't know if I was spacing out just then or what, but it felt real. My head gave a slight pound and I winced.

"You went really quiet all of a sudden," Axel stated. His eyes strayed over towards me, away from the road while he drove.

_Should I tell him? _

"I-I'm fine…really." I gave him an encouraging smile as I dealt with my head. Hopefully he wouldn't worry. I couldn't get his hopes up if it was really nothing. Maybe I was just daydreaming.

He smiled back at me, his lip turning up just slightly. It was my favorite smile of his. "Let me know if your head hurts or anything, I'll take you home."

I cringed at the thought. I didn't want to go home. I wanted to go wherever Axel was taking me. I knew in his eyes that it wasn't a bad place, and that maybe I would actually have some fun.

"No, no. I'm alright," I said quickly. My head was starting to feel better anyway.

Axel gave my hand a squeeze as he turned the wheel left into a parking lot. I took this moment to survey my surroundings. Just over the horizon, I could see a vast spread of crystal blue water. White sand covered the ground just before it.

_A…beach? _

"Here we are. Your swimming trunks are back here**—**I threw them in here before we left. If you want to swim you can, but your gunna have to change."

Axel's hand left mind as he shifted through the back of the truck in my side vision. Though I couldn't turn to him. My eyes were too busy staring at the ocean. It was as if I was in a trance. I tried to look away but I couldn't. The waves gently lapping against the shoreline. The salty smell in the air. The deep blue water. The bright, warm sun above.

It was just like my dream.

My head gave a familiar pound, which I ignored as best I could. I couldn't let Axel see. I wanted to stay here.

"Here ya go." I felt the shorts land on my head; they covered my vision completely so all I could see was darkness.

"H-hey!" I shouted, shocked. I quickly removed the trunks from my hair and grasped them tightly in my fist as Axel laughed next to me.

"C'mon, you can stare at it all you want once we get there."

I rolled my eyes towards the car door then popped it open. I didn't want to stare, I wanted to _know._

_I still can't help but feel that I've been here before._

—**XxX—**

"Roxas, come on. You can't stay in there forever."

I could if I wanted to.

"Look, it's no big deal. I've seen you naked before—what's the problem?"

My face turned bright pink behind the bathroom stall door. I slammed my fist against it, only meaning to tell him what a jerk he was being.

_Had he really seen me…naked? _

"Okay, okay, you didn't know that. I'm sorry. Forget I said anything."

_Yea right, how could I possibly forget __**that**__? _

"If you spend all day in there we'll have to go back home. And I guess you'll never be able to see the beach and you'll never get to go swimming…"

I frowned at the door. He was taunting me. He knew I didn't want to go back home and I _did_ want to see the beach. I wanted to swim too. But…

"These doors…they don't _lock_ you know."

I swallowed and looked down at the handle. He was right, it was only magnetized. No lock.

…_How stupid is that?! _

"You don't come out in five seconds; I'll have to come _in_."

I closed my eyes and thought about just holding the door back so he couldn't open it. Then it hit me that he was so much bigger and stronger than I was, I'd have no chance at all. I could just put my shirt back on. I could take it off later when I really _did_ go in the water.

That sounded like a good plan to me.

"One…"

I quickly grabbed my shirt that hung over the side of the stall and stuck my head through.

"Two…"

My arms went through okay but I was going so fast that my head was stuck.

"Three…"

I panicked and tried to pull it through as best I could.

"Four…"

It finally slipped down over my head and I sighed in relief as Axel opened the door. I smiled at him, my hair probably a total mess from my frenzy but I didn't care. As long as I was clothed.

"That really isn't fair, Roxas," Axel pouted resentfully. He was frowning but the smile was still showing through. "How're you going to swim like that?" he asked.

"I'll think of something…" I wouldn't swim if that's what it came down to. I really didn't mind. I didn't _have_ to swim.

"It's backwards."

"Wha—?"

"Your shirt—you put it on backwards."

I clenched my teeth together and looked down at my shirt with disgust. The tag stuck out from my collar.

_Well, __**damn**__ it. _

"Here, let me hel—"

"No! No…no, I can do it." I quickly shoved his hands away and pushed on him to move back through the door. He wouldn't budge.

_This is bad. _

Axel smirked and swung the door closed behind him. It clicked as the magnets reacted. Heat rushed to my cheeks when I realized he was standing close to me. The toilet behind me gave no more room to back up.

"What are you so afraid of?" Axel chimed.

I looked anywhere but his eyes as I searched for a good answer. I couldn't tell him the truth. If I did, he would never come near me again. I couldn't tell him that it hurt me so badly when he touched me. That it made my head explode when he kissed my lips. I just couldn't.

Lying was the only way out.

"I'm not afraid…of anything…" I bit my tongue in my mouth down hard, regretting that immediately.

"Oh _really_?" Axel arched his words. "You are the worst liar I've ever met."

I held my tongue, afraid that I'd say something mean to him. I wanted to, but I wouldn't. He didn't deserve it. I was the one at fault.

Axel sighed above me, he sounded tired. "Roxas," he whispered my name and I swallowed automatically. His hand grasped my wrist and he pushed me up against the stall wall with enough force to make my head twinge with pain. I ignored it as I stared up at him, waiting for what was about to happen. His body was so close to mine. So close, he could do anything to me.

"Just take it off before I go crazy…" He sounded desperate. His words made a chill travel down my spine. "I haven't…seen this part of you in so long…" He lifted my shirt up slowly as he spoke.

I was starting to feel hot everywhere. That familiar feeling of sparks shot through my nerves as his skin touched mine. It wasn't painful, but I couldn't seem to enjoy it.

_Why is that? __**Why**__…? _

"Arms up, Rox," Axel whispered into my ear. I blinked a couple of times to realize he meant for me to lift my arms up. He really was trying to undress me. "C'mon, don't make me beg…" The way he spoke—it sounded like he already was.

I wanted to run away so badly. My head was already starting to flash like lightning. I hated the pain. I hated—

—

"_Arms up."_

_I lifted my left, glaring. I didn't make any move to lift the other._

"_You can't move it?" Axel asked._

"_Does it look like I can?" I snapped back._

_Axel flicked my nose slightly, earning himself yet another glare. "Just hold still, I'll try to slide it off without hurting you."_

—

_Memories?_

My head pounded and the pictures stopped moving. It was just like in the car.

_Had that really happened? Or was it just_—

I noticed Axel's narrowed eyes glaring down at me. Either he was angry that I wasn't obeying him or he saw that I was in pain. I hoped it was neither.

My shirt was suddenly lifted from me, arms jerking upwards at the motion. My heart beat fast in my chest and my head throbbed along with it like two drums beating in synchronization. Axel threw my shirt to the floor and put both his hands on my bare chest. I forced my eyes to stare at the ceiling. The more I looked at him, the harder my head seemed to bang.

His hands moved over every inch of me in seconds. Within those seconds, I was in horrible pain. Every time I closed my eyes, a new picture would flash. The pictures were always of Axel. Him smiling or laughing. Sometimes I saw him crying and in pain, or giving me that smug smile. I saw him sitting in his truck—his features molded into a stare out the window. I saw him hurrying out the door with his keys in his hands, waving goodbye to me. Though I saw him above me the most. Kissing me and touching me.

_They must be of my past. They have to be. _

"_Ahhha_…"

_Did I…do that? _

I felt Axel's hand massaging me, moving over my skin with precision. Butterflies filled my gut when I finally took in what he was doing. It's just as before—Axel did this all the time.

_Maybe he really __**does**__ love me. _

"That…feel good, Rox?" he finally spoke in a hushed voice when I let another moan slip through my lips.

If my head wasn't throbbing, I would have nodded it. Well…_maybe_ I would have. Was it really good to encourage Axel even more?

"I really just want to take you back home right now," Axel whispered. And no matter how much I wanted that, no matter how good it sounded, I wasn't going to let that happen.

_This isn't worth it. _

I shut my eyes tightly together, sucked in a deep breath and ducked out from under Axel's arm. I didn't take the time to look back at his hurt face; I only sprinted out of the bathroom as fast as I could without tripping over my confused feet. Part of me wanted to run back to Axel, gasp him in my arms and hold him until he forgave me. But the smarter part of me told me otherwise. I couldn't just let him do whatever he wanted with me. I couldn't be in pain like that again. It wasn't fair to me. It wasn't **fair**!

I knew I was crying by the time my feet hit the sand. Inside I felt horrible for leaving him like that. If I were my old self…what would I have done in a situation like that? He did say before that I liked that kind of stuff…but, as he said, everything's different now.

I held in the growing tears when I noticed how many people where around me. Crying somewhere this populated wasn't a good idea. I thought of going somewhere more secluded when a large white ball suddenly came flying at my face. My heart skipped and I held my arms up to protect myself but was too late. It hit me square in the forehead and I toppled over onto the sand beneath me, my head pounded even more thanks to the added misfortune.

"Oh my gosh! I'm _so_ sorry! I _told_ Hayner he was throwing it too far!"

My eyes were closed because of the pain, but the voice I heard wasn't Axel, nor anyone's that I knew. I squinted my eyes and saw a girl, staring down at me from above. She looked worried; maybe she thought I was knocked out.

"Are you alright? I can _see_ your eyes open…" She smiled and reached out a hand for me. I closed my eyes once again, hoping that if I shut them for a longer time that she'd be gone when I opened them again. She wasn't so I reluctantly grabbed a hold of her hand.

She helped me up off the sand and we stared at each other for a few awkward moments. She looked about 16. She was short like me, with dark brown hair that curled on the sides. She had bright green eyes that made my stomach do little flip-flops.

"My names Olette, I'm really sorry about the ball—I'll have Hayner apologize," she said again. She turned to the ball on the ground and kicked it back in the direction it came from with a grunt.

"N-no…it's alright, I'm fine." I tried to smile but I doubt I pulled it off.

"Good! So do you want to come play with us? It's the least I can offer." She smiled and shrugged her shoulders, gesturing over to a net where two boys stood. It almost felt…nostalgic for some reason.

"Uhm…I don't know how," I said truthfully.

_Might as well tell her now then make a fool of myself later. _

"Ohhh, you've never played Volleyball before?"

I shook my head.

"I'll teach you then!" It seemed she wasn't going to take no for an answer so I let myself be pulled over to the net where the two waiting boys stood. They both looked around the same age as Olette.

"Hey, I'm sorry man; I didn't mean to hit you. We cool?" The tall one with curly blond hair stepped up first. He held out his fist to me. I had no idea what he wanted me to do with it. So, I held mine up in comparison and he suddenly knocked his against it with the slightest force.

"Sweet! You come to play? Olette's been _begging_ for a partner, haven't ya?" He shouldered Olette and she brushed him off.

"You idiot, it's only because you've got me playing by myself while you two beat the snot out of me!"

"Sorry Olette, it was Hayner's idea!" The other boy smiled at her. He was shorter with a round face and black spiky hair that stuck out of a sweatband on his head.

"I _know_, and nothing that comes out of _his_ mouth is ever good." Olette smirked and Hayner growled.

"Yea yea, let's get going, the kid looks confused enough already."

I blinked a couple of times, knowing he was talking about me.

"What's you name anyway?" Olette gave me a bright smile and I almost smiled back.

"I…I'm Roxas," I said. I was happy at how confident I sounded around these complete strangers.

Olette shook her hand that was still in mine. "Please to meet you."

"I'm Hayner, and that's Pence." Hayner quickly pointed to himself then the other boy. "Now let's play some ball!" he shouted as he ran to the white ball and picked it up quickly.

"Hayner! Go easy on us! He doesn't know how to play!" Olette shouted when he reached the other side of the net.

Hayner smirked and moved the ball so it was resting against his hip. "I'm not making any promises!"

—**XxX—**

"Volleyball is _tough_," I mumbled from my spot on the sand. My arms hurt badly from hitting the ball across the net. Apparently the whole object of the game is to keep hitting it back and forth until it lands on someone's side. You get the point if it's the opposing team's side that misses the ball. It actually wasn't that bad—I had a lot of fun. Even if Hayner's team squashed us flat.

Olette giggled where she stood in front of me and handed me the water bottle she'd just drank out of. I tilted my head, confused for a few seconds before I realized how good it looked, I hardly cared if her germs were on it.

"Thanks," I said before I gulped down as much as I could of it without getting a brain freeze.

"You had fun though?" she asked when I swallowed and handed the bottle back to her. She drank out of it too as if I hadn't just slobbered all over the thing. Weird girl.

"Yea, I actually did," I replied. Which was the total truth. I hadn't felt that normal in a long time. As long as I could remember anyway.

"Hayner actually didn't go too hard on us; he's usually a pro at this kind of stuff."

I nodded as she drank more water. "He's pretty good," I agreed. I glanced over at him as he hit the ball far over the net and it slammed onto the sand right beside Pence. He looked almost professional. Best I'd ever seen, though I hadn't seen much.

"Do you live around here, Roxas?"

I turned to her quickly, taking my eyes off Hayner and Pence. For a moment, my heart panicked in my chest. The feeling I had actually managed to get rid of for a shot time was back again. The nervous feeling—the feeling of anxiety. The feeling I got when I thought of Axel. I didn't like it.

"Sort of…I-I guess…" I tried my best not to lie.

_I wonder where he is right now. He's probably so pissed off…I wonder…if he hates me yet._

Ollete let out a small sigh and lowered the bottle to her side, it was empty. "Hmmm…sounds like _you've_ got a secret." I quickly looked up at her to see her face set in a smug smirk. It kind of reminded me of someone. Someone I'd rather not think about.

I shook my head, disregarding her statement. "N-no—I don't really. Just some…problems." I wouldn't call them problems though, no, they were much worse than that.

"Problems?" she huffed as she sat down next to me. "I know we just met and all, but I'm a really good listener."

I let my eyes trail over to her. She was sitting so close beside me if I wanted to, I could have reached out and held her hand in mine just as Axel always did with me.

_Would that be normal? _

I turned back to stare at the ocean, it was easier. I thought of just telling her everything. It would be nice to get it all off my chest, to actually hear what someone else had to say about it besides the people who were fighting over me. Would she think I was weird if I _did _tell her though? Would she think differently of me?

My fears got the best of me. "I kind of had a fight with my friend, that's all." And if by_ friend_ I mean practically my former lover who's fighting to keep me by his side by winning over my heart that has forgotten every last trace of him.

_I'm only fooling myself here…_

I glanced over at Olette who was staring back with patient eyes. It was as if she actually cared about my petty life. "Go on," she urged.

_Well…I might as well. _

"Truth is I hardly remember anything. I have this condition where I'm constantly losing my memory. I woke up the other day…and I didn't know who I was. I didn't know anyone around me or about my past…or anything. My…friend, he wants to keep me by his side. But then there's my brother who wants to take me from him. Axel doesn't want that, but Cloud doesn't want me with him either. I'm being fought over like some trinket…" I felt tears coming to my eyes so I stopped. I wouldn't cry in front of my new friend, even if she rejected me after I told her. I wouldn't cry.

_I can't. _

"Roxas," she whispered. I turned from the ocean to stare at the sand. I couldn't let her see me cry.

"I'm okay…it's nothing, right? Just the woes of a normal teenage—"

My heart leapt into my throat as her arms tightened around me.

_A hug. She's…__**hugging**__ me. She didn't reject me. This feels good…_

Not long after she'd attached to me, she let go and straightened back up nervously. I couldn't help but look at her now. I deserved an explanation for that anyway.

"I'm sorry—I…just couldn't help myself. You looked so sad…I…" She stumbled over her words; her cheeks were flushing a soft pink color. "I'm sorry about everything…if it'll help…I'll always listen."

A tear fell from my eye but I wasn't crying anymore. She was promising me something. Promising to be my friend. Would this work out? Could she possibly be my friend with everything that was going on in my life? I couldn't have friends, what if I just ended up…

"I might just…forget you…" I tried to take my eyes off her but they wouldn't budge.

"Don't worry. Even if you do forget, I'll always remember, right?" She smiled and I couldn't help but feel that everything was going to be okay.

"Hey you guys! Last one in the water pays for ice cream later!"

I froze when I heard Hayner's voice in my head. He was running towards the water, throwing his shirt off in a frenzy as Pence followed not far behind doing the same thing.

"Come on Roxas!" Olette laughed and pulled me up from the sand. We ran towards the glassy water and Olette quickly stripped of her baggy T-shirt and shorts to reveal a blue bikini swimsuit. I was actually glad then that I had changed into my own swimsuit as we both hit the water running.

It felt amazing on my hot, dry skin. It was cold too, but not bad. With how hot it was on the beach, I wished I had done this a lot earlier.

"_Ohhh_! No fair! You guys were a lot closer!" Olette surfaced and pushed some water towards Hayner and Pence who were laughing like hyenas.

"No way! You're buying. Even Roxas beat you!"

"It's only fair, Olette." Pence grinned and she splashed some more water in his face.

"You guys are so mean." She made a pouting face and Hayner smirked then splashed her, hitting her right in the face with a spray of water.

"You're so **dead**! Help me Roxas!" Olette begged as she chased slowly after the two in the waist deep water. I had to smile then. I couldn't help it.

I walked over to the three and joined in the splash fight, which lasted for quite a while. But I didn't care.

_The whole point in coming here is to be carefree…right?_

—**XxX—**

"Will you call me soon?"

"Y-yea, sure—if you want me to."

"Of _course_ I do!"

I blushed as I looked once more at my new friends. The three of them had to leave. Hayner's mom was the one to pick them up. I glanced over at the two boys who were packing up their beach things into the minivan while his mom nagged him to clean off the sand.

I looked back at Olette and smiled. "Then I will, I promise." I took it back quickly in my mind. What if I forgot as soon as I got home? Or what if Axel wouldn't let me use the phone? I shouldn't make such promises that I couldn't keep.

"Don't forget." It was as if she had read my mind.

I clenched the piece of paper with her number on it in my palm and swore to myself that I'd try my hardest not to. "I'll do my best."

A smile lit up her face then and she glanced over her shoulder at the others then back at me quickly. "Well, then, this is goodbye—for now. I'll see you again soon."

I nodded when she suddenly had me in another one of her strong hugs. I sighed and wrapped my arms around her backside. I couldn't say I didn't like it when she did that.

"I'll miss you," she whispered in my ear.

I swallowed and held back the growing tears. Her leaving was even worse than I thought. I'd have to go back to my normal life with Axel now.

"I'll miss you too," I said quickly before she let me go and ran towards the car. I waved to her once more before she got in the van and I stood still and watched as the three drove off into the setting sun.

I stood at there for a few minutes. I wasn't sure exactly how long I did, but I didn't feel like moving.

_What should I do now? _

I glanced around, almost nervous like. The beach was clearing out, hardly any more people where left.

_I'll be all alone soon. …Where is Axel? _

I bit my lip and turned around, my eyes hitting the red ocean. It made the feeling in my gut even worse. I closed my eyes and ran. I ran towards the direction I thought Axel had parked the car. I hoped with all my might that I would be right. I couldn't be left here. Being alone was my worst fear.

My chest moved up and down rapidly when I finally reached the parking lot.

_His truck is red. Its bright red like his hair. _

My blurred eyes scanned the lot quickly—too quickly, I had to stop and shake my tired head to get a good look. And it was weird, when I opened my eyes again; I was staring _right_ into Axel's. I don't know how I didn't see his car first; it was sitting right in front of me.

My heart told me to run to him, but my gut told me to run away. **Far **away. His piercing eyes only made me sick. His glare only made me want to cry.

_Just what am I going to __**tell**__ him…? _

Walking to his car was like walking to my own funeral, only I knew I wasn't going to die; it'd be worse than that. He would probably yell a lot, yell at me and accuse me of things I wasn't ready to have an alibi for. I was in trouble—that much was for sure.

I opened the door as slowly as I could, as if buying me extra time to live. It still wasn't long until I was sitting in the car, just inches away from Axel. I kept silent, I wished so badly it would stay that way. But when he slid the key into the ignition and started driving away, the silence was almost _suffocating_. My heart wouldn't stop racing in my chest like I'd just ran a marathon. My head wouldn't stop pounding. My breathing wouldn't slow down.

_This is going to be a long ride. _

—**XxX—**

Axel didn't as much as _look_ at me as he exited the cab. I felt my heart sink slowly into my stomach when he slammed the door shut behind him, harder than was necessary. I was hoping, throughout the whole car ride, that he would have at least said something to me. A comment about the weather would have been fine, anything. But no. He hadn't said a word to me; as if I wasn't even there. I tried to tell myself that I deserved the cold shoulder. I deserved what Axel was doing to me. I'd ditched him for the whole day while I hung out with people I didn't even know.

But what was wrong with wanting that…? So what if I wanted a normal life with normal friends that liked me for _me_ and wanted to be around me, not just because they wanted to kiss me.

I shut my eyes tightly and felt a few tears roll down my cheeks. I gripped my hair in my fists and cried. I cried for my situation, I cried for Axel, but most of all—I cried for _me_.


	23. Starts with an A

**A/N: Hey guys ;D Goodness, it's taken me awhile, huh? No worries though, this chapter is pretty long, hopefully to make up for my absence. :o **

**Well a few things to say, I think I have slightly changed around my writing style, not too much but I tried to make this chapter pretty in depth. I've just been reading so many other fanfictions that I've been picking up on a lot of them I guess. :] Also! Changing the rating to "M" finally. XD This chapter gets a little heated, so I'm sorry if it's too much for you. (really, it's nothing too bad) Hahah, well my kittens, enjoy your gay porn! -ahem- I mean yaoi! 8D  
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_**Chapter XXIII: Starts with an 'A'**_

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I took my time entering the apartment, wiping away the few lingering tears that rested on my cheeks. My heart felt so heavy, almost like it was weighing me down every step I took. I tried to get my head to focus on happier things like the new friends I'd met and how nice it was to be around the three normal kids.

_Would I have turned out like one of them if not for my condition?_

I sighed deeply when my fingers rested on the metal knob, sending a chill up my hand and into my already frigid body. I stopped and stood there frozen for a few moments, thinking.

What if Axel was standing there when I opened the door? Would he want me to explain everything to him? Would he yell at me, now that we were back? How could I deal with any of that?

I swallowed hard and let my fingers fall from the handle one by one, my eyes closing together tightly. I couldn't possibly just run away from here, never to return. Axel would come and find me just like the last time. I couldn't just sleep outside, it was getting so dark already and I was so tired. And I wouldn't wait until Axel came to get me out here, like some dog. I didn't deserve that.

…_Or did I? _

Sighing, stifling away all fear from my system, I gripped the metal in my hand once again and twisted the knob. The door creaked open but I couldn't see anything, my eyes refused to open until I was fully in. While my breathing accelerated I stepped into the house and closed the door behind me, hearing the click in my ears that confirmed it had been closed firmly. I lowered my head and let my eyes crack slowly open, revealing the beige carpet of Axel's living room. It sent my heart racing, knowing I was in his house again. I felt like some sort of intruder suddenly, like I'd just broken into his home while I was on a restraining order from him. It hurt me to think that way, think that maybe Axel wouldn't even want me around anymore after this. Maybe he would just give me up to my brother and that would be that.

_But would he really do that? After he said all those things? _

I sighed again and lifted my head, hoping to God not to see the redhead anywhere near me. Relief fluttered through me when my eyes didn't connect with any red. All I had to do was reach my room. It seemed like an easy enough task, what with Axel nowhere in sight. I almost felt a twinge of happiness as I crossed the couch on my right and the kitchen on my left, my sandy shoes making no noise on the soft carpet.

_A few more steps and then I'll be—_

"Roxas."

I halted, feeling a cold sweat break out across my forehead. It wasn't long until I was practically hyperventilating. The redhead approached me from my side vision, his bedroom door slamming closed behind him. My heart beat slammed in my chest, matching with his footsteps. It seemed to take forever for him to stop and stare me down, just inches away from me and my room, my place of freedom which had only been a few feet from my grasp. I'd almost _had_ it.

"I thought about this all day," he started; his voice and tone sending me even more to the edge than I already was, "and I think it would be best if you…moved in with your family, as soon as possible."

My heavy heart grew even heavier at his words. His simple words that could have possibly destroyed me if I couldn't have kept up this façade of solitude. My lips curled around my teeth inside my mouth, making me bite down hard onto the soft flesh just to keep the sobs from escaping. I had expected this; it was one of my fears. So then…why was it so hard to accept?

"I already called your brother, and he was more than happy about it. Apparently he had already set up a court date for tomorrow as well if I hadn't already given you up. I guess everything works out in the end, huh?"

I couldn't bear to look at him, I could hardly keep standing. Axel thought that by me running from him, I had rejected him**—**fully and completely. His mind was so messed up with the fact that we couldn't be together like he hoped, so he was just going to give me away, like some doll that had lost its shine. No longer would I see his laughing face or his green eyes. His flaming red hair would be but a memory, if I didn't forget it once again. What about all his talk about never leaving me…?

_Should I tell him? Tell him __**why **__I ran? Tell him the whole reason was because of the horribly painful shocks that were sent through my mind every time he touched me? That I had sort of flashbacks when he kissed me?_

When I went to open my mouth all that came out was a weak hearted whine.

"Roxas…don't cry, please. I could have _sworn_ this was what you wanted…" Axel sounded at his wits end; like this was the only suitable situation he could have come up with.

I felt the tears bubble up in my eyes for the second time, sending my senses into a frenzy. My response came out almost as incoherent as I thought it would. "It's…not—**not** what I want!" I held the tears back as much as I could, though it was hard when the person who loved you the most was giving you away.

"I…really don't get you, Roxas. You _say_ this isn't what you want, yet you run from me; all day you were gone. Sure, maybe I'm moving too fast for you, Rox, but this is—this is the _hardest_ thing I've ever had to deal with!" His voice rose substantially as he slammed his fist down hard against the door in front of me, making me jump out of my skin. "I lost you! I lost all of your love, your compassion, and your memories of everything that had happened to get me to the spot that I desperately wanted to be at for so many years…It was all ripped from me in two seconds flat. I—I understand that none of this is your fault that you couldn't have possibly had any inkling this was going to happen…but just watching you go from the person I loved to the person who doesn't even know I exist…" he trailed off, taking deep, shaky breaths while I stood still, his fist still hovering above me like a storm cloud.

The air seemed to be saturated in his desperate words of love and hurt. I wanted to cry even more, hearing his story, hearing that he'd loved me so much after I'd lost every memory I'd ever had of him. I'd never even taken the time to put myself in _his_ shoes. Just how_ long_ had he been after me? How long had we spent together? How long had my_ like_ for him grown into…_love_?

And how long did it take for that all to get torn away from him?

_"Ripped from me in two seconds flat."_

The reality seemed to crush me inside, sending my knees collapsing onto the ground. I sucked in a deep breath when I hit the floor, causing my lungs to almost collapse in on themselves. It was all I could do to keep breathing through my constant sobs and cries while wishing I could have done something for this man that had loved me for so long.

—**XxX**—

When I woke, I wasn't in my room, nor was I in any normal looking room that I would expect to be mine from a regular home. No, I was in a hospital. Had I passed out? I must have, or else I would remember someone taking me here. Well…_maybe_ I'd remember. I kept my eyes half-lidded, feeling the melancholy creep into me like darkness in the bright room. I felt horrible, sick and tired, my head swamped with clouded memories I tried to decipher as best I could. It was hard; I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around just one. When I tried to focus; it only filled with more and more blurry ones until it hurt to just _think_.

I closed my eyes automatically when I heard voices close by, deciding to pretend I was still asleep. I had no want or need to talk to anyone right then.

"Is he going to be alright?" This voice seemed familiar, but I couldn't quiet put the tone to a name. Perhaps if I _saw_ the person…

Another voice replied, "He…is getting worse, actually. The attacks are more frequent, as they had been before. Those weeks of his memory retaining…they were but a fluke. Roxas can and will _not_ be fixed." The man sounded so sure about it, so sure I would never be repaired of this memory loss. So sure I'd live the rest of forever never remembering anything for more than a few days.

The first voice took on more meaning, it sounded almost as scared as I felt. "Y-you're sure? He remembered so well before, maybe if we can just—"

"If you keep pushing Roxas like this his mind will not take well to it. Explicit memory is not something to toy with to try and bend it to your own will. It has already gotten so bad that it's started shutting down on itself. I'd say Roxas him_self_ has only a few more weeks to live like this until he forgets everything completely and will never retain new material ever again."

My eyes opened then, too afraid to be kept in the dark by the sudden statement I'd just heard. Too afraid to be alone. I needed someone.

_…__**Who**__ did I need to tell me everything would be alright? _

I had to have some sort of security…Someone I could confide in. Someone…anyone at all! I strained my memory, lost for words, for contact, for names of people that I wished so desperately to find but couldn't. The more I fought to find the lost identities, the more my head pounded, pain enshrouding me in less than seconds.

My hands flew up to my pounding cranium, pushing down hard on my temples to try and suppress the pain that resided there that seemed so intent on eating me from the inside out. I had to yell, had to tell someone of this, maybe it could be helped.

_Maybe I won't have to deal with this much longer if I could __**just**__…_

I let out a loud and shrill scream, it echoed in my ears as the door to the room slammed open, hitting the wall with extreme force. Footsteps approached me like hammers, thudding onto the ground louder than I'd expected them to be, it only made my head feel worse.

"What is it? What's going on!? What's wrong with him!?" I recognized it to be the first voice, yelling loudly in my ear. I wanted to strangle the man for talking so loudly around me; couldn't he see I was in _enough _pain?

"He…his brain is—it's overheating, too many memories want their way out but he can't seem to focus them all. I'm giving him a sedative; it'll calm him down. He'll be alright," the other voice to my right said.

I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that I _would_ be okay, that maybe I could just go back to sleep where I had no feelings or worries. Or maybe I'd die. _Anything_ would be better than this.

"Hold in there, Roxy. Please be okay, _please_. I love you _so_ much…I take back what I said about letting your brother have you. I'll never let you go**—**I swear it. I was only being stubborn and selfish. I'll never let anyone else have you, do you hear me? **No** one!"

His words echoed in my ears, filling my head until the darkness encompassed me and took over only seconds later.

—**XxX**—

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I inhaled a deep breath, maintaining my sanity.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

My eyes stayed shut, closed, sealed off from the world that lay just beyond them.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

_If only that damn machine would shut up, maybe I could get back to __**sleep**__. _

I decided it was time to get up; sleeping again was a total lost cause with the constant beeping now ever present in my ear drums. I yawned, my mouth stretching open as far as it could, the inside of it tasting of morning breath more than ever. My eyes opened slowly after that, sleepy bugs encrusting the corners of them. I quickly wiped them away with my fingers.

To my right was the evil machine, beeping away maniacally. A window was there as well, telling me it was probably close to midday. To my displeasure, I found an IV hooked up to my elbow joint. I glared at it while lying down then yanked it quickly from my skin, causing a bubble of blood to appear. I ignored the sudden pain and tried to remember why I was in this place. As far as I could remember…I knew nothing. Did I even have a _name_? My brow furrowed, forming into a line above my eyes, causing my eyelids to narrow.

So I was in a hospital, with no broken bones**—**none that I could feel, and no missing appendages, again**—**none that I could feel. So why was I even…_here_?

A sudden noise jolted me, my eyes averting to the slumped over form to my left. It was…a giant, red-spiked head. The color of the spikes of hair was brilliant, like I'd never seen before. I wondered quickly if they were just dyed that way. The person was snoring, which had been the noise that scared me, his arms laid out in front of him, used as pillows I guessed. His bottom was stuck in a chair that was only inches away from the bed I was in. Apparently the guy had a fetish for watching people sleep.

I sat up, slowly as to not wake the sleeping form, and scooted my butt towards the back of the bed so I could look at the man further. I placed my hands atop my lap, forming them into a ball while I studied the person. I couldn't see his face, eyes or anything; they were all planted into the sheets that covered the bed. But something about the person just intrigued me**—**I don't know. It felt like I knew him from somewhere; but what did _I_ know? I didn't even know my own **name** let alone another person.

I decided to think more, ask myself questions that maybe would spark something inside of me. What had my life been before this? How did I get here? Who was this sleeping person? My head was empty, lost and confused. I sighed, feeling defeated, knowing that no matter how hard I tried, nothing was coming. Nothing would come.

_How can I live like this? _

The man beside me stirred, grunting heavily as the sleep left him. I sat still, frozen like a statue, my eyes glued to him, expectant and scared to see his face. The guy moaned and groaned, as if waking up was the hardest thing he had ever accomplished.

"Mmm…Roxy…"

My eyebrow shot up as I observed the man. Perhaps he really wasn't waking; maybe he was just having a dream. And who the hell was _Roxy_?

"You…know you—mmm…like this—Roxy…" the man drabbled on, talking slurred by the sleep in his voice.

I felt suddenly a little perturbed, watching and listening to this man's sleep talk.

_Perhaps I should…wake him…? _

I bartered the outcomes of just pushing him slightly, maybe waking him from his strange dream. What If the guy was violent though? Would he try to hurt me if I woke him? I doubted it. He didn't look very capable of something like that. Unless he really _was_ some creepy stalker who enjoyed watching me sleep…

A shudder ran down my spine and I decided to just leave him be. I would get up from the bed, go outside and ask for help. I could get some answers to why I was here and who the man was. That seemed like a much better plan.

I took a deep breath and clutched the side of the bed in my small hand, swinging my legs over the side of it in a swift movement. It was weird, being here and feeling just fine. There seemed to be absolutely nothing wrong with me, I felt out of place, like I hardly needed to be here. Curiosity pulled me towards the door, my soft, bare feet chilling on the linoleum floors. I stopped, a few feet away when I heard the man behind me talk again.

"Roxy…," he said again, and again I was confused. This "Roxy" person must be close to him, some girl he liked maybe. But for some reason…I felt as if he was talking to _me_. I shook the feeling, walking further towards the door until his voice came to me again.

"Roxas."

I turned this time, too confused to not confront the matter. And there he was, staring at me with those wide, green eyes. The smile that I remembered was gone though, a frown taking its place. Though he still looked like he cared, his eyes portrayed that well enough.

For a moment, I felt like throwing myself into his arms. Hugging him close until I remembered everything else about him. But I couldn't, I was glued to the ground.

He wiped the sleep from his eyes, standing up clumsily from the chair, almost tripping over one of the legs. He stood, taller than ever, his skinny frame filling out in front of my eyes. I tried to remember how to blink as he approached me, gradually, slower than I hoped.

_Run to me, damn it. Catch me in your arms and never let me go. _

Or maybe he was wishing the same thing as he crossed the white room, his footsteps echoing in my ears. My fingers twitched nervously at my sides, begging me to just let go and tell him what I was thinking, what I felt, but I was in such shock. How was it that I remembered _only_ this man? Only **him**? Nothing else, no one else, not even my own **name**.

I couldn't wrap my mind around it.

"Roxas, I…probably already know the answer to this but…" He stopped his approach, staying about five feet away from me, cautious. "Do you—remember anything?"

I nodded, my mouth just as glued as my feet were.

The redhead's face lit up, the smile I once knew glowing bright. "You do? Do you really?" he pressed, his feet inching ahead of himself with this new found hope.

I nodded again faster this time, trying to tell him that I, in fact, _did_ remember something.

He pursed his lips together, the smile still there. "How…much? Do you remember, I mean."

And this was the part that I had to respond to. I had to tell him. I had to do **something**. Maybe if I could just get my feet moving…

"You…you still remember how to talk, don't you? Oh, well, I mean—of course you do. That's kind of a stupid question to ask, you've never lost the ability to speak before, though that last time you had a hard time talking to me at first. Its okay if that's the case, just take your—"

My feet started moving at his mid sentence and they worked perfectly fine as soon as I took the first step. It didn't take me long before I crashed into him, my arms wrapped mechanically around his back, my chest against his. I buried my face deep into his cotton shirt, taking in the warmth and comfort and smell of cinnamon. He was just as I always remembered, strong and kind—perfect in every way. I grasped a handful of his shirt in both my fists as I held onto him, as if letting go meant never breathing again.

I wondered just how bewildered he looked above me. His features were probably pulled into that cute, confused face of his; that or he just looked completely shocked. Either way, I pictured it pretty perfectly, again baffling myself with how well I vividly remembered him.

"R-Roxas—you…you remember…?" came his stammered reply to my hug. I could just see his face in my mind, confused but so happy at the same time. I just smiled into his shirt, feeling a weird laugh come up my throat. I felt so light, airy and free. Knowing him was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

I felt his long arms wrap around my back securely, acting as a signification that he too, was as happy about this as I was. I was so glad at that moment; I had to show him something in return, something better than just the embrace. Something with more…meaning.

It hit me then, the sudden impulsive urge to kiss him. I stood up on my toes, reaching as high as I could to meet his lips with mine. His eyes were round, the confusion still lingering there but I didn't care much anymore. I crushed my lips onto his, pulling down at his shirt slightly so I wouldn't have to reach so far. His back hunched, heaving to the weight as I pried his mouth open with my tongue, searching for the other desperately. I smiled around his lips as our tongues danced circles around each other. The heat boiled in my chest, sending little sparks of joy throughout my body as I remembered to breathe in through my nose. If this moment could last forever, I would never feel the need to remember anything else ever again.

He moaned into my mouth, a good sign. I was giving him pleasure; the satisfaction that he deserved more of than anyone else in the world. I put more energy into the kiss, moving my tongue in and out playfully, tauntingly. His shoulders lurched and he groaned again, I could do nothing but smile. When we finally disconnected our mouths, a trail of saliva remaining on my lips, he smiled down at me, the same one I loved and remembered so well. I couldn't help but feel accomplished at the slight reddening of his cheeks.

"I'm going to—to take that as a yes." His chest moved up and down quickly, the lack of oxygen from the kiss catching up to him. The smile tugged at the side of my mouth, growing into more of a smirk than anything else.

He smiled back at me, confused still but totally turned on. "T-too bad we're here or I'd…"

I smirked further, knowing exactly what he was thinking. Obviously from that dream earlier he was in a playful mood. I took three steps backwards, letting my arms fold away from him. He looked concerned, scared for a second, maybe thinking that I was rejecting him in some way. But as I reached my hand behind me, feeling the locking mechanism with my fingers, his eyes lit up and the smile returned. I clicked the lock sideways, confirming that yes, it was locked and yes, no one could possibly get in with a locked door…now could they?

I smiled softly and opened my arms wide enough, as if saying: "Here I am, come and get me."

The redhead's grin widened, followed by his footsteps as he approached me a lot quicker than before. His long arms clung around my small waist and in the next second I was lifted off the ground. I giggled when he set me down onto the bed, softly but with haste.

"Okay, so you can laugh, but you haven't even said a word to me yet." He huffed and crawled on top of me, the hospital bed squeaking loudly. He cringed at the sound but returned his attention to me, eyes wide, curious and lustful all at once.

I tilted my head slightly to the side, staring up at him dubiously. I guess I really _hadn't_ said anything to him so far. What was I…saving it or something? I rolled my tongue around against my cheek, clicking it on the roof of my mouth and shrugged beneath him, not really feeling the need to talk just yet.

He rolled his eyes down at me, smiling still which I was glad for. He didn't really _need_ my voice to make him happy.

_As long as we're together, that's all he needs, I'm sure of it. _

He took a deep breath and placed a hand under my chin, as if observing me. I remained still, calm, and collected. "You're **sure** you remember me?"

I had to refrain from laughing as I nodded my head, grinning widely up at him with closed eyes. Of course I remembered him, how could I forget?

"You seem so confident," he said, reaching his hand down so he could slide it up my shirt. I gasped in a breath, my eyes fluttering. "So tell me my _name_."

I swallowed; my breath seemed to be caught in my throat as his hand inched further up my torso. The smile left my lips and my mind frantically searched for a name. _His_ name, the name of the redhead. Of course I remembered it…I couldn't just forget his name but remember every detail of him him_self_. Panic settled deep in my chest, flooding like a virus, taking me over inch by inch. I wished he'd never mentioned his name, wish he'd never made me think of it.

_How could I possibly stay calm __**now**__? _

"Roxy…you alright? You haven't _really _forgotten my name, have you?" he laughed slightly, as if it was some kind of joke. I clenched my teeth together, the pressure exploding on my temples. It was suddenly…hurting to try and remember it. Hurting to think of what his name _possibly_ could be. I wished I could just _remember_; I only wanted to make him happy.

"Hey, Roxas, it's okay if you—"

I brought up my palm to his lips, pressing down hard so he wouldn't speak anymore. I was on the verge of remembering, it was on the very tip of my tongue, just inches from escaping my lips.

_What __**is**__ it?! Come __**on**__! _

He suddenly looked concerned, confused. He brought his hand up to mine at his mouth and tried removing it. I shook my head quickly, shaking my hair around in my eyes.

"Aaaa…," I breathed, softly, more to myself than him. Started with an…A? Did it start with an A? Or was that just my imagination? I furrowed my brow, concentrating harder and harder, my mind set on remembering this one simple detail that it just_ had_ to keep from me.

I yelped when the redhead's tongue flicked out and licked my hand. I wasn't expecting it so I jerked my hand back, surprised. He smiled, obviously meaning to get that reaction from me just to get me out of my stupor.

"Starts with an 'A'," he chimed, lowering himself down onto me. I blinked rapidly, searching for the next letter, trying to focus while his tongue graced my neck, licking and sucking regularly.

So it started with an A, I was right about that at least. That meant that somewhere deep in my mind was his name and if only I could reach down and rip it out of there I would be content and I could join in with him. Just had to…_find_ it.

His lips moved up and down my neck, stopping at my ear. I frowned when he started singing me the _ABCs. _Though it kept me busy and I tacked off every letter that didn't sound like the right one. It wasn't until he got to X that I shushed him. He laughed and continued kissing my neck while I placed the new letter next to the A. So it was Ax. Which sounded a lot like Axe, so I could assume that was the sound it made.

_Ax…Axe. Axe…Axe…l? Ax…el? Axel? _

"Axel," I said breathlessly, feeling the rightness that it brought the moment I spoke his name.

He smiled at my neck and brought his lips back up towards my ear. "Bingo. Now Roxy gets his prize. He can either choose between a blow-job or a hand-job."

My heart fluttered, eyes widening as Axel laughed heavily in my ear. "Unless _he_ had something in mind?"

I shook my head violently, having no such plans or ideas. I just wanted Axel to take over; he could do whatever he wanted with me. Anything that would make _him_ happy I'd be fine with.

"Alright…so go ahead and choose, mister," Axel taunted me, his hot breath tickling my ear.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath while slowly sinking into vanity. "B-blow-job…" I bit my lip down hard after I'd squeaked my response. I felt completely and utterly embarrassed by the fact that I'd chosen one over the other, but I just thought…Axel would enjoy it more that way…It hardly mattered what _I_ wanted.

Axel brought his head back up after giving me one more hicky and looked me over once more. "You have no idea…how amazing that sounded," he said with a smirk. I felt his hand moving, inching its way down my body. My toes curled up when he reached my zipper and I let out an exasperated whine.

"I dunno about you, but this is the happiest I've felt in a long time," Axel said softly while he undid my zipper sliding off the loose pants with ease. And honestly, the man _did _look happy. Like he'd just won a million dollars or just been given a new BMW. And I was just…so glad that _I_ was the one making it happen. I was the reason for the happiness, for the smile on his face.

I gave him a smile as he lifted my shirt up and over my head, the cold air covering my naked skin. His hands reached towards the only particle of clothing left, but stopped abruptly, looking back at me quickly before he continued on. "You're sure you…want me to do this? I'm not forcing you or anyth—"

I grasped his shirt in my fist, bringing him down onto my lips before he could even finish his sentence. I made it as passionate as the first one, my tongue wrapping around his, playfully giving him my answer. When I let him go he only went faster at removing my boxers.

It didn't feel too weird being completely naked in front of him. It just felt…normal. Like it happened all the time; though I could feel the blush seeping into my cheeks. It was a good kind of blush though; I enjoyed the warmth and butterflies it brought me.

"Scooch up a bit," Axel commanded, his voice low and calm. I nodded and moved my back so it was resting against the bed frame.

Once I was positioned well enough, Axel smirked again at me before saying, "You better tell me if you don't like this. I'll stop if you say so." I just glared in response, wishing he'd get on with it already, I was horny enough.

Axel let out a quick, short breath through his nose and lowered his head in-between my legs. I closed my eyes and held on tight to the bed sheets beneath me. For a few moments, I was caught up in how amazing it felt. How perfectly blissfully **satisfying** it was. It wasn't until his teeth came into play that I started to whine and moan a bit. I kept it quiet, or at least I _tried _to. It's not like we were home alone with the lights out. It was broad fucking daylight and we were in a _hospital_ no less.

Axel was quick, his movements that is. He had me to my climax in less than a few minutes. I cursed my adolescent body for succumbing so easily; I hardly had enough time to enjoy it. Axel removed his lips from me, licking me once more before using his wrist to wipe his face clean. He gave me a smirk while licking his lips. He took his hands and ran them up my hips, leaving them to rest there, massaging me softly, warmly. I shivered involuntarily; having no energy to smile back at him through the fog and haze that was my mind.

"You're so good, Roxy. I really _do_ love you, you kn—" He froze mid-sentence when a loud and frustrated knock sounded outside the door. Both our eyes grew wide as my heart thudded like thunder in my chest.

"Shit," Axel cursed, his tone low and nervous. We stared at each other for a few seconds while we waited for a sound to follow; he looked just about as scared out of his mind as I felt.

"Why the hell is this door locked…?" the person growled, jiggling the handle to the room, voice muffled by the walls.

While my hands shook at my sides Axel said in a hushed tone, "Get up and get your clothes."

My face fell at his words. We were stopping? Already? After just _that_? But what about _him_? What about Axel?

He seemed to notice the worried expression on my face but just shook his head, sighing. "Don't worry about me, just get going."

I swallowed hard and slid out from under him, Axel moving just as my feet hit the floor. He straightened himself, running a hand roughly through his long spikes as he approached the door. I frantically dressed myself, slipping on the clothes whichever way was fastest. Just as I had pulled my shirt on, Axel quickly nudged his head back towards the bed, urging me to get back in it. I sighed heavily, having no other choice in the matter.

I tugged the covers up over my legs, hoping that it looked as natural as it should, as Axel unlocked and opened the door on the other side of the room. My heart slowed for a moment while I collected the scattered pieces of my mind, trying to look like nothing had happened in the past few minutes. It was hard as hell though.

"Axel…" I froze when I heard his name from another mouth. It had practically _hissed_ it out. For some reason it pissed me **way** off.

"Cloud," Axel growled back just as harshly.

I tried to maneuver my head around so I could see the intruder but Axel was too tall, he blocked the whole view. There was a long pause before the stranger spoke, "Locking the door to a hospital room is illegal, you know?"

Axel leaned on the door and sighed, tilting his head back, a tired motion. "Too bad it isn't illegal to be a total prick, or I'd have you good."

I couldn't help but chuckle softly at his quirky response and the way it just flowed right out of his mouth.

The stranger growled. "Just what are you even _doing_ here? I thought I'd finally ridden myself of your face when you gave me that distressed phone call yesterday. What was it you said again? Oh yes—I remember, you finally gave Roxas up to me."

My mood seemed to plummet quickly in those few seconds, even worse than when I'd heard the knock on the door. He…gave me up? To _this_ guy? But why…? Why would he even think of something like that?

_He…doesn't want me anymore? _

Axel sighed again, heavier this time. "You know, if there was a _job_ for ruining things, you'd be the boss, Cloudy-boy."

I could feel the anger radiating off the stranger called Cloud. Just who did this guy think he was? Why would Axel want to give me over to him? Why would Axel give me up at _all_?

I couldn't stand being in the dark anymore and no matter what Axel said about staying on the bed, I wasn't going to just sit there and be ignored any longer. I hopped up and around the bed, my feet hitting the cold floor hard and fast. I almost tripped for a second, feeling rubbery, like jell-O almost, most likely from that blow-job...I righted myself as the two at the door stared at me in shock. I approached them with my head held high.

The stranger in front of Axel practically pushed him aside to get to me. I set my features into a rough glare as he touched him in that manner. Axel was practically a god, and should be treated like one. This guy just kept _pissing_ me off.

"Roxas…are you alright? Does your head feel okay?" the blond asked, his voice taking on a caring tone, almost like an older brother or something.

I scowled up at him; he was just as tall as Axel. I huffed once and rounded him, brushing past his shoulder as I hooked my arm around Axel's. I gripped him tightly, signifying that I'd never go anywhere with the stuck up blond, not even if Axel tried to _give_ me away. Even if Axel didn't _want_ me anymore. I wouldn't leave him.

"What…what is this?" the blond seemed confused, hurt even.

I looked to Axel to clarify. He rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand and took in a deep breath before speaking. "Roxas…remembers me. **Only** me apparently."

Cloud's eyes became disbelieving. "T-that can't be. How could that possibly happen?" his words were airy, his eyes trying to focus.

Axel just shrugged, moving my clinging arms up gently at the movement. "I don't know. I was pretty surprised myself."

I cuddled into Axel further, as if showing even more to the blond that I remembered fully. Axel laughed throatily while Cloud's face was still in that twisted, confused glare. "He's damn clingy this time, I'll give him that." I smiled at Axel's comment, brushing off the "this time" part. As long as this time lasted forever, I'd be fine.

"This…this changes nothing," the blond stated, eyes glaring daggers once again. "You officially gave him up to me yesterday, or have you forgotten?"

My heart beat started racing in my chest while I squeezed Axel's arm tighter. "Nnngg, ow—Rox, that hurts. Calm down." He looked down at me and I gently loosed my grip, blushing at my stupidity. "No I didn't forget, though it'd be nice if we could _think_ of it that way." He finished, looking straight at Cloud.

The blond scowled, looking as if he could just bout bite Axel's head off. The bastard had another thing coming if he thought he could so much as _touch_ Axel again. I'd be the one to make sure of that.

"You're even more of a child than I am." The man ground his teeth in his mouth, "You think you can keep him after all that's happened? Think you can just go on living a happy life with him in your clutches?"

Axel raised an eyebrow. "Woah now—_clutches_? I don't think I'm the one clinging to _him _now, am I?" He glanced down at me, the vague smile from before still showing through somewhat. I tried on a smile of my own and buried my face in his shirt once again like before when we were alone. I wished so badly the blond would just disappear, never come back. I was already sick of looking at him.

Cloud sighed angrily, looking fed up with both of us. "Roxas will you _please_ be reasonable? You can't live with this man any longer. The court meeting _was _scheduled for today, but I called it off because this **asshole** can't make up his damn mind. I'll reschedule the whole thing if I have to." He sighed as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a small flip-up cell phone.

My small, cute, little _kid_-façade was gone then, replaced by an extremely angry and pissed off temper I hardly knew I had. Energy swirled around inside of me while he called Axel, **my** Axel, those vulgar names of hatred. He insulted him, practically threw him in the dirt and stepped on him. I swallowed back the venom that seemed to be escaping through my mouth while my eyes burned with fury.

"You better," I ground out, acid dripping my tone, the two staring at me with shock. "Take those words back before I reach down your throat and **rip** them out by force."

The room grew silent with my statement, the anger of it seeping into my _own_ skull. I'd become so defensive of Axel in so little time. Protective even. Well I had to; he sure as hell wasn't doing it for him_self_.

"What the," the blond started, confusion slurring his words. "What have you _done_ to him?" he leered over at Axel.

_Oh no…he was __**not **__about to blame my attitude on Axel. This guy was as good as dead. _

"Can I…beat the shit out of him now?" I whispered so low I doubted the blond could have heard me.

Axel looked down at me, concern deep in his eyes. "Roxy, just calm down would you? This guy is—your _brother _after all…" he trailed off as my face grew softer. "No matter how much _I_ hate him, you really shouldn't be saying those things about him."

I sighed, averting my eyes from the blond, thinking about what Axel said. "But…if _you_ hate him, then I should too." I clung tighter to his arm, refusing the need to beat my now so-called brother. Even if he was my brother, I knew nothing of him, it's not like I even _liked_ the man. It would do us all some good if he just left me and Axel the hell alone.

"Look Cloud, he just woke _up_ like this. I haven't done—" he stopped abruptly, kicking the side of the open door with his boot. He groaned while Cloud stared confusedly at him until he continued. I, however, _knew_ what was causing him the distress. "He's constantly different when he wakes up from these things, you can't go blaming **me** for his hostility. Besides, you were the one who barged in here, threatening to take him from the only person he remembers." The words poured out of his mouth freely, his hand now clutching mine at his side. I nuzzled my head onto his arm, feeling terrible for him. If only we could have had a little more time until this** idiot **showed up.

Cloud let out a defeated sigh and rubbed his fingers on the bridge of his nose. Good, he was getting tired, if only he would just_ leave_.

"I've had enough of this," he mumbled, "Roxas needs to stay here for another week or so anyway—his head is in no condition to be out in the real world." He glared at me as if to set his statement in stone. "The Roxas I knew _will _be back; he'll be with me soon enough, because I've got **this**." He reached into his back pocket and held up a tattered old book bound with a cheap looking metal lock. It seemed to be some kid's old diary. Axel and I stared at him dubiously, as if he was finally going mad.

Silently, he pushed his way around us, exiting the room, the storm cloud following closely behind his ass. I smirked, closing the door behind him with a slam, locking it quickly. Axel unhooked his arm from mine and took a few steps from me, running a hand through his hair, the other resting limply on this hip. I turned towards him, lips pursed, hands cupped behind my back. I started rocking back and forth on my feet, finding it hard to hold in my joy that we were once again alone together. Though, Axel didn't look as enthused as I had hoped.

He turned to look at me, a weird stare. He sighed and used his long fingers to rub the section of neck beneath his chin thoughtfully, thinking maybe. I hoped he wasn't about to say something stupid. His green eyes glinted in the lights as he said, "We better hurry this up before someone_ else_ requests our presence."

_Smart thinking._

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**A/N: Yea, I changed the page breakers with "x"s. I dunno, I guess I was just getting tired of them breaking up my page, yo! :O Wow. o-e;**

**OKAY SO! Yea nothing really happened in this chapter, just a bunch of stuff that kinda already happened. I'm planning on bringing this story to a quick close in the next few chapters, I've got the ending all pretty much planned out in my mind. XD Anyways, I hope you kids enjoyed! 8D**

**Review? :3  
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	24. It's easier to run

**A/N: Wow...I cannot believe I actually started writing to this story again...and actually finished it. I feel pretty damn accomplished. :] Though its very...heartbreaking and sad. I don't know if anyone is going to read the ending to this because the last time I updated this was...almost exactly three years ago. Gosh, it doesn't seem like it's been that long. I'm very glad I finally finished this story though. It was one of my favorites even though it wasn't the greatest writing or anything. For whoever is out there reading this, I do hope you enjoy this terribly sad ending to this story. And I thank you for reading what I have written.**

**P.S. The lyrics at the bottom are the property of Linkin Park. I do not own them.  
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* * *

**XXIV: It's easier to run**

There was a train nearby. I could hear it through the crack in the window. At first I thought it was some kind of invasion. Aliens coming down to pick and probe my brain for any intelligent life. It scared me to the point of screaming, though I didn't hear my scream, I only felt it rip my throat dry. It hurt, I cried. As I cried I saw the door open in front of me. A tall redheaded figure entered the room, skinny, pale and younger than he probably looked. He appeared tired and warn out, like he'd just had sex with five women at the same time. Though something about him told me that it would be men rather than women. Thinking about it harder, I could even imagine this man fucking _me_. It was…odd, but hey. I didn't even know who I was, how much weirder could you get?

"Roxas…" the man spoke, stepping closer to my bed. I titled my head and smiled, knowing for some reason that I should.

"Hello," I spoke silently with my bruised throat, the man's eyes widening at my sudden talk.

He calmed for a moment, lowering his gaze to my hands, which I noticed were shaking. "Why…did you scream? Are you okay?"

I had almost forgotten my former shriek. I glanced at the window. Was the train gone? The noise was at least. I looked back at the redhead, smiling once again.

"Train…" was all I said.

He looked confused, as if I didn't make sense. Maybe I didn't. Make sense I mean.

"Train…you mean, outside?"

I nodded.

He frowned. "You scared me - I thought…" he trailed off, I never did find out what he thought. "Just don't do that again…"

I nodded, sincerely this time. I wouldn't scare him like that anymore.

"Good…" He sighed once then ran a stressed hand through his red spikes. "Do you need anything?" he asked finally after some silence.

For a moment I was tempted to reply, "You," but I held my tongue for reasons unknown. It's not like I couldn't tell him what I wanted, I could very well say what was needed to say. I was just a bit confused as to why I wanted to say that in the first place. Who was this man to me? I wanted to run _my_ fingers through his hair and even kiss this boy, yet I had no idea why.

I wanted, I wanted, I wanted…

I needed.

Without much thought at all, I began to crawl my way across the white sheeted bed. For the first time I used my feet to maneuver my way to the edge of the bed, stopping in front of the boy. He seemed unfazed for the moment, staring idly at the floor. I wanted to grab that chin and force him to look in my direction.

Once I'd somewhat usefully gotten up on my knees without falling over, he finally looked into my eyes. His were so tired, exhausted and lonely. Afraid and hurt. It made me want to cry. Made me want to rip apart whoever made him feel this way.

I grabbed his shoulders, he was a doll in my arms, not moving, not fighting against me. No questions were asked as I planted my lips onto his, though neither were any answered.

What had I thought? That I'd understand everything once I kissed him? I understood nothing besides the fact that this man was mine and I was his.

I knew he was trying his hardest to kiss me back without crying. My tongue overtook his mouth, his shyly reaching out to touch mine. It was passionate but not enough for me. For a split second I was about to pull him onto the bed with me, but before I could he shrugged away from me, quite forcefully.

I wanted to scream at him until I noticed his pained expression.

"Explain." I still gripped his shoulders, my hands still shaking.

The redhead turned and coughed quietly then rubbed a hand across his eyes, bringing the tears to my attention.

_ Dammit…_

"I can't…I can't take this anymore, Rox. You've been having these goddamn personality changes all week and frankly, it's starting to drive me insane. It's not your fault, I know…but…just…_dammit_!" His teeth were clenched, his fists in a vice grip, eyes red and watery. He continued without my asking of questions. "Roxas I love you, but I cannot keep doing this. Every time you wake up you're someone different. You fucking told me to stay the hell away from you just yesterday, started crying because I was trying to talk to you and almost stabbed me with a scalpel. Then the day before that you were crying all day long, wouldn't talk to me, eat, sleep or anything. The day before that you thought I was your brother and wouldn't let me leave the room. And now you're…you're…" he searched for words but couldn't find any. "I'm at my wits end. I keep telling myself if only there was a way to stop this then everything would be okay, but there is no way to fix you Roxas...I know that now…"

The words in my head wouldn't come together. I mean, I knew he'd said them, but they just didn't make any sense.

"I wish you'd stay the same for more than a day…this wouldn't be so hard if I could just stay sane for awhile…"

"I don't…understand…" And I didn't.

_Why don't I…?_

He sighed then, for what seemed like the hundredth time. "Of course you don't…of course…" He gripped his hair, fingers turning whiter than they already were. "They told me…they told me this was just a phase…and soon your memories would be wiped clean. Like a slate. You have just days…hours…_minutes_ until that happens. Roxas…I need you to try. Try hard. Fight against this!" He was shaking my body; my head wobbling back and forth like it was hardly attached to me. "If you don't realize…if you don't _remember_, you won't be just forgetting every time you wake up, you'll forget something that had happened a second ago…you'll disappear, Roxas."

I had to be dreaming, there wasn't any other excuse for the man's words. No other excuse. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be real. But if this wasn't reality…then what was? There was nothing before this, so how could this be fake…?

Just then, the door opened and in came another man, hair of blond, tall and just as exhausted as the redhead.

"We're trying it again," he spoke, heading towards my bed and my redhead.

The man holding on to me growled deeply, turning towards the entering one. "Cloud, it's fucking hopeless and you know it! It may have worked once but trying it a hundred more times is only going to hurt him."

"Get out of my way!" The blond held a book high in his hands, as if he were going to hit the redhead with it.

He didn't have the chance to though because the redhead was quicker. He pinned the blond to the wall, wrist with the book held tightly in his palm. "You show that book to him one more time and it'll be your fucking last."

"Fuck you, Axel. He's my little brother, dammit! You've got to let me try! You've got to let me get him back!"

"Like I don't want him back just as badly! But he…" He stopped then punched the wall so hard that drywall came flying out. "He's not _coming_ back!"

The one named Cloud slid slowly to the floor, sobbing on his hands and knees, pounding the small book into the ground. Over. And over. And over again…

_Thud._

_ Thud._

_ Thud._

_ Thud._

"Stop it…" _Thud. Thud. Thud._ "STOP IT!"

They both turned to me. Their eyes hurt. They hurt me. I could feel their hate and anger. Their sadness and longing. And their pain.

I no longer could be in their presence. I couldn't be there anymore.

Standing up, I quickly sprinted towards the door, only to be caught by the quick redheaded Axel. I flailed and screamed, my throat still bruised and swollen. I kicked and punched the wall, just as the man had done. Soon there were many holes in it, seeming to plant holes in my brain as well. Holes that wouldn't and couldn't be filled in.

I was losing my mind. What little was left of it, anyways.

* * *

Everything was dark now. Perhaps because it was nighttime. I barley paid attention though. I didn't really know what that meant anyways. Time for people to…do something. I'm sure that when the sky got darker that meant something. I didn't know though. No matter how long I thought about it the answer never came.

There was food by my side, it had long lost its warmth and now just stared at me with hungry eyes. Maybe the food would end up eating me. That…happened sometimes, right?

And for some reason, there was a man in the corner. He hadn't moved for days it seemed, though I really didn't pay attention. He just kept looking at me with those same eyes. They were dead, but they were also telling me something too.

_I'm dead too. _

"I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead," I chanted. Saying it out loud seemed to make me feel a little better.

The man didn't move. Didn't breathe either. Or maybe he did, I just wasn't paying much attention.

I wanted to speak to him though. For some odd reason. As if that would bring me any pleasure. Since when did talking to others make you feel better? Well, maybe it did, I just didn't pay enough attention.

"I'm dead, Redhead."

"I know, Rox. I know."

"Will you take this food away? I don't want it."

"Sure thing. Just gimmi a minute."

"No! Do it now!"

"I said just—"

I threw the plate at him. Mashed potatoes and all. It landed on his white shirt. Well, at least the food matched his shirt now.

"You little—"

"Asshole? Bastard? Dick? Fucking idiot? Prick? Douchebag? Jerk? Pick one, Redhead!" I laughed and he frowned. I guess it was sort of fun to talk to strangers.

He stayed silent, not choosing any one of my insults to throw. Instead, he cleaned up the mess I had made and I watched him move. He was slow and tired. It was as if he hadn't slept in days. Maybe he should lie down instead of sitting in that goddamn chair.

Once everything was clean and the food had been removed from my sight he sat right back down in the chair and stared again.

I hated it.

"Stop staring at me, you idiot."

"Sorry."

"Why do you stare? Isn't there anything better you could be doing?"

"Yeah, there really is…"

"Then why?"

He was silent again. I hated when he was silent. His fingers played with a piece of checkered fabric as he thought to himself. It was ugly. "I guess…I don't really know anymore."

His words made no sense to me. It was stupid and dumb, and so was he.

"Then just leave! Leave me alone! I don't need you here! I don't need anyone." I turned from him and threw the blankets that were on me to the floor. I didn't need those stupid things either.

"It's been a month…and six days since you last retained memory for a significant amount of time."

My eyes flared as he spoke. My heart was beating out of my chest.

"It was your birthday just last week. You turned 17. And you don't remember."

_What the…fuck…? _

"I bought you a wristband and a necklace. They told me you couldn't have the necklace though, and you ripped up the wristband. Threw it in my face."

"Shut up! Stop talking!" My head was pounding and my eyes were seeing every color imaginable. This guy was killing me.

"And you…you didn't eat the cake. You hardly eat anything anymore. I told you this yesterday too…and you…you still don't remember…"

"Bastard! Shut your fucking mouth!" Someone was cutting my brain in half. Blood was leaking out of my ears.

"This will be the last time I come here. I'm moving. Far away. So I never have to hurt ever again…so I'll never have to be the only one who cares. So I'll be free for once in my life."

I collapsed back onto the bed, my skull hitting the headboard then sliding down to join my lifeless body. Tears were streaming down my face. It hurt. Everything did. And it wasn't fair. Why couldn't I finally be free too…?

* * *

_"Axel…" I spoke softly, my chest heaving, my body on fire. It was so hot. He was hot too. My hands traveled up and down his body. So soft and smooth, his rib cage felt more prominent than usual. _

_ "Yeah, Rox?" His voice was like hot cocoa on a snowy day. I wanted to drink it right out of his throat. _

_ As I breathed in his scent, that of cinnamon and cigarettes, I felt a sudden twinge of sadness and pain. I felt as if this wouldn't last forever, like it was going to end sooner than I could have ever imagined. _

_ "I'm scared of…the future…" _

_ His large hand came down on top of my head, comforting me if only for a moment. "There's nothing to worry about, Roxas. I will always be there for you. No matter what happens, I will never leave you. I promise you that." _

_ I smiled then, feeling the warmth of his hand radiate throughout my entire body. He kissed me, pushing hard with his mouth onto mine. The soft muscle in his mouth collided with mine. I jerked my pelvis towards his, longing. Our pants were still on, causing the heat between us to almost rage out of control. _

_ "Please Axel…" My one arm was above my head, lying on the bed, my other tugging at his long spikes of hair. "Please fuck me…" _

_ Axel smirked, cocky as always. "Well when you ask me like that…" _

_ He wasted no time removing both our clothing then loosening me up so he could fuck me like he had many times before. I then realized that there wasn't anything else in this world that I could need as long as I had Axel. As long as he was there, I was complete._

* * *

The clock read 3:45am and there was a redhead in a chair. He seemed to be sleeping. Maybe. It looked uncomfortable to say the least. Who could sleep in a chair? Well. I guess I'd never tried. Maybe it wasn't as bad as it looked.

I stood up and walked towards him, using my legs for the first time. Everything was so new, yet old at the same time. I didn't quite understand it myself.

As I stood in front of the chair, the sleeping man snoring almost silently, I lifted my hand up and touched his face. It was warm, almost too warm, like he was sick or something. Maybe he was.

"Roxas…I…promise…"

It startled me when he spoke so suddenly. I didn't know people could talk as they slept. I was just wondering who this Roxas was and why he would promise anything to them. What good were promises? They were hardly ever kept.

I grabbed ahold of his sleeve and started crying, tugging on it. He woke within seconds, eyes wide and breathing erratic. "R-Rox? Why are you awake? Are you alright?"

"I don't…know who I am…please help me…" I couldn't stop the tears from falling. And it felt good to cry. Maybe I hadn't in a long time and holding it in was too painful.

The redhead got up quickly, wrapping me in his arms, engulfing me in warmth and comfort and kindness. "God, Roxas…what should I do with you…?"

Screaming out my pain was easy enough with the redhead. I wondered for a moment if it would be different with anyone else. His hands rubbed circles on my back and I remembered his promise:

_ "I will never leave you…" _

"You promised me…" I managed to choke out through my sobs. "It was you…you promised you would never leave me…"

"Roxas…you…remember…?"

* * *

There was blood. Blood everywhere. So much red. His hair was so bright red. It matched the blood on my arms and hands. I was screaming.

_What the hell?_

"What is this? So much blood!" My hands shook as I stared with wide eyes.

"Shit, Roxas! Nurse! **NURSE**!"

My hands were soon taken from me, examined and in pain.

"Let go of me! Who are you? Where am I? How'd this blood get here? Someone tell me, now!" I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest.

"Would you please calm him down? These are deep lacerations. We need a blood transplant in here, right away!" The nurse was shouting by my side, splitting my ears in two.

The redhead then ran over to my other side, grabbing ahold of my head in his warm hands. His eyes were so green…like grass. It was calming. "Roxas. That's your name, Roxas. These are just nurses, and this is a hospital. You're going to be just fine so please, don't move too much for them, okay?"

All I could do was nod, ignoring the pain for the time being. More people flooded into the room, one after the other like a line of ants. They were all shouting but I never took my eyes off of those emerald ones.

I felt a needle go into my arm and his fingers making rubbing motions across my cheek. It was all so loud and painful. "Am I going to die…?"

The redhead shook his head and smiled. I saw tears in his eyes. For some reason I felt like he cried way more than he should. "I told you that you're going to be fine, Rox. You've got to trust me. I won't leave. I've had plenty of chances to, but I'm not me without you. It doesn't matter if you forget me every two seconds. I will always be with you."

"I don't…mean to forget you…" I didn't really know what I was saying…

He smiled through his tears and my heart ached for him. "I love you so much, Roxas. I always will."

He kissed my forehead then, leaving a burning feeling when he removed his lips. It hurt more than my sliced up hands. More than not knowing who I was. More than anything, it hurt. It hurt because it hurt him. And his pain was deeper than I could ever imagine.

* * *

**AXEL POV**

Roxas was sleeping; he slept more than anything these days. It'd been almost two months since things were good. Since then, well…things haven't been so good. He doesn't have attacks anymore, which I guess you could say is a good thing. Yet his memory is minimal. The longest I've actually spoken to him without losing his memory was about half an hour. After that, he just seems to zone out then asks the same questions over again as if he hadn't just said them.

I had almost given up too. I'd even planned to sell my apartment and move far away. But the more I thought about it…the more I realized what that would mean…the more I couldn't handle that pain. The pain of being away from the one I love, it was too much for me to bear. I guess I realized that just seeing his smiling face once a day, or once a week, would be better than never seeing it again. And I knew deep down that the Roxas I had once loved wasn't totally gone. At least, that's what I hoped. It seemed hopeless at many points in time. More hopeless than anything was the fact that the doctors told me his memory was gone and was never coming back.

That hurt. Felt like my heart had been ripped in two. It wasn't fair. But nothing in life ever seemed to be anymore.

Cloud had stopped coming around about a month ago. He came on Roxas' birthday and I think that was a little too much for him. Roxas was particularly upset that day and that just scared the older blond away it seemed. I don't know if that was a relief or a letdown to me. It kind of felt sometimes that I was the only one who really cared for Roxas, which just made me feel like I had to stay with him even more. Without me there, who would he have…? Sure, I went out of the hospital, sometimes I slept at home, but mostly I spent the nights in his room, without much sleep at all.

When I did return home it just felt empty and everything reminded me of the little blond which just had me running back to the hospital to see him.

Even though he'd usually just end up throwing shit at me or yelling at me or crying in my arms.

I sometimes wondered how long this was going to go on for.

I spoke to the doctors often, asking if he was getting any better, pressing further treatment if there was any to begin with. But I was always turned down. They told me many times that he would never fully recover and the best thing for him was bed rest and hospital care. I asked if this was going to be his life, and they had only frowned and tried to comfort me.

It seemed hopeless to say the least. A boy, barley in his teens, living his life in a hospital. Never remembering his friends or himself for more than a few minutes. If there was any way…any way at all to save Roxas from his fate, I would do it in a heartbeat.

The small boy's breathing sped up and my eyes shot up towards him. He tossed and turned, making small noises. Things like this scared me for some reason. It wasn't like the boy was going to suddenly die; he wasn't in that kind of condition. And it wasn't like he could really get any worse than he already was.

I placed a hand on his forehead, attempting to calm his sleeping form. He almost instantly began breathing normally again, noises fading into silence once again. This happened often. I guessed they were dreams.

Sitting back down in the chair I sighed deeply, staring at my hands. They seemed a lot more bony that normal. I guess Roxas wasn't the only one who wasn't eating properly. Honestly, I hadn't eaten since yesterday morning. And that was because the nurses had brought me something, urging me to eat. My stomach growled at just the thought but I felt too sick to eat anything.

_Maybe I should be the one in the hospital bed. _

Roxas then turned in his sleep; his eyes were wide open, staring right at me. It was normal for him to wake up during the night. I smiled, hopefully reassuring him somewhat.

"Who are you?" he asked. Simple enough question. Only been asked that a hundred times.

"The name's Axel. Memorize it."

_Like that would ever happen…_

"Axel…that's a nice name. Hey, uhm…Axel…Do you know who I am, too by any chance?"

He looked so cute when he was confused. How I missed kissing him and holding him without either of us crying…

"You're Roxas. Pretty cool name too, huh?"

He nodded then swung his legs over the side of the bed, catching a glimpse of his wrists in the process. "What happened to me…?"

I decided to lie. It was easier than the truth and it wasn't like he'd remember anyways. "That's why you're in the hospital, Rox. You hurt your wrists. You'll heal up in no time."

"Is…that it?" he asked.

_Hmmm, he's skeptical this time. _

It was almost like a game by now. Guessing how his mood was going to be and deciding which way to react to it. "Yup. So just rest up, you'll be out of here soon."

He narrowed his eyes slightly at me, I only raised an eyebrow. "If that's it then why don't I remember anything…?"

I laughed, my smile wasn't fake but the laughing probably was. "You wanna do something for me, Rox?"

He blinked, confused, then stepped off the bed, walking towards me. "What…?"

It was a long shot…usually things like this didn't happen much. But…I was sick and tired of waiting and I needed this. "Come closer, don't worry I won't hurt you, kay?"

The little blond looked confused as all hell, but he did walk closer, taking tiny steps, trying my patience. I took a deep breath when he was just inches from me. And then I looked into those sapphire eyes and asked, "Would you give me a kiss?"

He reeled back a little, misperception or…maybe disgust taking over his features. "_What_…?"

"A kiss? It's simple really. Just put your lips on mine and I'll do the rest." I kind of sounded like a pedophile…good thing he forgot so easily. His eyes narrowed and he looked towards the ground. Obviously this wasn't going to be easy. "You can close your eyes too. I just…really want to kiss you…" I wasn't lying about that. It'd been months since I'd kissed him and…it was starting to feel like I was the one with memory loss. I couldn't even remember how it felt anymore.

His face seemed to be flushing; it was the damn cutest thing I'd ever seen. "But I…I don't think I've ever kissed anyone before…I can't seem to remember…"

I reached out my hands and place mine in his. He held on to them slightly, "You've kissed me before more times than I can count, trust me," I told him, my eyes smiling.

His grew wide but I just smiled more. "I-I have…?"

I nodded. "Yup, so there's no problem, right?"

"But I…can't even remember if I'm a boy or a girl…I feel like I'm a boy. Isn't that wrong…?"

I sighed and clutched his hands tighter. "I love you, Roxas. That's all that matters. Gender isn't anything to worry about." He still didn't look convinced and I was growing very impatient. "How about I kiss you? Is that okay? You don't even have to do anything."

He shrugged a little but was still staring at the ground. "I…I suppose that'd be okay…"

That was all the conformation I needed.

I pulled the boy closer to me and kissed him. It was amazing, the feel of his soft lips on mine after all this time of crying and pain. It felt like everything would just wash away with this one kiss, as if when I pulled away from him everything would be perfect. I tried to make his lips move with mine, and to my surprise, after only seconds of me attempting, he joined in. My heart leapt in my chest and I pulled him even closer, he was so warm and alive and _there. _It seemed almost impossible that something so horrible could have happened to him when he was like this.

When I drew back I looked him in the eyes and smiled. I wanted so much more than to just kiss him…I wanted to throw him onto the hospital bed and fuck him until he cried my name. I wanted to feel him wrap his arms around me and orgasm with me.

But…none of that would ever happen. I'd end up having sex with him and he'd lose his memory half way through then freak out or something…

So instead of jumping him, even though there was a slight bulge in my pants, I just smiled and gritted my teeth. "See, that wasn't so bad, right?"

Blue eyes glittered and he smiled too. "I like kissing you, Axel."

_Oh Jesus…he shouldn't say something like that…_

My arms tightened on him and I took heavy breaths, trying to calm myself down. This was too fucking hard…I should have never kissed him…

"Are you alright…?" he asked slowly.

Slow breaths. Deep, slow breaths. "Not really. I…actually really just want to have sex with you right now, is all."

I could feel him tense up in my arms.

_Just forget, Roxas…Please just forget I had kissed you and start asking who you are and who I am again…_

"Maybe I'd like that too…"

"It's not going to happen. You'll just end up forgetting…" There were tears in my eyes that I tried desperately not to let fall.

Then it was silent for a lot longer than it should have been. And I knew…he was losing his memories again.

I let the tears fall then when I heard that one simple sentence. "…Who are you…?"

* * *

**Roxas—**

The wind was icy on my skin as I stared down at the city below me. I tried to remember how I'd gotten up here in the first place but it evaded me. No matter how hard I thought about it, there was nothing there. Nothing was telling me who I was or why I was standing on the edge of the top of a building. I tilted my head slightly and stared at the many people that looked more like ants than human beings.

Didn't a lot of people say that when they were high up…?

_You all look like ants from way up here…_

Or maybe not. I couldn't remember anything…

I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood as my feet made my body sway. My mind was empty…it was like every sound I heard and every move things made was all new information and it had to be processed thoughtfully. I didn't understand though. Why was everything so new…? Why wasn't there anything else in my head…?

Sighing I brought my hand up to my face and then stared at my wrist. There were scars on it, cuts that looked decently deep, but had healed over time. I didn't remember how I had gotten those. Why was that?

"Roxas!"

I looked over my shoulder and saw a redhead screaming something. Someone…named Roxas? He couldn't have been talking to me…

"Step away from the side, Rox! _Please_!"

I turned back around and looked towards the ground. My head was throbbing. The pain in my wrists seemed to have never left me. My eyes were burning and my whole body was shaking violently.

It started to snow.

"Roxas! _Please_! I love you, don't do this! _Please_!"

No one loved me. I couldn't remember anything. So obviously no one did. I was alone in the world. The redhead was a liar.

"You're _lying_!" I screamed. I heard his footsteps behind me and I turned around. "Take one more step and I'll jump!"

Was that even true…? _Would_ I jump? Is that why I came up here in the first place? To rid myself of the…emptiness?

The redhead was crying, I could hear him. "Roxas…you mean the world to me…if you jump…I'm jumping right after you…"

Was he insane? He wasn't the one who forgot everything! He could remember and live a happy and normal life! I was the one in pain. He knew nothing of anguish and turmoil.

"_Just go_! Live your life without me! Be _happy_! You're…not the one…who has to forget…" I was crying to. It seemed like my tears were going to turn to ice with how cold it was.

The man took a few more steps and I took one as well, closer to the edge.

He stopped and fell to his knees, sobbing and tearing at his hair. "If this is how it ends then I don't want to _live_ anymore! I don't want to live without you in my life, Roxas! That's no life at all!"

Maybe he did love me and I was just too stupid to realize it. He seemed…like he was really breaking down.

My whole body wanted to go towards him and comfort him. But my mind…the one that was empty and lifeless, just wanted to fling myself off of the building and hit the cement so that everything would finally stop hurting so much.

I was hurting the redhead. I was hurting myself. I was an abomination to the world and a useless excuse for a human being. That's all there was to it. I was empty and without purpose. Even if the redhead loved me…how could I ever love him if I forgot him all the time…?

The wind blew across my tear streaked face and I looked towards the man, curled up on the snowy ground, crying for love. Crying for life. Crying for _me_.

I was causing him to cry. I was the source of his misery. If I was gone…he could be happy.

"This is the right thing to do…" I voiced, staring towards him with cold eyes.

He looked up and I saw just how much pain he was in. It caused my heart to constrict and my whole body to collapse.

"See what I'm doing to you? Do you see it! _Because I DO_!" I screamed and clutched onto my shoulders, the wind felt like nothing more than a breeze on my skin now. I was frozen and numb.

He started crawling towards me and I moved backwards. "Stay back!" I shouted. I was afraid. Afraid of hurting him more. Afraid of myself.

"Either we're both living or dying here today, Roxas…there is no other way."

"Think about what you're saying!" I used my hands to wipe some tears from my face. "If anything you should live for me! If you die, then I'll be gone for forever! I'll live on in you! _Live_! _For me_!" My voice was cracking with how much yelling I was doing. Though I couldn't feel it. Everything was numb, as I mentioned before.

He looked towards me, his eyes were so broken. "I can't live without you…" he managed to say, desperately trying to persuade me.

I shook my head and smiled a little, the smile felt so…fake. "You _can_. And you will…You're stronger than that."

"How do you know…? You can't remember, right?"

I thought for a moment and looked towards the white ground. "That's right. But I just…have this feeling, I guess. I have this…gut feeling that you're special to me. Call it what you want, but regardless, I will never remember you."

"That's not true. It's happened plenty of times before! You just all of a sudden remember me! It will happen again, I know it will!" His fingers were in the snow, I could just imagine how cold he was. I had to end this quickly.

I shook my head and smiled again. "Everything is different now, you know that. You need to start thinking about yourself. You need to realize that there is more to life than just me. You must live…"

"I can't! I can't live without you! I JUST _CAN'T_!" Tears were falling into the snow beneath him, melting the fluffy condensation.

"But you will…"

"You'll never know if you die here!"

"I'll keep an eye on you, wherever I end up going."

"Roxas I—Please…_don't_…" I had had enough of seeing him cry. And when I was alive, I couldn't just turn my head and close my eyes. If I were dead…I wouldn't have to see it any more.

I stood and began walking towards him. Kneeling down, I placed a hand on his shoulder. This seemed to melt him and it pained my heart. "Look at me."

He did and I stared at him, seriousness in my eyes. "You will live on. You will be happy without me. You will find someone else. Because this is what I want for you. That is all I'm asking."

"I can't…I won't…" His green eyes were mixed with so many tears that they looked like pools of shining emeralds.

I reached for his hand and grabbed it in mine. "You will," I said smiling a little more, "this is the only way."

"H-how did you decide that? You can't remember anything…"

I thought for a moment and then spoke, "I guess it's just something I can't understand or explain."

"So let's figure it out together! We'll work really hard at trying! It's only been four months, Roxas. We can fix this, I know it!"

He was just trying to find something to convince me to stay. But I had already made up my mind. "No, we cannot fix this. It's already too broken. If we try to pick up all the pieces all we'll end up doing is getting cut…"

"I don't care! Cut me as much as you want, Roxas! I won't live without you!"

_He's more stubborn than I thought…_

Instead of talking I leaned in and kissed him. I don't really know why I did…I guess it just felt like something I would have done if I actually had memories. Our lips moved on each other's, our tears meshing together on our cheeks. It felt so wonderful—_this_ I would miss.

His tongue did circles around mine and our breath was hot in the hair, steam rising all around us. I suddenly felt too hot, like my body had gone from one temperature to another way too quickly. It was a shock and I couldn't really handle it.

I used my hands to hold onto his shoulders then pull away from him. Even though I wanted to kiss him for the rest of my life, I knew that I couldn't. I'd soon forget and then this memory would be long gone.

"Promise me…Promise me you'll live…" I said, my tongue hanging slightly out of my mouth with every breath.

His eyes were shut tight, he was clutching onto my sides for dear life, his nails digging deep into the flesh. It didn't hurt anywhere near as much as my heart did. "What will I do…? What will I do without you in my life…?"

I tried laughing a little; I needed to sound happy, for him at least. "You'll get out of this hospital. You'll find a great girl, or guy, and settle down with them. You'll be happy and free of worries. You'll think of me sparingly, and when you do it will only be happy memories of the ones we shared long ago. You will…grow old and maybe have some kids…" My heart was constricting with pain, it felt like it would burst at any moment. "This is what I want, for you…and for me."

"It won't be sparingly…" he said, sniffing up tears. "I'll think of you every second of my life…"

I smiled and looked into his eyes. "That's sure depressing…"

"Don't leave me…"

"You know I have to…" He was making this so damn hard…

He pulled me close to him once again and we kissed for what seemed like hours. His hands explored every inch of my body. I felt the snow on my bare back, it was so cold but so hot. He was above me, eyes stone cold and filled with tears. When he went to kiss me again I felt him thrust into me. It was passionate and euphoric. My breath was in clouds around my face, spit was covering my cheeks and each time he pulled out of me I let out a sharp gasp. This felt so real…so familiar, but so…distant and false.

When he finally came inside of me his body fell on top of mine and I came moments afterwards. We lay in the snow; our body heat had melted almost all of it around us.

I felt…my mind slowly drifting…into some place I couldn't really picture. Maybe it was a field of grass or…the ocean. I saw some people there, waving their hands, motioning me to come towards them. One was short, like me. Brown hair tussled around on his head. He looked the happiest. The silver haired one next to him was glaring with his eyes but his mouth was smiling. Another two were behind them, both girls. One with hair of wine and the other of snow. They were holding hands and waving as well.

To the left of them were three my age. Curly brown hair on one of the boys, he looked serious but happy at the same time. Another boy was short and round, hair black as night on the top of his head. The girl was wearing orange and had brunet hair, the longest out of all of them. She…looked so comforting and kind.

All of these…people. I think I knew them somehow. As if in another life I had spent some great times with them. I longed for that again. I wanted them to laugh and joke with me once again. I needed their company so much it hurt…

So…I walked towards them slowly.

"_Roxas_! _WAIT_!"

His voice was nothing more than a pinch in my mind. Nothing…but a wisp of air. It didn't faze me. I didn't stop walking towards the only thing that had me…hoping again.

"PLEASE ROXAS, DON'T!"

"Goodbye, Axel…I will always love you."

My whole body fell. It fell into the place I had once loved. It crashed into the waves of the ocean. It felt the grass against its skin. It was warm underneath the sun. It…was finally allowed to live and let live.

_I am free_.

**Three years later…**

**Axel—**

It's strange how things work in this world. It's…confusing and difficult to understand. For me, that was an understatement. My life had taken me through many twists and turns, I once thought that I'd never be able to really ever live again.

Thinking back at it now, seems…almost like it never happened. I try my best to shut it out as much as I can. At least…the bad parts.

He had told me to live for him, and after almost killing myself multiple times…I was finally doing just that.

That day had changed my life forever. But…I know he did it for me. He did it so we could both finally be free. He…was kind and realized the pain he was putting me through. And even though the pain after he was gone was one of the hardest things to deal with…three years later I…I'm _happy_.

I thought I couldn't live without him…but maybe I couldn't live with him either. Not the way he was. Almost every day of my life I longed for…the old him. The one who remembered things and the one I could laugh with. He was…who I missed. I always thought… "What if things had been different?" What if he never had memory loss?

And…then I just missed him even more.

I couldn't even bare to say his name anymore.

The pain had dissipated over the years; the horrible urge to throw myself off a building did as well. Like I said…I was happy.

But I never stopped thinking about him. My whole life…would probably be spent thinking about that blond boy. The one who changed my life and made me the happiest yet… saddest man on the planet.

I opened the door to the dorm, coming back from a long day of studying.

"Hey, welcome back!" I was greeted by the same person every day.

It…wasn't much of a happy feeling though. Maybe…I wasn't as happy as I thought I was. Or more…_tried_ to be.

I waved and smiled a little. "I'm gunna go to my room. Got a lot to work on."

"No problem. Work hard!"

I nodded and left, feeling empty. Three years of college were really getting to me as of late. But…if I wanted to be a doctor I had to work extra hard. The only thing I ever wanted to do anymore was just help people like…him. Maybe I'd meet someone else who had a similar condition. If that was even possible. And even though that would be truly depressing…I guess I just longed for something of the past. Some tiny bit of information that had me remembering and feeling like I had before. I wanted it so badly…I missed it. I craved it.

So there wasn't anything else I could do but study my ass off in hopes of finding that one thing…

—**XxX**—

It was my first day of training. The summer was just starting and instead of hanging with friends or getting drunk at the dorms for the whole three months, I decided to volunteer at a hospital. For some reason, as I entered the building, I felt like maybe I was disobeying one of his last wishes.

He had told me to get out of the hospital but…I guess I was back in one once again.

_I'm sorry…but…it's something I have to do. _

As I followed one of the doctors I looked around at the walls. They were all yellow, something totally different from what the Lab had had. I remember the white walls pretty well. This place definitely had a different feel to it.

"You'll be working with a patient today, is that's alright?"

I raised my eyes and stared at the back of the man, a white lab coat attached to it. "Already? You sure that's okay?"

"Of course! You were recommended here, I think you should just jump right in!" He sounded confident in me; I just didn't know how confident I was in myself. "Here we are! Now. This patent has been here for almost a year now…" My heart did little flip-flops in my chest suddenly. "He…suffers from short-term and long-term memory loss. So he hasn't left for quite some time due to that fact."

My eyes were wide and I almost felt like I was going to throw up.

_Someone…just like…him…_

"Are you alright, Axel?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yeah…I just…I knew someone who had the same disease before."

"Well then that's a good thing. Maybe this will work out then, huh?"

I bowed my head and stared at the floor. I wasn't sure if I was ready to go in that room…

"Let's not waste any time!" the doctor said before I could even have any time to think or reconsider.

The door opened and I walked in after the white clad doctor, my eyes strained on the floor. I was afraid to even really look at this person.

"Good morning, did we wake you?"

The boy spoke. "No…I've been awake."

"Good, good. Well, I brought someone for you to meet today. His name is Axel. He'll be working with you this summer, how does that sound?"

My eyes finally ripped away from the floor and when they connected with the boys I…started to cry.

They…were so blue. Everything…he…was almost an exact replica of…him…

I was speechless. It was as if he had come back from the dead.

"Here's the paper work. I will leave you two alone so you can get more acquainted. Just come get me when you're finished." The doctor left and then I was alone with the boy.

The doctor hadn't noticed my tears but the boy did.

"Why are you crying…?" he asked. His voice…was…the same.

My whole body shaking, I collapsed to the floor, my knees hitting the ground hard.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing…

_Is this some kind of…hallucination…? _

"Uhm…hey…what's wrong…?" The boy got up from the bed and walked over towards me. He placed a hand on my shoulder and I flinched back.

His eyes grew sad and I finally opened my mouth. "Your name…what's your name…?"

That smile…was the most gorgeous I had ever seen. It matched his perfectly. "It's Ventus. But, you can call me Ven if you'd like."

Sometimes it's easier to run. It's easier to forget your past and live as if nothing has happened. It's easy to run because when you do, you're throwing away responsibilities and hardships that you might not have had to face if you had stayed. It's simpler. It's the easy way out.

If I had learned anything…it was that fact.

I had run back to a hospital. I had run back to what I missed. I was sick of facing the hardships. I was tired of living life, trying to forget him. Trying to live without any memories or signs that he had existed.

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past  
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have  
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back  
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

Replacing this pain with something numb  
It's so much easier to go  
Than face all this pain here all alone

I was no longer alone. I will remember. Roxas will live on for the rest of my existence.


End file.
